The shadows of the past
by arthemys
Summary: Sequel to Red Smokescreen and The Sunday mission. When Kestrel starts to move on at last and hopes to build a new life with his new neighbour, things become more complicated between Sam and Grim. And the shadows of the past surge forward, confusing and unsettling... This story is rated T, but some chapters will be clearly identified and rated M.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** **The ideas just keep coming, I can't stop them! ;) So we're three months after The Sunday mission and five years after Red Smokescreen. Please enjoy, and leave a review!**

Chapter 1

Kestrel was calmly walking along the alley of the Mount Olivet cemetery, a bunch of white roses in his arms, ignoring the rumbling sky and the dark clouds that were announcing a thunderstorm. He sensed he had about half an hour before the rain started to fall, and he needed every minute of it. He soon reached Alpha's grave, smiled as he laid down the roses and spoke softly:

_ Hi, my love! Sorry to be late, we've just landed at the airport. I wish we arrived yesterday, but the mission had a little complication. Sam was furious, but he couldn't do anything about it or he would've provoked a diplomatic incident. You can imagine the mess.

He smiled wider, remembering his boss' face constricted with fury, wanting to punch their contact in South Africa. But Grim had saved the day, as usual, and smoothed things out. But they still had had to wait one more day for the end of the mission, and Kestrel had missed Alpha's seventh anniversary of death. But he wasn't upset. Alpha would've understood perfectly, and even shaken her head in amusement. He went on:

_ So I'm a day late, my love. But I needed to be here, I need to talk to you.

He braced himself, and exhaled deeply. He had so much to tell her, and so little self-assurance. But he said nevertheless:

_ I wanted to tell you that I'm ready to move on at last. You told me five years ago when I saw you when I was about to die that you gave me your blessing to start a family of my own. Well, I'm ready, my love.

He was shaking slightly, not certain that it was a good choice, but after seven years of mourning and grief, he had felt for some time a growing desire deep in his heart to love again and maybe have children someday. He still deeply loved Alpha, and would always will, but she was dead and he alive. He needed to live fully, and not like a shadow. And he was certain that she would approve him. He said:

_ I haven't met anyone yet, and I really don't know if I will be able to, with my job. But like you used to say, we can never know what will happen. I hope you'll understand and still watch over me.

He took a deep breath, and said more calmly:

_ I have good news. Molly is pregnant again, she'll give birth in December if all goes well. Briggs is delighted, and so is Rachel. They want to keep the surprise, we'll know if it's a boy or a girl at the very last moment.

He smiled, remembering Briggs' elated face when he had told his best friend about it, and Kestrel had rejoiced, warmly congratulating his teammate.

_ Sarah and Ben are all right, so are the twins. They grow up at alarming speed, but they're cute. James loves soccer, and I think it's thanks to me. It drives Sam and Briggs crazy, they would've preferred him playing baseball.

He smirked, imagining Alpha's laugh in his mind, and felt better. He went on:

_ Mary likes dancing, she's very gifted. She danced for her father's birthday, it was awesome. And about the team, everybody's all right. But I find Grim a little stressed lately, I don't know why. I hope everything's all right between her and Sam. They do have strong arguments since a couple of months. I hope it's just the seven years' milestone and nothing more serious.

He frowned, a little worried. It had destabilized the team hearing their leaders often arguing and disagreeing on everything, even jeopardizing one of his missions and almost getting him killed. Sam and Grim had apologized, but the problem hadn't been solved. He was dying to have a serious conversation with Sam since the first disastrous argument the couple had had in June in front of the whole team but his boss had shunned every attempt, saying that everything was all right. And Kestrel knew that Briggs and Charlie were also concerned by the situation. He sighed and said aloud:

_ Sometimes, in cases like that, I would've welcomed your advice, my love. You've always been so insightful and smart. But don't worry, I'll manage.

He sighed again, and talked calmly about the little nothings of his life, it was so important for him. But he knew that speaking with a tombstone wasn't enough anymore, he wanted to talk to somebody. He still felt guilty about it, but he knew that Alpha would've scowled at him and he heard her words in his mind as if she was right beside him:

_ Misha, don't be stupid! I'm dead and I told you to live on. So do it! Come on, find a woman and start a family! Don't be a coward!

_ I'm not a coward, my love, he murmured. And I really want to love and be loved again, and have children. I'm so sorry it can't be with you. I love you, I'll always love you, but I have room for somebody else in my heart without forgetting you.

He sent a light kiss to the tombstone and said:

_ I'll be back soon, my love.

Then he went back to his pickup, hurrying as the first drops of rain were falling and thunder was booming in the distance. He drove to his apartment in Shipley Hill under the heavy curtain of rain, dying to go into his bed and have a long night's sleep. It was dinnertime, but he was so tired he wasn't hungry, a truly exceptional fact.

He parked the pickup on its usual spot and noticed a large van full of furniture and trinkets at the foot of the building. Visibly the empty apartment across his landing had found some new tenant at last. He just hoped it wouldn't be some party maniac with loud music playing at night. With a huge sigh he grabbed his bag and checked his mailbox. It was full to bursting with bills and ads which had accumulated since three months and he scooped up the lot. Then he made his way to the third floor, only thinking about his exhaustion.

But when he reached his landing, a blurred tiny thing ran head-first into his stomach, and he almost toppled over in surprise, not having expected anything like that. He exclaimed loudly:

_ Hey, there! Be careful!

He looked down and saw a small brown-haired boy of about three years old, looking up at him in confusion and a little fear, having run out of the apartment across his own. He softened and said, kneeling down in front of the suddenly timid-looking boy:

_ Hi! So you're my new neighbour? What's your name?

The boy backed two steps, and he heard hurried footsteps coming towards them. A beautiful thirty-something woman was coming out of the apartment, quite disheveled and looking upset, and she said in halting English with a thick Slavic accent:

_ Hello! I sorry! My boy hurt you?

_ No, it's okay, he said calmly with a faint smile. I'm your neighbour, my apartment is right there.

_ Okay, she said, looking shy and ill at ease. Well, good night!

_ Good night, he said simply, a little startled by her attitude.

She steered her son to their apartment, hastily closing the door behind them, and Kestrel frowned. He wasn't the most talkative tenant in the building and avoided the other people living there like a plague, but at least he wasn't shy or completely unsociable. But this family intrigued him. And this woman...

He shook his head, taking out his keys, and opened his door. He dropped his bag and the mail inside and bolted the door behind him, heading straight towards his bedroom. He quickly put out his clothes and collapsed on his bed, wanting to fall asleep straight away. But it seemed that this unexpected encounter had troubled him more than he had thought. The image of the black-haired woman kept popping up before his closed eyes, her grey eyes full of shyness and anxiety, and her small son. He lay awake for a few minutes, wondering why he was so interested in them, but came with nothing. So he shrugged, turned on his side and forced himself to sleep, a goal he could achieve sometimes when he was really tired. And soon, he drifted into sleep.

The rising sun through his window woke him up, and he slowly got up, taking his time. Sam had given the team a month of holidays after the three nightmarish months they had spent in Africa, travelling to every country of the continent, following the terrorist group they had had to neutralize. And they had succeeded at last, but now the whole team needed rest and well-earned holidays.

He rubbed his face, feeling his beard far too long under his fingers, and made his way to the bathroom. He had a long and blissful shower, then took his time to cut his beard neatly. Feeling far better, he casually dressed and went to his kitchen, starving. But his cupboards were empty, and he groaned. He would have to go shopping, and hated that. But right now he wanted breakfast, so he took his wallet and exited his apartment, wanting to go to the French bakery a hundred meters away from his building.

As he closed his door, he heard shouts in the apartment across his own, and frowned. The woman was obviously crying and yelling in pain, and a male voice was saying in Russian:

_ You deserved it! I hope you'll think twice before speaking to somebody without my consent again! And the boy must stay away from the children in the building, do you hear me?

Kestrel heard a pitiful answer, and hesitated. He knew his new neighbour was probably beating his wife up, and he couldn't stand scumbags like that. But on the other hand, he wasn't supposed to listen to it. Only his extraordinary hearing enabled him to hear far away sounds, like now. And he couldn't break their front door and interfere like that.

His fists clenching in rage, he forced himself to walk away, hating himself, and went to the bakery. He raided it, buying ten "croissants" and a dozen bagels, three baguettes and two homemade pizzas. Then he made his way back to his apartment, thinking that it would be a nice day. In the lobby, he saw the woman and a brutal-looking man he assumed was her husband, carrying a cupboard up the stairs. He said hello, and only the man answered him darkly, the woman avoiding his gaze. He saw with growing fury that she had a bruise on her right cheek and across her eye, and in spite of his ability to master his nerves, this time he let his anger boiling to the surface.

He hastily went to his apartment to put down his food, then waited on the landing. They soon arrived, the woman staggering under the weight of the cupboard, and the man shot him an evil glare. But he advanced and told him calmly:

_ Excuse me, but I think you should take more care of this woman.

The man put down the cupboard, not caring about his partner, and eyed Kestrel with a malevolent look. He spat in Russian, probably wanting to unsettle him:

_ Не твоё дело, ублюдок! _(That's none of your business, bastard!)_

_ I'm afraid it becomes my business when a son of a bitch like you beats a woman up, he answered in perfect Russian, his cold stare on.

The man, clearly surprised and a little apprehensive before Kestrel's determined expression and harsh glare, hesitated, but he regained composure and said, still in Russian:

_ So you speak Russian. Good for you. But now, you'll leave us alone or believe me you'll regret it. I do what I want with my sister.

Kestrel smirked, oblivious to the terrorized look on the woman's face and the man's arrogant one. He took a step forward and swiftly grabbed the man's left arm, twisting it in a lock behind his back. Then he slammed the guy on the wall of the landing, and his prey cried in pain. He said very calmly in Russian:

_ Maybe you don't understand how things are here. You're in the USA, and women have rights, the same rights than men. Nobody is to hit them, no husband, no brother, nobody. And for my part, I can't stand assholes like you who beat people up, even their own family. So you'd better behave, bastard, or I'll take care of you. Bullies like you don't scare me.

He held on a few more seconds, then let the man go. He was holding his shoulder, clearly in pain, and his nose was bleeding. He shot a murderous stare at Kestrel and spat:

_ You don't know who you're talking to. You're gonna pay for that, bastard!

_ If you say so, Kestrel said calmly but with a hard expression.

The man, utterly destabilized, took a step back then turned towards the cowering woman, saying:

_ I'm done here. You'll manage yourself for the rest.

_ Pavel... she started timidly.

_ Enough!

He stormed down the stairs, ignoring the pleading look on the woman's face, and she started to cry. Kestrel picked up the cupboard and, lifting it quite easily alone, asked her in Russian, deciding to speak it to make her more at ease:

_ Where do I put it?

Startled, she stared at him for a few seconds with a blank look, and he said with a faint smile:

_ I can hold it alone, but not for hours. So, where do I put it?

_ Oh! she blushed, trying to regain composure. Follow me, please.

He entered the apartment, which looked exactly the same as his own but with one more room, and she led him to a small bedroom where a single bed was already in.

_ Here, she indicated a spot in front of the western wall.

He laid down the cupboard where she indicated him, and asked her:

_ Have you got more furniture to carry?

_ Yes, she said, her eyes filling with tears.

_ Show me, he simply said.

Wiping her cheeks and inhaling deeply, she led him to the street, where the van was still parked in front of the building. He saw that it was still full of things, so he loaded himself with heavy pieces of furniture and went up the stairs. In an hour the two of them had emptied the van, and she looked better but still hadn't said a word.

Looking at the pieces and cardboard boxes around him, he saw that she would be able to manage alone for the rest, but a wooden wardrobe was in pieces, waiting to be assembled. He asked her:

_ Do you need help with the wardrobe?

She nodded, and he went back to his apartment, fetching his toolbox. Then he brought the pieces to her bedroom and set to work. The wardrobe was beautiful but very heavy, and he thought that she would've had real trouble with it alone. He took his time with it, and in half an hour the wardrobe was standing in the bedroom, ready to host clothes. He picked up his toolbox and went back to the living room, where the woman was busy assembling a small bookshelf.

She rose at his sight and said:

_ Thank you. You've helped me so much.

_ My honour, he said calmly, looking at her beautiful and unsettling eyes.

But they were filling with tears again, and he saw she was devastated. So he asked her gently:

_ Did you have breakfast? I've bought some French bakeries, and I have too much. Would you like to share them with me?

She hesitated, staring intently at him, and he waited patiently. It was her call. He was ready to help her, and most of all he was willing to. But he couldn't do so without her consent. And at long last she nodded and said:

_ Yes, please. I'm quite hungry.

He led them next door, and laid down his toolbox next to his bag. Then he went to the kitchen and prepared a coffee, and offered her a croissant and a bagel. She chose a croissant, and ate it like it was candy, but really fast, clearly starving. He wolfed down his usual eight bagels and offered her the bag of croissants, and she helped herself twice more. He poured them some coffee, and after a mug of it and three bakeries she looked better at last. She said with a timid voice:

_ Thank you. I was really hungry.

_ My pleasure, he said calmly. I'm Mikhail.

_ Elena, she said, blushing.

_ You're Russian? he asked.

_ Yes, she nodded. From Krasnodar. And you're Russian too?

_ I was. I'm American now. I was born in Novgorod.

She smiled faintly, then seemed to realize she was talking to a stranger. She abruptly rose and stammered:

_ Thank you. But I must leave.

He rose too and escorted her to the door, and simply said, locking eyes with her:

_ I'm not always around, but if you need me, just knock on my door. Your brother won't hit you anymore if I can help it.

She nodded and hastily retreated to her apartment. He stayed there, on the threshold of his own flat, for a few more seconds before going inside too. He closed the door and leaned on it, breathing deeply. A strange feeling was growing in his guts, a dim sensation he remembered having felt while in love with Alpha, and he wondered if he was falling in love again. But it's crazy, he told himself. You don't know her, мой друг _(my friend)_ , you've just met her, and she seems to have serious problems.

But his heart was rebelling, and he felt concern and happiness at the same time. Maybe she would bring him problems, maybe she wouldn't feel anything towards him, maybe he would regret having her and her son next door, but right now hope was filling him, warming him and making him smile.

His smartphone rang, and he picked up the line.

_ Yes?

_ Hi, mate, Briggs' voice rang. Sleep well?

_ Yes, мой друг. I needed it, and so did you.

_ I slept like an anvil, Molly told me I built a log cabin last night.

He chuckled, not surprised. The two of them had been on their knees at the end of their mission, Sam had pushed them pretty far. He said lightly:

_ So, what can I do for you?

_ Oh, but you're gonna tell me first why you have this delighted voice, mate! Briggs said maliciously. What happened to you?

Kestrel cursed inwardly, but his smile stayed on. He was feeling so good! He said:

_ I'll tell you in front of a large soda, мой друг. What about you?

_ Something's bothering me, Briggs said more seriously. Could we meet somewhere?

_ Wherever you want, Kestrel said, eyebrows furrowing.

_ The Limerick?

_ Okay. When?

_ As soon as possible.

_ Uh oh.

Kestrel felt concern growing in his chest. If his best friend wanted to talk in a bar and not at home, and so quickly after a mission, then it had to be very serious.

_ I'm on my way, he told his teammate while picking up his keys. See you in fifteen minutes.

_ Thanks, mate.

Briggs hung up and Kestrel hastily left his apartment, wondering what had happened in the short space of time for his friend to sound so worried.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Kestrel drove in haste to the Irish pub, halfway between his apartment and Briggs' house in Towson, concern gripping his guts. He knew he shouldn't be so worried and wait for his best friend's explanations, but his sixth sense was emitting a loud alarm in his head, warning of an impending catastrophe.

He soon parked behind the bar and saw Briggs' Chevrolet already there. He quickly entered the pub and saw his friend in the back of the deserted room, a coffee in front of him. He saluted the barman who greeted him merrily, being a regular customer, and ordered a Coca Cola. Then he strode towards Briggs and sat on the couch opposite him, shaking his hand.

_ Well, мой друг _(my friend)_? What's so urgent? I'm quite worried, you know?

_ I don't doubt it, mate, Briggs said, rubbing his face and shooting him a lost look. But it's serious, all right.

The barman brought the soda to Kestrel who thanked him and paid, then Briggs said:

_ Sam and Grim think about breaking up.

_ What?

Kestrel felt like the ground was shifting beneath his feet. He was too stunned, it was a nightmare. But Briggs was deadly serious, and his own worry was deeply etched on his still tightened features. He stammered:

_ But... why? How do you know?

_ Overheard them yesterday when I was ready to leave, Briggs said heavily. You and Charlie had already left, and they were still in the control room, arguing again. I heard Sam telling Grim that it was his choice and he would cling to it. And Grim yelled that she was fed up with his stubbornness and that maybe she would leave him right away. And Sam said, and it's his exact words: "Fine. Then leave."

Silence fell, but Kestrel's head was spinning in worry. He knew Sam could be so stubborn he was being stupid, and Grim had some steel nerves of her own. But if they broke up, it would be a disaster for them, but also for Fourth Echelon. He shook his head in dismay and asked:

_ Have you phoned Sam or Grim?

_ No, Briggs said. When I left, Sam looked mad, and Grim had already left with their car. What are we going to do?

Kestrel saw that his partner was as much in disarray as he was, and he said firmly:

_ We have only one thing to do, мой друг. We take a car and go to their place.

_ What? Briggs exclaimed in bewilderment. But we can't...

_ Listen, Briggs! Kestrel cut him sharply. We don't have time for half-measures or qualms! If they break up, it'll shatter them both, you know it! And Fourth Echelon relies on them. We can't have them in pieces, they're together but they also work together! And I don't want another mission like in Cameroon.

_ You're right, Briggs acknoweledged at last, it was close to a disaster. And you were almost killed beacuse of their arguing.

_ Exactly, and I don't want that happening again to any of us.

_ Okay, Briggs said, rising. Let's go, then.

Kestrel hastily gulped down his soda then rose too, and the two of them went to Briggs' van. He drove to Sam and Grim's house in the countryside, and during the trip Briggs asked Kestrel more lightly:

_ What about you, mate? Why were you so happy earlier?

_ I've met someone, he confessed. My new neighbour. But we've just met, nothing happened yet.

_ Really? Briggs rejoiced behind the wheel, grinning widely. That's wonderful, mate! About time, too!

_ Well, just hold up. I told you, I've met her only yesterday evening, and it doesn't mean anything yet.

_ But you like her, Briggs said, and in his tone there was no question.

_ I feel something, all right, Kestrel said, analyzing his feelings while talking. I don't know what yet, but I definitely feel something.

_ You'll soon know, mate, Briggs said with a smile. I hope it'll turn good for you.

_ That's a long shot, Kestrel said, feeling his eyebrows furrowing. She's got tough issues.

_ Such as?

_ Her brother beat her up this morning. I'm afraid I expressed my disagreement to him in a non-pacific way.

_ Oh.

Briggs shot him a concerned look, and finally said:

_ I hope you won't have any problems with him or his family.

_ I shall see, he said evenly. I'm not afraid of him.

Briggs stayed silent, and Kestrel went back to the problem at hand. He couldn't let his close friends breaking up without trying to help them first. He had to do something. They had done so much for him that it was his turn. But the image of Elena was still in the back of his mind, nagging him. He would have to take time to meditate on her and his feelings.

Soon they arrived in front of the house, and Kestrel noticed that only one car was there. Grim's one was missing. His heart sinking, he exchanged a meaningful look with Briggs but went to the porch and rang the doorbell. A muffled roar echoed from inside the house, and he recognized Sam's voice:

_ Screw it! Leave me alone!

But his boss' voice was thick and undistinct. He's drunk, Kestrel thought, dismay tightening his guts. He tried to open the door, but it was bolted. Briggs shouted loudly:

_ Sam, it's Briggs and Kestrel! Open the door!

_ Goddamn you! Sam yelled in anger, clearly beside himself. Go away!

_ Sam, Kestrel said with a firm voice, I give you ten seconds to open the door. After that, I'll crash it open.

_ Don't you dare, Kestrel!

But he started to count loudly, and at nine Sam shouted:

_ Leave me alone! I forbid you to come here!

Kestrel, unfazed, took three steps back then ran to the door, shoulder first. The door burst open, and he saw Sam, sprawled on his couch, an empty bottle of whisky in hand, gazing at them with fury on his face. He was completely plastered, Kestrel thought dimly while going into the living room. He strode towards the wreck his boss had become, and, ignoring his outraged look, held out his hand for him to take.

Sam, although seething with rage, had a lost look in his eyes, making Kestrel want to shake him out of his torpor. But the Splinter Cell took Kestrel's hand, and the ops helped him sitting up. He gently removed the bottle from Sam's grip and, still holding his hand, pulled him on his feet. Then Briggs went next to him and, without needing to speak, they headed for the bathroom next to Sam and Grim's bedroom. There Kestrel said with a firm voice:

_ Sam, you'll have a shower. Cold water.

_ Kestrel, are you giving orders to your boss? Sam asked with an evil glare.

_ Yes, I am, Sam, Kestrel said calmly, locking eyes with him. Because when you are in this state, you're not my boss. You're my friend, and you need help. And we can't talk yet while you're so drunk. So you'll do what you're told, Sam.

_ What if I don't want to?

_ Then I'll do like five years ago, Kestrel stated calmly. You'll have that shower, Sam, whether you want it or not. The only thing you can choose is if you'll have it fully clothed or not.

He held his boss' intense stare, but didn't back down. And after five long seconds defying him, Sam started to take off his clothes. Kestrel turned away and saw Briggs going in the bedroom, bringing back fresh clothes. Sam had a quick shower, shivering slightly under the cold water, and Kestrel and Briggs went to sit down in the living room to wait. After a few minutes their boss came back, looking calmer and more focused. He even said:

_ I'm sorry. Hello, you two. Thanks for coming.

_ Coffee, Sam? Briggs asked.

Sam nodded, and while he sat down Briggs went to the kitchen and prepared a strong coffee for the three of them. When he came back, Kestrel sipped his drink, waiting patiently. And finally Sam started to speak:

_ Grim left me.

_ Why? he asked his boss kindly.

_ Because I'm a moron, Sam said, looking on the verge of tears.

_ You're not, Sam, Briggs said. You're just incredibly stubborn. So, tell us everything.

Sam half-smiled, then inhaled deeply and said:

_ Three months ago, before our mission, I had the routine medical examination for this year. The doctor who saw me noticed a stiffness in my right knee. Nothing surprising at my age, I'm sixty-four, after all. But he insisted to have it examined more closely. So I went to see a specialist, and after a series of tests he told me that I needed surgery to ease the stiffness. Grim and I started arguing about it, but nothing bothersome. If it had stopped there, it would have been well. But then I received a letter from the NSA.

He rubbed his face, clearly forcing down his anger and emotion, and went on:

_ They offered me to retire next year, with approval of the President of the United States.

Kestrel was blown, and next to him he could see that Briggs was too. Sam, retiring? It was just unbelievable, inconceivable. But Sam was sixty-four, and he knew that someday his boss would leave Fourth Echelon for good. But not yet, he thought. He was clearly not ready, and neither were his ops.

_ And Grim thinks this is a good idea, I assume? Kestrel asked softly.

_ Yes, Sam nodded. And I can't blame her. After all I've been through and have done for our country, she thinks I've earned a peaceful retirement. But I'm not ready. I don't want to retire just yet. I can't.

Kestrel saw him raising his head and looking intently at his two ops. He had difficulties imagining someone else in Sam's shoes, even Grim, and visibly his boss saw it. He smiled faintly and said:

_ I knew it. We're not ready.

_ So that's why you and Grim have been arguing since June? Briggs asked with a grimace.

_ Yes. And I'm sorry about it. I know it's been hard to withstand, and it nearly cost you your life, Kestrel. But we disagree so much on this topic that it has affected our couple. I love her, and she loves me, but this matter has become a cause of estrangement. And yesterday was the last straw. She insisted we talked about it, but I didn't want to, and in my anger I told her to leave.

Kestrel saw his boss cracking at last, putting his face in his hands and sobbing. Next to him Briggs put a hand on his shoulder, and Kestrel said, controlling his emotion:

_ I'm sure she'll come back, Sam. She knows your nasty temper.

_ She took her clothes and necessary things, Sam sobbed, still hiding his face. She left me! I'm such an idiot! I can't live without her!

_ Have you tried to call her? Briggs asked in disarray.

_ Every five minutes since yesterday evening. But her smartphone is switched off.

Kestrel exchanged a look with Briggs and saw they were having the same thought. So he took out his own smartphone and dialed Charlie's number. The line was picked up after five ringings.

_ Yes?

_ Charlie, it's Kestrel.

_ Hey, bro! the tech yelled, obviously still sozzled. You should've come yesterday evening! I've had such a good time, it was...

_ Okay, Charlie, he cut him, that's nice. But right now I need you.

_ What do you want me to do?

_ Could you track Grim's smartphone, please?

_ Sure, the young geek said, visibly too drunk to see the seriousness of the situation. Give me a second.

Kestrel waited patiently, restraining a sigh. Fortunately for them Charlie was a genius, able to track down smartphones while blinded or completely plastered like now, but he wasn't dependable, and that could be a problem. But after two minutes, the tech said, articulating with difficulty:

_ It's in Cherry Hill, Baltimore.

_ Okay, Kestrel said, relieved. Thanks a lot, Charlie. And have nice holidays.

_ You too, Kestrel!

He hung up and told Sam and Briggs, waiting expectantly:

_ Cherry Hill.

_ She's at Sarah's, Sam nodded thoughtfully. I should've known.

He took out his phone and dialed Sarah's number, and soon started to speak:

_ Hi, honey. … No, not really. … Is Grim at your place? … Yes, I understand. … I'm so sorry. … I just feel like an idiot, which I am. … Would she agree to talk to me? … It's okay, I understand. … No, no, don't worry. … Yes, Briggs and Kestrel are here. … No, they just broke into the house, demolishing the front door. Kestrel's doing. … They forced me to have a cold shower, and right now we're having a coffee. … It's okay, darling. Say hello for me. … And please tell Grim that I'm incredibly sorry and I love her. … Bye, kiddo.

He hung up, tears in his eyes, and said with a trembling voice:

_ She'll stay at Sarah's for some time. She doesn't want to talk to me right now. She needs time to think.

_ It'll be okay, Sam, Briggs said soothingly. Don't worry. She'll come back. I had the same thing with Molly two years ago, lasted two weeks. But she came back, and we're still together.

_ I wish it were that easy, sonny, Sam said, tears running down his cheeks. I'm so afraid of losing her!

_ She loves you, Sam, Kestrel said calmly, wanting to comfort his boss and friend. She'll come back. But you'll have to think about what you're going to say when she does. She's sending you a message, telling you that as long as you won't talk to her, she'd rather be alone. Now it's up to you to prove to her that you're willing to talk about your problem. It's useless and stupid to dismiss the idea with a wave of your hand. Take the time to weigh the pros and cons with her.

Sam nodded, clearly thinking about it, while Briggs smiled at him. He had told the ops exactly the same words when Molly had gone to her mother's place two years ago, and Briggs and she had made peace after two very difficult weeks.

Kestrel sighed inwardly, and asked Sam:

_ Did you have breakfast? And dinner?

_ Liquid ones only, Sam confessed, blushing.

_ Okay.

He got up and went to the kitchen, digging in the fridge and cupboards. Then he made pierojkis for the three of them, and soon Sam gratefully wolfed down the food. While they were eating, he said thoughtfully to his ops:

_ You know, maybe I'll have this surgery for my knee, after all. I have a month before me, and I won't deny I need it. This bloody thing hurts like mad, and I can't kneel like I used to.

_ That we noticed, Briggs told him gently. But the problem seems worse since three weeks.

_ True, Sam said, not really surprised. I'll phone Dr Collins.

_ But for your recovery, he won't agree to let you here on your own, Kestrel objected.

_ I have no choice, Sam shrugged. Grim is away, I'm on my own.

Kestrel exchanged a meaningful look with Briggs. In no way would they let their boss and friend manage on his own after a knee operation. But they would talk about it later. Finally they had another coffee, then Sam said:

_ Thank you, boys. Now I have some tidy-up to do and a phone call to make. And a door to repair.

_ I'm sorry, Sam, Kestrel said, feeling slightly guilty.

_ It's my fault, Kestrel, Sam said, shaking his head. I should've opened before, you warned me. I know you by now, I knew you would've crashed open the door no matter what I said.

_ Sam, maybe we should... Briggs started.

_ No, Briggs. I'll be okay, don't worry.

Sam smiled valiantly, but Kestrel could see he was still deeply affected. And he saw that his boss needed time to accept the situation, alone. So he rose and said:

_ Keep us posted, Sam, please.

_ I will, Sam nodded calmly.

Briggs got to his feet too, and they left. Kestrel knew that it would be difficult for his boss to be alone in their big house, but he would survive. The Splinter Cell was tough, he had lived through many ordeals. But Kestrel told his teammate:

_ I'll call him tomorrow. We can't let him alone with a surgery.

_ I agree. Please phone me as soon as you have news.

_ Will do, мой друг.

Briggs drove him back to his pickup and left, and Kestrel headed back to his apartment, feeling exhausted again. He would have a nap, he decided. Yes, he thought with relief, I really need a nap.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Sam set to work as soon as Briggs' car disappeared down the dirt road to his house. Ignoring the sharp migraine in his head and his aching knee, he cleaned the living room, which he had torn apart in his anguish the evening before, and grabbed the two empty bottles of whisky he had drained in less than twelve hours. He put them in the trashcan, then went to examine the front door.

The bolt was on the floor, and the wood around it had splintered under Kestrel's huge strength. In no way would he be able to repair it. Sighing deeply, he phoned their usual carpenter and asked for another door as soon as possible. The guy promised to pass by within the hour, reassuring Sam. Then he phoned Dr Collins, who picked up the line with a grumbling voice:

_ Hi, Sam. If we have another, mission, I'm...

_ Hi, doc! he cut him gently. No, it's not a mission.

_ Well, that reassures me. So, what can I do for you?

_ What about me having surgery for my knee as soon as possible?

_ At last! the doc rejoiced, surprising Sam. It was time you listened to sense! I'll phone a friend of mine at Johns Hopkins right away, I'll keep in touch. Stay near your phone.

_ Copy, doc.

The line went dead, and Sam sighed deeply again. But then silence crept up all around him, reminding him painfully of Grim's absence and his abysmal mistake, and he almost snapped again. But he breathed heavily, forcing down his tears, and went to their bedroom. He grabbed his bag and put some clothes and toiletries in it for his stay at hospital, trying not to look at the empty shelves in Grim's side of the wardrobe. The smartphone in his pocket rang, and he saw it was Dr Collins again.

_ Yes?

_ Sam, it's okay for the surgery of your knee. You'll have it tomorrow morning, then you'll have three weeks of recovery with your leg in a splint. Right?

_ Okay, doc.

_ So, you come tonight to Johns Hopkins at 7 pm, and I'll take care of you. You'll have a nice sleep, then surgery at 6 am.

_ Thanks, doc.

_ Will Anna be with you?

_ No, Sam said, anguish twisting his guts again. I'll be on my own.

_ I see, the doc said with a strange voice. So book a taxi, Sam. You won't be able to drive after your operation.

_ Okay.

_ Well, see you at 7 pm, then.

_ Bye, doc.

Sam hung up, his hand shaking. He felt like a fool, a dumb-ass idiot who in an instant had wrecked his life. But he had to make amends. He was the one responsible for this situation, his stubbornness would maybe cost him the love of his life. But he would react. He had been stupid getting royally drunk like that, it hadn't helped at all. Briggs and Kestrel were right, he had to think about what would happen now. And give Grim the time she needed, even if her absence tore his entrails with anguish and guilt.

He heard a car approaching, and recognized with relief the van of the carpenter. The guy soon came out with one of his employees, and said loudly:

_ Hi, Mr Fisher! So, what happened?

_ One of my friends made a hard entrance.

_ That I can see, the carpenter said, studying the ruined door. Your friend must be strong, this door could resist the weight of a two-hundred-pound man.

_ He's very strong, Sam smiled. So, when can you replace it?

_ I have a door in my van, the man said. The same model your wife liked so much the last time I showed her the catalogue. Wooden door, just like this one.

_ Show me, Sam said calmly, masking his hope.

He went to the back of the van, and Sam saw with delight the magnificent door. And he remembered hearing Grim telling him how much she liked it. So he said:

_ I want it. When?

_ I can do it straight away, if you want. One of my clients abandoned his project, leaving me with a free afternoon and this door.

_ Deal.

_ You don't want to know how much? the guy asked in surprise.

_ No, Sam shook his head. Money's not the problem. I trust you to be fair, and you'll send me the bill.

_ Okay, Mr Fisher. We'll have around three hours of work.

_ Fine, he said. I'll be inside.

He retreated in the living room as the carpenter and his employee went to fetch their tools, and called Kestrel. He knew at once that he had awoken his ops, but Kestrel sounded alert nevertheless:

_ Yes?

_ Kestrel, it's Sam. Do I wake you up?

_ Yes, but it doesn't matter. Had a nap. How're things?

_ I'll go to Johns Hopkins tonight and have surgery first thing tomorrow morning.

_ Okay. I'll come and drive you.

_ No, sonny, Sam said softly. Don't bother, you're on holidays. I'll book a cab.

_ I'm already on my way, Sam, his ops answered calmly but with a firm voice. And you know I won't take no for an answer.

_ Yes, I know, he sighed with amusement. Then you'll see our brand new door.

_ Have I ruined your front door?

_ Yes. The carpenter is installing a new one, the one Grim wanted. So it's all the better.

_ I see. Then the tab is on me, Sam.

_ No, Kestrel. And this time, you will take no for an answer. I'm happy to please Grim with this new door, so you won't pay for a gift of mine.

_ Okay, boss, he heard his ops sighing. See you in an hour then.

He hung up, feeling a little better. He was happy that Kestrel was coming to drive him, he wouldn't be alone. And he badly needed support. But he still had work to do before leaving.

He went to his office and sat at his desk, grabbing a notepad and a pen. Then he wrote his last will, as one could never know what could happen during an operation, and put it in an envelope in the first drawer. Then he wrote a letter to Grim, as he couldn't talk to her yet. But he wanted to apologize and tell her how much he loved her. He took his time to write it, carefully choosing his words, and felt a great pleasure at writing it. In the all-powerful era of smartphones and emails and geek stuff, a plain, simple hand-written letter on a sheet of paper was maybe old-fashioned but so enjoyable!

When he put down his pen, an hour had passed, but he hadn't seen it. He read the letter, checking for misspells or strange meanings, but he saw no one. So he concentrated on the words, and read aloud:

_ My love,

"I've decided to write you a letter since it's the only way I've found to reach you without bothering you too much. First of all, I'm an impossible idiot, and I bitterly regret what I told you yesterday in the plane. I'm so sorry. I hope you'll have the kindness to forgive me. I miss you so much!

"What you told me is true. We must talk about my retirement. Unfortunately I can't take back my words, even if I would gladly do so, but I'm so afraid of retirement. That's the truth about me: I dread the time when I'll have to step aside and be alone in our house, while you'll still be in Fourth Echelon, endangering yourself without me to watch over you. I'm being stupid, I know it, since you'll still have Briggs and Kestrel with you, but I just can't help it. And I know I must prepare myself, but I've been burying my head in the sand, dismissing the very idea of talking about it. I really need your advice, my love, and your support. I need you so much!

"When you'll read this letter, I'll have had surgery for my knee at last. You were right again, my love. I need it. So I decided to put my pride in my pocket and listen to sense, as Dr Collins told me when I phoned him.

"One last thing: we have a new front door. Kestrel destroyed the one we had when he and Briggs came to shake me out of my stupidity this morning. So we'll have the one you admired so much.

"Please come back. I love you and miss you so much!

"Sam.

He reread it carefully, forcing down his turmoil, then put it in an envelope with a stamp. He would mail it on his way to hospital. As he sealed it, the doorbell rang, and he went back to the hall. On the threshold, Kestrel was admiring the new door being set, and he said:

_ Nice one. I don't regret breaking the previous one, after all.

_ No, all is well, Sam said. Everything all right, Alan?

_ We're almost finished, Mr Fisher, the sweating carpenter said.

_ Good. You'll have a beer?

_ I won't say no.

Sam went to dig in his fridge and took two beers and two sodas. He gave the beers to the workers, then he and his ops had the sodas in the lounge. He said with a wince:

_ I'd have rather had a beer too, but with surgery tomorrow...

_ Dr Collins would've jumped around like a kangaroo in fury, Kestrel smiled. Would've been nice to watch.

Sam chuckled, sipping his cola. He told his ops calmly:

_ My last will is in the top drawer of the desk in my office. And I've written a letter for Grim. I'll mail it on our way.

Kestrel simply nodded. Sam saw he wasn't worried about what would happen, but his ops had an unfamiliar gleam in his eyes, and a faraway look. Wondering what was troubling his ops he asked him:

_ What's the matter with you, Kestrel?

Startled, the ops shot him an alarmed glance, stammering:

_ What... what do you mean?

_ You're acting very strangely, Sam grinned. And you're panic-stricken right now. Have you met someone?

_ You spoke with Briggs?

_ No, Sam said with an even wider grin, rejoicing inwardly at having hit the nail on the head. Just your expression, sonny. So, tell me everything.

Kestrel looked furious with himself, making Sam laugh. He was happy for his ops, who had spent too much time alone to his taste. And he waited patiently. Kestrel wasn't the talkative type, he usually needed time to reveal himself. It had taken him nearly three years to truly start speaking about his past in Voron, and Sam knew he still didn't know everything. And his ops had never talked about his dead parents and foster father, nothing before his period of conscription in the Russian army, as if he had started living at age eighteen. It troubled Sam and Briggs, but the Splinter Cell knew that someday his ops would unlock his last thick door and speak about his youth at last.

In front of him, Kestrel took a deep breath and finally confessed:

_ I feel something for my new neighbour. Her name's Elena, she's Russian. I've met her yesterday evening. But she has problems with her brother, who beats her up. I've already had a spat with him after he gave her a black eye this morning. But I tried to go and see her after lunch, she wasn't there or didn't open her door. So I don't know what to expect.

Sam nodded thoughtfully. Things weren't looking bright for his ops right now, but maybe it would turn good nevertheless. He said:

_ Well, I can only hope you'll catch her eye, sonny. And that you won't have problems with her family. But you know you can count on me for anything.

_ Yes, Sam, thanks.

He drank the rest of his soda, then heard a soft knock on the door and the carpenter's voice rising:

_ Mr Fisher?

Sam rose, cursing his aching knee, and strode to the hall. And he saw the door, fully installed and looking awesome. He smiled widely as the carpenter said proudly, handing him a new set of keys:

_ We've finished. I'll send you the bill, Mr Fisher. Thanks for the beer.

_ Thank you, Sam said earnestly. That's truly wonderful work, Alan.

_ It was a pleasure, Mr Fisher. Have a good evening!

_ You too.

The carpenter and his employee left, and Sam closed his brand-new door, seeing that Kestrel had come to admire the work.

_ Magnificent, isn't it?

_ Yes, his ops nodded. Grim will love it.

Sam put on a brave smile, but his lip was trembling. Without a word Kestrel went in front of him and put his hand on his shoulder. Sam simply nodded, taking a deep breath, and Kestrel said:

_ We should go now. You wouldn't want to miss the hospital's dinner.

_ Shut up, Kestrel, Sam said with a half-smile.

He went to fetch his bag and the letter, and his ops offered:

_ I'll mail it if you want.

_ Okay, he agreed, handing him the envelope.

But he had a slight suspicion that Kestrel was going to deliver it personally to Grim, and he was happy about it. Then he followed him to the blue pickup and climbed in the passenger seat. During the trip to Johns Hopkins they stayed silent, each one of them lost in his own thoughts, listening to the radio. But when Kestrel parked near the entrance, Sam came back to reality. He climbed down and wanted to take his bag, but Kestrel beat him. The ops, oblivious to his protests, started to walk, and the Splinter Cell could only follow, smiling to himself.

In the hall, he saw Dr Collins waiting for him, but also Briggs. Surprised, he saw the two of them coming to meet them, and while he and Kestrel shook hands with the doc Sam asked his other ops:

_ What are you doing here, sonny?

_ I have a message for you from Molly, Briggs said seriously. She told me that when you are ready to leave Johns Hopkins you'll come to our place for your recovery.

_ But...

Sam was astonished, and uneasy. He couldn't go to Briggs' place like that, disturbing his family life. He started to say:

_ Briggs, that's very kind and generous, but...

_ Stop! Briggs said, raising his hand in a halting gesture in front of his boss. There's no "but", Sam. Molly is confined to our place with her pregnancy and the strict medical follow-up she must have, so she's bored out of her mind, even with our Rachel tornado. Looking after you is a gift from heaven to her, and she ordered me to drag you there. And you know that we shouldn't annoy a pregnant woman. I did it once, I'm not eager to do it again.

Kestrel and Dr Collins smirked, and even Sam had a small smile. He was a little embarrassed, but mostly grateful, and he shook Briggs' hand again.

_ Okay, sonny. I don't want to annoy Molly. I'll come.

_ Thank you, Sam, Briggs sighed with a grin. I'll still have my head anchored to my shoulders, then.

_ You're exaggerating, мой друг _(my friend)_ , Kestrel said. Molly is kind and peaceful, she wouldn't harm a fly.

_ You haven't seen her while pregnant, mate, Briggs shuddered. When she wants something, she becomes a tigress. Once, she destroyed our china because there was no peanut butter left in the house and I told her she would have to wait for the mart to open.

Sam laughed, imagining the scene, and remembering his late wife Regan doing similar things while pregnant, waiting for Sarah. But too soon the doc told him:

_ Sam? It's time.

_ Okay, doc.

Kestrel gave him his bag, and he told his two ops:

_ Thanks for everything, you two.

_ I'll phone you tomorrow afternoon, Sam, Kestrel said.

_ Me too, Briggs said.

_ Okay, boys. See you soon.

He shook hands with them, then followed Dr Collins to a small but bright room, and soon had a truly disgusting meal with a small pill to relax. But he felt tired and still had his migraine, so he lay down in his bed, and in no time drifted into sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

As Sam had guessed, Kestrel drove straight to Cherry Hill after accompanying his boss to hospital. But he made a detour first to a ticket sales, ans was happy to see that he would be able to hold his promise to his nephew and niece. He arrived at Sarah and Ben Woodridge's house around 8 pm, and hoped the twins were still up. He rang the doorbell and waited. After a few seconds Sarah opened the door, frowning slightly but welcoming him with a smile.

_ Hi, Kestrel! Come in!

_ Hi, Sarah, he said calmly while stepping inside as the young woman closed the door behind him. How are you?

_ Not too good, actually, she sighed. I'm quite worried.

_ Join the club, he said, rubbing his face. Are the twins around?

_ Yes, she said, smiling. They're with Anna. But I doubt she'll want to see you, Kestrel.

_ I understand, he nodded. But I'll have to see her, it's very important. But the twins first. I know it's late, I won't be long.

_ I'll go and fetch them. Please sit down.

He went to sit on the sofa and soon heard the little kids running and shouting happily towards him, followed more slowly by their mother.

_ Uncle Mishka!

_ Hi, there! he said, grinning, kneeling down to embrace the five-year-old twins. How are you, дети _(children)_?

_ We're fine, uncle Mishka, Mary answered him seriously.

_ We missed you, James said, his voice trembling slightly. You've been away again?

_ Yes, Kestrel nodded, his heart twisting a little before the kids' disappointed faces. But now I'm on holidays, so I'll be able to see you more often.

_ You promise? they asked together, making him laugh softly.

_ Yes, I promise. And I have something for you.

He reached in his inner pocket and extracted some tickets. He explained to them:

_ I made a promise to you both before leaving, do you remember?

_ Yes, they chorused happily.

_ Well, there you are, he said, showing the tickets. Mary, you'll go with Rachel to a ballet in three days, here in Baltimore.

She whooped in delight, and asked him:

_ Will you come with Rachel and me?

_ I was thinking that you could ask someone who has always dreamed of seeing a ballet, he said mysteriously, winking at her.

_ Who? she asked, puzzled.

_ Mommy, he said, shooting a glance at Sarah, looking thunderstruck but hopeful.

So Mary ran to her mother and asked her:

_ Mommy, will you take Rachel and me to a ballet?

_ Sure, my darling, Sarah answered her, trying to mask her emotion.

She shot a grateful look at Kestrel who flashed her a smile, then he turned towards his nephew.

_ And you, James, will you accompany me to a soccer match?

_ Yes! he shouted loudly. The Saint Petersburg Zenit?

_ Yes, Kestrel nodded. Against DC United, in Washington in three days.

_ Hurray! Mommy, can I go?

_ Of course, my darling, Sarah said kindly, happy tears in her eyes.

_ So it's ballet for me and Rachel with Mommy, Mary summed up, and soccer for James with uncle Mishka. That's brilliant!

_ What do you say to uncle Mishka, children? Sarah asked.

_ Thank you! they chorused again, kissing his cheeks.

_ My pleasure, children, Kestrel beamed, kissing them affectionately. But now I believe you have to go to sleep.

_ Not yet! they moaned. You've just arrived, uncle Mishka!

_ I know, дети, he said regretfully as Ben entered the room, but I can't stay, and I need to see Grandma. I'll see you very soon, okay?

_ Okay, James said sullenly while Mary's lip was trembling.

_ Come, children, Sarah said. Daddy will tell you a story.

The twins reluctantly followed their father who briefly shook Kestrel's hand, smiling, and soon the little band went upstairs. Sarah turned towards Kestrel who handed her the tickets for the ballet.

_ Kestrel, thank you so much! she said, teary-eyed. Oh! The Nutcracker! My favourite!

_ Yes, he said, smiling kindly. I had a promise to hold, and I don't fancy ballet. But you'll have to tell Rachel and her parents, they don't know about it yet.

_ Thank you so much! That's so nice of you! And taking James to a soccer match! He'll be so delighted!

_ I hope so. But now, Sarah, I need to see Grim.

_ Kestrel, she sighed deeply, she doesn't want to see anyone. She's not ready.

_ I'm afraid that what I have to tell her can't wait, he said gently but firmly. I have a letter from Sam to hand her.

_ How is Dad? she asked in disarray.

_ Not at his best. When Briggs and I went to see him this morning, he was completely plastered. He regrets what he said to Grim. And he misses her, of course.

She pursed her lips, clearly hesitating, then said softly:

_ The situation is more complicated than you think. But I'll let Anna tell you about it. It's her call.

_ Don't tell me she wants to break up with Sam! Kestrel said in distress.

_ No, of course not, she shook her head. But... I'll go and fetch her.

_ Okay.

He sat back on the sofa, his mind in turmoil. What was happening? For a simple retirement the situation was complicated? He thought dimly that there was probably more to it, and that was bad news. He waited five minutes, then Sarah came back, immediately followed by Grim.

Kestrel rose and greeted his control director, seeing at once that she was in utter disarray and not feeling good at all. She was pale and shivering, and had a lost look in her eyes. But she smiled faintly at him and said:

_ Hello, Kestrel. So you have something to tell me?

_ Hi, Grim! Yes, please sit down.

She sat and asked Sarah to stay, as the yound woman was about to leave. So the two of them settled on the sofa opposite him, and he took out the letter from his pocket.

_ For you, he said, handing it to her.

She looked briefly at it but shook her head.

_ I can't accept it just yet, Kestrel.

_ Grim, he sighed, please take it. Don't open it yet if you don't want to, but Sam is counting on me. I can't let him down, he's already a wreck.

_ Does he believe I left him?

_ Yes, he said, startled by her question. Why? You didn't?

_ No, I didn't, she said softly while taking the envelope, with a strange voice. I just need some time to think, and with us arguing every hour it wasn't possible, that's all.

_ So that's not about him retiring, he nodded thoughtfully. I thought so, although it's a serious problem too. But what's happening, Grim?

_ I...

Grim suddenly dissolved into tears, and Sarah put a comforting arm around her. Bewildered, Kestrel stared at her in dismay. Grim was the backbone of the team, the rock on which they all could lean on, but now she was cracking, and she was the one needing support. He sat forward and told her gently:

_ Grim, what can I do for you?

_ Nothing, Kestrel, she said, wiping her tears and breathing deeply, trying to regain composure. Nothing except take care of Sam. Because I can't be with him just yet.

_ But why? Kestrel asked, his mind swirling with possibilities. You're both upset, you'd be stronger together, wouldn't you?

_ No, she said weakly. I need time alone.

She made a strange gesture, a fugitive one, but Kestrel saw it. She quickly put her hand on her belly, and the ops reclined back on the sofa, stunned. He asked:

_ You're pregnant?

She shot him a lost look, like a deer caught in the beams of a car, and broke into tears again. But Kestrel felt reassured. The problem was very complicated indeed, but at least they would be able to solve it. He sat forward again and asked her:

_ How much time?

_ Nearly three months, Grim confessed, tears flooding down her cheeks. But I learned about it yesterday evening only. I've been ill and irritable for a long time, but I never would've guessed...

_ So you have little time to take a decision, I assume.

_ Yes.

_ But, Grim, he said gently, you must tell Sam.

_ No, she sobbed. It's a decision I have to take alone.

_ I need to ask you something, he said seriously. Please don't be upset, okay?

_ Okay, she breathed deeply.

_ Is Sam the father?

_ Of course he is, Grim stated calmly, wiping her cheeks. I love him.

_ Then you must tell him, Kestrel said simply. He's as much involved as you are, Grim. He must take his responsibilities.

_ But that's what I don't want! she burst out, letting the strain show. He'll tell me to keep the baby, but it's not so simple!

_ I don't think so, he shook his head calmly. He'll see your health and the risks for you first, of that I'm sure. You're not too old to have a baby, Grim, but you're not in your twenties, and Sam knows it well enough.

_ Kestrel, I... I don't know what to do, she said, burying her face in her hands as Sarah stroked her back, sympathising. I've always wanted to have a baby, but I'm forty-seven. Being pregnant at my age is very risky. And Sam is sixty-four! He won't be around for fifty years on. And we live such a risky and chaotic life with Fourth Echelon! I have to think about all this.

_ I understand, he nodded calmly. But still, you can't decide alone, Grim. It's too important a thing to decide on your own. Like I said, Sam is as much involved as you are. And you can't hide something like that from him. It would shatter you, and your couple.

_ But how will I tell him? He's so anguished with his retirement thing already!

_ Trust me, he said darkly, he'll be very relieved when you tell him you're not leaving him. And he'll take the time to talk about it with you.

_ How is he? she asked him in dismay. Did he drink?

_ Yes, he admitted. By the way, I'm sorry.

She shot him a puzzled look, and he explained:

_ I destroyed your front door when Briggs and I went to see him this morning. Sam was completely plastered, he didn't want to open for us. But he had a cold shower, and now it's better.

_ Is he alone now?

_ Not really, Kestrel confessed. He's in hospital. He'll...

_ What? she cut him in alarm. What's the matter with him? Is he all right?

_ Yes, yes, don't worry, he told her in a soothing voice. He has decided to have surgery for his knee at last, that's all. His operation will happen early tomorrow morning.

_ And for his recovery? Sarah asked, concerned.

_ Briggs and Molly have invited him. He'll stay at their place, and Molly will take care of him.

Grim and Sarah looked relieved, and he saw that his control director, although clearly affected by Sam's state, was thinking that it would allow her a few more days of thinking alone. Then Grim opened Sam's letter at last and carefully read it, eyes brimming with tears. She folded it, wiping her cheeks, and said:

_ I'll write back. Kestrel, could you...?

_ Of course, he said gently. I'll go and see him tomorrow afternoon, I don't mind being a postman.

Sarah went to fetch a pen and a notepad, and Grim wrote a short letter, then put it in the envelope Sarah was handing her. Then she gave it to Kestrel, who pocketed it with a smile.

_ Thanks, Grim. It'll help him.

_ I hope so, she nodded weakly. But I want your word that you won't tell him about my pregnancy, Kestrel.

_ You'll have my word if you give me yours that you'll tell him about it in a few days, he said seriously, locking eyes with her. He has the right to know, Grim.

She held his gaze for a handful of seconds, and he feared she would start yelling at him. But she took a deep breath and said:

_ I swear I'll tell him in a few days, Kestrel.

_ Then I swear I won't tell him anything, as you'll be the one announcing it.

_ Good, she smiled. You truly know how to bargain hard.

He smirked.

_ One of the very few really useful things my foster father taught me.

She shot him a strange look, startled, but he calmly rose and said:

_ Well, I'll have a good night's sleep. It's been good seeing you both.

Grim simply nodded, obviously still in disarray, and Sarah escorted him to the front door. She whispered in an undertone as he was on the threshold:

_ Thank you, Kestrel. She needed it.

_ My honour, he replied calmly. Good night, Sarah.

_ Night, Kestrel. And say hello to my Dad, will you?

_ I will.

He walked to his pickup as the night was falling fast, and drove back to Shipley Hill. His mind was overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions, and he just wanted to have a quiet evening to mull over all that had happened and be ready to face the tough days that would follow. But when he entered the lobby of his building, he heard a terrified, high-pitched squeak and a woman screaming in Russian:

_ Aliosha! Hold on!

He ran to the stairs and looked up. And he saw with dread that Elena's son was hanging upside-down from a hook jutting out of the third landing's cemented floor, only alive thanks to his slowly ripping jeans, and Elena herself was desperately trying to reach him, almost toppling over the railing in anguish, sobbing.

Kestrel swiftly ran up the stairs to the second landing as some people were slowly exiting their apartments, puzzled and asking questions. But he ignored them and reached the railing just as a loud ripping noise echoed, and Elena screamed in terror. Without hesitation he jumped over the railing and extended his arms. His left one caught the opposite railing as a small figure collided with his right one, and he tightened his grip around the screaming boy. The momentum of the jump and the boy's weight made his left shoulder dislocate, but he gritted his teeth and held on. He knew he would soon have help.

And five seconds later, his neighbours from the second floor were leaning over the railing, extending their arms and grabbing the squirming boy. His vision tinted red by the pain, he saw Elena running down the stairs, tears flooding her cheeks, and she soon picked up her child who buried himself in her shoulder, sobbing and screaming in delayed shock.

Kestrel hoisted himself up with his right arm, and the helpful neighbours dragged him over the railing. He tumbled down on the floor and heard a balding man asking him:

_ Mr Loskov? Are you all right?

_ Yes, he said, panting. I'm all right, thanks.

_ Jesus! his wife was lamenting. What a catastrophe it could've been! Lucky you were there, Mr Loskov!

_ Yeah, another burly guy said grimly. And lucky you have keen reflexes!

He helped Kestrel on his feet, then noticed his shoulder, saying:

_ You look hurt. Shall I drive you to hospital?

_ No need, Kestrel said calmly, forcing down the pain. I'll put it back in place myself, I know how to do it.

_ You sure?

_ Absolutely, he nodded as Elena was heading upstairs, followed by the two concerned woman of the second landing. Don't worry about me, I'm okay.

_ Okay, then.

Kestrel went upstairs, where he saw the women fussing about Elena and her son on the landing, and the Russian woman shot him a strange look, still panic-stricken and grateful at the same time, but he simply nodded and entered his apartment, forcing down the rising groan.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Kestrel began by carefully removing his jacket, and prepared a painkiller and a glass of water. Then he searched for a bare wall in his apartment and found one in his bedroom. He braced himself, exhaling deeply, then abruptly rammed his left shoulder on the wall. The humerus re-entered its socket, causing a sharp and hot-white pain. He yelped and staggered to his bed where he collapsed, breathing heavily. His red-tinted vision blurred, but he knew it was only temporary.

He stayed ten minutes on his bed, letting the pain decreasing a little and his vision clearing, then he went to the kitchen. He hastily gulped down the painkiller and sat heavily on a chair. It was fortunate he had bought pizzas in the morning, he just wasn't fit for cooking right now. But he waited a little, sitting on his chair and listening. The building was quiet, apparently his neighbours had gone back to each their apartment.

Sighing deeply, he rose and put his pizzas in the oven, then he heard his doorbell ringing. He had a slight suspicion that it was Elena and her son, and he quickly opened the door. And he was right, she was standing on the threshold, still tightly hugging her son and looking happy and devastated at the same time. For a few seconds they stood face to face, he waiting and her at a loss for words, then he beckoned her inside with a small smile.

Without waiting he went back to the kitchen, sitting back on his chair, the pain still sharp and his head swimming in turmoil and exhaustion. He heard the door closing, and two seconds later she entered the kitchen, the small boy obviously asleep on her shoulder. He indicated her the chair opposite him, and she carefully sat.

Without getting up he opened the fridge and grabbed two cans of coke, and offered her one, still without words. She nodded and took it, and they sipped their drink, surveying each other. Kestrel's mind was almost blank, numb from tiredness and shock, and he was just waiting for her to start speaking. And after another minute, she said timidly in Russian:

_ Thank you.

_ My honour, he said calmly, rubbing his face.

_ You're hurt, aren't you? she asked in concern. Your shoulder.

_ It's okay. I put it back in place. It aches, but it's bearable.

_ Without you...

Her beautiful grey eyes filled with tears, and he said gently:

_ But I was there, and nothing happened. Don't worry. He's okay.

She nodded, trying to calm her sobs, and caressed her son's hair and back. He asked her softly:

_ I heard you calling him Aliosha. Is his name Alexei?

_ Yes, she nodded. Alexei Petrovich Kovalevskiy.

He locked eyes with her, asking her without words more details. And she told him after a few more seconds of hesitation:

_ His father isn't around. He abandoned me when I told him I was pregnant. He's not a good man. He belongs to the Mafiya, but I discovered it too late.

_ So you're with your brother now, Kestrel said calmly.

_ Pavel's not my brother, she said with a disgusted tone. He's my late sister's husband. He's as bad as Piotr was. But he brought us here, in the US, obtained us visas and green cards. Fortunately he's got an apartment of his own in another part of the city. In fact, since he hit me I haven't seen him.

Kestrel was happy to notice that she was slowly relaxing, and talking more openly. He got up and took out the pizzas from the oven, and offered her one. She looked grateful again, and hungry, and he wondered if she had eaten at all since their breakfast. But the boy was heavy on her shoulder, so Kestrel gently picked him up. Startled, she first clang to her son, but soon let him go, and Kestrel carried him to the sofa. He laid the boy down and went to his bedroom to fetch a blanket, and covered him gently. The small boy didn't stir, features relaxed and sleeping soundly.

Kestrel turned round and saw that Elena was watching every one of his movements, looking moved and smiling faintly. They came back to the kitchen and ate the pizzas in silence, drinking another soda, then he offered her the remaining croissants and bagels. She took a croissant while he finished the last four bagels, and finally he gathered the courage to ask her:

_ So what's your name? Kovalevskaya?

She shook her head and said:

_ Piotr and I were not married, fortunately. My name's Elena Vassilievna Rykova.

_ Mikhail Andreyevitch Loskov. Is Alexei Russian too?

_ Yes, she nodded. I hope he'll become American, though.

_ Why have you come to America? Why leave Russia?

She recoiled a little, obviously frightened to answer, and he made a lenient gesture, his heart squeezing at the thought that maybe he had broken the fragile trust between them.

_ Please don't be upset. I myself suffered a great deal before coming here and becoming American. Leaving our country of birth is always hard and heart-breaking, but sometimes it's a matter of survival, don't you think?

_ Yes, she said weakly. Yes, you're right, Mikhail.

His heart leapt in his chest at hearing his name from her, warming his whole body, but he kept his expression neutral. And she said after a few seconds:

_ I fled from Piotr. He wanted to take Aliocha with him, raise him within the Mafiya. He had left me when I was pregnant, but he went to see me three months ago, asking to see our child. And when he saw Aliocha, he told me that he would come back for him. So I left. Pavel was already in the US, he helped us.

_ So you don't want to see Piotr again, I assume?

_ No, she shuddered. Aliocha's just a child, he's three years old. I don't want him to fall in the Mafiya's clutches. And I don't want to be parted from him. He's all I've got.

Kestrel nodded, steeling his nerves. He would have to make some research about this Piotr Kovalevskiy. But then Elena asked him softly:

_ What about you? Have you got a family? Are they still in Russia?

He took a deep breath and shook his head, forcing down his turmoil. He would have to be cautious as not to talk about Voron and Fourth Echelon, but he could reveal some of himself to her. He sensed he could trust her, just like she did with her telling him about her ex-boyfriend. But his past was still a little bit sore.

_ I'm all alone here. Well, I do have a cousin, but she lives abroad. My parents died when I was six, and I ran from my foster home at fourteen. I served in the Russian Army, then after some operation I have been betrayed and left for dead. So I fled Russia, with the help of a woman with whom I was in love. And I became American seven years ago. I have close friends here, though. They are my family.

She locked eyes with him and said:

_ This woman, is she still around?

_ No, he said, masking his emotion as best he could. She died seven years ago.

She shot him a compassionate look, and he forced down his tears. The pain was faint, after seven years, but it would never fade completely. He hung his head, inhaling deeply, then felt a hand on his own. Startled, he looked up suddenly and saw Elena smiling kindly, her eyes full of tears again. She said:

_ Then I must thank her. She helped you and you came here, and thanks to that Aliocha is still alive and okay.

He couldn't think of anything to say to this, so he stayed silent, his mind in utter disarray. She got up and went next to him, her hand still on his. He rose too and looked at her. She was a little shorter than him, but not by far. And her grey eyes were so startling and sparkling, he could drown himself in them. She still had a dark bruise on her right eye, but he only saw the stars in her eyes. She took his hand gently, and he shuddered. It had been so long a time since a woman had taken his hand like that! But the contact felt so good and appealing!

Without thinking further he put his other hand on her neck and bent forward. As their lips made contact he feared she would back away and slap him, but on the contrary she leaned towards him, and they kissed. The kiss electrified him, sending sparks of happiness and warmth throughout his whole body, and he closed his eyes in bliss.

Then he felt her arms around his waist, caressing his back, and their lips parted. He opened his eyes and looked at her, and she had a radiant smile on her face. She is so beautiful, he thought. She said:

_ Maybe it's a little quick, but I really like you, Mikhail.

_ It is quick, he acknoweledged, but I like you too, Elena.

They kissed again, more passionately and urgently, and caressed each other. But as he made a movement with his left arm he felt a sharp pain in his shoulder, spreading in his back and arm. He couldn't help a muffled groan, and she pulled away, asking with concern:

_ Your shoulder?

_ Yes, he confessed. I'm sorry, I...

_ Тихо _(Hush)_! she said, putting a finger on his lips. You need rest, and the time to heal. I'll leave you now.

He didn't want her to leave, and he hesitated for a split second. Then he took his decision, and he knew Alpha would've slapped him if he had decided otherwise. He told her gently, taking her hand:

_ Please stay.

She stared at him for long seconds, her startling eyes riveted into his, then she said quietly:

_ Okay, Mikhail. I'll stay.

He watched her checking on her son, still sleeping soundly on the sofa, then followed him to the bedroom. There he put out his clothes but kept his T-shirt and underwear on, as to make his intentions perfectly clear. He wasn't ready to go further yet, and his shoulder was hurting him too much anyway. And visibly she understood. She went to the bathroom next door, having grabbed one of his T-shirts in the open wardrobe, and soon came back, looking thin in his large T-shirt.

They laughed a little at their appearance, but he couldn't help admiring the curves he outlined under the large piece of cloth. She is gorgeous, he thought dimly as she sat next to him, and I'm completely mesmerized. She took his right hand and extended his arm, examining his tattoes. He knew some of them could be quite disturbing, but she didn't seem affected. And she bent over them, lightly kissing his arm as if to prove him she accepted everything from him. Then he leaned forward and kissed her again, and said:

_ Shall we sleep?

_ Yes, she said with a smile. You're tired?

_ Exhausted, he admitted, lying back on the mattress and wincing. Bloody shoulder!

_ Let me have a look at it, she said seriously.

_ Are you a nurse? he asked with a faint smile, carefully removing his T-shirt with her help.

_ As a matter of fact, I am a doctor.

_ Really?

_ Really. I used to work in the hospital in Krasnodar.

He looked at her intensely while she bent on his left shoulder and slowly made his arm moving. He could see her concentration, and knew she wasn't pulling his leg. He grimaced as she made his arm rotating, and she told him:

_ Your shoulder is almost back in place, but not completely.

_ Great, he grumbled. What can I do, then? I don't want to ram it against a wall again.

_ No need, she said calmly. Do you have ointment?

He reached his nightstand and took out a tube, and handed it to her. She put a generous knob on his shoulder then started to massage him. It hurt at first, but soon he relaxed and felt better. Suddenly his bone moved in the socket, and he jumped. But the pain quickly faded, and he exhaled slowly. She asked him:

_ Feel all right?

_ Yes, thanks a lot, he said gratefully, his eyelids drooping. I feel much better.

_ That I can see, she said softly.

She grabbed the blankets and pulled them over the two of them, then lay on her side to see him. He turned his head towards her, but felt the sandman passing above him. He felt so good and relaxed with her! He said:

_ I'm afraid it's not the most romantic evening I could give you, Elena.

_ Nothing could be more romantic than that, Mikhail, she said seriously, smiling and her eyes sparkling. You saved Aliocha and hurt yourself doing it. Easing your pain was the least I could do.

_ You have to know something important about me, he said calmly but dismay twisting his guts. I have a tough job that involves leaving suddenly and keeps me away for months at a time. If you want to carry on something with me, you have to know that I can't promise you anything.

She simply rose on her elbow and bent over him. She kissed him, and he felt joy and relief spreading wildly in his chest. She told him serenely:

_ I'm used to being alone. And I don't ask you anything, Mikhail. Let's talk about it tomorrow. Now you need rest.

He kissed her back, then lay down his head on his pillow as she settled in the crook of his shoulder. He asked again as sleep was almost on top of him:

_ At which hour Aliosha usually wakes?

_ 8 am, she murmured, caressing his beard. Do you work tomorrow?

_ No, I'm on holidays.

_ Good, he heard dimly as she lightly massaged his chest. Then we'll talk tomorrow morning.

He fell asleep, feeling extraordinarily good.

Faint movements in the staircase of the building woke him up abruptly, and he looked around him. The shutters were not closed on his window, and the moon was casting a bright light outside and in the bedroom. He saw Elena sleeping soundly, her long black hair flowing on the pillow, her left arm across his chest. He felt good at this sight, but the sounds were worrying him, and he felt a tingling sensation in the back of his neck that he knew was meaning trouble.

He gently removed her arm, not waking her up, and hastily got up and put on his trousers and boots. He shot a glance at his alarm clock and saw 1.49 am. Much too early for the first tenant to go working, and the footsteps were ascending the stairs anyway. He went to the living room and picked up Aliosha, still fast asleep, and wrapped him in the blanket. Then he carried him next door to the bedroom, where Elena was slowly waking. When she saw him with her son in his arms, she sat up in alarm and asked:

_ Mikhail? What's happening? Why...?

_ It's okay, Elena, he said in a murmur, laying down the small boy next to her. I hear suspects movements in the staircase, so please stay here with Aliosha.

_ But who...?

She fell silent as they both heard the lock of the front door being picked, and he said, steeling his nerves:

_ I use to live alone here. Stay here, don't move or make a sound, you should be safe.

_ But what about you? she asked in terror.

_ Trust me, he said grimly, locking eyes with her, I can handle this.

She stared at him for an eternity, it seemed, but only three seconds had passed before she nodded and whispered with a small smile:

_ Please be careful.

He nodded and closed the door behind him. He strode to his low table and extracted his gun, a P228, and loaded it. Then he walked briskly in the corner of the living room where the open door would shelter him, and waited. The guy picking the lock was not a professional, he could tell, because it took him two minutes to unlock the bolt. Then the door opened silently, swinging right in front of him, and he heard four people carefully stepping inside. He heard a murmur in Russian, and recognized with rising anger Elena's brother-in-law, that Pavel creep saying:

_ He's probably asleep. Let's give him a lesson!

He waited for the guys to enter in the living room then silently pushed the door back, and moved. In a blur, he sent the cross of his gun on two of the men's temples, and they crumpled to the floor without having realized what was happening. Pavel and another burly guy turned and watched with astonishment Kestrel taking a step towards them, and he hit the accomplice on the side of his head. As the man fell across the sofa, Pavel squeaked in alarm and started to retreat towards the back of the room, but the ops wasn't going to let him escape so easily. He jumped over the low table and tackled the guy, locking his arm in a tight grip and making him moan. He murmured with a cold voice:

_ A little early to say "Good morning", Pavel. What were you thinking? That you and your buddies would surprise me?

_ Listen, Pavel started, visibly terrified, I just...

_ Just shut up, Kestrel growled menacingly. You know I would have the right to kill you? You're trespassing in my apartment.

_ No! his prey squeaked in fright, trembling from head to foot. I just wanted revenge for yesterday morning! I swear I...

_ Shut the fuck up! Kestrel murmured in his ear, pulling on his arm until he felt his shoulder dislocating and Pavel yelling in pain. You don't know who you're talking to, asshole. I could shoot you or rip your guts out of your pitiful body and no one would raise any eyebrow. But I'm a really nice guy, so I'll let you go. And you will leave town first thing in the morning. Do not approach this building ever again, do you hear me? If I come across you anywhere within the East Coast again I'll give you what motherfuckers like you deserve, do you understand?

_ But Elena...

_ ...will be far better without you, Pavel. Now off you go before I change my mind!

He let go of the scoundrel who quickly rose and ran out of the apartment, holding his left arm. Then he went to his corner cupboard and dug out some thin rope and rags, with which he tied and gagged the three assailants. And after that he pocketed his gun and went to the bedroom door and gently knocked and entered, saying:

_ It's Mikhail. Everything's all right.

As soon as he came in, Elena threw herself in his arms, sobbing. A little surprised but mostly softened, he gently caressed her hair, waiting for her to let the stress out, murmuring her comforting words:

_ It's okay... I'm all right... Everything's under control...


	6. Chapter 6

**Warning:** **This chapter is rated M for adult theme. Please enjoy and review!**

Chapter 6

Elena sobbed for two minutes on Kestrel's right shoulder, then took deep breaths and finally pulled away from him. He gently raised her head and saw that her eyes, swollen and red from crying and worrying, were more beautiful than ever. He kissed her, and she kissed him back rather fiercely, her arms in a tight embrace around his torso. He was dying to go back in bed with her and have some nice cuddling moments, but Aliosha was still on the bed, luckily fast asleep, and he had three bad guys tied up like smoked sausages in his living room. So he reluctantly pulled away from her and asked her:

_ Could you tell me if you know the guys who attacked? They were with Pavel.

_ What? she asked in alarm. It was Pavel?

_ Yes. I told him to leave town and never approach the building again. But he had three guys with him.

She went to the living room, and he followed her. She calmly looked at each one of the men and said:

_ Yes, I've already seen them. They're friends of Pavel's, but I don't know their names. They have families in Pavel's neighbourhood.

Kestrel nodded, understanding the hidden message loud and clear. She didn't want them to be dead, and neither did he. So he slapped them awake while Elena went back to the bedroom, hiding from their gaze. They looked flabbergasted to be tied up and gagged in the living room of the man they were supposed to beat up, and Kestrel adopted his menacing tone and cold stare again. Then he untied them and they ran away like cowards.

He locked back the front door, put his gun in the corner locker, out of Aliosha's reach, then heaved a sigh. The fight hadn't shaken him too hard, but it was a blow nevertheless to be attacked at home. His left shoulder was still aching a little but far less than in the evening. He made his way back to the bedroom, and Elena picked up her son and carried him back to the sofa, carefully folding the blanket around him and kissing his forehead. Then she joined him on the threshold of the bedroom, and took his hand.

He let her steering him to the bed, and she helped him out of his boots and trousers, caressing him in the process. He was letting her take control, ready for anything, goosebumps on his arms. And when she put her hands on his underwear, she locked eyes with him, silently asking him for the go. He just kissed her, caressing her and starting to remove the T-shirt she was wearing. Soon they were naked, and they contemplated their bodies, kissing and caressing each other. She asked him softly, a faint smile on her lips:

_ Do you have a protection?

He racked his brains, and finally admitted:

_ I really don't know. Have a look in the nightstand.

She rummaged in it, and he admired the view of her breasts gently balancing with every movement she made. He was really aroused now, and asked himself if he was doing the right thing. They had met only the day before, he didn't know her. She had a painful past, like him, and serious problems. And she had a son. But she had something, he felt it. And it wasn't just her startling beauty. She carried a warmth within her, a powerful aura he could feel and enjoyed, sending waves of peace and joy in his whole body. He felt so balanced with her, at peace and happy. And for the first time since seven years, Alpha wasn't in his mind, or just a remote memory, with her smiling at him and saying:

_ Good job, Misha. Now just carry on. Live.

He smiled faintly and focused back on the present moment. Elena dug out from the bottom of the drawer a small box of condoms, which he couldn't remember having purchased, and she chuckled at the date on it.

_ Best use before 2017, she read aloud. My God, Mikhail, you've been a celibate for that long?

_ Since 2014, in fact, he confessed, watching her opening the box and taking out one of the things. Maybe I'll be a little rusty. And will the condom hold on?

_ Yes, I think so, she said evenly, putting it on him. Don't worry, I go on the pill. And it's like riding a bicycle, you just never forget.

He smiled, not reassured altogether, but she swiftly swept away his doubts by kissing him and caressing him, arousing him more than ever. So he responded passionately, and soon she went above him. And he felt himself having a second birth. It feels so good and life-giving to make love again, he thought dimly as she moved on top of him, slowly making his pleasure increasing. He abandoned himself in her arms, caressing and exciting her, and feeling immensely good. She led him to rapture and he felt her orgasm just before his own, and they both stifled cries of pleasure. Then she bent over him, kissing him and he kissing her back, panting a little, and she said:

_ I think I love you, Mikhail.

He simply took her in his arms, and hugged her tightly. He couldn't tell her so yet, but she seemed to understand, and he felt tears of joy rising. He forced them down, but not entirely, and she visibly saw his bright eyes. As she disentangled herself from him and lay at his side, still hugging him, she kissed his cheek lightly and said:

_ You're alive, Mikhail. You're alive.

He nodded, kissing her but feeling exhaustion creeping up his body again. And he saw her eyelids were heavy too, so he raised his arm, and she settled on his chest again. After a last kiss, she fell asleep, breathing softly. He watched her for a few seconds, wanting to stay awake and enjoy this wonderful sight, but his eyelids closed in spite of himself. And as he sank into sleep he thought that she was absolutely right. He was alive. More than ever.

A faint stirring woke him up, and he slowly opened his eyes. He could hear small noises from the living room, and guessed that Aliosha was waking up too. He gently kissed Elena's shoulder, as she was lying on her left side, her back on him, and murmured:

_ Elena! I think Aliosha will arrive soon.

She started a little and hastily got up and dressed. He watched her with an amused smile, enjoying the sight of her putting her clothes on, and she said, catching his eye:

_ Do you like the view?

_ Yes, he said shamelessly, making her blush furiously. I'd like to have this view every morning from now on.

She beamed at him and went to kiss him, but rose swiftly as they heard a hesitant:

_ Mama?

She tore out of the bedroom and as he rose and put on his clothes too he heard her saying:

_ Hi, sweetheart! Did you sleep well?

_ Yes. Where are we, Mama?

_ We're in a friend's apartment, sweetheart. You'll meet him in a few seconds.

_ Why? Why aren't we home?

_ Because Mama wanted to be with a friend, and Mikhail is a good friend.

_ I'm hungry, Mama!

He had finished getting dressed and thought he could go next door now, so he exited his bedroom and arrived in the living room. He had taken care to put on a long shirt covering his tattoes as not to scare the small boy, and saw Aliosha's eyes widening in surprise. He carefully approached Elena and her son, and knelt just before the two of them who were sitting on the sofa, Aliosha hiding behind his mother.

_ Hello, Alexei! Do you remember me? I'm Mikhail, your neighbour. I'm very pleased to meet you at last. Your mother told me I could call you Aliosha. Do you agree?

The small boy nodded timidly, and with a shy voice asked him, peering at him from behind his mother's arm:

_ And you? Your nickname is what?

Kestrel hesitated a split second, but he knew that never again he would be called Misha. That was a part of him that had died along with Alpha, and that was buried with her. So he said with a smile:

_ You can call me Mishka.

_ Like the bear? Aliosha asked in astonishment, leaning a little to see him better.

_ Yes, just like the bear, he nodded, smiling wider. And your Mama can call me that too, if she wants.

He shot her a questioning look, and she nodded, smiling. She didn't ask why Mishka and not Misha, but he would tell her someday. He gazed back at the little boy and asked him:

_ Are you hungry, Aliosha?

The boy nodded, and he said:

_ In this case, I'll go to the bakery.

_ Mikhail, Elena started, I...

_ Mishka, he told her gently. I'll be back in three minutes.

And he exited the apartment, running as fast as he could. He knew that the boy had probably to go to school, and they hadn't much time left. He reached the bakery in less than a minute, bought croissants, pains au chocolat and baguettes, then ran back to his apartment. He knew he had milk and cocoa powder in his cupboards, so it was good.

He startled Elena and her son by coming back as quickly as that, and smiled:

_ Breakfast ready!

They followed him to the kitchen, where Aliosha hastily ate a pain au chocolat while he prepared him a mug of chocolate milk, and coffee for Elena and him. Then the three of them had breakfast, and he felt good. It was almost natural for him to have them around him, and felt a pang of sadness when Elena told her son:

_ Now we'll go home and wash and change clothes to be clean for school.

_ Yes, Mama.

They rose, and she glanced at Kestrel with an apologetic smile, saying:

_ Aliosha has school at nine. Will you be around today?

_ I have to go and see a friend of mine at hospital this afternoon, he said calmly, but I'll be there tonight. And I'm here this morning, if you want to talk.

_ I can't, she said sadly. I have two job interviews this morning.

_ Then let's meet tonight, he said, masking his disappointment. Will you have dinner here? 7 pm?

_ That's great, she said. Do you know how to cook?

_ Yes, he nodded with a smile. But I mostly cook Russian meals.

_ A borscht? she asked, her hopeful eyes twinkling.

_ Okay, he said, happy to please her.

She beamed at him, and he wanted to pause, stop the time and lose himself in her awesome grey eyes, but Aliosha pulled on her hand, saying:

_ Mama! We'll be late!

_ Yes, she said, shaking herself out of her contemplation. Yes, you're right, sweetheart. Say goodbye to Mishka, then. We'll see him tonight.

_ Goodbye, the boy said timidly as Kestrel knelt in front of him.

_ See you tonight, Aliosha, he said with a smile. I hope you'll learn a lot of things today. And if you want, I'll speak English to you.

The boy, still a little intimidated, cowered behind his mother, and with a last smile Elena went out of the apartment, steering her son. Kestrel watched them entering the flat across the landing, then closed his door with a sigh. He shot a look around him, feeling that all this space was very empty when he was alone in there. But he was happy beyond anything he had felt since seven years, so he decided to phone Briggs after a good and well-earned shower.

He took his time under the hot water and casually dressed. Then he tidied up and cleaned his home, made his bed and smiled at the perfume Elena had left on her pillow. After he had cleaned the kitchen, he went to the nearest mart and bought the necessary food for a borscht and a few more meals, and a set of animal figurines for Aliosha. He would buy a bunch of flowers for Elena later in the afternoon. And he bought two books for Sam.

When he came back in his apartment he set to work, preparing the borscht, so he could spend time with Sam in the afternoon. While cutting the vegetables he called Briggs.

_ Yes?

_ Hi, Briggs! he said calmly.

But he knew his tone would betray him. And sure enough, his best friend said with a delighted voice:

_ Hi, mate! So, what about you and your girlfriend, then?

_ Well, we've started dating, мой друг _(my friend)_.

_ That's wonderful news! Briggs rejoiced at the other end of the line, making him smile. What's her name?

_ Elena. She's Russian.

_ That doesn't surprise me, Briggs said. But as long as you're happy with her, mate, then it's good for me.

_ Thanks, мой друг. I am happy. I feel alive again.

Briggs stayed silent, and Kestrel stopped his chopping of the celery. He was so much aware of being alive again that he felt like for the last seven years he had been half-dead, wandering about like a lost soul, in spite of all the happy things he had lived. But now he was fully alive, so happy and at peace that his heart would maybe burst with the good emotions filling it. He resumed his cooking and said:

_ All is well. But what about you?

_ Everything's all right, I take care of having three jars of peanut butter in advance for Molly.

Kestrel chuckled, and Briggs said:

_ Any news from Sam?

_ No. I'll go and see him in the early afternoon.

_ And Grim?

Kestrel knew he would have to lie to his best friend, and he didn't like it at all. But he had made a promise and would hold it. So he simply said:

_ She doesn't want to break up with him, but she needs time. I saw her yesterday evening, she's shaken.

_ Understandable, Briggs acknoweledged. Okay, mate. Keep me posted, will you?

_ I will, мой друг.

_ And have a nice evening!

Kestrel smiled a little and said:

_ Oh, I think I will. And you, say hello to Molly and Rachel.

_ Will do.

He hung up and finished preparing his borscht and a dessert. Then he watched TV and ate a little while the meal cooked on a low fire, and he found the replay of a match of his favourite team. By the time the Zenit had been flattened by the Rubin Kazan and he disgruntled, his borscht was ready and it was 1 pm. So he took the two books and Grim's letter, and drove to Johns Hopkins.

He had difficulties finding a place to park, but finally he found one, and strode towards the great building. He asked for directions at the front desk, then advanced casually in the maze of corridors, thinking about Sam and Grim, Elena and Aliosha, and his complicated life. But he was just happy, and thought that he would manage all that.

When he arrived in front of Sam's bedroom he knocked, but no one answered him. Unfazed he went in and saw Sam on a bed, sleeping soundly under his blankets, looking good but tired. He went next to his bed and sat on the armchair, putting the books on the nightstand. He kept the letter in his pocket, he would have to be cautious before giving it to Sam.

He sat forward a little and called his boss out softly:

_ Sam? Time to wake up! Sam!

The Splinter Cell stirred a little and his eyelids fluttered open once, but he was still under the effect of the anesthesia and soon closed his eyes again. Kestrel repeated:

_ Wake up, Sam! Come on!

Sam's eyes opened a little, and Kestrel bent forward for his boss to see him. And he heard weakly:

_ Kestrel? How're things?

_ I don't know, Sam, he said calmly, but you look good enough. How are _you_?

_ Pain in my knee, his boss confessed. Can't move my right leg.

_ You must have a splint on already, Kestrel guessed.

_ Have a look.

He obeyed and pulled aside the blankets. Sam's right leg was indeed in a splint, and his knee was heavily bandaged and swollen. But everything seemed normal, so he said while putting back the blankets in place:

_ Your leg is in a splint, and your knee looks fine, Sam.

_ Okay.

Sam reclined back on his pillows, and asked:

_ Could you raise the upper part of my bed, please?

Kestrel grabbed the remote control and obliged. Soon Sam was halfway between lying and sitting, and he said:

_ That's good.

Kestrel grabbed the books and showed them to him.

_ For your spare time.

_ Thanks, sonny.

But Kestrel saw that his boss was aching to ask him something, in spite of his tiredness, and he only waited. He couldn't tell him bluntly about Grim. Sam had to be ready. And after a few seconds, Sam asked him:

_ Have you seen Grim?

_ Yes.

_ How is she?

_ Not feeling great, Sam. But I gave her your letter.

_ Did she read it?

_Yes. She wrote you a reply.

Sam's eyes lit up as Kestrel took out the envelope from his inner pocket, and the Splinter Cell hastily tore it open. The ops wished it wouldn't tear him apart reading it, and crossed his fingers.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Sam was feeling desperately tired and a little confused after the general anesthetics of the morning, but he remembered his situation quite well. And he still worried a lot about Grim. But when Kestrel told him that she had read his letter and written him a reply, he felt more awake and alert. He took the envelope in haste and ripped it open. Inside a small sheet of paper with few words, but he read them with dread and relief at the same time:

"My love,

"Kestrel told me you believed I had left you. That's not true. I haven't left you, and I love you more than ever. But I need time to think about our situation. Thank you for your letter. I'm happy to see that you're ready to talk about our problems. And we'll soon talk. Just give me a few days alone, please.

"I don't want to leave you and have no intention to do so. Get well, I hope your knee will be okay from now on. You did the right thing.

"I love you.

"Grim

He was so relieved that he broke into tears, evacuating the pressure, and Kestrel bent forward, putting a hand on his shoulder and asking:

_ Everything all right, Sam?

_ She doesn't want to leave me! he could only say. She still loves me!

_ Yes, Sam, his ops nodded earnestly. You have nothing to worry about.

Sam nodded, relief spreading in his whole body, chasing the nightmarish sensation of loneliness that had gripped his guts since Grim's absence. But something was still bothering him. If she had no intention of leaving him and loved him, why did she need time?

He raised his eyes and crossed Kestrel's stare. His ops had his best poker-faced expression on, but Sam knew him well by now. He guessed that Kestrel knew what was happening, and asked him calmly:

_ Do you know why she needs a few days alone and still doesn't want to see me?

_ Yes, his ops said simply.

_ I assume you can't tell me.

_ I made a promise, Sam. I'm sorry. Grim will tell you about it in a few days, that's all I can tell you.

_ I see.

Sam, although relieved, could feel trouble coming towards him, and he suppressed a shiver. But he didn't know what all that was about and would drive himself crazy mulling over it, so he tried to divert his thoughts. Next to him Kestrel looked a little tense about Grim and him, but he looked also extraordinarily good and relaxed. Sam couldn't remember having seen him like that since before Alpha's death, so he asked his ops with a small smile:

_ You look good, sonny. Everything all right with Elena?

_ Yes, Kestrel confessed, smiling and his brown eyes twinkling. We've started dating.

_ I'm so happy for you, Kestrel!

Kestrel's smile was so genuine and full of joy that Sam felt good for him. After all the ordeals and suffering his ops had gone through, he deserved to be happy. So he told him, his eyelids starting to weigh a ton:

_ I really hope you'll have a future with her and leave your loneliness behind you, sonny.

_ I hope so too, Kestrel answered him calmly, rising from the armchair. But now I'll leave you, Sam. You need rest.

Before he could reply he heard a loud knock on the door, and two doctors came in. He recognized Dr Collins and the surgeon who had taken care of his knee, Dr N'Guyen. The latter spoke loudly, grinning:

_ Hello, Mr Fisher! So, how's the knee?

_ It hurts, he admitted, and I feel tired.

_ That's quite normal, the surgeon said, coming next to his bed, Dr Collins at his side.

The two doctors shook Kestrel's hand, and Dr Collins said:

_ You'll stay here until tomorrow at least, Sam. But after that you should be able to leave.

_ Good, Sam approved. It's not that I'm uncomfortable here, but the food isn't great. Molly will nourish me far better.

_ Italian food, the doc nodded appreciatively. You're a lucky man.

He nodded, his eyelids heavy. Dr N'Guyen said:

_ We'll let you sleep. Rest, Mr Fisher. I'll see your knee tomorrow morning.

_ Thanks, he said.

_ I'll call Briggs, Sam, Kestrel told him gently while getting his bed down. And I can go and see Grim if you want.

_ No need, he shook his head weakly, only wanting to fall through his bed and sleep. Just call her, please. We'll see each other in a few days.

_ True, his ops said. And Sarah says hello.

_ Okay.

He vaguely heard the three men exiting his bedroom, but sleep came on top of him, and his conscience wandered off in a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Kestrel caught up with the two doctors in the corridor and asked them:

_ How's his knee? It's swollen under the bandages.

_ The surgery went well, Dr Collins said, shooting him an uneasy glance as Dr N'Guyen excused himself and walked away. But there was a complication.

_ What complication? he asked, worry rising in his chest.

_ He has osteoarthritis, and his connective tissues are inflamed, the doc explained patiently. He'll need to take pills for all his life to ease the pain and movement. He has waited for too long, I'm afraid.

_ But he'll be able to resume his job, won't he? he asked in dismay.

_ Partly, the doc grimaced. As Fourth Echelon's commander, he'll be able to work like before. But he won't be able to train you and agent Briggs anymore. No more physical efforts for him. I had him have a scan of his skeleton while he was still under the effects of the anesthesia. He has osteoarthritis everywhere in his arms and legs, though not as much developed as in his right knee, fortunately. The consequence of a forty years' life as an ops. To prevent him from ending in a wheelchair in ten years he must stop all physical efforts.

_ It'll shatter him, Kestrel said gloomily, dread filling his lungs. He's already upset about the NSA wanting him to retire, doc.

_ But better stop now and stay on his feet, the doc countered softly. Tomorrow I'll explain the situation to him.

_ When? Briggs and I will come. He'll need us.

_ Let's say 10 am. Why isn't Anna around?

Kestrel sighed heavily. So deep was his worry that he felt like a crocodile was gnawing his entrails. But he simply said:

_ She and Sam have argued one time too much, but they'll be okay. They'll talk in a few days.

_ I see, Dr Collins said thoughtfully. Not the best of times.

_ No indeed. Can I tell Grim?

_ What do you think about it?

Kestrel considered his options. He knew the strain on her shoulders was already so heavy that he doubted she could cope with much more worry. And Sam's state was certainly worrisome. At last he said:

_ I won't tell her yet.

_ Okay, the doc nodded.

_ Doc? he asked in anguish. Is there really nothing to do about Sam's osteoarthritis?

_ No, Dr Collins said sadly. We can't mend what time and a life's worth of efforts have taken away, agent Kestrel.

The ops nodded, and Dr Collins walked away, saying:

_ See you tomorrow, then.

So Kestrel, left alone in the long corridor, his mind in utter disarray, started to walk towards the exit, too deep in his own thoughts to notice what was happening around him. He was so sad and helpless he wanted to yell in fury. After all Sam had been through and dedicated his life to protecting his country, it was so unfair that his body was failing him like that! He would have trouble accepting it. And his boss would be devastated, he knew it.

He went outside without really realizing it, vaguely heading towards his pickup, when he heard a surprised "Mishka?" a few meters away. He started and turned on his right, and saw Elena, looking puzzled and delighted at the same time, staring intently at him. She smiled and ran to him, saying:

_ It's really you, then! What a surprise! So your friend is here?

_ Yes, he said, rejoicing at seeing her in spite of his worry. And you had a job interview here?

_ Yes, she smiled. It went well. They'll call me tomorrow if it's okay, but I think I'll work here from now on.

_ I'm really happy for you, he said softly, then kissed her.

She kissed him back, and he forgot that he was in a busy street, in the middle of the sidewalk, oblivious to the annoyed or moved glances of the passers-by. He was just happy to be there with her. But she gently pulled away from him and said regretfully:

_ I don't have much time, Mishka. I have a bus to catch to be at Aliosha's school on time. And I must meet two nannies with him after that.

_ I'm done here, he said calmly, taking her hand. I can drive you, it'll be faster.

_ Mishka, I...

_ Please, he cut her softly. It doesn't bother me, on the contrary. I need to be with you.

He saw her intense grey eyes locking with his own, and she asked:

_ You look troubled. Is your friend okay?

_ Yes, he said, trying to force down his emotion, but...

He hung his head, squeezing her hand a little tighter, and felt her arms around him, hugging him in a warm embrace. So he hugged her too, wanting to let go of his fears and worry, and they stood a few more seconds next to the entrance of the parking lot, as if the time had been suspended. She kissed him lightly on the side of his neck, and he reluctantly pulled away, inhaling deeply. He said:

_ I'll tell you about it on our way.

_ Okay.

They set off towards the parking lot, and he led her to his car. He drove to the street and shot her a sideways glance. She looked at ease but was frowning slightly while watching him. Finally she asked him:

_ So, you wanted to tell me about your friend?

_ He's so much more than a friend, he explained calmly but with a barely controlled voice. He's like a father to me. His name is Sam, and he's sixty-four. He's just had surgery for a stiffness in his knee, but the doc told me that he has osteoarthritis in all his limbs. He must cease all physical efforts to avoid being in a wheelchair in ten years. The thing is, I know he won't accept it. Sam is like me, he's got a tough job. He's my boss and usually doesn't need...

He stopped abruptly, realizing that he had almost told her about Fourth Echelon, but she seemed unfazed, saying kindly before his embarrassed expression:

_ Don't worry, Mishka. I have guessed that you're some sort of government agent. You overpowering four men last night without a sound and excellent physical condition were sufficient proofs, and you told me you had a tough job, making you leave suddenly and for months. Don't worry, I understand you can't talk about it.

_ I'm sorry, he said regretfully. But you're right. Anyway, my boss did this job for a very long time, serving his country well, and now he's got osteoarthritis for a reward. It's so unfair!

_ Is the osteoarthritis clearly developed?

_ I don't know, he said, shooting her a surprised look. The doc told me it was there, but it was only too late for his knee. Why?

She had a thoughtful expression on, and he waited patiently, hoping against hope that she would have a solution. At long last she said:

_ I'm specialized in physiotherapy, and in Krasnodar I worked under the supervision of a well-known surgeon whose work on osteoarthritis is considered a huge breakthrough. He proved that with a very specific physiotherapy program the patients who hadn't been too affected already by the arthritis had good chances to prevent the stiffness and pain. But it's not well-known.

_ Do you think you could help Sam? he asked hopefully.

_ I'll have to see him and study his file, she said with a serious expression. I can't tell you for now, Mishka. And even if I start working in Johns Hopkins tomorrow, maybe the staff won't authorize me to see him.

_ I can arrange that, he said calmly but rejoicing inwardly. Our doc will help us.

_ You have a doctor within your job?

_ Yes. He saved my life more than I could count.

She didn't reply but squeezed his thigh, and he realized that if they stayed together she would always worry about him, fearing that one day he wouldn't come back. He said, lead filling his guts:

_ About that, I think we need to talk.

_ Yes, she nodded calmly. But not in the car, you need your full concentration. Are we far from Shipley Hill?

_ We'll be there in two minutes.

_ Aliosha's school is the Roosevelt kindergarten.

_ I know where it is, he nodded. There's a pub just across the street.

_ Perfect, she smiled.

He drove on, and soon parked behind the pub. They went in, sitting face to face at a small table in the furthest corner, and ordered two coffees. Then she started:

_ Mishka, please let me talk. You seem to have a risky and complicated life. But that's not a reason for me not to be with you. Like I already told you, I'm used to being alone. And you're a good man, I just can tell. I want to be with you. It doesn't matter if you have to go to the other side of the world for months at a time, I'll just wait for you to come back.

_ But what if I don't come back? he asked in spite of himself.

She shot him a strange look, and he let out the words, pain and grief flooding out of him in a wild torrent:

_ My... my girlfriend Alpha... The one who saved me. She... she died during an operation seven years ago. For so many years I've felt so lonely and the pain and absence were so vivid and huge that I thought it would kill me countless times. But I lived on, barely surviving, and it took me seven long years to move on at last. I'm so afraid of living through this again! And I don't want to inflict such a horrible fate upon you or anyone. I...

He locked eyes with her, seeing her emotion and disarray, and forced down his own tears, but he took a deep breath and said:

_ I care about you too much to make you endure that. I really want to be with you, Elena. But the one dying isn't the one suffering, that I know first-hand. I...

She made him shut up by abruptly leaning towards him and kissing him. He kissed her back, but the anguish and stress about all that was happening was so strong that he started to cry. He pulled away and buried his face in his hands, and she got up and went next to him. Then she just hugged him, making him lean on her shoulder. She muttered in his ear while he silently wept in her neck:

_ You need a loving presence in your life, Mishka. Let me be that presence, please. There's no reason to fear the future, and since you have a doctor with you I know you won't die. And I suppose you have good friends to watch your back. So don't be afraid. I'll always be there for you. Trust me. You've been lonely for so long! But now I'm here. Trust me, I won't let you down.

He felt so good in her arms, and the pressure had accumulated in him at so high an amount that he just cracked, sobbing on her shoulder, and she hugged him tightly, gently caressing his hair and his back. She was murmuring comforting words in his ear, and he held her like she was a lifebuoy, letting the strong feeling he felt towards her wash away his fears and loneliness. He knew then that it was love he felt, a deep, heart-warming love, and that he didn't want to be parted from her again. He murmured, taking deep breaths to regain composure:

_ I love you, Elena.

_ I love you too, Mishka, she said simply. But will you accept to live with me?

He sat up and wiped away his tears, puzzled, and shot her a questioning look. She smiled apologetically, her eyes very bright, and said:

_ I'm not alone. Aliosha is with me. Will you accept to have him as well?

This time it was him who kissed her to answer, and she smiled while kissing him back. He pulled away a little and said:

_ Of course I accept to have him as well! He's so cute! And you know, I have a nephew and two nieces, not blood related to me but close to my heart, and I enjoy being with them too. Sam's grandchildren and my best friend's daughter. As a matter of fact, I'll take my nephew to a soccer match in two days in Washington.

She chuckled through her emotion, and they kissed, then remembered their cold coffees. They drank them, grimacing, and laughed softly at their faces. He was reassured and ridiculously happy, relieved at having told her his fears, and most of all extremely happy to see that she was still ready to be with him in spite of his dangerous job. She checked her watch and said:

_ I have to fetch Aliosha in five minutes. Thank you, Mishka. It's been great speaking with you. I'll see you at 7 pm, then.

_ Would you like me to drive you to your appointments? he asked calmly, not wanting to leave her yet.

_ No, thanks, she smiled apologetically. You see, I want to time the walk between kindergarten and the nannies' places.

_ Okay, he nodded, hiding his disappointment. Then see you at 7 pm. The borscht is already waiting for Aliosha and you.

_ Wonderful, she beamed.

They rose and he escorted her to the entrance, then they parted, kissing a last time. He smiled at her, love and happiness blossoming in his heart as he watched her crossing the street and entering the pre-school. Then he came back to his pickup and went home, frowning in worry. He had phone calls to make.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** **Hi readers! I won't update as often from now on, it'll probably be a chapter every three or four days, as it's the holidays! But I'll keep up the work, don't worry! Please enjoy and review!**

Chapter 8

Kestrel called Briggs first, wanting to tell him about their boss' state. As he dialed his best friend's number and heard the ringings, he exhaled slowly, bracing himself. He had to be strong. They would find a solution. Elena would help Sam.

_ Yes?

_ It's me, мой друг _(my friend)_.

_ How's Sam, mate?

_ Very tired and sleepy, and his knee hurts him.

_ You sound worried, mate, Briggs' concerned voice rose. What's the matter?

_ Briggs, Sam...

He paused, taking a deep breath. At the other end of the line, Briggs asked him in alarm:

_ Has he got something worse?

_ He's got osteoarthritis everywhere in his limbs, Kestrel confessed, sitting on his sofa and rubbing his face. The doc told me he wouldn't be able to do physical efforts anymore or he'll end up in a wheelchair in ten years. It's already too late for his right knee. So no more training with us or anyone.

_ My God...

Kestrel stayed silent, giving his friend the time to digest the dark news. At last Briggs asked with a trembling voice:

_ Does Sam know?

_ Not yet. Dr Collins will tell him tomorrow at 10 am. I told him we both would be there.

_ Absolutely, his teammate said with a firm voice. I'll be there too. But is there nothing we can do?

_ Us? No.

_ What do you mean, mate?

Kestrel hesitated, but he knew that if Elena got involved with Sam's recovery the team would meet her very soon, so he said calmly:

_ Elena is a doctor, specialized in physiotherapy. Maybe she'll be able to do something, but she has to see Sam and his file first.

_ Wow! Briggs whistled. That's quite unexpected... and very fortunate. But how...?

_ I still haven't thought about that, мой друг.

_ I know. Call Dr Collins and tell him. Ask for Sam's file.

_ You sure about that?

_ Positive, Briggs said seriously. Our doc is quite temperamental and can be gruff, but he's very intent on protecting all Fourth Echelon members. Maybe you don't know it since you're the one who's more often lying on the infirmary's bunk, mate, but when you're the one standing beside the bunk next to him like me, then you see that he's just interested in saving your skin, no matter the means.

_ Okay, he said, a little surprised. I'll call him, then, and talk with Elena.

_ Good. Maybe it'll turn good.

_ I hope so. Well, I have to call Grim now. See you tomorrow, then?

_ Yes. Good luck, mate.

_ Good evening, мой друг.

_ And Kestrel? Thanks for Rachel.

_ My pleasure.

He hung up, smiling slightly, then dialed Sarah's number. He knew that Grim probably wouldn't answer him if he called her. And soon he heard Sam's daughter:

_ Sarah Woodridge.

_ Hi, Sarah! Its' Kestrel.

_ Hi, Kestrel! So how's Dad? Everything's okay?

_ It's okay for now, Sarah, he said calmly, masking his disarray. The surgery went well, he's resting.

_ Can I call him?

_ He was sleeping when I left, but you can try. He has his smartphone with him.

_ Okay. Do you want me to tell Anna?

_ I assume she doesn't want to talk to me?

_ Not yet, Kestrel. Your conversation last night has shaken her pretty hard, and she still doesn't know what to do. And I don't know what to tell her myself. It's so complicated!

_ Have you thought about calling somebody to help? he asked her seriously. A psychologist. Somebody who could listen to her and give her advice without pressure.

_ No, I haven't thought about it, she said cautiously. But it could be a good idea. Do you know of any?

_ I still have the contact details of the one I saw after Alpha's death, a very nice woman. Would you like to have them?

_ Yes, please. I'll tell her about it right away.

_ Okay, I'll send them to you.

_ Thank you for everything, Kestrel. Keep me posted about Dad, will you?

_ I will. And you about Grim.

_ Sure. Bye.

_ Bye, Sarah.

He hung up, exhaling deeply. He felt bad about having hidden the reality of Sam's state to her, but if Elena could help his boss then maybe it wouldn't be so terrible news. He sent her the details about the psychologist, then dialed the doc's number, and had to wait for the last ringing to hear his voice:

_ Dr Collins.

_ Hi, doc! It's Kestrel.

_ Yes, agent Kestrel. What can I do for you?

_ How's Sam, doc?

_ Still sleeping soundly. He had a light sedative, his knee was hurting him very painfully. I had a look at it, and maybe we'll have to do a puncture tomorrow.

_ I see, he said, worried. Doc, maybe I know of a way to help him with his osteoarthritis in the rest of his body. Could you give me his file, please?

Silence fell on the line, and Kestrel waited patiently, crossing his fingers. The doc knew that he had strange but helpful contacts in Russia and elsewhere, and that at some times he had come up with solutions for seeemingly inextricably complicated problems. And after twenty very long seconds the doc said:

_ Okay, agent Kestrel. I trust you to keep it secure.

_ You can count on me, doc, he stated calmly, immensely relieved. I'm only interested in helping Sam.

_ That I know, agent Kestrel. But who will see it?

_ Can I tell you about it later tonight? But know that it'll be a doctor, specialized in physiotherapy.

_ Okay, the doc said, obviously puzzled but curious. And if this doctor has a solution for Sam, I'll only be relieved, agent Kestrel. No questions asked.

_ Thanks a lot, doc. You have my mail address?

_ Yes. You should receive it in a few minutes.

_ Thanks.

The line went dead, and he switched on his computer on the desk in the corner of his living room. And as promised, ten minutes later he received a mail with Sam's file. It was gibberish to him, but he hoped that Elena would be able to come up with a solution.

He rose, checking his clock. It was 5.10 pm, and he had flowers to buy. So he exited his building and drove to the florist's shop five hundred meters away from his place, and bought a large bunch of red roses, but also a single white one. Then he drove to the Mount Olivet cemetery and walked towards Alpha's grave, happiness and sadness mixing confusingly in his mind. He stopped in front of the black tombstone and said softly:

_ Hello, Alpha!

He felt bad at not calling her "my love", but he had moved on and was in love again with another woman. And even if he would still love Alpha, she wasn't the only one in his heart anymore. He crouched and put the white rose on the tomb, and said:

_ It's very strange, coming to see you so soon after my last visit, but I have something very important to tell you. I've found love again. Her name's Elena, and she gave me a second birth. She's got a son, his name's Alexei. So you see, I'm starting a family of my own, just what you told me to do five years ago.

He straightened, smiling but feeling grief and happiness colliding painfully in his chest. He knew she would have been happy for him, but he himself was having trouble at not thinking he was betraying her. But he felt so good at the same time, and she would have been happy at seeing him so good, after all his suffering. He took a deep breath and said:

_ I'll love you for all my life, Alpha. But you're dead, and me alive. Elena is alive, and I love her. So I'll let her in my life, and I'll take care of her and Aliosha. Please watch over me from above like you used to do, and when we meet again, I'll have a photo ready to show you. I'll still visit from time to time, though. You'll never be abandoned. After all, you're still my love.

He tried to smile, but sorrow wasn't far. So he breathed deeply and walked away, heading towards his car. He drove back to his apartment, carrying the roses in his arms, and was delighted to hear Aliosha's voice on the third landing. He ran up the stairs, three at a time, and arrived on the landing just as Elena was about to close the door of her apartment.

_ Elena! he called her softly.

_ Mishka! she opened the door wider, and beamed at him.

He simply looked at her, etching her smiling and beautiful face in his mind, and knew that he was doing the right thing. And that Alpha would have approved, and beaten him up if he had backed away. That thought made him smile, and he said, handing out the roses:

_ These are for you.

_ They're beautiful, Mishka! she said happily, taking the flowers. Thank you so much!

_ I'll see you in a few minutes, then?

_ I'll have a shower and give Aliosha his bath, then we'll come.

_ Okay. It'll give me time to set the table and warm the borscht.

She took a step forward and kissed him. He kissed her back, and they enjoyed a good three seconds of bliss before Aliosha ran up to them and said loudly:

_ Mama!

Chuckling, they pulled apart and he watched the scowling face of the small boy, tugging at his mother's pullover, who said:

_ Mama, I'm hungry!

_ You'll have a biscuit, sweetheart, she said with a smile. But don't eat too much, because Mishka has cooked a borscht for us.

_ I like borscht, Aliosha said timidly, hiding from Kestrel's stare behind his mother.

_ That's good, Aliosha, the ops said, kneeling to be at the boy's height. Because my borscht is the best in the whole town. Will you taste it?

_ Yes.

_ Great. I'll see you later, then.

He rose and swiftly kissed Elena a last time, then went to his apartment, hearing the door closing behind him. He lit the fire under the cooking pot and set the table in the kitchen, thinking that he would have to buy special cutlery for Aliosha. Then he prepared some appetizers, and finally went to his bathroom to have a quick shower. He changed into a comfortable long-sleeved shirt and dark jeans, and the doorbell rang.

He ran to the door and opened it, and the view took his breath away. Standing in front of him, Elena was wearing a plain black dress with the faintest trace of make-up, and was a knockout. Her black hair was tied up in a ponytail, and she had a very simple silver chain with a small pendant, but he found her wonderful. And behind her, hiding as usual, Aliosha was looking good too in jeans and a little shirt, very much like his own.

He was stunned, and she smiled, asking him gently:

_ Mishka? Can we go inside?

_ Yes, he shook himself out of his reverie. Yes, of course!

He stepped aside, and they went in. He closed the door behind them and knelt in front of Aliosha, still looking intimidated.

_ Aliosha, I have a question for you. Do you like animals?

The boy shuffled on his feet, half-hiding behind his mother, but Kestrel could see he was intrigued, because he finally said:

_ Yes. Why?

_ Have a look on the low table, he smiled at him. I have animals for you.

The small boy leaned sideways and saw the set of figurines, and looked delighted. He raised his head, looking at his mother, and she said kindly:

_ Go have a look!

The boy happily ran and grabbed a lion and a zebra, and said:

_ Mama! Look!

_ They're beautiful, sweetheart, she said loudly with a beam. You can play with them, but stay in the living room.

_ Yes, Mama!

As Aliosha started to play, she turned towards Kestrel and said, taking his hands:

_ Thank you, Mishka. He hasn't got much toys with him, since we left Russia in haste. That's so nice of you!

_ My pleasure, he said earnestly, shooting a softened glance at the boy who was making his lion and zebra racing on the low table. I only hoped he would like them.

The shouts of delight and the concentration of Elena's son were sufficient proofs, and they watched him happily playing with the figurines, then Kestrel told her:

_ Please sit down. I'll bring the appetizers.

_ Mishka, there was no need...

He silenced her by kissing her softly, and she smiled. He liked a lot her perfume, and couldn't wait to be alone with her again. So she sat on the sofa, next to a delighted Aliosha, and he went to the kitchen. He brought back the appetizers and some soda and apple juice with glasses on a tray, and set the lot next to a giraffe and a tiger. He told Elena:

_ Don't be surprised, I never drink alcohol. So it'll be cola or apple juice.

_ A Coke for me, she smiled. Aliosha, you want apple juice?

_ Yes, please!

_ Let's start speaking English, Aliosha, will you? Kestrel asked him. Like that, you'll soon be able to speak with your friends at school.

The boy nodded, and Kestrel asked him slowly in English:

_ Do you want apple juice?

_ Yes.

_ Please, his mother told him gently.

_ Please, he repeated.

_ Good, Kestrel nodded. You know English a little, it seems?

The boy nodded timidly, sipping his glass, and Elena said calmly in Russian:

_ I tried and talked to him in English since he were very small. But I'm not too at ease with it.

_ Then I'll make you practice, Kestrel said with a wink.

She blushed a little, then asked as he handed her the plate with blini:

_ So you don't drink alcohol? Never? Not even wine or beer?

_ No alcohol at all, he said while sitting in an armchair next to her and watching Aliosha shyly taking a blini after asking his mother. I don't want to.

_ Why?

_ I've been addicted to alcohol twice, he confessed calmly. To vodka. And I don't want to dive back again. It was five and seven years ago, and since then I haven't touched alcohol.

He locked eyes with her, but she didn't seem upset. On the contrary, she smiled and said calmly:

_ It's good you held on for such a long time. But why had you started drinking in the first place?

He hung his head, wondering how he could tell her. It involved his painful past with Voron, and Fourth Echelon, so he didn't know where to start and what to say. Finally he raised his head and met her compassionate eyes, and said:

_ It was after I'd been shot and left for dead in Russia. I had been betrayed, and I was lonely and desperate. So to drown the sorrows I drank vodka. But then I met Alpha, my late girlfriend. She saved me and made me stop drinking.

He saw at her bewildered and devastated expression that she hadn't expected something like that and sat forward, grabbing her hand and saying calmly:

_ But it was seven years ago. It's in the past. Now I'm American, I have moved on.

He smiled at her, and she smiled bravely, clearly forcing down the tears, and said, her voice quivering a little:

_ Then you have a strong force of will, Mishka. After that, many men would have sunk in alcohol or committed suicide.

_ I don't doubt it, he said with a small voice.

She looked intently at him, and guessed, her hand still in his:

_ That's why you dove back two years later.

_ Yes, he admitted shamefully, checking that Aliosha was still busy with his figurines. Five years ago, I cracked. Had a nervous breakdown, a deep one. I almost...

He stopped, but she seemed to understand. She leaned forward and kissed him, and said:

_ But now you're here, with Aliosha and me. You're not alone, and you're alive.

_ Yes, he said seriously. I'm not alone, and I never want to be anymore. I would like you to stay with me from now on, and watch Aliosha playing in the living room.

She beamed at him, and they kissed again, only to be interrupted by Aliosha who asked:

_ Mama? When do we eat the borscht?


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Kestrel led Elena and Aliosha to the kitchen, where they ate the borscht. The ops was happy to notice that the small boy thoroughly enjoyed it, and he himself ate four plates, under the startled stare of the Russian woman. But she didn't comment and enjoyed the meal herself, thanking him profusely. Then he brought the pudding: a vatrushka, and had a great success too. She told him with a large smile:

_ You cook deliciously, Mishka! It was wonderful! Thank you very much!

_ Thank you, Aliosha echoed, looking finally more at ease opposite Kestrel.

_ My pleasure, he said, grinning.

_ Mama? Can I go playing?

_ Ask Mishka, sweetheart, she told him calmly. We are his guests.

The boy turned towards Kestrel and asked, more self-assured:

_ Can I go?

_ Yes, you can, he told the boy with a smile.

Aliosha happily jumped down and ran to the living room, and Kestrel soon heard the sounds of the figurines on the low table again. He looked at Elena and saw her carefully surveying him, a faint smile on her lips.

_ All right? he asked her.

_ Yes, she said. I was wondering if you weren't a father already.

_ Sadly no, he said, rising and clearing the table. But I've had practice with my nephew and nieces.

_ That I don't doubt, she said, helping him. Aliosha looks more at ease already.

_ I'll go slowly with him, Kestrel said calmly. It must be quite unsettling for him. Since when have you arrived in the US?

_ Since last week, she said. We spent four days at Pavel's, then we moved here.

_ I see. And isn't it too hard at school?

_ He speaks little English, she said, a little concerned, but he's naturally shy. So he's not quite at ease yet. But he has friends already. And he learns fast.

_ That's good. We should help him by speaking English ourselves, he said, noticing that they were talking back in Russian.

_ Yes, we should, she admitted. But it feels so good to speak Russian with you. It's like we've known each other for years.

_ True, he nodded. How old are you, Elena?

_ Mishka, please call me Lena. Otherwise I'll call you Mikhail again.

_ Okay, Lena, he agreed with a smile, starting to do the washing-up. So, how old are you?

_ What do you think? she asked maliciously.

Trick question, he thought immediately. But he looked carefully at her, and ventured:

_ I'd say thirty-two or three.

_ Not bad, she smiled. I'm thirty-four. And you?

_ Have a guess.

She laughed softly and appraised him, and finally said:

_ Thirty-five.

_ Not bad either, he said with a grin. Thirty-nine.

They kissed and finished cleaning and drying the china, then went back to the living room where Aliosha was still playing with his figurines. But he visibly looked tired, and soon went to cuddle in his mother's arms as Kestrel asked her:

_ So, do you still have family in Russia?

_ No, she shook her head sadly. I had a half-sister, Pavel's wife, but she died four years ago. My mother was a widow, and she died two years ago, she barely had time to know Aliosha. And I never knew my father. My mother told me he didn't know anything about my existence, as he and she had had a one-night stand. They met in Krasnodar, and she never saw him again. He was some sort of government agent, like you.

_ Do you know his name? Have you made some research?

_ My mother had refused to tell me for many years, but she left me a letter I found after her death. And I know his name, but I've never had the courage to search for him. After all, maybe he has a family of his own. And what would I represent for him? Maybe nothing, maybe a burden.

_ Or maybe a late joy, he said calmly, locking eyes with her. You should look out for him.

_ Maybe I will someday. He has quite a pompous name, if you can believe it.

_ What is it? he asked her with a small smile.

_ Vassili Sergueievitch Konovalov.

_ What? Kestrel exclaimed loudly, not remotely amused.

He saw Aliosha jumping a little in Elena's arms, but the boy soon closed his eyes again in exhaustion. However his mother was eyeing him with apprehension, and he felt dismay in his heart. How would he tell her about the man that had been his grandfather and mentor for so many years in Voron?

He rubbed his face, the tears rising again. The coincidence was so huge he couldn't believe it. But he also knew that before joining Voron Konovalov had been a KGB agent, and before and after the loss of his wife and son he had often had affairs with women. And Elena asked him, her voice trembling:

_ You don't know him, do you?

He locked eyes with her, and took a deep breath. He said as calmly as he could:

_ I want you to know something. I never lie, or at least I never do unless I can't help it. And right now, I won't lie to you. Yes, I knew him.

_ Knew? Is he...?

_ Yes, he nodded sadly. He's dead.

Her eyes filled with tears, and he went next to her. He picked up Aliosha who had fallen asleep and laid him on the sofa, then took her in his arms. She sobbed, overwhelmed by the emotions and confusion, and he held her tightly against his heart, murmuring comforting words in her ear.

_ It's okay, my love. … I'm here for you. … Take a deep breath, it'll be okay. …

He forced down his own emotion, only wanting to be there for her, and caressed her gently on her back and hair. And after a few minutes, she pulled away and asked:

_ When did he die?

_ Six years ago, he answered calmly, masking his disarray.

_ Where?

_ I don't know. In Russia, I suppose. A friend of mine told me.

_ Did you work with him?

_ When I was still Russian, yes. He taught me my job. He was like a grandfather to me.

She saw his hidden pain, and caressed his cheek. They kissed, sharing their grief, and she asked again:

_ How did he die?

_ I told you I never lie if I can help it, he said, locking eyes with her. So I won't answer that question as not to lie. Okay?

She nodded, visibly seeing that it hadn't been a peaceful death. She inhaled deeply and said:

_ Then it's all the better I never knew him. And that will stay between you and me, Mishka, okay?

_ Okay, he agreed, taking a deep breath himself.

He kissed her swiftly, then went to fetch a blanket for Aliosha, and spread it on the small boy. Elena bent over him and kissed him, then took Kestrel's hand. She was heading towards his bedroom but he asked her after hesitating a split second:

_ Could I ask you something?

_ Of course, she said. Don't be shy with me, Mishka.

_ Do you remember me telling you about my friend Sam?

_ Yes.

_ I have his file here. Our doc sent it to me. Could you...?

_ Of course, she said, smiling faintly. I still want to help, Mishka.

He led her to his computer and she buried herself in the complex medical file. He waited patiently, lightly massaging her shoulders, and she said after ten minutes:

_ Yes, I think I'll be able to help. It's not too late, even for his knee.

_ That would be great! he rejoiced. Would you agree to accompany me tomorrow to hospital to see him?

_ Yes, she said, her eyes twinkling. I'll be delighted to meet the man who's a father to you. But does he know about us?

_ Yes, I told him. And my best friend too. He'll be there as well. They don't know about Aliosha, though.

_ You'll have to tell them soon. But fortunately Aliosha has school tomorrow.

_ And speaking of that, what about the nannies, then?

_ The first one was a real dragon, she said, shuddering a little. And she disliked the fact that we were Russian. But the second one is a sweetie, and her parents are Russian. So she'll be able to teach Aliosha English as well and understand him. She lives three blocks away, so it's fine. He'll start going at her place on Monday for an adjustment period.

_ That's perfect, he said softly. And you know you can count on me to look after him if I'm in the vicinity.

_ Yes, I know, she winked at him. I assume you have a phone call to make?

_ Absolutely, but it won't be long. What's the name of your surgeon mentor in Krasnodar?

_ Professor Evgueniy Yarmolenko.

_ Yarmolenko?

The name rang a bell, but this time it was mostly a happy memory. He smiled a little, and she asked him, puzzled:

_ What's the matter?

_ I was once called Yarmolenko for a covert operation, he simply said. Quite a good time.

He took out his smartphone while leading her to the bedroom, and soon heard Dr Collins' voice:

_ Dr Collins.

_ Doc, it's Kestrel.

_ So, agent Kestrel? he heard as Elena was shooting him a bewildered look.

_ Dr Rykova will come and see Sam tomorrow with me. She must see him, but it's probable she'll be able to help him.

_ That's good news, agent Kestrel! Let's meet at 9.30 am in the lobby.

_ Okay, doc. Good night.

_ Good night, agent Kestrel.

He hung up and explained before Elena could ask him:

_ Kestrel's my codesign. And my friends all call me Kestrel since they've never been able to pronounce "Mikhail" in the correct Russian way. And I prefer being called Kestrel anyway.

_ They never called you Mishka?

_ No. I'm uncle Mishka for my nephew and nieces, though.

_ What about Misha?

He forced down the sorrow rising in him, and said calmly:

_ Only Alpha called me that. I can't hear that nickname again.

She looked a little upset, but he went right in front of her and gently took her head in his hands. He told her seriously:

_ I'm Mishka, and I love you, Lena.

She kissed him, and they soon stripped each other and fell on the bed, making love. This time, he took control, and she let him do it with obvious satisfaction. And after another blissful moment of sheer pleasure, he lay down next to her, kissing her and saying, panting slightly:

_ So you're not afraid of being with a complicated guy like me?

_ No, she said earnestly, kissing him back. It'll be weird meeting your friends tomorrow, I admit. It's really quick. But it's for your friend Sam's health. And you don't seem to be a complicated guy, Mishka. Only your life is.

They laughed softly, and soon he felt his eyelids heavy. He said again:

_ I love you, Lena.

_ I love you too, Mishka, she said, almost asleep herself.

And five seconds later, his eyes closed, and he fell asleep.

Like the day before, Kestrel awoke with Aliosha stirring, but this time the little boy ran into the bedroom before he or Elena could rise. He hastily pulled up the blankets over them as Aliosha jumped onto the bed, saying:

_ Mama! Mishka! I'm hungry!

_ Hello, Aliosha, Kestrel said with a smile as Elena started to stir. You're lucky, I've bought something for you.

_ What? the boy asked curiously, not aware of the situation between him and his mother.

_ A box of chocolate cereal, he told him, discreetly grabbing his boxer shorts and putting them on.

_ I like that! Aliosha shouted happily as his mother kissed him on the cheek then grabbed a nearby T-shirt of Kestrel's. Can we go now?

_ Yes, Kestrel said, pushing away the blankets and putting on his jeans. Sleep well?

_ Yes.

_ That's good. Come with me, then.

Kestrel was quite surprised to see Aliosha behind him, without his mother, but was happy about it. Maybe the boy was getting used to having him around, and that was good. He made him sit at the table and poured him a bowl of cereal, then made a chocolate milk for him. But when he put the mug on the table, he saw Aliosha looking at his right arm with wide eyes. Cursing inwardly, he realized he was bare-chested and no cloth was covering his tattoes. The boy asked him:

_ What's that on your arm?

_ It's like painting, he explained calmly as Elena was coming into the kitchen, fully dressed. But you must be a grown-up to have that.

_ I want to see.

Kestrel looked up at Elena, who nodded with a small smile, and he sat down next to Aliosha, putting his right arm right in front of the boy who examined the tattoes with a curious expression. He even felt the small fingers of the boy on his skin, and laughed softly at his puzzled face. He told him quietly:

_ It's a special painting. It hurts to have it. You'll have to wait to have one, okay?

_ Yes, Aliosha nodded, still looking puzzled.

_ And now, Elena told him calmly, eat breakfast, sweetheart. You have school in an hour.

_ Go have a shower if you want, Lena, Kestrel told her. I'll stay with him.

_ You sure?

_ Yes, he smiled a little. I'll prepare the coffee.

_ Okay, she said. I'll go next door, then.

She looked annoyed, and he could understand it. Mybe they would have to think about having some of their things in each other's place until they decided to live together. She kissed him and Aliosha, then hastily left. He prepared the coffee and talked with Aliosha in Russian as to know him a little bit more, and the boy clearly wasn't afraid of him anymore.

Elena came back ten minutes later, looking good in her simple clothes, and he grinned at her. She saw that Aliosha had eaten all his bowl and drunk the whole mug, and she smiled. Then he went under the shower too, and casually dressed. And five minutes later, he sat back at the table, and took out some bagels for Elena and him. They ate some, and Aliosha had one too. He surprised her by eating his usual eight ones, and she asked him:

_ Do you always eat so much?

_ Yes, he nodded calmly. My best friend Briggs uses to tell me he prefers having me on a photo rather than at his table. And I can't blame him.

She snorted in her coffee, almost spewing it, and he laughed softly. But after wiping her chin, she asked:

_ Is it normal? How can you eat so much?

He hesitated, but he knew that sooner or later she would become aware of his supernatural abilities, so he said quietly:

_ Let's just say that I've endured some experiments against my will, and I'm stronger and faster than anybody. And I need more food than anybody.

She went pale, but he gently put a hand on her arm and said:

_ Everything's all right. It was years ago. I'm all right, don't worry. Our doc monitors me closely, I can assure you.

He locked eyes with her, and saw that she was eyeing him with anxiety. He felt appalled, but he couldn't have hidden that from her. Would she still accept being with the freak he was? he wondered in anguish. He withdrew his hand and was about to rise when she grabbed his arm, and leaned towards him to kiss him. Warmth and relief spread out into his whole body, and she said after pulling away and locking eyes with him:

_ Yes, you really need me, Mishka. And your life is even more complicated than I thought. But don't worry, I'll be careful to cook enough food for you.

He chuckled and kissed her, the lead that had filled his guts slowly disappearing, and heard Aliosha say:

_ Mama! I want a kiss too!

And Kestrel and Elena watched the little boy pouting, making them laugh.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** **Hi everyone! I'm a little late for this chapter, but I'm afraid it'll be like that for the next three weeks! As usual, enjoy and please review!**

Chapter 10

Kestrel drove Elena and Aliosha to the kindergarten, the boy on his mother's knees at the back of the pickup, and while he waited for her in the car he told himself he would buy a child car seat for Aliosha. And when she climbed in the passenger seat, he sped away towards Johns Hopkins. He parked at 9.27 am, so they were just on time.

In the lobby, he met Dr Collins and Briggs, waiting for them. Kestrel shook hands with the two men then did the introductions:

_ Doc, Briggs, meet Dr Elena Rykova, my girlfriend. Lena, meet Dr Collins and my best friend Isaac Briggs.

He smirked at the sight of Briggs' astonished face, but soon felt warmth flooding in his chest as his teammate shook hands with Elena, saying with emotion:

_ I'm very happy to meet you, Elena.

_ Same for me, she said with a thick Russian accent.

_ It's an honour, Dr Collins said. Agent Kestrel told me maybe you would be able to help Sam?

_ Yes, she nodded. I read file, maybe not too late prevent osteoarthritis spreading in body.

_ How? the doc asked. I'm sorry, but...

_ Know Professor Yarmolenko? she cut him softly.

_ Yes, of course, Dr Collins said, looking impressed.

_ He my boss in Krasnodar, she said simply.

_ I see, he said thoughtfully. Then I trust you blindly, Dr Rykova.

_ Doc? Briggs asked in bewilderment. Who's this Professor Yarmolenko?

_ An underrated genius, the doc said in admiration. He's a leading light in osteoarthritis, I read a lot of his papers on the matter. This is just wonderful!

_ Indeed, Kestrel said, smiling widely at Elena. But now we should go and see Sam.

They set off, Dr Collins asking Elena a lot of questions about her former job, and Briggs told Kestrel in an undertone:

_ She looks awesome, and smart. Congratulations, mate!

_ Thanks, мой друг _(my friend)_. I'm very happy with her.

Briggs put a hand on his shoulder, and he felt good. He had always thought his best friend lucky, having a wife and a cute daughter, but now it seemed fate was smiling at him too at last. And Briggs winked at him as they reached Sam's door. Dr Collins knocked, and this time Sam answered:

_ Come in.

They went in, and Kestrel saw his boss sitting on his bed, looking a little tired and in pain, features tightened. But he smiled at them and said:

_ What a party! Is it a deathbed visit?

_ Hello, Sam! Dr Collins said. Of course not.

_ Hi, Sam! Briggs said, shaking hands with his boss.

_ Hi, boys!

_ Hello, Sam! Kestrel said, shaking hands too. I'd like you to meet Dr Elena Rykova, my girlfriend.

He grinned before Sam's surprised expression and turned towards Elena, who had a wide smile on her face.

_ Lena, meet Samuel Fisher, my boss and dear friend.

_ I honoured, she said seriously, shaking Sam's hand.

_ Me too, Sam told her, beaming. I'm very, very happy to meet you, Elena. You'll have a tough job taking care of Kestrel, but he's a good guy.

She laughed and took Kestrel's hand, and the ops felt wonderfully good and happy as she said, shooting him a softened look:

_ He has complicated life, but he is good guy, yes.

Around them Sam, Briggs and Dr Collins were grinning widely, but soon the doc regained his usual serious face and said:

_ But now I have to tell you, something, Sam.

_ I knew it, the Splinter Cell said calmly. Such a party just for a bloody knee was very suspect. Okay doc, fire away, then.

_ Your knee still hurts?

_ Like mad, he grumbled, pushing away his blankets.

And Kestrel saw that in the splint the knee of his boss was still very swollen under the bandages. Elena, after washing and disinfecting her hands, came closer and bent over it. She asked Sam softly:

_ Can I look?

_ Sure, Sam said, arching his eyebrows.

While she unstrapped the splint and removed the bandages, Dr Collins said:

_ Sam, your knee still hurts because you have osteoarthritis. And I had you have a scan of your body. You have osteoarthritis everywhere, in all your limbs. If we don't do something now, in ten years your limbs will be like your knee now, and you'll end in a wheelchair.

Kestrel saw Sam taking the hit without flinching, but his eyes betrayed him. They showed his worry and disarray. But the Splinter Cell asked calmly:

_ What can I do then?

_ You have to stop all physical efforts, Dr Collins told him gently. No more training or Krav Maga. But if you lead a normal life, you'll avoid the pain and stiffness of your limbs.

Sam winced as Elena made his knee bending and extending, carefully watching the movement and feeling the kneecap. He asked her:

_ Elena? What are you doing? Ouch!

_ I here to see if I help you, she said calmly. I am doctor in physiotherapy. Can I see other limbs?

_ Yes, he said, puzzled and shooting a questioning look at Kestrel.

The ops smiled faintly and told him as she examined his arms and other leg:

_ I told her about you and your osteoarthritis, Sam. And she's worked with a specialist in this matter in Russia. Maybe she'll be able to prevent you from suffering and the arthritis from spreading.

_ Okay, Sam said, surveying her with caution. Well, if I can avoid the wheelchair and the pain, I'll be most grateful.

_ I here for that, she said simply, straightening. Okay, I tell you. It is not too late, you avoid pain and wheelchair. But you do what I tell, okay?

_ Anything, he agreed seriously. I still want to play soccer with James, even if I don't like that fucking sport! Thanks again, Kestrel!

Kestrel smirked and said:

_ As a matter of fact, I'll bring James to a soccer match tomorrow in Washington, Sam.

_ Wonderful, his boss grumbled. Your team?

_ Yes. The Saint Petersburg Zenit, he added for Elena.

She smiled and turned back towards Sam, saying:

_ Sam, you not do violent efforts, but soccer okay. Soft movements and training okay, if you see me every day for one week then once a month.

_ I'll be able to train? he asked her, frowning.

_ Running slow, she explained, slow Krav Maga okay. No quick move. But it will be okay, if you do slow. And I see you like I told.

_ And what about my knee? he asked, looking relieved.

_ Your knee a problem, she said grimly. So I care about it now, okay?

_ Okay, he nodded. Anything.

_ You maybe regret that, she smiled. Mishka?

_ Yes, the ops said. What can I do?

_ You and Dr Collins hold Sam, she said calmly, putting her hands on Sam's knee.

He and the doc went on each side of the Splinter Cell who looked a little worried, and she said:

_ On three, Sam, you take deep breath, okay? Mishka, doctor, hold.

The ops grabbed his boss tightly, pinning him to his bed, as Dr Collins did the same across him. And as Briggs watched apprehensively, Elena said:

_ Ready? One... Two!

But she made her movement at the two, twisting a little Sam's knee, and the poor guy jumped violently, yelling loudly.

_ Dammit! he panted, shaking under Kestrel's grip. Elena, why...?

_ Sorry, she said, making his knee bending and extending again, I had no choice. You too tense, only way.

But Kestrel noticed that Sam wasn't wincing anymore, and Dr Collins noticed it too. He asked:

_ Sam, how's your knee, now?

Then the Splinter Cell realized that Elena was twisting and rotating his knee, and he hadn't felt anything. He said with a huge sigh:

_ It's good! It still throbs a little, but it's so much better!

_ That is well, Elena said, putting his leg back in the splint. You not walk on your leg for two days, and it will be good, okay?

_ Okay, he said, looking better already. Thanks a lot, Elena!

_ My pleasure, she said, glancing at Kestrel who grinned. But I see you tomorrow, and day after, for one week, then once a month. Promise?

_ Yes, Sam nodded solemnly. I promise. At least when I'm around.

He shot her a questioning look, and she nodded.

_ Mishka told me he leave quick and for months. I understand. But when you here, you see me, okay? And when you not here, you move slow. Promise?

_ Yes, I promise, Sam repeated.

_ Good, she said, taking a step back and grabbing Kestrel's hand.

_ Thank you, Lena, he said softly, kissing her. I'm so relieved!

_ Me too, Briggs said, grinning widely. We're very lucky Kestrel met you, Elena!

_ Fate, she said, her eyes twinkling. Mishka helped us so much!

_ Us? Sam asked, puzzled.

_ Elena has a son, Kestrel explained, smiling. A cute boy named Alexei, nicknamed Aliosha. He's three years old.

He grinned before the startled expressions on the men's faces around him, but soon Sam grinned too, saying:

_ So you really have a family now, Kestrel. That's just wonderful, sonny.

_ No, Sam. My family is just expanding.

Elena kissed him briefly, and Briggs watched them with bright eyes, beaming. Sam, obviously moved, was about to speak when his smartphone rang. He tok the call, gesturing at his team to stay.

_ Hi, Sarah!... How are you, honey?... And the twins? … Yeah, I can imagine. Kestrel's fault, as usual.

He shot an amused glance at Kestrel, who guessed that the twins had expressed their joy at going to a ballet and a soccer match in a nice way for them, but not so nice for their parents. He grinned wickedly as Sam went on with his conversation:

_ You know him, he's helpless. Well, maybe not, after all. Elena is with him, so... What? You don't know?

Sam shot an incredulous look at Kestrel who shrugged, still smiling, and said calmly:

_ No, she doesn't know yet. I only told Briggs and you.

Sam shook his head, scowling but smiling, and told his daughter:

_ Well, then, know that uncle Mishka has met a charming Russian doctor called Elena Rykova! … Yes, wonderful! … They're here with me, and she's taken care of my knee. … Yes, honey, I'm all right. Well, except the osteoarthritis, but... Yes, I have it everywhere. But it's okay, Elena will prevent me from ending in a wheelchair. … No, no, honey, it's all right! Don't worry, it's okay! … It's okay, I swear. … Please, honey, don't cry. I promise I'm all right.

Kestrel exchanged a concerned look with Briggs and squeezed briefly Elena's hand before coming next to his boss, putting a hand on his shoulder as Sam said, forcing down his emotion:

_ I'm all right, Sarah. … Yes, of course, you can come. … I don't know, I'll ask Dr Collins. … Yes, I'll go to Briggs' place. … Don't worry, I'll be like a rabbit in clover, of that I'm sure. But tell me, honey... how's Grim?

Kestrel, his hand still on Sam's shoulder, watched his boss' sad and concerned expression as he listened intently to his daughter, and finally said:

_ When will we talk, then? … I see. … Well, please tell her I love her and miss her. And don't tell her about my osteoarthritis, please. … No, it's just that I want to tell her myself. … Thanks, kiddo. … Say hello to everyone for me, please. … Yes, see you tomorrow, then.

Sam hung up, his hand shaking a little, and said before anyone could ask:

_ Grim still doesn't want to see me yet. But maybe we'll see each other in two days, Sarah told me.

_ That's good news, Sam, Kestrel said calmly, squeezing lightly his boss' shoulder. Don't worry, it'll be all right.

_ But what's happening, for God's sake?! Sam suddenly burst out, anger and sorrow on his face. Is it my fault? What have I done? Tell me, Kestrel!

_ Sam, he said seriously, his guts twisting in dismay, holding his boss' lost stare. I can't. I made a promise. Grim wants to tell you herself, just like you want to tell her yourself about your osteoarthritis. So give her time. She'll talk to you.

He saw Briggs' quizzical and worried look, and blinked once. He would have to tell his best friend, but not now. Briggs made the tiniest of nods as Sam hung his head, rubbing his eyes. Finally his boss inhaled deeply and nodded:

_ Okay. I'll know in two days. It'll be okay.

Kestrel patted him on the back once more then took a step back as Sam turned towards Dr Collins:

_ Doc? When will I be able to leave?

_ I'll call Dr N'Guyen, the doc told him, and he'll examine your knee. If all is well, you'll be able to leave right afterwards.

_ The sooner the better. Briggs? Are you sure that...?

_ I'm sure, Sam, the ops sighed, winking. Molly can't wait.

He explained to Elena as the doc exited the room, phone in hand:

_ My wife Molly is a nurse, and she's pregnant, waiting for our second child. She's confined to our house, so she's bored. And she can't wait to have Sam under our roof for his recovery.

Elena smiled, and Sam asked, having regained composure:

_ Speaking of Molly, what can I bring her to thank her?

_ Peanut butter, Briggs answered immediately, making everybody laugh.

_ But if I go to your place today, Sam asked, frowning, where and when will I see Elena?

_ I can drive Elena to Briggs' place before the match tomorrow, Kestrel suggested, asking silently his girlfriend. And pick her up when it's finished.

She nodded, smiling, but said:

_ I have Aliosha with me, it is Saturday.

_ It's at 5 pm in Washington, Kestrel said. So I'll have to drop you around 2.30 in Towson.

_ I have a better idea, Briggs said. Why don't you come and have lunch at my place? Molly and me would be delighted, if Sam doesn't mind, of course.

_ I would be delighted as well, sonny, Sam said, still preoccupied but looking better. Please don't worry about me and do whatever you want to do.

Kestrel looked at Elena and she nodded, smiling and telling him in Russian:

_ Okay, then. I just hope I won't start working tomorrow.

_ Okay for us, he said to Briggs, rejoicing inwardly. Elena, Briggs and Sam roughly understand Russian, so be warned.

_ Okay, she smiled.

_ So that's settled, then, Briggs said with a grin. Molly will be most pleased.

Dr Collins entered the room, followed by Dr N'Guyen, and they asked the visitors to leave them for a few minutes, so Kestrel and Elena followed Briggs to a nearby waiting room. There Briggs asked him:

_ What about Grim, Kestrel?

_ Sit down, мой друг.

They all sat, Kestrel taking Elena's hand and kissing it before inhaling deeply and saying seriously:

_ Grim's pregnant.

_ What? Briggs asked, flabbergasted.

_ Yes, he said darkly. She's completely upset, she doesn't know what to do.

_ I can imagine. Being pregnant at her age...

_ How old? Elena asked softly.

_ Forty-seven, Kestrel told her grimly. And Sam's sixty-four. But that's not the most concerning. Grim works with us, so she isn't often home.

_ That is difficult, Elena nodded. Manage baby and work is very hard.

_ My God! Briggs realized. She'll go nuts!

_ Sarah is helping her, Kestrel said, but I suggested a psychologist. Sarah is Sam's daughter, he explained to Elena. And the mother of James and Mary, my nephew and niece.

_ Okay, she said with a small smile.

_ Good idea, mate, Briggs said at last. But when Sam learns about it...

Kestrel stayed silent, and could see on his best friend's face the same anguish that he himself was feeling tightening his guts.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

While Dr N'Guyen was closely examining his knee, Sam was thinking about Kestrel and Elena as not to think about Grim. He knew that if he dwelt on his love's behaviour too much he would go berserk, so he focused on his ops and his girlfriend instead. And Sam had to admit that the two of them made a cute couple. Elena looked like a good person, smart and kind, and Kestrel was very clearly happy with her.

He smiled faintly, then came back to the present moment as the two doctors rose and turned to face him, after his leg went back into the splint. Dr N'Guyen said, smiling widely:

_ Your knee is far better today, Mr Fisher. That's good. You'll be able to leave us in a few minutes, but you'll have to see a doctor in physiotherapy for your recovery. And no use of your leg for three days at least.

_ Already found a doctor, he said calmly. And I'll be careful.

_ Good. So I can only wish you well, Mr Fisher.

_ Thanks, doctor.

_ I'll have your papers ready, Sam, Dr Collins said. So you'll be able to leave with agent Briggs.

_ Okay, doc. Thanks.

The doctors left, and Sam knew he had only a few minutes before Briggs and Kestrel came back, so he allowed his anguish to show for a minute, shaking slightly. Osteoarthritis, and in all his limbs! Never in all his career had he thought he would suffer from osteoarthritis in his old age. The odds of him reaching a ripe old age were slim enough. But knowing that he would have to stop training his ops like he used to, and make slow movements for the rest of his life...

_ Stop it, Fisher, he muttered to himself. You're sixty-four, and lucky to be. And you have a family. So either you slow down and do what you're told, or you end up in a wheelchair. The choice is easy.

He set his mind, taking a deep breath. Never would he accept being in a wheelchair, unable to move or do things himself, dependant on his family for everything. So he had only one thing to do: listen to Dr Collins and Elena, and slow down. Maybe that retirement problem was coming just in time, he thought dimly. He would have a lot of things to tell Grim, and some thinking to do with her.

And then his thoughts came back on her, and he wanted to yell in frustration. He was completely at a loss for an explanation about her odd behaviour, and couldn't wait to see her. But he also knew the blame was his in the first place, so he would have to force himself to patience and wait for her. And in the meantime, he would be at Briggs', and decided to enjoy it as much as possible.

The door opened again after a soft knock, and he saw Briggs, Kestrel and Elena entering hesitantly. He beckoned at them with a smile, and Briggs asked him:

_ Is it okay, Sam? What news?

_ I have the go to leave, Sam said calmly, back in his usual self. So we'll go buy peanut butter in a few minutes.

They chuckled, then Kestrel said after a glance at Elena:

_ We'll have to leave you, we must go and fetch Aliosha in kindergarten.

_ You can't believe how weird it is to hear that coming from you, sonny, Sam said, emotion filling his chest, but how good it is!

Kestrel smiled, and Sam saw, well hidden but not enough for him not to see it, the emotion in his ops' eyes. He said, smiling:

_ I'll be glad to see you tomorrow at Briggs', and meet Aliosha.

Kestrel only nodded, visibly forcing down his emotion too, and Elena gently took his hand. Sam saw Briggs was moved, like him, as the couple kissed lightly, then Kestrel said:

_ See you tomorrow, then. Sam, take care. And Briggs, take care of him.

_ You can count on me, mate, Briggs nodded gravely.

_ Bye, Elena said kindly.

And Sam watched them exiting the room, incredibly softened and happy for them. He said to Briggs:

_ At last! He looks so happy! He deserve it so much!

_ Yes, you're right, the ops said softly, coming next to him. And she looks nice. And understanding. Not every woman could accept seeing their boyfriend leaving at a moment's notice and for months.

_ She has a son, Sam said thoughtfully. Kestrel will be so happy to have a child at home.

_ That I don't doubt. You know that he takes James to a soccer match tomorrow, but did you know that he has bought tickets for Rachel as well for the ballet in Baltimore with Sarah and Mary?

_ No, sonny. But that doesn't surprise me. He spoils the children.

_ Quite, Briggs grimaced. Rachel's room is full to bursting with all the teddy bears he has ever bought for her.

_ You should see the twins' rooms, Sam sniggered. Sarah can't clean them without trodding on some figurine or car or something like that.

Briggs smiled, and Sam felt good to have such close friends. The two ops were like the sons he never had, and was so happy to see them with a family, even with their tough jobs. And even if for Kestrel it was very recent, he hoped it would turn good for him.

The door opened once more, and Dr Collins came back in the room, holding some papers and a pair of crutches. He said:

_ A few signings, Sam, then you can leave.

Sam obliged, only wanting to get out as soon as possible. Then he got up, helped by the doc, and took his crutches. Briggs put his belongings in his bag, and they left, advancing at Sam's slow pace. He grumbled:

_ I hope it won't be longer than three days with these things!

_ It will be three days without using your right leg, Sam, Dr Collins told him calmly, but after that you won't be able to walk without a cane for a few weeks.

_ Just great, he groaned as they reached the lobby.

_ I'm not parked too far, Briggs said, but I can go and bring the car here, if you want.

_ I'm all right, sonny, he said. Thanks. I can stretch my legs, or rather leg. It's good.

They went to Briggs' van, and Sam carefully climbed in the passenger seat. Dr Collins bent over the door and said seriously:

_ Call me if you have any question or problem, Sam. I'm not going anywhere for now.

_ Okay, doc. Thanks for everything.

The doc nodded with a smile then left as Briggs climbed behind the wheel. He drove them to a mart where Sam bought the promised peanut butter, then they headed towards Towson, where the ops and Molly had their house. Sam watched with detached emotion his town of birth and the lazy streets at this early hour of the afternoon.

Soon Briggs parked in the alley in front of his garage, and Sam extracted himself from the van with caution but alone. He leaned on his crutches and made his way to the front door, following Briggs who had grabbed his bag, and they entered the house. A small figure ran to them and shouted happily:

_ Daddy! Grandpa Sam!

_ Hi, Rachel! Sam smiled at the little girl. How are you?

_ Fine, Grandpa, she answered seriously. And you?

_ I'm okay too.

_ Your leg? she asked, puzzled.

_ I can't use it yet, he explained as Molly arrived from the kitchen, grinning widely, but soon it'll be okay.

Briggs crouched and kissed his daughter, then told her:

_ Now you can go play, kiddo.

_ Okay, Daddy! she said brightly before running to her bedroom.

_ Hello, Sam! Molly said, embracing him. How's the knee?

_ Hi, Molly! Not bad, and much better since Elena took care of it.

_ Elena? she asked in surprise. Kestrel's girlfriend?

_ Yes, Briggs said. She's a doctor in physiotherapy, and she's going to see Sam for his osteoarthritis.

_ I'm very lucky, Sam said seriously. She seems to be really talented. I feel the difference since she did something with my knee.

_ Then it's good, Molly smiled. Did you have lunch?

_ No, Sam admitted, his stomach rumbling.

_ I have avocado and cheese sandwiches ready, she said with a large smile. I eat a lot of those, and peanut butter ones.

_ I have peanut butter for you, Sam said, indicating a bag Briggs was holding. Your husband told me it was the best thing I could give you.

_ He's right, Molly beamed, kissing the ops and taking the bag. I've just finished the last jar. Thanks a lot, Sam!

_ Molly! Briggs exclaimed loudly. There were three jars of peanut butter! You ate them all?

_ I'm afraid I did, she smiled apologetically. I was hungry.

Sam burst out laughing before Briggs' bewildered expression, but swayed a little on his crutches. Molly told him at once:

_ Come, Sam. Lunchtime.

Soon he was enjoying the delicious sandwiches, followed by a roast beef with potatoes, then an awesome tiramisu. The Italian coffee following was just tasting like heaven, and he slowly decompressed. He felt his eyelids heavy, in spite of Rachel chatting animatedly next to him, and Molly told him gently:

_ Briggs will show you your room, Sam. You'll have our bedroom on this floor, and we'll sleep in one of the guests' rooms upstairs.

_ I don't want you to go to any trouble, he said, feeling slightly guilty. I could go upstairs, and...

_ No way, Sam, Briggs told him firmly. We saw with Kestrel five years ago what can happen with a fall in the stairs, and I don't want you to imitate him. And it doesn't bother us, I can assure you.

_ Thanks a lot, he said.

_ Have a nap, Sam, Molly said as the two men rose. Make yourself at home. Dinner's around 8 pm.

_ Okay, he nodded, feeling tired.

He followed Briggs down a corridor next to the living room, and arrived in a large bedroom with en suite bathroom. The ops put his bag on a chair next to a chest of drawers, and told him:

_ Just do what you would do at your place, Sam. We'll let you rest, and prevent you from doing stunts with your knee, but please make yourself at ease.

_ Thanks a lot for hosting me, sonny, he said with a huge sigh of relief while lying on the bed. I don't know how to express my gratitude.

_ Take the time to heal, Sam, Briggs said seriously while retreating to the door. When you're back on your two legs and well, it'll be good for us.

_ Okay, Sam nodded dimly, his eyes closing.

He vaguely heard Briggs closing the door, and drifted into sleep in no time. He slept until Rachel ran into the bedroom and shook his arm, calling him out:

_ Grandpa Sam! Wake up! Dinner is ready!

_ What? he asked, dizzy. Dinner?

_ Yes, the little girl said with a large smile. Mommy has made meatballs! Come on, Grandpa Sam! Up!

He slowly sat up, under the curious stare of Rachel, and hoisted himself up with his crutches. His head was spinning, but he knew it was from the tiredness he still felt after the anesthesia and his too long nap. Rachel asked him:

_ What's wrong with your leg, Grandpa? Why can't you use it?

_ My knee hurts, kiddo, he told her patiently as they made their way to the kitchen. I can't use it for a few days.

_ Daddy told me you'll stay with us, she beamed at him. That's brilliant!

_ Yes, indeed, he smiled too as they entered the kitchen. And Daddy told me you were going to a ballet tomorrow?

_ Yes! she shouted happily under the softened stare of her parents. I'll go with Mary and aunt Sarah. And James will go to see soccer with uncle Mishka.

_ Uncle Mishka will come tomorrow for lunch, darling, Briggs told her while helping Sam on his chair. He'll be with his girlfriend and a little boy called Aliosha.

_ Cool! Rachel said, rejoicing. How old is he?

_ Three, darling. So you'll have to be careful with him.

_ No problem, Daddy!

Sam smiled before the happy little face next to him, as Molly handed him the dish. She said while he helped himself:

_ It's so wonderful Kestrel has found someone at last! I'm so happy for him!

_ Honestly, I never would've thought he could move on, Briggs stated calmly. That's what surprises me most. He was so much in love with Alpha.

_ He still is, Sam said, thinking about his late wife Regan. He'll always be. But he has succeeded in making space in his heart for someone else.

_ How do you know?

_ I still loved Regan after our divorce, Sam told him quietly. And still did when she died. I know what it's like to mourn a loved one.

Briggs looked awkward, but Molly nodded gravely, as Rachel asked:

_ Who's Regan?

_ Aunt Sarah's mother, Sam explained to her. She died a long time ago.

_ She's in heaven, then?

_ Yes, kiddo, he said with a twinge of sadness.

He ate his meatballs and pasta, thinking about the ones he had loved and had died, but was relieved to feel at peace with them. The guilt and loss had accompanied him for many years, but finally he had moved on, just like Kestrel. And now he was deeply in love with Grim and had a family, but he would still always love Regan. She was part of him like Alpha was part of Kestrel.

He emptied his plate and told Molly:

_ It was delicious. Thanks.

_ I like cooking, she said simply. And now it's about the only thing I still can do, so I take care to do it well.

_ How's your pregnancy?

_ More peaceful than for Rachel, but I eat a lot more.

_ A boy? he asked maliciously.

_ You won't know until the baby shows up, Sam, Briggs said sternly, making him smile. Don't you try and trick us into talking.

_ One can always hope, he winked at his ops. And you, Rachel? he asked the little girl. Would you like a little brother or a little sister?

_ Both, she said seriously, making Sam laugh softly.

_ That won't happen yet, her mother told her. Mommy is having just one baby.

_ A little brother, then.

_ We'll cross our fingers, Briggs said with a smile. Sam, there's some tiramisu left.

_ No thanks, he said, patting his belly. I'm quite full.

_ Molly dear?

_ I'll have some.

Briggs looked unfazed and went to fetch the dish in the fridge. He put it in front of her, not bothering to give her a plate, and she ate the quarter tiramisu left with great appetite, under the highly amused stare of Sam and Briggs' jaded one. Then she cleared the table while Briggs offered a glass of bourbon to Sam in the lounge.

The two of them went to sit in the comfortable armchairs and Sam let out a huge sigh of contentment. He had eaten well and was feeling reasonably good, with no pain in his knee. Briggs poured them a shot of bourbon, then switched on the TV. They watched the evening news in silence, and Sam was appalled to learn about a suicide bombing in Yaoundé, where they had been only two weeks ago.

_ Shit, Briggs said. Looks like there still are some members of PanAfrica alive.

_ Yeah, he said grimly. But I don't know what we could've done in addition. You and Kestrel did the job, there was nothing more for us in Cameroon.

_ Except death, Briggs muttered very quietly.

But Sam heard him, and shot him a questioning look.

_ What do you mean, "except death"?

Briggs, scowling at himself, heaved a sigh and checked that Molly and Rachel were out of earshot, then said darkly:

_ Had you noticed that after that mission Kestrel stayed in his cabin for two days, not wanting to see you and sulking? He told Grim that he was very angry with you both for having messed up and risked his life.

_ Yeah, Grim had told me, Sam said guiltily.

_ The truth is, Sam, Briggs confessed, Kestrel was in his cabin because he had been badly wounded. He saved me yet again, taking two knives while shielding me. It was in this small house in the outskirts of Yaoundé, where we've been ambushed by the five guys of PanAfrica. Grim and you were fighting over a satellite view and our contacts there, while we were trying to survive. When we came back, Kestrel and I pretended we were okay but very pissed off, but in reality Kestrel was barely able to stay up. I called Dr Collins, and we took care of him.

Sam, dread filling his guts, could only stare in shame and shock at his serious ops. He asked weakly:

_ Was he as badly hurt as that?

_ A knife stab two inches from his heart, Briggs grimaced, and one half an inch from his femoral artery. Yes, Sam, he nearly died. I carried him all the way from the house to our car, then from the cargo hold to his cabin. Dr Collins transfused him two blood bags and was just in time to suture the wounds.

Sam was appalled, and anger rose in his chest. Why hadn't they told him? But before he could say anything, Briggs said:

_ It was Kestrel's decision, and I approved. You just can't know how you and Grim were at that time, Sam. You were always at loggerheads with each other, oblivious to everything around you, so intent on ripping each other's throats that you just couldn't realize how close to death you made us walk. I sustained small injuries during these three months, but Kestrel had the worst blow. He is very protective towards me and thinks that he is less worthy to survive than me because I have a family and not he. I hope that will change now, but he's been wounded no less than three times during this mission, and you and Grim never saw anything.

Briggs paused, and Sam felt really bad. But the ops added:

_ I do not tell you this to make you feel guilty, Sam. It's just that it's been hard to hide it from you. Maybe Kestrel will be furious at me for having told you, but I want you to understand that we need both Grim and you appeased and focused. Otherwise one day you'll bring us back to Baltimore in a box.

Sam nodded, his mind numb from shock. One thing was clear, though: he had to talk to Grim, and very soon. And he had one thing to do right away.

_ I'm sorry, he said to Briggs. I really am.

_ It's okay, Sam, Briggs said, pouring him another shot of bourbon. If we resented you, you would've been left in your house alone and drunk, we wouldn't have bothered. But we are here for you, so don't worry.

He nodded again, very grateful but still appalled, and Briggs raised his glass.

_ To friendship.

Sam toasted, then drained his glass. Yes, Fisher, he thought dimly, you're a lucky man to have two ops of that caliber and heart. Two real sons.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

After picking up Aliosha at his pre-school, Kestrel and Elena had gone to her apartment this time, and they had a very nice meal made by the very talented doctor. Kestrel had played with the small boy with the animal figurines but also with his teddy bears and a puzzle, and the boy had been so delighted that he had hugged him before going to bed for his nap. It had warmed Kestrel's heart and made Elena teary-eyed with joy, then the two of them had enjoyed being together again.

After that the afternoon passed in a blur for the ops, as the three of them went to the nearest park, and Kestrel played with Aliosha again, having brought a football. Elena played with them for some time, making the little boy shouting in delight. Back to the apartment, Aliosha had a good bath, and he insisted that Kestrel gave it to him. So the ops, his shirt soon soaked, made the boy laughing and splashing in Elena's bathroom with his small toys while she was cooking them dinner. And when the two boys came to the kitchen, a huge salmon pirog was waiting for them.

Kestrel took a minute to go next door to have a dry shirt on, then enjoyed the meal, talking quietly with Elena and watching Aliosha's eyelids drooping more and more. And after a yogurt the little boy went to Kestrel and climbed on his knees. The ops, deeply moved, hugged him, tears in his eyes. Next to him Elena was crying openly, watching them with huge emotion. And Aliosha asked weakly, half-asleep already:

_ Mishka, can we go to bed?

_ Sure, ребёнок _(child)_ , he said calmly.

He rose, following Elena to the boy's small bedroom, and put him in the bed, under the quilt. Aliosha curved into a ball and said:

_ Mama! A kiss!

She bent over him and kissed him on the cheek, caressing his hair, murmuring:

_ Good night, sweetheart. Sleep tight.

They were about to leave when the small voice rose again:

_ Mishka! A kiss!

The ops, startled, looked at Elena in bewilderment, but she just beamed and gently pushed him towards the bed. So he knelt next to the bed and kissed the boy, saying:

_ Good night, Aliosha.

He rose and saw that the boy had already fallen asleep. He tiptoed out of the bedroom, meeting Elena in the corridor, and took her hand. He was so moved by what had happened that he wanted to dissolve into tears of joy, but he breathed deeply and led his girlfriend back to the living room. There she threw herself in his arms, saying:

_ I'm so happy! You're so nice with him! He loves you, Mishka!

_ I love him too, he said sincerely. And I love you, Elena.

They kissed and caressed each other, forgetting about clearing the table, and she led him to her bedroom. She aroused him, and he dimly thought that she was insatiable, after their intense lovemaking of the afternoon. But he himself was willing, so they made love again.

When the rays of sunlight woke him up, it was 7.20 am, and he felt good and happy. Elena was still sleeping next to him, and he watched her for long minutes, love warming his whole body. But he needed exercise, so he got up and wrote her a small message. Then he went to his apartment and put on his running clothes and set off.

He ran his usual ten kilometers and did push-ups and stretching movements, and felt great. Then he came back to his place, buying bagels and croissants on his way, and hit the shower. He put on casual clothes but on the top he wore his jersey for the match of the afternoon, and smiled in advance at the face of Sam and Briggs. Then he knocked on Elena's door and entered. And was surprised to hear no sound. He checked the bedroom: she was still sleeping soundly, only having moved on his side of the bed, a hand on his pillow.

He sat down next to her, gently kissing and caressing her body, and she turned towards him, slowly waking. Her eyes fluttered open, and she beamed at him, looking surprised.

_ Hello there, he said softly. Sleep well?

_ Yes, she yawned. Already had a shower?

_ After running ten kilometers, yes, he grinned. I bought breakfast.

_ Oh! Do you always run ten kilometers in the morning?

_ Every day if I can, he nodded. I wrote you a note.

_ Never heard you leaving, she sighed, stretching and caressing his chest. You're more silent than a ghost, Mishka.

_ Better be in my job.

She opened her eyes fully and looked intently at him. He saw she was wondering what job he was doing, but she only nodded and said simply:

_ If it helps you staying alive and okay, then that's all I want to know.

_ It does, he said. I've had a lot of practice, in Russia then here. And Sam taught me a lot of things. He was the best.

_ Not anymore?

_ I wouldn't bet on it, he admitted with a smile. But he retired from the field. Now Briggs and me do the job.

She took his hand and squeezed it, locking eyes with him. She said:

_ I won't ask you anything about your job, Mishka. And I won't ask you to quit. All I ask you is to promise me you'll take care of yourself.

_ I promise, he said solemnly, raising her hand and kissing it. I won't die on you if I can help it.

_ Good, she smiled, but he could see the worry in her eyes.

So he lay next to her, taking her in his arms, and whispered to her:

_ I'm alive thanks to you, Lena. I won't die now. Trust me, I'll be careful.

She hugged him tightly, kissing him passionately, and he was responding with great energy, but then heard small feet coming towards the bedroom. He gently pulled away and said apologetically:

_ Sorry, we have a visitor.

And the next second, Aliosha opened the door and ran inside, exclaiming loudly:

_ Mama! Mishka! I'm hungry!

_ Hello, Aliosha! Kestrel said, sitting up.

_ Hello!

The boy ran into his arms, hugging him, and Kestrel felt a great pride and a deep affection spreading into his chest. He hugged him too and softly kissed him on the top of his head, and said:

_ I think your mama wants a great hug too, Aliosha. Look!

He indicated Elena, looking moved and a little envious, and the child jumped from Kestrel's knees onto the bed, throwing himself in his mother's outstretched arms, and they hugged for a long time. Then the boy said:

_ But I'm hungry, Mama!

Elena and Kestrel laughed softly at him patting his stomach, and the ops got to his feet while his girlfriend grabbed a nightshirt. He said:

_ Have a shower, I'll give him a croissant.

_ Thank you, she beamed, getting up and kissing her son. Go with Mishka, sweetheart. He'll give you breakfast.

_ Yes! Aliosha shouted happily.

The two of them went to the kitchen, and Kestrel prepared the chocolate milk and the coffee, happy to do the same simple gestures every morning. He gave a croissant to Aliosha who ate it quite fast, clearly starving. Soon Elena joined them, and they ate together, chatting quietly. She asked him:

_ The jersey you're wearing, is it...?

_ The Zenit's one, he confirmed with a smile. I could've put it on just for the match, but like that I'll drive Sam and Briggs crazy.

_ Why? she asked in surprise. Soccer's a nice sport.

_ I agree, but Sam and Briggs are more into baseball or football or basketball. In a word, more traditional American sports. Sam is especially bristled that I gave the love of soccer to James. Now my nephew only wants to play soccer, much to his grandfather's disappointment. And Briggs is bristled at James and me for supporting a Russian team. I can't wait to see their faces!

He smiled wickedly, and Elena and Aliosha laughed. Then she asked, pointing at his OPSAT:

_ And what is that? Strange wristwatch.

_ It's not a wristwatch, he explained. It's a special communicating device slash computer thing. I must wear it at all times, in case of emergency.

_ Not in bed, I hope?

_ No, he chuckled. Not in bed. Better not.

_ Why?

_ This new thing is connected to our vital signs. So you can imagine what it would record while the two of us...

She smirked, and he laughed. They smiled at each other, holding hands, and watched Aliosha finishing his croissant with his chocolate milk. But then she asked hesitantly:

_ What about the pendants on your chain?

His smile faded, and he instinctively grabbed his chain and the pendants, fiddling with them. He hung his head, inhaling deeply, wondering if he would be able to accept her remarks about them. And most of all, he wondered if she would understand. But he unclasped the chain and gave it to her to see. She examined the ring and the medal, and asked:

_ Who's Marie?

_ Alpha, he said calmly. It's her baptism medal.

She swallowed but didn't comment, and he told her:

_ The ring is my mother's wedding ring.

He waited for her to look at him again and said:

_ I vowed never to take the chain off. But I can add something to it.

She smiled faintly and got up, handing it back to him. She left the kitchen, and he wondered if she had taken well what he had said. But the chain and its pendants were a part of him, like his beard and the scars he wore, and he knew that even if she insisted he couldn't stop wearing it. But she soon came back and without a word handed him a pendant.

Startled, he took it and looked at it closely. It was a baptism medal, in gold just like Alpha's one, but at the back he read in Cyrillic characters "Alexei". This time, it was he who swallowed, pride and love rushing in his heart. He locked eyes with her and asked her:

_ Are you certain you really want to give me this?

_ I do not give it to you, Mishka, she corrected him softly. I entrust it to you. Keep it for us.

He nodded gravely, deeply moved, then put the medal on the chain and clasped it back around his neck. Elena smiled and took his hand, and they kissed. It is so good to kiss her! he thought. I love her so much!

_ Mama! Aliosha interrupted them loudly. What are we going to do today?

_ We'll have lunch at some friends of Mishka's, she answered him kindly, pulling away regretfully from Kestrel.

_ And you'll have a friend to play with you, he told the boy. A girl, but she only speaks English.

_ Yay! Aliosha shouted happily. But before lunch?

A phone rang at that moment, and Elena hastily took out her smartphone and answered in English:

_ Yes? … It's me. … Really? It is so good! Thank you! … Yes, I will be. … Okay... Bye.

She hung up and announced happily, back in Russian:

_ I'll start working at Johns Hopkins on Monday!

_ That's wonderful news! Kestrel rejoiced, getting to his feet and hugging her. Congratulations!

_ Thank you, Mishka, she said, her eyes bright. I'm so relieved! Now I won't worry about our future anymore, and how I would pay the rent.

_ I'm here for you, he told her gently. You can count on me. But I understand that a job means freedom, so I'm very happy for you.

She nodded and said:

_ I'll work from 6 am to 6 pm five days a week. It'll be hard for Aliosha, but we'll manage.

_ I don't doubt it.

_ Mama? You will go to work?

_ Not today, sweetheart, she told her son kindly. In two days.

The little boy looked puzzled, but soon asked:

_ But what will we do now?

_ Would you like to accompany me to the mart with your mother? Kestrel asked him. I have a few things to buy.

_ Yes! Mama, can we go with Mishka?

_ Yes, she approved with a smile. I have some things to buy too.

_ Good, he said, rising from his chair. I'll clear the table and do the washing-up.

_ And you'll get dressed, Aliosha, she said, beckoning at her son. Come on!

_ No! I want to go like that!

_ You can't, sweetheart.

_ Yes, I can!

And the boy ran in the apartment, chased by his laughing mother, but was caught by Kestrel who grabbed him and lifted him in the air, tickling his belly. The boy laughed uncontrollably, and the ops gave him to his smiling girlfriend, and they went to Aliosha's bedroom while Kestrel resumed his task in the kitchen.

Soon the washing-up was done and Aliosha fully clothed and ready, so the three of them set off in Kestrel's car. They went to the nearest mart, and Kestrel bought a DVD for Rachel and another set of animal figurines for Aliosha who squirmed in delight, and five jars of peanut butter for Molly. He added a bottle of bourbon for Briggs and one for Sam. Elena bought food and clothes for Aliosha and her, and after a detour by a baby's shop to buy a car seat soon they were back in Elena's apartment.

There, while Aliosha added his wild animals to the new domestic ones, Kestrel helped Elena putting her last things out of the cardboard boxes and in the cupboards and shelves. She hadn't got much things, but he was happy to give her a hand. Soon the boxes were empty, and she sighed:

_ At last I nearly feel like I'm home.

_ That's good, he told her with a smile. Home sweet home.

_ Well, almost, she said. One thing will be missing for here to be truly home.

_ What?

_ You, she said, locking eyes with him.

He smiled faintly and hugged her, kissing her tenderly. He was moved by what she had said, but knew that they would have to wait a little to think about living together. After the next mission, he thought, we'll see, if she truly can stand me leaving abruptly and for months.

As if on cue, his OPSAT emitted a small beep, and he checked it in dismay. But the message he opened contained only a few words from Briggs: "We're waiting for you at 12 pm sharp."

_ Asshole, he muttered in English.

_ What? she asked, frowning.

_ Nothing, he said, sighing in relief. Briggs has thought funny to send me a message on my OPSAT. I thought it was a mission for a second, blast him!

She smiled, stroking his arm, and he added:

_ We must be there at 12, so we should leave now.

_ Okay. Aliosha? We're leaving, sweetheart.

_ Yes! the boy came running towards them, grinning.

They exited the apartment, and Aliosha insisted that Kestrel were the one carrying him downstairs. So the happy ops obliged, and the three of them climbed into the blue pickup. They drove to Towson, Kestrel listening to Elena singing and telling stories to her son, but soon the small boy closed his eyes and fell asleep in his car seat. So he drove on, making small talk with her, learning about her life in Russia and her habits. He asked her:

_ When is your birthday?

_ The second of April, she answered calmly. You?

_ The seventh of August. And Aliosha?

_ The twenty-second of October. He'll have four years in a month. Time pass by so fast!

_ I agree, he nodded. My nephew and nieces grow up so fast it's appalling. Every time I come back to Baltimore it strikes me hard.

_ So we're going to your best friend's place. Briggs, is it?

_ Yes. Isaac Briggs. But call him Briggs, he can't stand his first name. His wife is called Molly, and his daughter Rachel.

_ Okay, she nodded. I hope Sam's knee will be okay.

_ Are you worried about it?

_ Not really, but I'm more worried about him. I know that sort of patient, they just can't stay put and usually ignore their doctor's advice. And I'd bet you're exactly like that too.

_ True, he laughed softly. But I'm much more reasonable as the years pass by. Maybe it's because my forties are approaching, I don't know. Or maybe because our doc threatens to shoot me with a sleeping dart if I don't obey him. Mind you, he did once, so now I do what he tells me.

She quietly burst out laughing, obviously imagining the scene, and his heart leapt with joy. He loved the sound of her laugh, and her large smile with her grey eyes twinkling. You're hooked, мой друг _(my friend)_ , he thought dimly, smiling. Now's too late to run away, and in no way will you do. And as he concentrated back on the road, he groped for her hand and squeezed it lightly, feeling so good and alive he thought it would never stop if he had his word.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

When Kestrel parked in Briggs' alley, just behind his friend's van, Aliosha opened his eyes, but still looked sleepy. So his mother took him in her arms, but he squirmed and held out his arms to Kestrel, and the quite embarrassed ops took him in his strong arms. But Elena reassured him with a bright smile and a kiss, and they advanced to the door. She rang the doorbell, and the door opened, Briggs behind it. He smiled widely and said:

_ You're right on time!

_ As usual, мой друг _(my friend)_ , Kestrel said calmly. Hello, by the way.

He came inside, still carrying a curious and shy Aliosha, and the bag with his purchases.

_ Hello, Briggs said as they shook hands. Hello, Elena. Hello, Aliosha. Welcome to our place! Please come in!

_ Hello! she said.

Kestrel followed his teammate to the lounge, where Molly and Sam were sitting, Elena behind him. Molly rose swiftly and Sam was starting to extract himself from his armchair but Kestrel told him, kissing Molly on both cheeks:

_ Stay seated, Sam. We're coming.

_ I'm no handicapped man, his boss rumbled, looking annoyed.

_ No indeed, he told him calmly as they shook hands, but your knee needs rest, so stay in your armchair.

_ Okay, Sam said sullenly, but smiled at the boy in his arms. Hello, Aliosha!

_ I'm very pleased to meet you, Elena, Molly was saying as Aliosha buried himself in Kestrel's arms, under the moved stare of Sam and Briggs.

_ Same for me, Elena said with her Russian accent. Aliosha, say hello, дорогой _(sweetheart)_!

But the little boy, clearly intimidated, shot a timid look around him and put his face in Kestrel's shoulder again. The adults laughed softly, softened expressions on, and sat around the low table. Aliosha finally held out his arms to his mother who kissed and cuddled him, and Kestrel was able to take out his things. He handed the bottles to Sam and Briggs who looked pleased and unsurprised, and took out the DVD. Then he gave the bag to Molly and said:

_ Your fuel, Molly.

She shot a glance inside and rejoiced:

_ Peanut butter! Thank you so much, Kestrel! Sam gave me three jars yesterday, but I have only one left.

_ Already ate two? Sam asked in bewilderment. You eat it with a spoon, like Charlie, then.

_ Yes, she admitted while blushing, under the jaded stare of her husband next to her.

_ Charlie is our geek, Kestrel explained to Elena. But I assume we won't see him for a long time. When he's on holidays, he's partying so much we just can't invite him to have a decent meal.

_ True, Sam said dejectedly. And when he's not plastered, he's buried in his computer. Such a waste!

_ He's young, Briggs said soothingly. Let him enjoy his freedom.

_ What does that mean, exactly, Isaac? Molly asked him menacingly.

_ Nothing, darling, he said, suddenly looking nervous. It's just that when you have the luck to be a husband and father, like me, you have responsibilities, so no more partying on weekends.

Molly looked appeased, but Kestrel smirked, amused, and Briggs' eyes shot daggers at him. Sam wasn't hiding his ironic smile, but was saved from Briggs' retaliation by the arrival of Rachel who shouted happily:

_ Uncle Mishka!

_ Hello, Rachel, he said with a large smile, hugging the little girl. Rachel, this is Elena and her son, Aliosha.

_ Hello! she said brightly. Aliosha, ты хочешь играть со мной? _(you want to play with me?)_

Aliosha disentangled himself from his mother and looked at her in surprise, while Kestrel told her, very impressed:

_ That's very good, Rachel!

_ Да _(yes)_ , Aliosha said, gently sliding from his mother's knees and following Rachel.

_ She speaks Russian? Elena asked in bewilderment.

_ Kestrel's doing, Briggs told her, fetching glasses and drinks while Molly brought appetizers. Since the children were very small he has talked to them in Russian. So now they know quite a lot. But the most fluent is James, without contest.

_ He's the one listening to me most, that's why, Kestrel said calmly, accepting the soda Briggs handed him.

_ Yeah, Sam gruffed, and not only for the language. I see you've decided to piss me off with your jersey.

Kestrel had a triumphant grin, making Elena and Molly laugh. Briggs added:

_ Sam's right, Kestrel. You're American now, you should support an American team, even if it has to be soccer.

_ Sorry, мой друг, but that's a thing that won't change. And don't worry, next year's the World Cup year, James and I will support the USA team.

_ I certainly hope so, Sam grumbled, or I'll disown both of you.

Kestrel's smile vanished as painful memories surfaced in his mind. He knew Sam hadn't mean any harm and was only joking, but he himself had been disowned years ago by the man he regarded as a grandfather, and the wound was not only still sore, but very painful, as he had never been able to explain himself or make peace with him before his death.

He rose, his mind numb in confusion and sorrow, and strode out of the room. He headed towards the garden, thinking dimly that fresh air would help him chase away the bad memories. He went outside, inhaling deep breaths, forcing down the tears welling up in his eyes. He wondered why he was so affected, eight years later, and thought that maybe it wouldn't hurt him to see a psychologist again.

He rubbed his face, hearing a halting step and a normal one coming towards him in his back, and waited, trying to regain composure. Soon he felt a hand on his shoulder and Briggs asked him:

_ All right, mate?

_ Yes, he said, trying to hide his dismay. I'm okay.

_ I'm sorry, sonny, Sam said guiltily behind his back. I shouldn't have said that.

_ It's okay, Sam, he said, not turning to face them yet. I don't know why it still hurts me like that.

_ It's because the shadows of the past are the longest and darkest, my father used to tell me, Briggs said grimly.

_ He was right, Kestrel exhaled, facing his concerned friends at last. No matter what I do, it seems to me that my past is catching up with me, reminding me of my sorrows and failures, and my worst memories.

_ You probably won't believe me, sonny, Sam said darkly, still looking shameful and guilty, but one day you'll feel better about all this. But it'll take time. I've experienced it, and still am.

Kestrel nodded and said, wiping away the few tears that had escaped from his control:

_ I believe you, Sam. But maybe I should talk about it with someone.

_ That's up to you, Sam said kindly. But I think you'll heal faster with Elena in your life.

_ I hope so, Sam. She's the sunshine in my life.

_ That's good, mate, Briggs clapped him on the back.

_ While we're alone there, Sam said, I wanted to apologize, Kestrel.

_ For what? he asked, puzzled.

_ For our last mission, and you nearly dying in Cameroon.

The ops shot an angry look at Briggs who said calmly:

_ I'm sorry, I let it slip watching the news yesterday evening. But maybe it's better that way, mate. Now Sam knows he and Grim must talk and make peace to avoid getting us killed.

Kestrel, although really annoyed, sighed deeply and thought that maybe it was better indeed. He didn't want to risk his and Briggs' life again on such trivial mistakes. So he told Sam calmly:

_ Excuses accepted, Sam.

The Splinter Cell held out his hand, leaning heavily on his crutches, and Kestrel gently shook it. Then the three of them made their way to the lounge, where Elena and Molly were chatting about their children. They shot them a curious look, but Kestrel didn't say anything and only resumed his seat next to Elena. She took his hand and asked him:

_ All right, Mishka?

_ Yes, лювбимая _(my love)_.

She beamed at him, but he could see the concern in her eyes. He kissed her softly, and smiled back. He felt better just by sitting next to her, and hoped that he would soon heal completely with her in his life. Soon Molly asked them to go to the dining table, and Elena and Briggs went to fetch the playing children.

The meal was fabulous, as usual when Molly was cooking, and they ate delicious Milanese veal cutlets with pasta and vegetables. Kestrel was happy to notice that Aliosha, eating with appetite, wasn't shy anymore and was speaking in hesitant English with Rachel who corrected him and was speaking a few words in Russian. But when Molly brought in the panna cotta for dessert, the doorbell rang.

Puzzled, Briggs went to open the door, and soon Kestrel heard him saying:

_ Hello, Sarah! Please come in! Oh! Hello!

Then Kestrel rose, recognizing the footsteps, and went to Sam, holding out his hand. The Splinter Cell obviously saw that his ops had heard who was coming and hastily grabbed his hand, getting on his good foot as Sarah and the twins entered the room. But Kestrel saw Grim behind them, looking better than two days ago, and next to him Sam whispered incredulously:

_ Grim!

He let go of his ops' hand and grabbed his crutches, as the twins were running happily in the room. They said hello, but Kestrel greeted them absent-mindedly, having eyes only for Sam and Grim, who both looked on the verge of tears. Sarah stayed near the door with Briggs as Elena came next to Kestrel, taking his hand. But Sam was slowly advancing towards his love, and Grim ran to him.

They kissed and hugged tightly, silently crying, and Kestrel saw relief, joy and dismay on their faces. Then they pulled away and Sam murmured:

_ I love you, Grim. I'm so sorry. I missed you so much!

_ I missed you too, she said, wiping her wet cheeks. But we must talk, Sam.

_ Yes, he said. Just a second, please.

He turned towards Sarah who finally approached him and hugged him, and said:

_ Hello, Dad! How are you?

_ I'm okay, kiddo. I'm feeling much better right now.

_ I can see it, she smiled weakly.

_ Hello, Mary and James! Sam told the children who were busy with Rachel and Aliosha.

_ Hello, Grandpa Sam! they chorused, kissing him as he bent forward on his crutches. Your leg hurts?

_ No, it's okay, he said, straightening and taking Grim's hand. But we'll talk about it later.

He faced all the people around and said:

_ Please excuse us.

_ Go on, Sam, Briggs said with a smile. Just mind your knee or Elena will have your skin.

_ I will, he said with a faint smile.

He turned towards Grim and said:

_ Before we go, my love, Kestrel wants you to meet his girlfriend.

She looked at the couple and Kestrel came in front of her, still holding Elena's hand, saying after embracing her:

_ Grim, meet Dr Elena Rykova. Lena, meet Anna Grimsdottir, my control director and Sam's partner.

_ It is honour, Elena told her with a smile.

_ I'm honoured too, Grim shook her hand with a large smile. It's a great pleasure, Elena. Thanks for taking care of Sam. I swear we'll talk later, but...

_ I understand, she nodded. You speak with Sam, then I look his knee and Mishka go to match.

Grim nodded and followed Sam to the bedroom to talk quietly. Everybody resumed their seat, and Sarah took Sam's place to eat dessert. Briggs asked her:

_ We weren't expecting you until later this afternoon, and certainly not with Grim. Does she feel better?

_ I really can't tell you, she admitted with a grimace, as Molly gave the children permission to leave the table. She saw your psychologist yesterday evening, Kestrel, but after that she kept to her room, refusing to eat. And this morning, she didn't speak at all. Only an hour ago, while we were eating, did she ask me about the twins and me coming here and asked if she could come with us and straight away. So I didn't wait to be told twice.

_ I can imagine, Briggs nodded thoughtfully. I hope it'll turn okay for the two of them.

_ Me too, she said, as Kestrel silently approved.

* * *

In the bedroom, the first thing Sam did after closing the door was taking Grim in his arms and kissing her passionately. She responded well at first, but then she pulled away from him, and dissolved into tears.

So he led her to the bed and they carefully sat, he minding his knee and leg in a splint, but still holding her tightly. And she sobbed on his chest, with huge, heart-breaking sobs that appalled him. But he just hugged her, kissing and caressing her tenderly, waiting for her to calm down and explain things. And soon she took deep breaths, slowly regaining composure, and he said gently:

_ Please tell me what's bothering you, my love. I hope it's not me.

_ No, Sam, she said at last, her voice trembling. Not really.

_ What do you mean? he asked kindly. Do I have to apologize?

_ Sam, she said, inhaling a deep breath and taking his hands into hers. I'm pregnant.

He felt as if the ceiling of the bedroom had crashed onto his head, and watched her in confusion. Grim, pregnant? How? When? He shook his head, clearing his thoughts, and forced himself to calm. Now he understood her anguish and why she had needed time away from him. It was good and terrible news, and they would have to take a decision soon, one that wouldn't leave them unscathed. He asked her as calmly as he could:

_ Since when?

_ Nearly three months, she said, her voice shaking. I never suspected anything until we came back and I went to see our doctor.

_ And I assume you've been torturing yourself with worry since then, he said seriously, locking eyes with her. My love, what do you want us to do?

_ I don't know, Sam, she confessed, weeping again. I can't make up my mind. That's why I decided to come today with Sarah. I can't carry this burden alone anymore. I need you.

_ And I'm here for you, he told her, hugging her tightly again. You're not alone, my love.

_ But what are we going to do? We have very little time to take a decision!

_ I know.

He gently kissed and caressed her, thoughts swirling in his mind. He was delighted and terrified at the same time, but he knew that on this matter it was Grim's health that was his priority. She was forty-seven, not a good age to be pregnant for the first time. And he was sixty-four and had osteoarthritis, not a good condition to become a father again either. He had to tell her. So he braced himself and said:

_ I have something to tell you as well.

She looked up at him, still looking lost, and he felt bad adding to her worry the news about him. But she had to know.

_ I have osteoarthritis in all my limbs. I must slow down or I'll end up in a wheelchair in ten years. Dr Collins and Elena will help me, and if I do what they tell me I'll be okay. But things won't be the same from now on. I won't train Briggs and Kestrel anymore.

He saw her eyes brimming with tears, but she swallowed and asked him:

_ Are you okay?

_ Yes, he said earnestly. Elena eased the pain in my knee and will take care of me. She's a doctor in physiotherapy. I'm a lucky man, my love. But we'll have to talk about us and Fourth Echelon. And about the baby.

She nodded, clearly overwhelmed, but he said:

_ Let's give each other today and tonight to think about all this. And tomorrow we'll talk about it, okay?

_ Okay, Sam, she acknowledged, sighing deeply.

They lay down on the bed, just hugging and kissing, and that warmed Sam's heart. He was truly lost and unhappy without her, and told her so. And he added:

_ I missed you so much, Grim! Please never leave me again! I can't live without you!

_ It's been very hard for me too, Sam, she confessed. I'm sorry to have left without any explanation, but I was so lost myself that I couldn't think straight. Please forgive me.

_ I forgive you, my love, he told her gently.

They spent more time together, just hugging and lying down, but soon Grim rose and said regretfully:

_ We should go back with the others. Elena must see your knee, and I want to see James before he leaves with Kestrel.

_ Okay, my love, he nodded. But after that?

She locked eyes with him and asked him softly:

_ What about you showing me our new front door tonight?

He smiled widely and kissed her again, and she smiled back. In spite of the worry tightening his chest, for the first time in several days he felt appeased and happy.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

When Kestrel heard the bedroom door opening, he exchanged a meaningful look with Briggs and took Elena's hand, forcing down his worry. He only hoped Sam and Grim had talked and made peace, even if they hadn't stayed long in the bedroom. But when the couple entered the dining room, they were smiling timidly. But they both looked shaken, and Kestrel could understand well enough. The news from both of them would be very hard to swallow indeed. Briggs asked them calmly:

_ Sam, Grim, want a panna cotta?

_ No thanks, sonny, Sam said, sitting on Kestrel's chair who had risen to his feet. But I won't say no to a shot of bourbon.

Briggs went to fetch a glass and the bottle, and poured his boss a large glass while Grim sat next to him on Rachel's empty chair.

_ For my part, she said calmly, a panna cotta will be good.

Molly handed her one with a spoon, and she ate it while Sam was sipping his alcohol, lost in his thoughts. Then Kestrel said, gently stroking Elena's shoulders:

_ Well, I must leave to be on time for the match. James? He called out his nephew. We must go, племянник _(nephew)_.

_ We'll watch the match from here, mate, Briggs told him with a wicked grin. So when you come back, if our good ol' American team has flattened yours, I'll have you do push-ups.

_ Okay, мой друг _(my friend)_ , Kestrel nodded, grinning widely. But if the Zenit wins, which I don't doubt any second, it's you who'll do push-ups.

Briggs' smile faded a little, and Kestrel rejoiced inwardly. He knew he would have fun very soon. As James was coming, he asked him:

_ Ready, племянник?

_ Yes, James shouted happily, wearing his jersey too.

_ James, Grim told him. Can I have a hug?

The boy ran to his grandmother and hugged her, while Kestrel kissed Elena who had got to his feet. He hugged her and whispered in her ear:

_ Please take care of Sam, my love. He's very shaken.

_ I'll do, she nodded calmly. And you, enjoy your match.

_ Oh! I will, he grinned, and she beamed at him.

The other children came running into the room, and Aliosha asked him in Russian:

_ Mishka? Where are you going?

_ I'll go and see a soccer match, ребёнок _(child)_ , he explained, kneeling in front of the puzzled boy. But I'll come back right afterwards, don't worry. You'll stay here with Mama and play with Rachel and Mary, okay?

Aliosha nodded and abruptly ran into his arms, hugging him. Kestrel rose, gently hugging the little boy and kissing him on his forehead, joy and love filling his heart, and saw around him the moved looks on the adults' faces. Elena was especially happy and moved, a hand on her chest, and Grim was clearly on the verge of tears. She hugged James tighter, and soon Mary and Rachel asked her for a hug too. James hugged Sam and Sarah, then came at Kestrel's feet. He asked him, a little jealous:

_ Are we going, uncle Mishka?

_ Yes, племянник.

Kestrel gently gave Aliosha to his mother and told them with a smile and a last kiss:

_ See you later.

Then he took James' hand, and the two of them exited the house and climbed aboard the blue pickup. He asked the blond boy in the back seat:

_ So, James? Ready to support the Zenit?

_ Yes! he shouted happily. Will we see the players very close, uncle Mishka?

_ I hope so. We'll see them if we can, племянник.

_ Uncle Mishka?

Kestrel shot him a surprised look. James had a very serious tone and face, and was looking intently at him in the rearview mirror. He said:

_ I'm listening.

_ Will Aliosha be around all the time now?

_ Yes, племянник.

He could see that James was a little jealous of Elena's son and feared that his uncle would neglect him, but he explained calmly to him:

_ But you have nothing to worry about, племянник. Aliosha will live with Elena and me from now on, but you are my nephew. And I'll still come to see you and play soccer with you. It won't change anything. And you'll have another boy to play with. That's good, isn't it?

_ But he's too small!

_ For now, maybe. But soon he'll be as tall as you, and you'll play soccer with him.

_ Really? James asked, suddenly interested.

_ Really, племянник. I'll teach him soccer, so the three of us will play. And I'm sure Grandpa Sam will play with us next time.

_ Grandpa Sam is hurt?

_ Yes, but he'll soon be okay. Don't worry.

_ Grandma is sad, James said calmly, looking out the window. She's crying a lot.

_ I know, Kestrel said, his heart squeezing in dismay. But it'll be okay. She's with Grandpa Sam now, she'll be better.

_ Will you buy me a hotdog? the boy asked, jumping from one subject to another.

_ Yes, I will. But only if you're a good boy and sing the Zenit's song.

_ I know it!

_ Good, he smiled, thinking that his parents had probably gone crazy listening to the CD he had given him and he singing it.

They chatted calmly during the trip, and soon Kestrel parked right near the RFK Memorial Stadium. Then they made their way to the entrance, Kestrel holding firmly James' hand in the dense crowd, and holding the puzzled or hostile gazes of the American supporters.

They entered the stadium, Kestrel wondering why they hadn't been frisked more thoroughly, and soon found their seats. Kestrel had been careful to choose the visitors' side, so they sat among the Zenit's supporters, wearing blue jerseys and weaving flags, already chanting. James was opening his eyes widely, hardly taking in all he saw, looking in awe. Kestrel checked his OPSAT: it was 4.20 pm. They had time.

He bought two hotdogs and some popcorn from a street vendor, and two cans of coke from another. James ate his hotdog as if he were starving, then dug enthusiastically into the popcorn. Kestrel ate his own without real hunger but enjoyed the soda. And soon the ads ended, and the players came onto the field. James rose on his seat, cheering like all the Russian supporters around him, and Kestrel rejoiced at seeing the boy so happy.

As it was a friendly match between clubs, there was no official anthem, but on their side of the stadium the supporters sang the Zenit's song, and Kestrel noticed that James hadn't been lying. He really knew all the lyrics by heart, and in good Russian he sang, under the proud look of the ops who sang next to him. Kestrel tried to fight the emotion rising at remembering him and Ivan Kossiak, his dead Russian best friend, in Saint Petersburg for every match they could attend between the Voron missions. But he focused on the present moment as James took his hand, shouting:

_ It's starting, uncle Mishka!

And the match started. Kestrel watched it with pleasure and took his time to explain the moves and techniques to his delighted nephew, and soon the Zenit scored. They rose, yelling loudly in happiness, as around them their side of the stadium celebrated the goal and the Russian players. They burst singing and chanting as the players went to their side of the field, applauding their supporters.

As the match went on, Kestrel focused back on it, but felt also a growing uneasiness creeping up his dorsal spine. He remembered Sam's lesson five years ago in Boise about the "bad vibes" hostile people were emitting, and looked carefully around him. James was concentrated on the game, and around them the Russians were roaming and whooping, but he carefully scanned the crowd. And his heart stopped in fear.

Ten meters away from them, a man was standing next to an access corridor, wearing a thick bulging vest with some large wired belt underneath, eyeing the crowd with a heinous expression on his face. A suicide bomber, Kestrel thought dimly. In a flash, he grabbed James and started to run down the aisle of seats, oblivious to the boy's puzzled questions and the outraged protests of the supporters he was shoving aside. He knew he couldn't do anything about the man, it was much too late. The only thing he could do was trying to save James.

As he reached the access corridor and jumped downstairs, the bomb exploded. A powerful blast knocked him down, propelling him forward, and he shielded James in his arms while they violently landed a few meters away. He knew he would have to run fast, the stadium was old and would probably collapse. As he got to his feet, cement chunks raining around him, he heard James' panicky voice, but he was only focused on protecting him. The questions would have to wait until they were safe.

He ran again down the access corridor, hearing the rumbling sound of a heavy structure breaking and coming down, and terrified screams from the stands. The exit was only five meters away when the ceiling above him abruptly cracked, and large concrete rocks came down. He dove to the right, next to the wall where he knew they had the best chances to survive, and shielded James again as the whole stadium collapsed above them, burying them underneath mounds of deadly debris. The small boy tightly pressed against his chest, he felt a huge rock falling on his head and lost consciousness.

* * *

In Towson, the family and friends were clustered in the lounge, lazily watching the match and the children playing with Playmobil figurines. Sam and Briggs had sworn loudly when the Zenit had scored, and been told off by the mothers. Sam, his knee feeling better since Elena had manipulated it again, was casually caressing Grim's back, seated right next to him and her head on his shoulder. Briggs was saying:

_ I hope the Americans will score, or I'll have the humiliation of my life. Kestrel will make me do push-ups until I collapse.

_ Never bet against Kestrel, Sam said calmly. You know it, sonny. Why did you do it?

_ I like a good challenge, his ops said with a grimace. But now I'm starting to regret it.

Sam smiled wickedly, but at that moment the image went off, and he only saw a black screen. Puzzled, he shot a questioning look at Briggs who grabbed the remote control and zapped, but the TV was okay. Only their channel was malfunctioning. Then loud alarms started to blare from his and his ops' OPSAT and Grim's smartphone. He checked it and saw with dread that Kestrel's vitals were plummeting, making all the system's alarms go off.

_ Holy shit! Briggs swore. It's Kestrel!

_ What's happening? Molly asked in alarm as her husband and Grim jumped on their feet, imitated more slowly by a cursing Sam.

Briggs zapped on CNN, and a few seconds later, as Sam was on his foot and crutches at last, news of an explosion in Washington were arriving.

_ Kestrel's in danger, Sam said with a pale voice.

_ What? Elena asked, abruptly rising too in worry. Why? He not okay?

_ His vitals are low, Sam told her, his mind numb in shock. And James...

_ We must go there, Briggs told him. We'll find them with his OPSAT.

_ If he is danger, Elena said firmly, then I go. I am doctor. I help.

She turned towards Molly and asked her:

_ Can you keep Aliosha, please?

_ Of course, the nurse said, rising and gathering the worried children.

_ Then off we go, Briggs said.

_ My love? Sam asked Grim who looked on the verge of fainting.

_ I... I'll stay here, she stammered, collapsing on the sofa.

Elena ran to her and checked on her, and pursed her lips. She told her calmly:

_ Anna, you take deep breath and relax, okay?

She said to Molly:

_ I need wet towel and alcohol.

Then she turned towards Sam who was approaching them, deep worry twisting his guts:

_ Sam, I sorry, she said, her voice trembling. I stay here with Anna, and you find Mishka, please.

_ Okay, Sam said, torn between the urgency of Kestrel's state and Grim's fainting.

But she herself said, grimacing:

_ Go, Sam! Find James and Kestrel! They need you! Go!

_ Okay, my love, he said, hastily kissing her. Stay safe, everything's gonna be all right.

She fell on the cushions of the sofa, wincing in pain and clutching her womb, and he heard Briggs saying:

_ Sam! We must go now!

He left, anguish tearing his guts, and hobbled to Briggs' van. The ops helped him on the passenger seat then ran behind the wheel and floored the accelerator. Sam checked his OPSAT and saw with even more dread that Kestrel's vital signs were decreasing at alarming speed.

_ He's dying! he cried in worry. How much time?

_ One hour, Briggs said gloomily, looking sick. Phone Charlie, Sam. Call every available Fourth Echelon personnel.

Sam obliged, and phoned Charlie, Dr Collins, Ollie and Jun, Andrews the male nurse, and they all converged on the stadium. Charlie told Sam he would guide the rescuers with Kestrel's signal, and Sam felt better. He didn't know what had happened, but the priority was his ops and grandson's lives. Then he phoned Sarah and was reassured to hear her on the line, even if she sounded worried out of her mind:

_ Darling, it's me. How's Grim?

_ She's losing blood, Dad. Elena is taking care of her.

_ The baby? he asked in dismay.

_ Probably, she said with a quivering voice. Elena's next to her. She's trying to make her relaxing as not to miscarry.

_ But how's Grim reacting?

_ She doesn't want to miscarry, Dad. She's crying, but she fears you will be relieved if she loses the baby now.

_ Pass her the phone, please.

He heard shuffling sounds, then Grim's feeble voice:

_ Sam?

_ My love, he said, taking a deep breath. Just relax, everything's gonna be all right.

_ But what if I lose the baby, Sam? she sobbed. I... I want to have it, Sam! Now I know it.

_ Grim, he said calmly, you just relax. I want to have the baby with you too. We'll raise him or her with us, and I'll slow down as to enjoy as much time as possible with him or her. And we'll organize with Fourth Echelon. Don't worry, we'll manage.

_ You're sure that's what you want, Sam? she asked, her voice full of sobs.

_ Yes, he said firmly. That's what I want. We'll have that baby, my love. It's not too late for us, even if we're a little bit older than the average parents. And we'll have help from Sarah and the boys.

_ Okay, darling, she exhaled slowly. I'll try and relax, then. Any news of Kestrel and James?

_ Not yet, he said as calmly as he could, but I called all Fourth Echelon members. We'll rescue them, don't worry. Just focus on us and the baby, my love, and I'll take care of them. Okay?

_ Okay, she repeated.

_ I must leave, but I love you, he said tenderly. Take care of our baby.

_ I will, Sam, she sobbed again.

He hung up, feeling dizzy, and Briggs said, shaking his arm:

_ Hey, Sam! You still there?

_ Yes, sonny, he said. Just feeling overwhelmed with worry.

_ Have a look in the glove compartment. I have a small flask of bourbon. Take a sip.

Sam did, and soon felt the alcohol coursing through his veins, like a whiplash. He felt immediately more alert, but knew the sensation of being sick would stay until he had reassuring news from Grim, Kestrel and James.

His smartphone rang, and he picked up the call:

_ Fisher.

_ Sam, it's Charlie.

_ Charlie! What news? he asked, switching on the loudspeaker.

_ I'm on site, his tech answered hurriedly, obviously running. The stadium is blown up. According to some witnesses, it was a suicide bomber.

_ What about Kestrel and James?

_ Panic is everywhere, Sam, Charlie explained with concern. Dead people, injured ones, medics and investigators... It's a living nightmare. But we're almost to Kestrel's position. But...

_ What?

_ If he really is where the signal indicates, then he and James are buried under a ton of concrete chunks. We'll start pushing them, but we would need an army to reach them on time.

_ I'll call the president.

He hastily hung up then dialed the President of the United States' direct line. Even if his relations with Caldwell's successor were often tense, he knew he could rely on him. And soon he heard Bart McMurdoch's deep voice:

_ Mr Fisher. I'm rather in a hurry, I...

_ I know, Mr President, Sam cut him softly. I call for the same reasons. The attack in the Washington stadium. People are buried under the structure, and one of my ops in particular. They'll be crushed if we don't do anything. And we need personnel. A lot.

_ I already called the nearest SWAT teams, FBI agents and the National Guard is coming too.

_ Not enough, Mr President. I'm sorry to insist, but this stadium can host fifty thousand people.

He heard a few seconds of silence, then the president said:

_ I'll call the nearest armed forces. They'll come as quickly as possible.

_ Thank you, Mr President.

Sam hung up, and asked Briggs:

_ How far?

_ We'll be there in ten minutes.

Sam nodded, watching with apprehension his OPSAT, his only link to his other ops, emitting small alarms as Kestrel's vitals were slowly fading.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Hi everybody! I'm back from holidays, so I hope I'll be able to update more often, but it probably won't be a chapter a day. My daughter's home and her nanny's on holidays, so... But I'll have this story continuing nevertheless! Enjoy!**

Chapter 15

When Briggs reached the large security perimeter, Sam had to show his special Fourth Echelon badge to enter with the car, and soon they arrived just at the foot of the stadium. And Sam, climbing down as fast as he could with his knee, saw that Charlie hadn't underestimated the damage. The stadium was half-collapsed, like a gruesome modern version of the Italian Coliseum, but with thousands of panicked people running and roaming around.

Briggs parked as close to Kestrel's signal as possible, and Sam soon saw Charlie, the doc and all Fourth Echelon members, helped by a dozen FBI agents, pushing aside huge rocks of concrete. Briggs ran to help them, and Sam cursed his knee for the thousandth time. He could only watch, taking in the nightmarish scene, and checking Kestrel's vitals. His ops was still alive, but Sam knew that it was only thanks to his immense strength. And he could only hope that James was still alive too.

Twenty minutes after their arrival, several regiments arrived, and the soldiers dispersed, helping the rescuers removing the blocks of concrete. And five minutes later, Sam heard Briggs' shout:

_ There!

The rescuers concentrated on a particularly large block, helped by two dozen Army soldiers, and Sam called two nearby waiting ambulances. As the paramedics arrived the block rolled to the left, and Briggs, Charlie, the doc and Andrews jumped into the crater. Soon Sam saw them emerging, carrying the unconscious ops and the smaller form of James, who was crying softly. The paramedics hurried forward, and Sam hobbled behind them.

As Kestrel was hastily put on a stretcher, Sam saw that his head was wounded, but one of his legs was nearly crushed. Gulping down his fear he watched him being whisked away, and Briggs followed him and Dr Collins after a questioning glance and a nod from his boss. Then Sam turned to where Andrews was holding James on a second stretcher, and beckoned at the team to come closer. James was screaming, more out of shock than hurt, and Sam soon hugged his grandson, reassuring and comforting him:

_ It's okay, James! It's okay! Grandpa Sam is there. Don't worry, kiddo. It's all right.

Then he followed him to the ambulance, telling Charlie:

_ Find all you can on this attack, please. I'll phone you as soon as I have news.

_ Okay, Sam, the serious tech nodded gravely.

Andrews came with him and helped him aboard an ambulance, and soon they departed. Sam was holding James' hand, caressing his head and speaking comforting words, and the boy soon fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion. Sam asked Andrews:

_ How could he be okay under all these blocks?

_ Agent Kestrel was shielding him, the male nurse answered gravely. He saved him by putting him underneath his body.

Sam waited a few seconds, breathing deeply, silently thanking his dying ops, then dialed Sarah's number. The woman's anguished voice rose almost immediately:

_ Dad? How's James?

_ He's okay, kiddo, he said calmly. I'm right next to him in an ambulance. He's not injured, at least not apparently. Kestrel saved him.

_ How's Kestrel?

_ He... he's not out of danger yet.

It was all he could manage in his anguish, but Sarah obviously understood. She said immediately with a reassuring voice:

_ He'll be okay, Dad. He's the toughest man we know, and he has a family now. He won't die.

_ I hope so, honey.

Sam was trying not to fall apart for the sake of his grandson and his ops, but it was exceptionally hard. And on top of all that, he was worried sick about the woman he loved. He asked his daughter in anguish:

_ How's Grim?

_ The bleeding stopped, she answered carefully. But she's so worried about the baby, Kestrel and James that it could turn really bad.

_ What do you mean? he asked in fear.

_ She's okay for now, Dad, Sarah said with a soothing voice. But I hope you'll soon have good news about Kestrel's state. Elena thinks she wouldn't be able to bear his death, and would certainly miscarry and fall into a nervous breakdown.

_ What about Elena? he asked, not wanting to let his panic overwhelm him. Is she okay?

_ I think she's trying not to show her anguish in front of Grim and I, but I can see she's completely upset. It helps her nursing Grim, she can focus on something else.

_ Okay, honey. We'll soon arrive at the hospital, don't know which yet. I'll phone you back as soon as I have news.

_ Dad? Are you sure James is okay?

_ He'll have a complete check-up, and I'll stay with him, he promised. Briggs is with Kestrel.

_ Is he badly injured?

Sam took a deep breath, thinking about his answer. Then he said:

_ He and James were buried under large blocks of concrete. He shielded James, but…

_ He's been crushed, she guessed in dread.

_ Not his whole body, from what I saw. But… I'll keep you posted, Sarah, okay?

_ Okay, Dad, she exhaled slowly. Give James a hug for me, will you?

_ Will do, honey.

She hung up, and Sam buried his face in his hands, only praying all gods and heavens for the nightmare to stop. A few minutes later, they arrived at the Medstar Washington Hospital, and James woke up when the ambulance stopped. Sam followed him with difficulty on his crutches, but the medical staff took their time, seeing that the boy's state was not concerning. And Sam spent two hours walking from exam rooms through countless corridors to James' small bedroom. Finally, a pediatrician came to see him and James and told him that the boy was unharmed, a real miracle.

_ No, doc, Sam said in anguish. Not a miracle. His uncle saved him.

_ I see. Then I hope this man will be okay, because thanks to him your grandson is still alive. Being buried under the stadium's structure should've killed him.

Sam nodded, worry twisting his guts. He asked the woman:

_ When will we be able to leave?

_ Right away if you want, the nice doctor told him. In fact, it would be better if you could leave. We need all available beds for more seriously injured people.

_ I understand, Sam said. Thanks for everything.

The doctor smiled and left, and James asked him:

_ Grandpa Sam? Where is uncle Mishka?

_ I don't know, kiddo, he answered calmly, masking his disarray. I'll call uncle Briggs, okay? But first, we'll leave.

_ Okay.

James slowly got up, and Sam was reassured to see that he had only scratches and torn clothes. They made their way to the entrance and waited for their papers, and Sam could see the seriousness of the situation. Injured or shocked people were pouring non-stop into the lobby, and the medical staff was barely keeping up with the tide. He went to sit on a crowded bench from where a sympathetic man rose to let him ease his leg, told his grandson to stay next to him, and took out his smartphone. He called Sarah first:

_ Honey, it's me.

_ Dad? How is he?

_ He's all right, honey. A real miracle, the pediatrician told me.

_ Ben will pick him up. Where are you?

_ Medstar Hospital. In the lobby.

_ I'll call Ben, he'll arrive soon.

_ Okay. How's Grim, honey?

_ Sleeping. Elena made her do sophrology, she's exhausted. But she was reassured by what you told her.

_ It'll be hard, but I meant what I said, he confessed. I really want to have that baby with her. But it means that you'll have a brother or a sister who could be your child.

_ Doesn't matter, Dad, he heard her say with a comforting voice. As long as you and Anna are happy, then it's all that matters for me.

_ Thanks, kiddo. We'll talk about all this later. I'll try and see Kestrel now.

_ I'll tell Ben to call you when he arrives.

_ Okay. See you later, then.

_ Bye, Dad. And thanks.

He hung up and phoned Briggs, checking on James, but the boy was calmly staying next to him, a hand on one of his crutches. The line was picked up at the second ringing:

_ Yes?

_ Briggs, it's Sam. How's he?

_ He's in surgery, his ops said with a tense voice. Dr Collins is with him. But it's not pretty, Sam.

_ Will he be okay? he asked with dread.

_ We still don't know. His head will probably be okay, even if he has a fractured skull, he can mend it with his abilities. But his right leg is much more worrisome. The doc told me maybe he wouldn't be able to recover, and even wondered if it would have to be amputated beneath the knee.

_ My God…

_ I'm waiting for news, I'll keep you posted. How's James?

_ Only scratches, Sam told him, worry rising in his throat and making him sick. He's okay.

_ I see. We all owe Kestrel much, Sam. I really hope he'll be okay.

_ Yeah, me too. Where are you?

_ Medstar Hospital.

_ Us too. Ben will soon pick up James, then I'll join you. Where exactly?

_ Waiting room in the emergency unit. The number of people arriving here is terrifying.

_ Yeah, here too it's a nightmare. We'll soon have a call from the President, I suppose.

_ We're not ready, Sam, Briggs told him firmly. Kestrel's between life and death, you're not fit, and Grim's state isn't better. How's she, by the way?

_ Better, Sarah told me. Physically speaking.

_ There, you see? We're not ready.

_ Yeah, you're right. We must think about the organization of Fourth Echelon. A backup team.

_ That would be great, but now's not the moment.

_ True. Phone me as soon as you have news.

_ Will do, Sam.

_ And Briggs? Phone Molly and Elena. They need to know what's happening.

_ Okay.

He hung up again, anguish twisting his guts, and took a deep breath. He couldn't fall to pieces now, James needed him. His ops and their family needed him. And Grim needed him. His dismay would have to wait. James asked him:

_ How is uncle Mishka, Grandpa Sam?

_ He's hurt, kiddo, he said calmly but forcing a small smile on his lips. But don't worry, uncle Mishka is very strong. He'll be okay.

_ Uncle Mishka ran very fast, the boy told him with a small voice, but the rocks fell upon us. And the people were shouting!

Sam grabbed his grandson and hugged him tightly. He could see that James was haunted by the experience, and would probably have nightmares, or worse. But if Kestrel died…

He made James sitting on his free leg and held him against his chest, murmuring comfort words, and after ten minutes the small boy fell asleep on his shoulder. Sam waited twenty more minutes before seeing Ben emerging in the lobby, taking out his smartphone. But Sam called him out softly, and fortunately his son-in-law heard him. He strode towards them as James woke up, and carefully grabbed his son, hugging him. Sam rose with difficulty and shook his hand, and Ben said:

_ Thanks for everything, Sam. Sarah told me he was okay, is it true?

_ Yeah, only scratches, he acknowledged.

_ Do you have news about Kestrel? his son-in-law asked in worry.

_ He was in surgery, last I heard, he said with concern. I don't know anything more. I'll go and see him now.

_ Do you want me to wait for you?

_ No, he shook his head calmly. I don't know how much time it'll take, and James need rest. I'll be with Briggs, he's with Kestrel.

_ Okay, Sam. We'll go now, then.

_ Take care of him. He's still in shock, I think.

_ We'll be careful. Molly, Elena and Grim are coming to our place with the kids, we're closer to Washington than Briggs.

_ Okay, Ben. Take care of them.

_ I will, Sam. And Vic told me that you could phone him in case of need, he has some available men.

_ Good to know. I'll see about that later.

_ James? We're going home. Say goodbye to Grandpa Sam!

_ Goodbye, Grandpa!

_ Bye, kiddo, he said, kissing his grandson on the forehead.

They left, and Sam made his way to the emergency unit, appalled to see that the flow of wounded people coming from the stadium wasn't staunching. He noticed that the Russian supporters were the most seriously wounded, and guessed that the suicide bomber had been in their side of the stadium. That explained why Kestrel had run away from the stands, he had probably seen the man and wanted to get out before it was too late. He had succeeded in saving James, but he himself…

Sam virtually slapped himself, murmuring:

_ He's not dead, Fisher. He'll be okay. If there's any justice in this world, he'll be okay.

He arrived in the waiting room ten minutes later, his arms shaking, and Briggs ran towards him, looking worried out of his mind. He asked in dread:

_ What news?

_ None, the ops said in anguish. I tried to phone Dr Collins, but no answer.

_ That's good, sonny, Sam said soothingly, forcing down his own emotion. If he had answered, then it would've mean that there was nothing more to do for Kestrel. If the doc is busy, then he's trying to save him, that's reassuring.

_ Yeah, Briggs exhaled. Yeah, you're probably right.

They found a seat for Sam in the back of the overcrowded room, Briggs standing next to him, and waited for three hours. Sam was waiting for news from Charlie too, but he knew that with the mess at the stadium it would take time to gather info. But the tech had seemed focused and angry, and Sam was happy to know that in a crisis he could count on him. And after the three hours, they finally saw Dr Collins coming into the room, looking utterly exhausted. They went to see him, and before Sam could say anything he told them:

_ He's alive. And he'll keep his leg.

_ Wonderful, Sam sighed, feeling like a ten-ton anvil was lifted off his shoulders.

_ But will he be able to walk and still be a field ops? Briggs asked tensely.

_ That I still don't know, the doc said grimly, rubbing his eyes. We'll see when he awakes. He was already stirring when I left him.

_ Can we see him? Sam asked calmly, forcing the turmoil deeper down.

_ Follow me.

Dr Collins led them through crowded corridors full to bursting with stretchers and moaning people, running medical personnel and trolleys, then they arrived to a bedroom. Three people were jammed in there on stretchers as well, and one of them was Kestrel. Sam went right next to his ops in the front of the room and saw that his head and right leg were heavily bandaged, and he had a splint on his leg like him. He could see bruises and scratches all over his ops' body, but fortunately he looked good enough. Dr Collins went on the other side of the stretcher with Briggs and said loudly:

_ Agent Kestrel! Wake up!

Sam shot a look behind him at the two other men in the bedroom, but they were fast asleep or unconscious, because they didn't react. And in front of him Kestrel started a little, his eyes fluttering open, and his hands moved in front of him, groping around. Dr Collins bent over him and said calmly:

_ Agent Kestrel, everything's all right. You're in hospital, don't worry.

_ James… his ops murmured, still groping around. Where's James?

_ He's with his father, Sam answered him calmly. He's okay, sonny. You saved him.

Kestrel's hands fell back on the stretcher, and his eyes focused on his boss. Sam saw that he had trouble keeping them open, but at least he was seeing and hearing well enough. He asked softly:

_ How are you feeling, Kestrel?

_ Not too good, his ops said weakly. Pain everywhere in my body.

_ That's quite normal, agent Kestrel, the doc said. You were buried under large concrete blocks, and your right leg was nearly crushed.

_ Can't feel it, he said.

_ You had anesthesia, agent Kestrel. Now we'll let you sleep.

_ Before that, doc, Sam said reluctantly, I have some questions.

_ Then make it quick, Sam, the doc scowled. He really needs rest.

_ Kestrel? he asked his ops. Do you remember what happened before the explosion?

_ The Zenit had scored, Kestrel recalled weakly, eyebrows furrowed in his effort to remember. Then I felt the bad vibes.

_ The bad vibes? Briggs asked in surprise. What do you mean?

But Sam knew what Kestrel was talking about, he remembered the hide-and-seek lessons in Boise.

_ The suicide bomber, he said calmly. You felt his presence?

_ Yes. He was so hostile. I felt him, then I saw him.

_ Where was he?

_ Ten meters away from us. Among the Russians. I grabbed James. Ran away from him.

Sam's guts tightened with delayed shock. Without Kestrel's fast reaction and incredible speed, he and James would be dead, having stood only ten meters away from the explosion. He took a deep breath and asked again:

_ What was he like? The bomber?

_ Black skin, his ops recalled more weakly, his eyelids drooping. Closely shaved, angry eyes. A wired belt around his waist, under a brown vest. Red cap.

_ Anything else?

Kestrel clearly racked his brains, but the effort was visibly too much because he fell asleep instantly. Dr Collins checked on him and said:

_ He's exhausted. We'll let him sleep.

Sam nodded, but Briggs asked:

_ Doc, wouldn't it be better if we bring him to Sarah's with us? The hospital needs room, and if he's only there to sleep…

_ Maybe you're right, agent Briggs, the doc said thoughtfully. Please stay here with him, I'll see what I can do and be back soon.

So Sam and Briggs sat on chairs in the little available space, and the Splinter Cell watched his wounded ops sleeping, dimly thinking that he didn't even take the time to thank him for having saved his grandson's life.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

While they were waiting for the Dr Collins to come back, Sam watched Kestrel sleeping soundly on his stretcher, fortunately not looking in pain. Sam himself was feeling better at seeing him alive and relatively okay, but he was still tense and worried. And abruptly his smartphone rang softly in his pocket. He hastily took it and picked up the call, shooting an anxious glance at his ops, but he hadn't stirred.

_ Fisher.

_ Sam, it's Charlie.

_ Charlie! What news?

_ Not too good news, Sam, his tech answered calmly but darkly. The FBI counts at least three thousand dead people here, and it's only a first rough estimate.

_ Holy shit!

_ Yeah, it's not pretty. And the bomber, they found his papers and a letter in his van. He was a member of PanAfrica.

_ No!

Sam had shouted in dismay, not wanting to believe it. They had spent three months in Africa neutralizing this terrorist group, almost making Fourth Echelon blow up under the heavy strain: he and Grim arguing constantly, Charlie often sulking and eating peanut butter in his workshop, and Kestrel and Briggs risking their lives and getting angrier and angrier. Briggs and Grim had had a violent spat, Charlie and Grim had been constantly at each other's throats, and Kestrel and Sam had almost had a real fight, Kestrel demolishing the weapons rack in the cargo hold instead of his boss' face.

The team had survived, but at a very costly price. They had all made peace, except he and Grim, with huge efforts, but now Charlie was telling him that the ordeal wasn't finished. So Sam was really appalled, but there was no room for qualms or burying his head in the sand. He had to step up, such was his job. So he took a deep breath and said:

_ Okay, that's real bad news. Please send all the data on our OPSAT. And meet us at Sarah and Ben's place first thing tomorrow morning.

_ You're sure, Sam?

_ Yeah. We had a job to do. If this bomber struck us here, in Washington, then it means that we haven't finished it. We'll have a meeting.

_ How's Kestrel? And James?

_ James is safe. Kestrel is sleeping, we're just beside him. He'll keep his crushed leg, and his head is okay.

_ That's good, Charlie exhaled in relief. From what I learned, they were awfully close to the bomber.

_ Yeah, Kestrel saw him. He ran away to protect James.

_ Are we on this mission officially, Sam?

_ No, he admitted. But I think it's only a matter of hours.

_ Sam, Charlie said seriously. If we take on this mission, we must talk first.

_ Is there a problem? Sam asked him in concern.

_ Yes, there is, the tech answered grimly. But I'll tell the team when we are face to face.

_ Charlie, what…?

_ Not yet, Sam. I won't speak about it on the phone. See you at 9 am tomorrow, then.

_ Okay, Charlie. Thanks.

The line went dead, and Sam exchanged a worried look with Briggs, who had guessed the news weren't good. He told him:

_ Three thousand dead people at least. PanAfrica. Charlie has a problem with the mission.

_ This is getting better and better, Briggs grumbled.

Sam was starting to believe that he was stuck in the worst possible day ever and the time had just stopped, only permitting him to get more and more worried until he cracked. He took a very deep breath, but it was no good, and he snapped. He buried his face in his hands, trying to stop the flood of tears, and soon felt Briggs' hand on his shoulder.

_ It's okay, Sam, he heard his ops say. It'll be all right. Let the steam off.

_ I can't stand it any longer, he hiccoughed. I'm sorry. The pressure's too high.

_ Don't worry, I know. You're just a man, Sam. Take some time for you. Don't be ashamed.

So Sam cried underneath his fingers, thoughts about Grim, the baby, Charlie, James, Kestrel, the suicide bomber, PanAfrica, Fourth Echelon and his job swirling very fast in his mind. But soon he got a grip, inhaling deeply, and wiped his cheeks with a forceful swipe. He was Sam Fisher, Fourth Echelon's director, sixty-four and a long career behind him, and no stranger to a heavy strain and suffering. He had to be the tough man, and bury his emotions deep down again. He said rather calmly:

_ We have to think about the future of Fourth Echelon, we can't keep it that way. But first, we have a mission to complete.

_ I agree, Briggs nodded. We have some terrorists bastards' heads to bust. And some family to take care of.

Sam only nodded, breathing more calmly, and he and Briggs waited for Dr Collins to come back. In front of them, Kestrel was still sleeping, an IV connected to the crook of his left elbow. Sam watched his chest slowly heaving, his ops taking deep breaths, glad that he was safe and hoping that he would soon recover completely and be able to use his leg again.

After waiting for twenty minutes, Dr Collins came back in the bedroom and told them:

_ It's okay, we'll leave in five minutes. I've got his papers and an ambulance is ready.

_ Thanks, doc, Sam said, grabbing Briggs' outstretched hand to get to his good foot. Are you coming with us?

_ No need, he smiled faintly. From what I've learned, Elena is a very good doctor, and agent Kestrel will be keener to listen to her rather than me.

_ That I can easily believe, Sam said with a small smile.

_ Agent Briggs? Can you give me a hand? The stretcher-bearers are all busy, we'll bring agent Kestrel outside ourselves.

_ Sure, Briggs nodded calmly.

The two of them pushed Kestrel's stretcher in the corridor after the doc had removed the IV, then through the crowded corridors to the nearest exit, and Sam could follow them quite easily on his crutches. Soon they exited the hospital and saw a huge throng of ambulances waiting to bring in more wounded people. Sam felt helpless, but also very angry, and swept out the last bits of despair from his mind. He would track down the bastards responsible for this horrible carnage and see that they wouldn't be able to do any more harm to his beloved country.

Dr Collins led them to a farther ambulance, and the paramedics sled Kestrel onto their stretcher. Then the doc told them:

_ Well, I'll leave you now. I'll bring back the stretcher, then have a good night's sleep while I still can.

_ You'd better indeed, doc, Sam confirmed. I expect we'll be on duty very soon.

_ Probably, he said while shooting him a concerned look. But the team's not at its best.

_ We'll talk about all this very soon too, Sam said calmly. Thanks for everything, doc.

_ It's my pleasure and my duty, Sam. Wish agent Kestrel well for me, will you?

_ Will do, doc.

Dr Collins left, pushing the hospital's stretcher in front of him, and Sam, helped by Briggs, hoisted himself into the ambulance, next to Kestrel. Briggs said:

_ See you in a few minutes, then. Will you phone Sarah?

_ Yeah. They must know to be prepared, and make room for him.

Briggs nodded and left, closing the doors of the ambulance who hastily drove them to Cherry Hill, his daughter's neighborhood in Baltimore. During the trip, he phoned Sarah, who answered at once:

_ Dad?

_ Yes, honey. How're things?

_ James and Ben are here, James is okay. The children are sleeping.

_ Good. What about you and the adults?

_ I feel better now James is here, near me, she said with a barely controlled emotion. Grim is better too, but still worried about Kestrel, like Elena. How is he, Dad?

_ We're coming to your place with him, he told her calmly. He's sleeping as well, but I hope he'll be okay.

_ So his state isn't worrying, she exhaled in relief. That's wonderful!

_ Well, he said hesitantly, he's quite all right, except for his right leg. We still don't know if he'll be able to heal and use it again.

_ I see, she said after a pause. Do you want me to tell Elena?

_ No, honey. Please pass her the phone, but you can tell the team. By the way, Charlie will arrive at your place tomorrow morning too for a meeting.

_ No problem, Dad. I'll have dinner ready, and our room for Kestrel.

_ Thanks a lot, honey, he said gratefully. We'll go to our place later tomorrow, I think, but…

_ It's okay, Dad. It really is. You've done so much for us that Ben and I are happy to repay you and your team back by hosting you. I'll pass you Elena.

_ Okay. See you later, honey.

He waited patiently, watching Kestrel still sleeping peacefully, and hoped that his ops would recover the use of his leg completely and quickly. He knew that Kestrel would be devastated if he was incapacitated for his job as a field operator. And he himself would be too, along with Briggs and all the Fourth Echelon team. But soon he heard Elena's hesitant voice:

_ Yes?

_ Elena, it's Sam, he said in Russian to make himself perfectly clear. Don't be surprised, I'll speak Russian so there will be no misunderstanding.

_ That's very nice of you, Sam, she said gratefully but her voice trembling. How's Mishka?

_ He's relatively okay, he told her calmly, racking his brains to find the right words. He's sleeping, and we're coming back at Sarah's place. But you have to know something.

_ I'm a doctor, she told him seriously. I'm ready to help him. And I love him, I won't let him down.

_ That's good, he said. But don't worry. He's been crushed under large concrete blocks, and is injured on the head and his right leg. The head will be okay, but he had surgery for his leg, and we don't know if he'll be able to recover. We'll wait and see.

_ I understand, she said, and he noticed that she sounded much relieved. If it's only his leg, then it's my area of expertise. I'll have him walking again in no time. A crushed leg is a joke next to having him…dead…

She stopped, her voice breaking, and Sam knew then that she was deeply in love with Kestrel and wouldn't abandon him, and it made him happy for his ops. He said kindly:

_ He's okay, Elena. He woke up briefly thirty minutes ago, he was self-consistent and calm. And not in pain.

_ That's good, she said with a more controlled voice. When will you arrive here?

_ In about an hour, I expect. Traffic is a nightmare, but we'll take our time.

_ Right. Thank you very much, Sam. You saved him.

_ I didn't do anything, he said rather sullenly, inwardly cursing his knee and his leg in the splint again. My team and the rescuers did the job.

_ But you asked for reinforcements, Briggs told us. Without them, and without you, he would've died.

Sam was at a loss for words after that, and he said simply:

_ I had to save him, Elena. He's like a son to me. And he saved James.

_ And he told me you're like a father to him, she said with emotion. I still don't know you very well, but you and the team, like you said, are his family. And I'm happy he wants me to enter this family.

_ You're welcome, Elena, you and Aliosha. Well, see you in an hour, then.

_ Okay. Thank you, Sam.

He hung up, a huge emotion rising in his chest, and looked again at Kestrel's face. His ops was frowning a little in his sleep, but his features were relaxed. Sam shot a look through the window and saw that they were jammed in the clogged traffic in the outskirts of Washington. He asked the driver:

_ How much time to Baltimore?

_ About fifty minutes, the paramedic said seriously. When we're out of this nightmare, I'll speed up a little.

_ Okay.

He turned back to Kestrel and saw that his ops was stirring, slowly waking. He waited patiently, knowing that after an anesthesia waking up was very difficult. And two minutes later, the ops' eyes fluttered open and slowly focused around him. Sam said softly:

_ Hi, sonny!

Kestrel's gaze turned upon him, and Sam saw that his awakening wouldn't last long. He was still very tired, his eyes were quite glassy. But the ops smiled faintly and said:

_ Hi, Sam? Where are we?

_ Aboard an ambulance, he told him calmly. We're going to Sarah's place.

_ Elena…?

_ She's there too. The whole team will gather there to take stock of the situation.

_ Sam… The bomber…

_ Do you know who he is? he asked hopefully.

_ Not his name, the ops said weakly. But… he was among the guys in Angola.

Sam's chest filled with dread. The mission in Angola, two months ago, had been a near complete disaster, and Briggs had saved the day but it had almost cost him his life. He had shot their target, who was running away, at an impossible angle while Kestrel was fending off the guards on the ground, and the two ops had received some frag grenades.

One of them had gone off a mere five meters away from Briggs, and only a large air vent on the top of the roof had shielded him, preventing him from dying. Briggs had been nearly deaf for two days after that, and Kestrel had nearly smashed Sam's face to a pulp when they came back, as the Splinter Cell had taken the wrong decision for the fifth time in a row, busy as he was arguing with Grim.

Sam shook his head, clearing his mind and coming back to the present moment, and asked Kestrel:

_ Are you sure?

_ Positive, the ops said, his eyelids drooping again. This bastard… sent me a frag grenade.

_ Okay, Kestrel, he told him with a soothing voice. We'll talk about it later. But now have some rest. You have a skull and a leg to mend.

_ My leg… hurts, the ops said with a wince. I can… feel it now.

_ Elena will have a look at it as soon as we arrive. Don't worry, sonny. You'll heal in no time, as usual.

_ No. This time… it's different.

Sam surveyed his ops with anxiety. He didn't want Kestrel to be unable to use his leg again. He told him with a reassuring voice:

_ Don't worry, sonny. It's the anesthesia. Soon you'll be back on your legs, and you'll help us tracking down the sons of a bitch who dared attack our country.

_ I… hope so…Sam.

Kestrel fell asleep again, his features a little tightened. Sam spent the remaining time of the trip watching over him, but the ops didn't stir again. But he winced in his sleep a couple of times, increasing Sam's concern.

About an hour later the ambulance parked in front of Sarah's house, and the paramedics helped Sam out before extracting Kestrel's stretcher. Sam slowly made his way to the door which quickly opened, and he saw Sarah and Ben waiting for them just behind it. Elena was standing next to them, worry on her face and her eyes riveted onto the ops. But Sam, coming inside, saw that she was very professional, letting the paramedics do their job and bringing Kestrel inside too.

She followed them to the bedroom Ben was indicating them, and Sam followed too after hugging briefly his daughter. Grim was nowhere to be seen, and he guessed that she was probably sleeping again. As he entered the bedroom, the paramedics were just laying down Kestrel onto the bed, then left. Sam thanked them and turned again.

Elena had bent at once over her boyfriend and was thoroughly checking on him. She had her case since she had used it while examining him earlier that day, which Sam thought very fortunate. She visibly took her time, not letting her emotion show, then straightened and faced Sam and Ben who were standing right next to the door.

_ He all right, she said calmly, putting her stethoscope and tensiometer back into her case. He is sleep.

Kestrel suddenly stirred and mumbled something. She bent over him and said in Russian, her voice cracking at last:

_ Mishka? Can you hear me?

_ Lena… he murmured, his eyes fluttering open once again.

She sat on the bed next to him, and gently caressed his face. Sam said softly:

_ Please take care of him, Elena. He needs you. And he needs rest.

_ I will take care, she said with her Slavic accent, locking eyes with him. He will go well soon.

_ I don't doubt it, the Splinter Cell said with a small smile.

He and Ben went back in the living room, and he saw that Briggs had arrived and was hugging Molly tightly. He went to sit at the dining table which was set for dinner, and everybody took a seat around him. Then Briggs asked, after a few seconds of silence:

_ So, what's the plan?


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Kestrel woke up slowly, feeling like he was floating on a fluffy cloud of cotton, his mind swirling with blurred thoughts and sounds too fast for him to grasp. He had vaguely registered speaking with Sam and Dr Collins some time earlier, but the memories were very fuzzy. And now he could hear indistinct sounds and voices, and he being moved onto a soft ground. A bed, maybe, he thought.

His head hurt, but it was nothing compared to his right leg. The pain was so sharp and intense he just wanted to yelp and fall into oblivion again, but he knew he had to endure it and grit his teeth. He was alive, and James was safe. That was all that really mattered. Now he just wanted to see Elena and all would be good.

Then he heard her voice, and he stirred, wanting to wake up completely to be with her. He tried to call her, but only a mumble came out of his lips. However he heard her voice again, she asked him if he could hear her. And this time, he succeeded in speaking her name:

_ Lena.

He tried to force his eyes open, fighting against his tiredness and his heavy eyelids, and felt her soft hand caressing his face. In the back, Sam said something, and she answered him, but she was speaking English, and his exhausted mind just couldn't translate anymore. Then the sound of a closing door reached his ears, and he heard her gentle and worried voice again, still feeling her hand on his cheek:

_ Mishka! Open your eyes, my love. I'm here with you.

He didn't answer but groped for her other hand, and soon grabbed it. He firmly grasped it, ordering his rebelling eyes to stay open at last, and saw her blurred figure right in front of him, a few inches from his face. He murmured again:

_ Lena.

_ I'm just here, Mishka, she said with a voice choked with half-restrained sobs. You're alive, and I'm here with you.

_ Didn't want… to die, he said. So sorry.

_ Don't be, she told him rather calmly, rising his hand against her chest and gently squeezing it. It's not your fault, and you saved your nephew. I'm so happy you're alive!

She dissolved into tears, obviously cracking under the pressure at last, and kissed him. He kissed her back, wanting to tell her without words how much he loved her and was sorry to be in this state and worrying her. But she softly pulled away and wiped her cheeks, and simply said:

_ I love you, Mishka, and I need you.

_ Love you too, he whispered, his eyes focusing better. And I need you so much!

White-hot pain rushed in his leg again, and he winced, clenching his fists. He quickly let go of Elena's hand before crushing it, but she had felt and seen his pain. She asked him in anguish:

_ Your leg?

_ Yes, he admitted through tightly gritted teeth. It hurts… so much!

_ Can I have a look?

_ Yes.

She rose and unstrapped his splint, and very carefully removed his bandages. He watched her out of the corner of his eyes, as his head was far too heavy for him to lift. Then he closed his eyes and felt her hands softly touching his leg, trying to relax as much as possible. He felt his leg moving a little and stifled a yelp. The jolt of pain surged through his entire body, but he knew the problem was in his thigh. And he heard her worried voice rising:

_ Mishka, your leg won't heal like that. I have to act now, or you'll be paralyzed tomorrow morning.

_ What… what do you mean? he stammered through a fresh wave of pain.

_ I have to check your sciatic nerve in your thigh, she said with a concerned voice. I fear it's almost blocked by your bone, and if you stay lying on your back like now, tomorrow you won't be able to use your leg anymore.

_ Lena…, he murmured, pain and panic rising in his chest, making him breathing jerkily. Just do… what you have to do… Please… help me.

She strode next to his face and hastily kissed him, locking eyes with him. She said firmly:

_ I will help you, Mishka. Just brace yourself, because you're going to suffer.

_ Already am.

_ I need hands, she said. Be right back.

She ran out of the room, and he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He wouldn't be paralyzed, she would help him. But the thought was just terrifying. If he were paralyzed, then no more field operative jobs for him. And even if he was starting a family of his own, he couldn't leave his job, his life, abruptly like that. Kestrel, мой друг _(my friend)_ , he thought grimly, just brace yourself. Maybe you'll end up with a useless leg, be prepared.

He exhaled deeply as hurried footsteps came closer, and he soon saw Elena leading Briggs, Molly, Ben and Sarah in the bedroom, followed more slowly by Sam on his crutches. She went next to him and told him with a reassuring smile:

_ Don't worry, Mishka, you're going to be all right and far better in a few minutes. Just let us do what we're going to do. Relax and don't resist, okay?

_ What… are you going… to do exactly?

_ I'll have you standing up, she explained seriously, taking his hand and stroking it. Briggs and Ben will support you. Then Sarah will grab your right leg and rise it a little, and then I'll manipulate your sciatic nerve. Molly will help me in case of need.

_ Okay, he murmured, bracing himself.

_ Let's get started, she said, kissing him softly. Relax, Mishka.

She switched language, speaking English to the people around them, and Kestrel focused on her words as to block the horrible pain.

_ Okay. Briggs and Ben, you take Mishka and have him go up. Not drop him, okay? Sarah, you take leg and have it go up too. Okay?

He heard words of approval around him, and saw Ben and Briggs coming next to him. His best friend asked him in concern:

_ Are you ready, mate?

_ Yes... мой друг, he answered as calmly as he could.

_ Up we go, then.

The two men grasped him under his shoulders and round his waist, and he helped them sitting up. His leg was so painful he feared he would pass out, but after a few seconds of dizziness his vision cleared again. Briggs asked him:

_ Ready?

He simply nodded, taking a deep breath. Then Ben and Briggs made him stand up, and he almost fainted. But the men's grip was strong around him, and after hearing a bell loudly ringing in his ears and seeing the fog in front of his eyes clearing, he heard Elena's anguished voice:

_ Mishka? Mishka, answer me! Mishka?

_ Right here, he whispered with difficulty, pain constricting his chest. Let's… get on… with it.

Sarah, already kneeling at his feet, grabbed his right ankle and lifted his leg. A huge wave of fresh pain rushed forward and he groaned, fighting nausea, and felt his head spinning. He vaguely heard Elena talking behind him, feeling her hands on his thigh, and soon heard Sam's voice right in front of him.

_ Kestrel, focus on me. Can you hear me?

_ Yes, he cringed.

_ Good, Sam said calmly. Tell me again about your last holidays. Where did you go?

_ In Boise… The chalet… I love this place… so much.

_ What did you do?

_ Built a log cabin… for the kids…, he stammered, feeling Elena's hands pressing hard into his thigh, making him wanting to black out. Visited… Boise… Meditated… at the waterfall… Saved a deer…

_ You saved a deer? Sam asked in real surprise. Tell me about it, sonny.

_ Deer… was running… hunted… Three hunters… with dogs… I hate… hunters…

_ Why?

_ Kill… for the fun… Can't stand it…

_ Okay. So how did you save the deer?

_ Used… the river, he said, smiling faintly at recalling the face of the incredulous hunters. Grabbed… the deer… threw it… across… landed… on the bank… ran again… Hunters… didn't want… to swim… gave up… Asked me… about… a magical deer… Idiots…

Sam laughed softly in front of him, like Ben, Briggs and Sarah, but Kestrel felt a sudden sharp pain in the back of his thigh, and this time it was just too much. He blacked out.

When he regained consciousness, he was being laid back on the bed and heard Elena's worried voice:

_ Easy… Easy… Do him turn left side. Okay.

He felt himself being gently turned by strong hands, and soon was resting on his left side, his thigh throbbing but the pain dull. He sighed, feeling better already, and heard Sam's voice near the foot of the bed:

_ Kestrel? All right, sonny?

_ Never do that again, he murmured, slowly opening his eyes. The pain is just horrible.

_ Maybe, Elena said calmly right next to him, crouching so he could see her face. But now your leg safe. You walk tomorrow.

_ You're sure about it? he said, feeling overwhelmed with exhaustion.

She smiled kindly and nodded, saying gently after kissing him:

_ That my job, Mishka. You walk tomorrow, promise.

_ Fine, he whispered, his eyes closing in spite of himself. Thank you so much, Lena. I wouldn't have accepted to have a paralyzed leg.

_ Why?

_ Because I have a job to do. And a life to live with you. And teach Aliosha soccer.

Then he felt himself falling through the thick mattress, letting the tiredness engulf him into a deep and blissful sleep.

* * *

_ He is sleep, Elena said after checking on her boyfriend, under Sam's anxious stare.

_ Then we'll let him rest, Briggs said calmly. Let's go back to the living room.

_ I stay, the doctor said. He need me.

_ Okay, Elena, Sam said. Thanks for him.

_ Do you want to eat something, Elena? Sarah asked her.

_ Thank you no, she said calmly. I look him, it is good.

_ Well, if you want something later, just ask.

She nodded with a small smile, and the Splinter Cell followed his daughter, Ben, Briggs and Molly to the dining table from where they had hastily risen at Elena's urgent request, halfway through dinner. Sam sat with a huge sigh and dug in his now cold turkey and mashed potatoes, thoughts confusing his exhausted mind. He ached to go sleeping, and hastily finished his plate. He asked Sarah:

_ Is Grim all right?

_ She was very tired, she told him seriously. And very worried about Kestrel, but she just couldn't keep her eyes open. So we told her to have some rest, but she asked us to tell you to wake her up when you're back with news.

_ Will do, he nodded, stifling a yawn.

_ You'll have the guests' bedroom, Dad, his daughter said immediately. You can go now if you want.

_ What about you and Ben?

_ We're in James' bedroom, she smiled. Briggs and Molly have the sofa, and all the children are in Mary's one.

_ Quite an organization, he said, a little impressed.

_ I'll help you up the stairs, Sam, Briggs offered while rising to his feet.

_ Okay, sonny, he acknowledged. Thanks.

Ben helped him to his good foot and gave him his crutches, then he headed towards the stairs. Briggs gave him his shoulder to grab, and the two of them slowly ascended the steps. Sam cursed inwardly his knee again but was grateful for Elena's presence next to him. Thanks to her the pain had almost disappeared, and it was all the better for him.

They reached the bedroom and Sam gently opened the door, and whispered to Briggs:

_ Thanks a lot, sonny. See you tomorrow, then.

_ Have some rest, Sam, his ops told him seriously. You're gonna need your strength.

_ You too.

Briggs nodded and headed downstairs again as Sam entered the bedroom. He saw in the dark room Grim, soundly sleeping in the bed, features tightened. But as soon as he stepped closer to her, she awoke and sat up in alarm. He hastily murmured:

_ It's me, my love. Don't worry.

_ Sam! she said, rubbing her eyes as he sat on the bed and started to undress. How's Kestrel?

_ Better, he told her with a soothing voice, gently grabbing her hand and stroking it before putting out his T-shirt. He's sleeping downstairs, and Elena took care of his leg. He should be all right.

_ Good, she exhaled in relief, getting up.

_ What are you doing, my love?

_ You need help with your splint and trousers, she said calmly, walking around the bed and putting her hands on his leg.

Grateful, he let her remove the splint and his trousers, helping her, then watched her carefully strapping the splint back on his leg. Then he lay back on the bed and she went right next to him, her head on his shoulder and her right hand gently caressing his chest. He heaved a huge sigh, pushing his worry aside for the night, and said, locking eyes with her:

_ I love you, Grim. Are you okay?

_ I'm terrified, Sam, she admitted, her lips trembling. What will happen now for all of us?

_ Don't worry, my love, he said soothingly, caressing her body and feeling elated to do so. We'll be okay, and we'll face whatever's coming.

He kissed her softly, and she responded passionately, surprising him. She was very obviously exhausted and worried, but she seemed to need comfort badly. And she even started to arouse him, shooting him a questioning look. He kissed her as to answer, caressing her too, and soon she was on top of him.

Sam never would have thought that with a leg in a splint and a throbbing knee he could have so much pleasure, but the love he felt for Grim and the good sensations she was giving him were largely enough. And he felt her orgasm as he was having his, and beamed at her. She was panting and sweating heavily, had large bags under her eyes and thin lines of worry on her face, but at that instant she had never been so beautiful, he thought.

As she lay back at his side again, he kissed her and murmured, stroking her:

_ I love you so much, Grim! And I'm so happy you're pregnant.

_ You're sure you want to have the baby? she asked, worry in her eyes.

_ Yes, I'm sure, my love, he stated calmly, locking eyes with her. I want a little Grim running around in our garden, I only hope he or she won't inherit my stubbornness.

She smiled and kissed him, happy tears flooding her cheeks. But he said more seriously:

_ My love, please don't be upset, but I have something to ask you.

She rose on her elbow, staring intently at him, telling him wordlessly to continue. He took a deep breath and went on uneasily:

_ I know being pregnant isn't an illness, but I'd be much relieved if you could avoid the stress of the coming mission and stay home.

_ Are you asking me to abandon the team in a crisis, Sam? she asked calmly but her eyes darkening dangerously.

_ Yes, he said after hesitating two seconds. But you won't abandon us, my love. You'll protect your health, and our baby. And my family is so much more important than any mission. I don't want you to miscarry, or even worse put your life at risk. Please forgive me to ask you this, but I care so much about you.

She locked eyes with him and stayed silent for long seconds. He just could see the conflict in her eyes, she was torn between relief and guilt. She would have to choose between her health, and the baby's, and her job with him, which was almost everything to her. But at last she said:

_ You really want that baby, then.

He simply nodded, and she smiled faintly. She said at last:

_ Okay, Sam. For us, and for the baby, I'll stay behind, then. And when this mission is over, we'll talk about our future within Fourth Echelon.

_ Thank you, my love, he said, not hiding his relief. And don't worry, we'll talk about Fourth Echelon very soon. After all, I have my retirement to prepare.

She beamed at him, and they hugged again, but soon Sam fell into a blissful sleep, relief and happiness filling his heart.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

When he awoke, Kestrel was feeling like a band of hedgehogs was rampaging his right thigh, and he forced down a cry of pain. He was lying on his left side on a bed, and Elena was sleeping next to him, features a little tightened. The view of her at his side warmed him, but the pain in his leg was so powerful and aching that he knew he had to move.

He sat up and discreetly unstrapped the splint, and shot a look at his thigh. It was badly scarred, of course, but thanks to his fast healing abilities the wounds were just a memory. But unfortunately the pain was very real and so high that he gingerly got up, stumbling a little and his head swimming. And after five seconds in a red fog, his vision cleared and he was able to take a few halting steps towards the door. His OPSAT had been removed from his arm, probably ruined by the blocks of concrete of the blown-up stadium, so he hadn't got a clue what time it was.

As he opened the door, he heard Elena's drowsy voice behind him:

_ Mishka? What are you doing?

_ I need to move, Lena, he told her soothingly. Be right back.

He shot a look at her and saw that she had fallen back asleep, probably too tired to register the oddity of him up, but it was fine by him. He exited the room and headed towards the garden, feeling his pain easing a little bit as he slowly walked. Soon he reached the living room, recognizing Sarah and Ben's place, and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was 1.56 am, only a few hours after the bombing. And he saw Briggs and Molly, asleep on the sofa, and discreetly retreated towards the kitchen.

With a wince he went out in the garden and looked at the nearly full moon. The sky was clear with no clouds, and the garden was bathed in moonlight. With a huge sigh he leaned on a garden chair and carefully moved his leg. He sensed that staying still wasn't helping him and that moving would ease his pain, but his thigh was hurting him at such an amount that he gritted his teeth and grasped the chair tightly to stifle the yelp threatening to come out.

For about ten minutes he flexed and stretched his leg, and at last the movement eased frankly and the pain faded. And as he was letting out a huge sigh of relief, he heard a strangled cry behind him:

_ Mishka! What are you doing?

He turned on the spot and saw Elena running towards him, Briggs on her heels, and both looking worried. He said calmly as they skidded to a halt next to him:

_ It's okay, I feel much better now. Don't worry, I'm okay.

Elena knelt at his feet and felt his thigh, but he was feeling quite fine and didn't wince. He looked at Briggs who was scowling at him and asked:

_ Angry, мой друг _(my friend)_?

_ No, mate, the ops shook his head, relaxing a little. I know you by now. Always outside I can find you when you disappear. But you nearly died yesterday, so we weren't expecting you to be up in the middle of the night, and on your injured leg.

_ My leg was aching so much that I just couldn't stay put, he explained calmly. I made it move, and now I feel a lot better.

Briggs nodded gravely, and Kestrel bent forward and asked Elena in Russian:

_ Have you worried much, my love?

_ I won't say no, Mishka, she told him with a calm voice but her eyebrows arching in surprise. I was very worried. But what you did for your leg was the right thing to do. I couldn't have done better.

_ That's good, he said, relief spreading in his chest.

_ Please walk, she said, straightening up.

He obliged, happy to notice that the footsteps weren't hurting too much and that only a limp was lingering. But as he slowly walked, he felt tiredness creeping back to him. His head started to spin a little, so he stopped and asked:

_ Briggs? Could I have your shoulder, please?

_ Of course, his best friend said, walking the talk.

Kestrel leaned on his teammate who firmly grasped him round his waist as Elena went right in front of him, asking in English:

_ What is happen, Mishka? You not feel well?

_ Just the exhaustion, I think, he exhaled, his eyes closing in spite of himself.

_ Yeah, can't see why, Briggs said half-sarcastically as he steered him towards the house, Elena supporting him on his other side. Come on, mate, to your bed we go. And stay there until morning!

_ You sound like Dr Collins, Kestrel muttered dejectedly.

_ Well, somebody here must make you listen to sense. You're lucky I've got no sleeping darts with me.

_ But I have product to sleep, Elena said softly with a smile. So Mishka, behave.

_ Not you too, Lena, please! Kestrel groaned, making his helpers laughing softly.

They silently made their way back to the bedroom, fortunately not waking up Molly, and soon Kestrel was lying back on the comfortable bed. He vaguely heard Briggs wishing him a good remaining night before falling into a blissful sleep.

Faint sounds from the floor above him woke him up, and soon he heard the children's laughter. He turned on his side to shake gently Elena's shoulder and kissed her:

_ My love, wake up!

She stirred and hugged him, still half-sleeping. He kissed her more passionately but said quite reluctantly:

_ Lena, wake up. Aliosha is awake, and I think the children are waking up the whole neighborhood.

She slowly opened her eyes and murmured:

_ Good morning, darling. How's your leg?

_ Fine, he said with surprise, noticing the absence of pain and happy about it. It doesn't ache.

_ That's good, she smiled widely and kissed him. But be careful today, please. Don't use it too much, okay?

_ I'll behave, he smiled. After all, you have the means to make me sleep, so I'll try and not get you cross with me.

She laughed and kissed him once more, then they both rose. As Elena got dressed and exited the bedroom, Kestrel headed for the bathroom just next door and took a hasty shower, removing the bandages from his head. He noticed before stepping inside the shower stall that his head and leg looked okay, but he still limped. However, limping was better than having a paralyzed leg, he thought dimly as he showered, then put on some spare clothes somebody had brought him. Probably Briggs, he thought.

He hobbled to the living room and met Molly and Ben, putting back the sofa in sitting position. They said hello, and Molly asked him:

_ How are you, Kestrel?

_ Fine, he smiled, sitting with a small sigh at the table. Aside from the quite stiff leg, I'm okay. But it's better than being dead.

Molly nodded gravely as Ben, looking very grateful and relieved, strode towards him and said, shaking his hand:

_ Once again you saved James' life, Kestrel. We owe you so much!

Kestrel rose and said gravely:

_ You owe me nothing, Ben. I couldn't let my nephew die, that's all. He deserves a good life.

Ben embraced him and Kestrel patted him on the back, then they pulled apart as thunder was resonating in the stairs. Kestrel, grinning, watched the four kids emerging from the staircase, followed by Sarah, Elena, Briggs and Grim. And all the children ran straight to him, yelling happily:

_ Uncle Mishka!

Only Aliosha said "Mishka!", but Kestrel knew he was in trouble. Four hurricanes speeding towards him weren't good news for his leg. So he quickly sat down and said:

_ Здравствуйте, дети _(Good morning, children)_! Sleep well?

_ Yes! they chorused, reaching him and clustering around him.

He bent and one by one made them sit on his good knee, kissing each one of them on the forehead. The last one was Aliosha, but as he wanted to put him down the small boy clang to him, hugging him. Kestrel, moved, hugged him back as Sam came in the room at last, still on his crutches. Then, as everybody took a seat around the great table, Elena and Ben on either side of him and Aliosha still on his knees, James asked him from across the table:

_ Uncle Mishka, are you okay?

_ Yes, племянник _(nephew)_ , he nodded. And you?

_ I'm fine, the boy said seriously but with a quite haunted look. I've had nightmares.

Next to him, Sarah comforted him, hugging him, and Kestrel shot him a sad look. He knew that for a five-year-old boy, the trauma would be deep and long to overcome, but at least he was alive and safe. And right opposite him, Sam said, locking eyes with his ops:

_ About that, I still haven't thanked you, sonny. So thank you so much!

Kestrel simply nodded, knowing that words were meaningless in cases like that, and all around the table the adults nodded in approval and shot him grateful looks. Elena put her hand on his arm, and he swiftly kissed her before saying calmly:

_ Thank you for having extracted us from underneath the stadium. We're all even.

A complicit silence rose for a good three seconds before Mary asked timidly:

_ Mommy, can I have breakfast?

And Kestrel, still quite moved and relieved to be alive and among his family, just cracked up. The strain had been very heavy and the emotions high, so he just laughed, happy to be there and enjoy a simple breakfast. And soon the entire table laughed with him, startling Mary but soon making her laugh too. And after a few minutes, Sarah said, breathing deeply:

_ We'll have breakfast, sweetheart.

She and Ben brought the food and drinks, and Kestrel had a wonderful breakfast. Under the marveled stare of the children he ate ten bagels and had three mugs of coffee, and felt better at last. Then the doorbell rang, and Sam said while Ben went to open:

_ It must be Charlie.

And predictably Charlie emerged behind Ben and shook hands with everyone, and Kestrel introduced Elena. The tech looked truly delighted and flashed a large smile at the ops who grinned too. He had brought Lego toys for the kids and even gave a spare pack to Aliosha, shooting him a puzzled look, but soon learned that the boy was Elena's. So he said, sitting on James' chair as the children ran away whooping happily:

_ Congratulations, Kestrel! So you've just ended your celibate life? I'm so sorry for you! No more partying on weekends, shame!

_ I'm not used to partying on weekends, Kestrel answered calmly. That's a specialty of yours, Charlie.

_ True, the tech admitted. But I think I'll have a diet for some time now.

That reminded Kestrel of the very serious situation. A suicide bombing in Washington was a dramatic thing, and they would have to react. Sam asked the tech:

_ How's the situation, Charlie?

_ For now we count four thousand five hundred and thirty-two dead people, the young man answered sadly. And around twenty thousand injured people, a lot of them very seriously, like Kestrel.

_ They don't have Kestrel's fast healing, Briggs said grimly. This is a catastrophe.

_ The FBI confirmed that the bomber was a member of PanAfrica, Charlie added. The letter he left was very clear: the group, or rather what's left of it, wanted revenge for the death of their leaders in South Africa.

_ So because of us, Briggs summed up darkly, they have targeted the USA.

Around him, Kestrel saw uneasiness creeping on Sarah, Ben, Molly and Elena's face. They weren't supposed to know of Fourth Echelon's missions, and that was obviously very unsettling for them. And Grim said calmly:

_ Maybe we should postpone this meeting. We're not at Fourth Echelon's headquarters.

_ Fourth Echelon? Elena asked, puzzled.

_ It's the name of our organization, Kestrel explained softly, taking her hand.

She shot him a questioning look, but he knew he hadn't the right to say anything more. However Sam spoke:

_ Kestrel, you can tell her. We trust our family.

He glanced at Sam in surprise, but the old Splinter Cell held his gaze serenely. So Kestrel, relief flooding his chest, saw that his boss had appraised his girlfriend and had found her trustworthy. So he told her, stroking her hand:

_ Lena, Fourth Echelon is a small group under direct orders of the President of the United States. Sam commands it. Grim is the deputy director and is in charge of the control. Charlie is our tech. And Briggs and me are the two field operatives. We are deployed in every country of the world for sensitive missions, ones no one will never know about, so secrecy is a vital matter for us.

She nodded, clearly stunned, and he went on, knowing that Sarah, Ben and Molly were listening intently too:

_ Our last mission brought us in Africa, and we had to neutralize this PanAfrica terrorist group. And we thought we had succeeded...

He stopped there, thinking bitterly that neutralizing that sort of group was like fighting the Lernaean Hydra. When you chopped one head, two grew up in replacement. But Sam said calmly:

_ We have succeeded. Our targets are dead. But we can't foresee the actions of solitary killers like this bomber. But was he really alone?

_ That's an excellent question, Charlie said. The FBI is on it.

_ What about us? Briggs asked.

_ No word from the White House, Sam said darkly.

Kestrel felt tension growing up in the room, and gently told Elena in Russian:

_ My love, could I ask you to leave the room, please?

She nodded immediately and kissed him, then rose and exited the room. Molly, Sarah and Ben took the cue and left right behind her, leaving the five members of the Fourth Echelon team alone. They stayed silent for a few seconds, then Sam took a deep breath and started:

_ We must talk about the future of Fourth Echelon.

Everybody around him nodded, and Charlie said hesitantly:

_ And about that, I have to tell you something.

Kestrel looked at him, not really surprised. The last tree-month mission had been a non-stop nightmare, and the tech had seemed very sullen. Kestrel had tried to talk to him, but like Sam he had shunned every attempt, only telling him one night after the mission in Angola that he was fed up with the impossible job and wanted to go home. And predictably Charlie said, obviously gathering his courage:

_ Sam, Grim, Kestrel, Briggs, I'm sorry. But I quit Fourth Echelon.

Kestrel saw that like him Briggs wasn't surprised, but across him Sam looked blown up. Grim only shook her head in sadness, but didn't seem too upset. Her relations with the tech had always been tense and quite difficult, but she seemed genuinely sad. Finally Sam asked with a small voice:

_ But why, Charlie?

_ I've had enough, Sam, the tech answered, eyes quite bright. I'm not fit for running to the four corners of the world eleven months out of twelve. And I've seen too much. I can't stand seeing Briggs and Kestrel risking their lives anymore, worrying constantly. The job is great, and I really like you guys, but I don't want to be away anymore. It depresses me so much that I've noticed I need more and more parties, and alcohol, to cope with the strain. And I don't want to end up drinking, Sam, but I'm heading straight towards it. So I'd rather stop now, before it's too late. And I want to have a family of my own.

He stopped, burying his face in his hands, and next to him Briggs put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Then after a thick silence Sam cleared his throat and said with emotion:

_ I'm really sorry to hear it, Charlie. But I understand. You've done a wonderful job, and I just want to thank you. And don't worry, I'll help you finding another job.

Charlie wiped his tears away and said:

_ Thanks, Sam. But I won't leave you now, not in a crisis like that. We'll have just one last mission together, my very last one with you all. And this time, we'll neutralize these terrorist bastards for good.

_ I'm afraid it'll be without me, Charlie, Grim told him softly, emotion in her eyes too.

_ Why? he asked her, startled.

_ Because I'm pregnant, she said, eyes bright too. And I won't be able to deal with the pressure without putting the baby's life at risk.

Kestrel, although not really surprised, saw that it was a relief more for Sam than for her, but he could see that she was really sad to leave the team in such circumstances. Charlie, after a few seconds completely stunned, finally said:

_ Congratulations, Grim. I'm sorry you won't be there.

She simply nodded, inhaling deeply, and Sam put a hand on her arm. And Kestrel understood that a corner was being turned. The Fourth Echelon he had known would soon evolve into something else, he didn't know what yet, and wasn't sure to like it. But, he thought dimly, I'm not even sure I'll be able to still belong. He said calmly, forcing down his emotion and fear:

_ And I'll have to ask Dr Collins to check my leg, if we take on this mission. Maybe I'll be incapacitated.

The team shot him a worried look, and other tense seconds passed. Then Sam said at last:

_ And I'll soon retire. I have osteoarthritis, Charlie. I'll have to slow down.

The tech suddenly burst into tears, and Briggs embraced him, trying to comfort him. Kestrel exchanged a concerned and sad look with his best friend, then with Sam and Grim. But they all saw that things would never be the same from now on. And it wrenched Kestrel's heart. So he fought back his emotion, but all around him his teammates were shedding tears, so he let go of the flood too.

It took the team five long minutes to regain composure, then at last Sam spoke. He was their leader, their commander, and Kestrel knew that he would take the best decision for them all. He would've followed him to hell if needed, and Briggs too, but he wasn't certain, even if he wasn't incapacitated, to be able to trust another leader.

_ The Fourth Echelon we knew is dead. Maybe it's for the best. For my part, I've had a very long career, and even if it wrenches me to retire, I'm sixty-four and my body is telling me I have to stop. And Grim and I will have a baby in six months. So yes, this mission with PanAfrica will be my last too. But what worries me is this: who will take my place after that?


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

A few tense seconds passed, and Kestrel, like his teammates, stayed silent, wondering.

_ Who will take my place? Sam repeated with worry. You, Grim?

The woman calmly shook her head, saying:

_ No, Sam. We'll soon have a baby, and I won't be aboard a plane, away from you and our child, like I used to be. In fact, I'll quit Fourth Echelon too.

Kestrel pursed his lips. Yes, he thought gloomily, the Fourth Echelon they had known would soon be dead. Sam asked Briggs:

_ What about you, Briggs?

_ No, Sam, the ops said calmly. I don't have the strength, and most of all I don't want to. As a matter of fact, since we're all laying cards on the table, I've thought about leaving Fourth Echelon for a few months. I'll soon have a second child, and I want to be with my family more often.

Kestrel smiled faintly. Briggs had told him about it during their mission in Africa, asking his best friend to keep quiet about it, and Kestrel had kept his word. He understood perfectly his teammate's desire to enjoy his family's presence, and be able to see his kids growing up.

Sam didn't look surprised, just like Grim and Charlie. Finally, the Splinter Cell faced Kestrel.

_ It's not that I don't want to ask you to take my place, sonny, he said with a dejected expression, but no one in Washington will want to have an ex-Russian, ex-Voron ops in command. It's unfair, but sadly I can't do anything about it. I know you would be up to the job, though.

_ But I don't want that job, Sam, Kestrel said softly, quite relieved to express his feelings. I like being an ops, and when the time comes for me to retire from the field, and maybe it has come sooner than I would have thought, I don't want to be behind a desk or the SMI. I'm a stubborn and hardcore field agent, and nothing more.

He held Sam's gaze, telling him wordlessly what he didn't dare say aloud: that nobody, not him or Grim or Briggs, could ever replace him and be up to the job. Finally his boss nodded faintly and said:

_ Then if Fourth Echelon survives, it'll be with an entirely new team. I'll have to talk to the President.

Silence lingered for some more time, then Sam said:

_ Okay, everyone. We'll prep for this mission. It's 9.35 am, let's meet aboard the Paladin at 3 pm. And if I have news in the meantime, I'll contact you all.

_ I don't have any OPSAT, Sam, Kestrel said calmly, checking his smartphone. But my phone still looks in working order.

_ Okay, sonny. Everybody ready for the last round?

The team nodded grimly, concern, pride and sadness etched on the tightened features. Kestrel, feeling quite bad but hiding it, added:

_ Elena will want to check on both of us, Sam.

_ I know. My love, could I ask you to fetch me my bag and some clothes, please?

_ Of course, Sam, Grim said, rising. Be back in an hour.

_ Stay safe, he told her, taking her hand.

They kissed, and Kestrel was reassured to see that they both seemed better and more in love than ever. Yes, he thought calmly, they would be better without Fourth Echelon from now on. But what about you, Kestrel, мой друг _(my friend)_?

He rose, trying to hide his dismay, and headed towards the kitchen, still limping a lot. He wasn't in pain, but his walking was very clearly impaired, so he feared his running would be a real problem. And when he pushed the door open, he saw Molly, Elena, Sarah and Ben looking up at him, looking quite concerned. Sarah asked:

_ Is the meeting over?

_ Yes, he nodded grimly. We'll leave in a few minutes.

_ But where to? Molly asked in dismay. Home?

_ No, Molly dear, Briggs said, entering the room behind his best friend. We'll soon leave for our last mission.

He turned towards Kestrel and asked him:

_ What are you going to do, mate? You haven't told us.

_ That will depend on many things, мой друг, Kestrel answered him. But the very first one will be to know if I am able to go with you.

Briggs pursed his lips in worry, but Kestrel forced down his dread and turned towards his girlfriend, who was eyeing him with a deep concern. He asked her in Russian:

_ Lena, could you check on my leg, please?

_ Of course, she said immediately, jumping to her feet. Let's go to the bedroom.

He followed her, inwardly cursing his limping, and soon sat on the bed. Elena asked him to remove his jeans and lie down, and he obliged. Then she examined closely his thigh and leg, taking her time, and made him do movements. He succeeded in making almost all of them, but he knew that he would never recover completely. And Elena's gloomy face was explicit enough.

When he was done, he got up and put his jeans back on, waiting for her verdict. She was on the verge of tears and obviously feared his reaction, so he said:

_ Thank you, my love. Don't worry, I know. My leg won't be like before, I can feel it. I can walk, that's the main thing. I have just one question.

She locked eyes with him, exhaling deeply and taking his hand. He could see her bright eyes, but for his sake she was trying to force down her emotion, and he was grateful for that. He said gently:

_ I have a mission to do. My very last within Fourth Echelon, like all my team. I know I'll be incapacitated. But I want to know if I can do this last mission. Will my leg hold on?

She pursed her lips, visibly thinking hard about it, and he waited patiently. He knew he was asking her a terrible thing. As a doctor, she could tell him to go, but as his girlfriend, she wouldn't be eager to see him leaving for a dangerous mission in such a bad shape. Finally she said:

_ I won't lie to you, Mishka. Your leg will be irreparably stiff from now on, and even with all my knowledge and technique I won't be able to make your limping disappear. And thus, you won't be able to run for great lenghts. But you're still able to run nevertheless.

She smiled faintly and said, her grey eyes riveted into his:

_ You can do that mission, my love. I don't like it, but you can do it. Your leg won't hurt you except if you use it too much, and in such a case you must stop all efforts. But if you're cautious, it should hold on, and you should be okay.

He hugged her, kissing her tenderly, and she tightly clang to him, telling him without words to take care. They kissed and hugged for a few minutes, then he reluctantly pulled away, gently wiping away a few tears that had escaped her eyes. He said:

_ I promise you I'll come back to you. And we'll be able to live together soon. You'll soon feel truly home. Just this last mission, then I'll have to search for a job. But I'll be with Aliosha and you from now on. I love you, Lena.

_ I love you too, Mishka, she said rather fiercely, hugging him in a strong grip. I love you so much! Just come back! Hold your promise!

_ I will, he vowed again. I swear I will.

They kissed a last time, then he asked her with a forced smile:

_ I have another important question. Do you have your driving license?

She half-chuckled and said:

_ Yes, Mishka. But I've never driven in the States yet.

_ Better now than never.

He gave her the keys of his pickup and added:

_ I need to go home to pack my things. I have to be at the airport at 3 pm.

_ Okay, she nodded, her lip trembling. I'll see Sam now, then.

He led her out of the room to the living room, where everybody was waiting for them. He saw on the faces of his close friends the worry deeply etched, and decided to end the suspense. He said rather calmly:

_ This mission will be my last too. I'll be incapacitated, and have that nice limping for the rest of my life.

They all shot him a compassionate look, looking very put out. He noticed that Sam and Briggs looked particularly affected, and even saw their eyes becoming dangerously bright. So he said with a small smile:

_ But don't worry, that won't prevent me from training James and Aliosha in soccer. And I'm sure you'll help me doing so, won't you?

_ Tough luck, sonny, Sam feigned to grumble, bringing a larger smile on his lips.

_ Or maybe you'll start baseball, Briggs said playfully after clearing his throat.

_ I don't need training for that, Kestrel stated with a wicked grin. Do I have to remind you who lost during our last match?

_ Shut up, mate. You cheated during our last match! You made me stumble at the last second!

_ Says the guy who stepped onto his own bat and landed face in the dirt. Come on, мой друг, be fair play. You just lost, point blank. And I'll just keep on playing soccer with my nephew and Aliosha.

_ You're hopeless, Briggs shrugged, but embracing him nevertheless.

And as Kestrel hugged him too, he let some of his disarray out in this embrace, and he could tell that his best friend sensed it well enough. They pulled apart and Briggs shot him a special look, one he knew meant "We'll talk about it later."

Then Elena said aloud, breaking the tense moment:

_ Sam, can I look your knee?

_ Yes please, Elena, the Splinter Cell answered with a rather hoarse voice.

The two of them made their way to the sofa, and like with Kestrel Elena took her time with his boss, thoroughly checking on the knee. At last she straightened and said, not putting back the splint:

_ Your knee is more better, Sam. You need not splint more. But you need cane to walk. Okay?

_ Is the cane really necessary? Sam grimaced.

_ Yes, she nodded gravely. If you use not it, you maybe fall, and have great pain. Your knee still weak. And you promised you do what I told, yes?

_ True, he said half-heartedly, making Kestrel smile a little on his chair. Okay, I'll have a cane, then. I'll go buy one with Grim as soon as she comes back.

_ Good, she nodded. And you walk slow, okay? No fast move.

_ Okay.

Kestrel rose and asked Elena:

_ Shall we go, then?

_ Да, любимый _(yes, darling)_ , she said with a smile.

He grinned, love and warmth flooding his chest, and limped towards her. He kissed her, just happy to be alive. He knew that the full consequences of his injury would hit him hard soon, and particularly his coming unfitness, but right now he was happy to be able to kiss her and enjoy her presence next to him.

Sam was surveying him with a sad expression on, but just said, obviously pulling himself together:

_ See you at 3 pm aboard the Paladin, then, sonny.

_ Yes, Kestrel nodded, keeping his own expression neutral.

Elena called out for Aliosha, and the little boy soon came running into the room, laughing his head off, followed by the other children. Kestrel said goodbye to his nieces, then James hugged him tightly. He hugged him too, saying:

_ Take care, племянник _(nephew)_. I have to leave for some time, but I'll soon come back to see you.

James started to cry, hugging his legs tighter, and Kestrel knelt, stifling a curse. His right leg was hardly responding, flexing with difficulty, but at last he arrived at his nephew's height, and told him kindly:

_ Don't cry, племянник. I'll be back very soon. And after I come back, I'll never leave again for my job. I'll work in Baltimore or around, and we'll play soccer more often. Deal?

_ Deal, the boy said, wiping his tears away.

_ Good, Kestrel smiled. In the meantime, train with your football. And when I come back, we'll have a match.

_ Okay, uncle Mishka.

Kestrel tried to rise, but his leg seemed paralyzed. He extended his arm towards Sam, standing right next to him, and his boss grabbed his hand firmly, pulling him on his feet. Kestrel reached the standing position with a frown, grimly nodding to his boss, but he could see the deep worry on the people's faces around him, so he said:

_ Bye, everyone. Sarah, Ben, thanks for everything. Molly, take care. See you when we come back. Sam, Charlie, Briggs, see you later.

He limped towards the front door, Elena and Aliosha right behind him, and they climbed into the pickup. It was very strange for him to sit on the passenger seat of his own car, but he preferred having Elena driving them and preserve his leg as much as possible. During the trip back to Shipley Hill he stayed silent, trying to accept the bad news. And Elena talked softly to Aliosha, probably seeing his bad state and giving him time.

He had known from the moment he had woken up in the ambulance that maybe he would have problems with his leg, since it had hurt him so much and felt so wrong, but now the old nightmare was coming true, his old fear becoming his reality. He would limp for all his remaining life. And worst of all, he would be incapacitated, unfit for his job as a field operative anymore, the only thing he had ever known and wanted to do. What are you going to do, Kestrel? he asked himself inwardly. Wait, another part of his mind said. Come back alive and safe from this last mission, then you'll see, мой друг.

Sooner than he expected Elena parked at the foot of their building, and he shook himself mentally. He had to be strong, and take all necessary precautions to end his career safely and without any more damage while doing the job. He followed her and Aliosha in the staircase, noticing that his leg was starting to hurt him as he went up the third flight of steps, and he stopped, rage filling his guts. Elena turned and asked him quietly:

_ Mishka? All right?

He just shook his head, not wanting to lie to her and yell even less, and she pursed her lips, clearly stressed out. Aliosha, unaware of what was happening, asked him hesitantly:

_ Mishka? Why have you stopped?

_ I need to take a breath, he said calmly to the puzzled boy. Go ahead, I'll catch up with you and Mama, okay?

He held up briefly Elena's stare, telling her wordlessly that he needed some moments alone, and she nodded, eyes brimming with tears but clearly understanding. She steered her son to their apartment as Kestrel followed them slowly, taking his time to reach his own flat.

There he grabbed the bag he had brought back from his last mission and filled it with what he would need, then he went to his bedroom. He wanted to lie down for a few minutes to ease the pain and stiffness in his thigh, but he was so much angry at his fate that he feared he would start tearing his room apart. No, Kestrel, he told himself sternly, not yet. Wait for it, the Paladin's training room will be perfect. Here you would just scare Elena and Aliosha and make the cops bring you to a cell.

So he lay down on his bed for half an hour, letting the pain disappear and doing sophrology, then got up and went across the landing, knocking on Elena's door. She opened two seconds later, obviously waiting impatiently for him, and he stepped inside. Then he took her in his arms and kissed her, hugging her tightly. He buried his face on her shoulder and murmured:

_ When I come back, I'll have a lot of things to tell you, my love.

_ Okay, she said kindly but with a trembling voice. Mishka, I...

_ I know, he cut her softly, gently pulling away and locking eyes with her. I'm not in peak condition, that I know fully well. And to tell you the truth, right now I'm trying to restrain me from wrecking my place in anger. I'll need time to accept this limping, Lena, and my coming unfitness. So it's much better that I leave now, it'll allow me the necessary time to be back in my usual self. And don't worry, I'll take care. And I know Briggs will watch my back. Trust me, my love, please.

She simply nodded, kissing him more than ever, and they hugged for a few more blissful minutes. Then Aliosha ran to them and asked loudly:

_ Mishka? Do you play with me?

_ Yes, ребёнок _(child)_ , he answered calmly, taking a deep breath. We'll play in the living room with your animals, if you want.

The boy ran away, shouting in delight, and he regretfully pulled away from Elena, who said valiantly:

_ I'll have lunch ready. What do you want to eat?

He thought for a few seconds, then asked hopefully:

_ Do you know how to cook a solianka?

_ Of course, she beamed. In fact, it's my specialty, lucky boy. What do you want in it? Fish or meat?

_ Meat, he answered at once, grinning and rejoicing.

_ Then you'll have a beef solianka.

_ Wonderful, he smiled, kissing her. Thanks a lot, Lena.

They went to each their room, Elena in the kitchen and Kestrel on the sofa with Aliosha, playing with his figurines on the low table and waiting impatiently to taste the thick Russian soup. And when she called them, an hour later, and he ate the first spoon of solianka, he shuddered in emotion. He dropped the spoon, fighting the tears welling up from deep inside his chest, as a very old memory resurfaced.

He clearly saw in front of his closed eyes the rickety kitchen at his parents' place in Novgorod, his father looking grim but kind and his mother, smiling at him in spite of her tight features, and serving him the solianka. The taste of the soup he loved so much was just wonderful, the very last meal he had had with his parents before they were killed.

Without realizing it he was crying silently, eating Elena's solianka with mixed feelings, and she asked him with worry:

_ What's the matter, Mishka? You don't like it?

_ I like it very much, he told her earnestly, wiping his wet cheeks, having noticed at last the tears falling. It's just that it brings forward bittersweet memories. About my dead parents. In fact, I've never been able to eat a solianka since their death. It's the first time since thirty-three years ago. And I'm very happy to eat one at last, and yours is truly fabulous. Thank you, my love.

He smiled faintly at her and Aliosha who were eyeing him with concern, and soon ate four plates. Elena was smiling at last, and Aliosha watched him eating with wide eyes, probably wondering how he could eat so much. And much too soon to his taste the time to leave came. He said:

_ Thank you so much, my love. I'll call a taxi, so you'll be able to drive the car around if you want. With Aliosha it'll be better.

_ Mishka, I...

_ No, it's better, he assured her calmly. Just take care of the paint, please.

He grinned, and she soon imitated him. They rose and kissed, and he could sense her anguish. She was trembling slightly in his arms, and he told her:

_ I'll be careful. Don't worry, I'll be back soon. You have my number. I'll answer when I can, okay?

_ Okay, my love, she said with a small voice. And take care of your leg. Don't use it too much.

He nodded seriously, and at last she called Aliosha, who had left to play:

_ Aliosha! Come, sweetheart! Mishka is leaving.

The boy ran to them, looking sad, and dissolved into tears when Kestrel told him goodbye. He clang to the ops' neck, and Kestrel, moved, hugged him tightly, telling him while fighting his own emotion:

_ I'll be back soon, Aliosha. Be nice with Mama in the meantime, okay?

The small boy nodded, still weeping, and Kestrel handed him to Elena, kissing her a last time. Then he left, his morale very low, fetching his bag, and caught a taxi which drove him to the airport. The last round, мой друг, he thought firmly. The very last round. And after that, you'll stay with your family forever. The last round.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

When Kestrel left, Sam felt really bad for him. And very worried too. The ops had had much difficulty kneeling, and even had needed his help to rise to his feet again. A very bad sign for the coming mission. Briggs told him darkly, fists clenched:

_ He's not fit, Sam. Blast this bomber motherfucker! He'll never be fit anymore!

And Sam, startled by his other ops' harsh tone, watched him with anxiety. Briggs, usually down-to-earth and very calm, like Kestrel, seemed to have reached breaking point. But the ops took a deep breath, visibly forcing himself to calm, and added:

_ I'll have to wait to let the steam off. Well, we'll be off too.

He called Rachel, gently taking Molly's hand, and they soon left. Charlie then said in an undertone, quite sullenly, as Sarah and Ben went back to the kitchen:

_ It's the end of something great, isn't it?

_ Yeah, Sam nodded grimly. But you know nothing lasts eternally, Charlie, not even Fourth Echelon. But we're linked with something much stronger than professional bonds. We're a family, and you're part of it, even if you never come round for lunch when we invite you.

_ I'm sorry, Sam, the tech said dejectedly. I know I've acted like a fool for all these years. But that's gonna change. And next time you invite me, I'll come, I promise.

_ Good, Sam smiled faintly, clapping him on his shoulder.

_ I'll go too, and have my things ready.

_ See you at 3 pm, then.

_ I'm sorry Sam. For everything.

Sam locked eyes with the tech, who looked really depressed. He told him firmly, keeping his hand on the young man's shoulder:

_ It's not the end, Charlie. We'll all leave Fourth Echelon, but it's not the end for all of us. Like I told you, we're a family. Don't you worry about it, okay?

_ Okay, Sam, the young man nodded.

Then Sam embraced him, startling him, but soon Charlie snapped, sobbing on his shoulder. And Sam held him, sensing the tech's loneliness and anguish, and told him:

_ We're here for you, Charlie. You know you can count on us. You're not alone.

_ I know, Sam, thanks, the tech said, pulling away. In fact, I've met someone too.

_ That's great, sonny, Sam smiled, rejoicing. What's her name?

_ Andrea, Charlie said with a small smile. Andrea Gonzales. She's a scientist, and works in Washington.

_ Congratulations, Charlie! I'm so happy for you.

_ Thanks, Sam.

The tech smiled a last time then left. And Sam, left alone, sighed deeply, anguish gripping his guts. His team wasn't in good shape, and they would soon cease to work together. He never would have thought that the end of his career would take such a sad turn, but such was life, always unexpected and surprising.

But although concerned by his team's state, it was Kestrel's fate that was really worrying him. His ops was barely able to walk, he would soon be declared incapacitated, but he wanted to do the mission nevertheless. Do I let him do it? he wondered gloomily.

With reluctance he took out his smartphone and phoned their doc.

_ Dr Collins.

_ Hi, doc! It's Sam.

_ Good morning, Sam. How are you?

_ I'm quite fine, thanks. My knee doesn't hurt, and I'm out of the splint. But I'll have a cane, Elena's orders.

_ I'm happy to know that you finally obey some doctor's orders, even if it's not me, the doc said sarcastically. And how's agent Kestrel?

_ He's...

Sam stopped, emotion filling his lungs. He breathed deeply, cleared his throat and said:

_ He's limping hard, doc. Elena examined him, and he told us that he would be incapacitated and limp for the rest of his life.

_ That doesn't surprise me, the doc said sadly. His leg came very close to being amputated, the damage was so huge. I can tell you that he's very lucky to still be able to use it and walk. But I know it's a huge blow, for him and for all the team.

_ He wants to go with us and do the mission, doc, Sam explained seriously. His last one. Our last one.

Dr Collins stayed silent for a few seconds, probably digesting the sad news, then said at last:

_ I see. Then I'll check on agent Kestrel as soon as I join you. When do we regroup?

_ 3 pm aboard the Paladin.

_ I'll be there.

_ Doc? Please don't tell Kestrel no. I know it'll be hard for him and for us, but believe me he's already upset. We can't tell him to stop now and stay behind. We'll watch his back.

_ I can't promise you anything, Sam. But if I think he'll withstand the efforts without too much consequences, then I won't say no. And I'll wait to declare him incapacitated.

_ Thanks, doc. See you later, then.

The line went dead, and Sam hung up in dismay. He knew he still had to phone the President, but that would wait until the team were aboard the plane. He phoned the rest of Fourth Echelon personnel, then grabbed one of his crutches and leaned on it to walk to the kitchen, where Sarah and Ben were cooking lunch. His daughter asked him seriously:

_ Everything all right, Dad?

_ I really don't know what to answer to that, kiddo, he sighed gloomily, sitting on a nearby chair. I guess I can't say no, but on the other hand...

His voice trailed off, and Sarah and Ben nodded thoughtfully. But he said:

_ On the bright side, it's the last mission for us all. We'll all quit Fourth Echelon, for different reasons, of course.

_ What? Ben asked loudly. Why?

_ Well, Grim is pregnant, he explained calmly, and wants to be around to raise the baby. Me too, and I'll retire, my time has come. Charlie has had enough and wants to start a family, we can't blame him. Briggs wants to be around his family too. In fact, the only one that hasn't got any choice is Kestrel. With his leg, he'll be incapacitated without a doubt.

_ That's just sad, Sarah said, eyes bright. But you know we'll be most happy to see you all more often, and the twins especially.

_ Yeah, me too.

He hung his head, taking a deep breath. What a bitter end, he thought. Assuming we all come back alive and safe, of course.

Soon Grim came back with his things, and they sat down for lunch. Sarah and Ben stayed mostly silent, only answering the twins who were nearly as exuberant as usual, even James who looked far better. And Grim was visibly seeing his dismay, because she often put her hand on his arm, wordlessly encouraging him.

After lunch he told Sarah and Ben:

_ Thanks for everything, you two. We'll leave you now, Grim will drive me to the airport.

_ Take care, Dad, Sarah said, hugging him. Come back safely, and bring the team safely too.

_ Will do, he nodded grimly.

He shot a look at Grim who nodded, then the two of them left after a quick but warm goodbye to the kids, and Sam sat next to the woman he loved in her car. He stayed silent at first, lost in his own thoughts, but Grim shook him out of them:

_ Sam, can we talk?

_ Of course, my love, he acknowledged, putting his hand on her knee. Forgive me, I was elsewhere.

_ I don't have to ask you about it, she said gloomily. Sam, you know what I'm going to say.

_ I think I have a fairly good idea about it, yeah. And you know what I'm going to reply.

_ It's just madness, she said nevertheless. Look at you! And the team! I won't be there, Charlie is depressed, Briggs wants to end it quickly, and I won't even talk about Kestrel! And you're going back to Africa, I assume?

_ I don't know yet, he admitted. Please park here, I have a cane to buy.

_ Just great, she sighed while stopping the car.

He went in the shop with her and chose a plain wooden cane, nothing fancy but just easy to handle and quite light. Happy to leave his crutch behind him in the car, he resumed his seat as Grim set off again. He shot a sideways glance at her and saw her gritted teeth and her hands tightly gripping the wheel. He said calmly:

_ Please don't worry, my love. We'll be careful.

_ Sam, please don't take me for a fool, she snapped quite drily. You don't know anything about this mission, much less be certain you'll be okay. And I know you and the boys quite well by now, so I have very good reasons to worry.

_ What a show of trust, he said calmly, keeping cool in spite of his rising anger. Thanks a lot, my love.

_ Sam, I...

_ It's okay, Grim. In truth, I can't blame you. We're in the dark for now, but all I know is that we had a mission, which was to neutralize PanAfrica, and now we know this mission wasn't finished. So we're gonna end it, and take the time to do so.

_ But how? she asked in worry. With Briggs alone?

_ Kestrel's unfit, Sam said calmly, thinking about it. But don't forget he's a sniper, an exceptional one. I'll have him cover Briggs. No need to run for that, at least usually.

_ I'm scared for you all, she confessed, taking his hand and squeezing it. Sam, I'm so scared about you leaving without me to watch your back!

_ I know, my love, he murmured, kissing her hand. I swear we'll be careful.

She shot him a skeptical look but nodded curtly as they reached the airport. Five minutes later she parked in their small private parking, and saw that Briggs' car was already there, but not Kestrel's or Charlie's ones. She took Sam's bag and they walked side by side, holding hands, at Sam's halting pace.

They went to the control room first but nobody was there. Then they headed to his cabin and put his bag on the bed, but they soon heard muffled shouts and blows coming from the training room. Frowning, Sam exchanged a dark look with Grim then sped as much as he could towards the vast room. And when he opened the door, he saw something he wasn't expecting.

Kestrel, looking beside himself, was busy destroying the punch bags, although they had been made especially for him with kevlar-reinforced leather as not to be destroyed by him. But the first one was already ripped to pieces, oozing sand, and the second one wasn't far from giving up too. And Briggs, clearly affected but focused, was shouting at his best friend:

_ Come on, you can have that one too! What are you waiting for! Attack! You want to let this unfitness taking over? Fight, mate! Fight! You're stronger than that leg! Don't be a wimp! Fight!

And Kestrel hit the bag with renewed strength, groaning and swearing, sweating heavily. And Sam caught some of his muffled words:

_ Stronger than that fucking leg... Bloody bastards! I'll make them pay!... Incapacitated, Kestrel, but still strong... I'm going to burst this bag open... Come on, мой друг _(my friend)_ , you can do it!

The Splinter Cell, impressed and appalled at the same time, watched his ops, looking devastated and furious, letting the steam off on the cracking punch bag. Next to him Grim was squeezing his hand in dismay, eyes bright, and Briggs was crying openly, falling silent at last. But a minute later, finally giving up under the heavy fists of the ops who was striking with all his might, the bag burst open and sand flew everywhere.

But Kestrel wasn't done yet, Sam saw, as he attacked the last bag with the same fierceness. And he approached his striking ops, glad not to be in the punch bag's place, and surveyed him carefully while putting a hand on Briggs' shoulder. He knew that Kestrel was currently trying to accept his new state, and that was particularly hard, he could just tell. As he had said, Kestrel was a hardcore field ops, and being incapacitated and have a stiff leg was a huge bang on the head for him, but also for all the team.

Between the strikes, Sam heard hardly stifled sobs, and his heart squeezed in dismay. He knew that he himself couldn't do anything for the one he regarded as a son except being there, silently supporting him, but it was exceptionally hard for him. Flanking him, Briggs was sobbing too, like Grim, and he realized he was crying when he felt salt on his lips. Suddenly Kestrel yelled in Russian, cursing in anguish, not hiding the despair he had kept inwards until now:

_ Bloody thigh! And bloody terrorist! Why? Why? Why?! Fucking bomb! Fucking leg! What am I going to do now? Fucking terrorist asshole!

He struck again with all his might, and after four tremendous blows the punch bag exploded, sand being thrown out everywhere. Then he just sobbed, covering his face with his hands, and Sam and Briggs went next to him. He collapsed into Sam's arms, still sobbing in despair, and the Splinter Cell held him tightly, staying silent as not to show his deep emotion.

Out of the corner of his eye, Sam saw Charlie entering the training room, looking sad, but he concentrated on Kestrel. His ops greatly needed support, so he cleared his throat and said kindly:

_ Take a deep breath, sonny. I won't tell you it's gonna be all right, you know it. But you're alive, sonny. And you still can walk, and be on both your feet. I know it's a terrible ordeal for you, but you're alive and up. And you have a family. Think about them, sonny. Work isn't everything, that I can assure you. Come on, Mishka, take a deep breath.

Startled, Kestrel pulled away and looked at him in surprise through his tears. Never before had Sam called him "Mishka", much less Mikhail, a name nobody in Fourth Echelon had ever been able to pronounce correctly, much to Kestrel's disappointment. But Sam wanted to move on, as the Fourth Echelon story would soon end, and he knew that his ops' codesign would have to be left behind. And he told him with a smile:

_ You're so much more than Kestrel, Mishka. Your codesign is good, but it restricts you to your job. And you're much more than a field operative. You're an excellent and dear friend for us all, a caring boyfriend and stepfather for Elena and Aliosha, and of course a son for me.

Kestrel's eyes welled up with tears again, but this time Sam saw they were tears of pride and emotion. He embraced him again, and the ops murmured in his ear:

_ Спасибо, Папа Сам _(Thanks, Daddy Sam)_.

Sam fought against his own emotion, even though the tide was a quite powerful one, and they hugged a little more, then his ops pulled away for good, wiping his cheeks with a determined swipe. And Sam heard him take a very deep breath before speaking with a hoarse voice:

_ Now we have these bastards to find and make them pay. Before I stop being a field ops, I have a score to settle.

_ We'll do that, sonny, Sam nodded seriously. We'll use your sniper talents.

Kestrel nodded gravely, and Briggs clapped him on the shoulder. The two ops embraced each other, and Sam saw Kestrel murmur something in Briggs' ear, and his best friend chuckled weakly through his emotion. Then Sam turned towards Grim, still crying, and took her in his arms. She clang to him tightly, as if wanting to melt in him, and he knew she was devastated to stay behind. But he knew it was for the best. His guts told him this last mission would be particularly rough.

Finally she pulled away and said:

_ You should get started. The sooner the better.

_ Yeah, Charlie nodded grimly, and the sooner we come back.

_ Indeed, Sam acknowledged.

He shot a questioning look at his ops and Charlie, and they all nodded. Let's go for the last round, Fisher, he told himself firmly.

They walked back to the control room, around the SMI Charlie was switching on, and Sam asked him:

_ Please display the last PanAfrica list, sonny.

The tech obliged, and soon a long list organized with arrows and lines appeared on the large screen. The team bent over it and Sam said after a few minutes:

_ We've neutralized almost all the people on this list. Charlie, do you have the ID of the bomber?

_ He's just there, the tech pointed to a name at the base of the list. He was supposedly a repentant, he's been caught by the Nigerian police six months ago. He spent three months in jail, and was released after that.

_ Great repentance, Sam grumbled. So, where do we start?

_ Sam? Briggs asked uneasily. Do we have the official go from the President?

_ Not yet, Sam said, eyeing him with surprise. Why?

Sam saw him exchanging a concerned look with Kestrel, and worry rose in his chest. He repeated as calmly as he could:

_ Why are you asking me this, sonny?

_ Sam, Briggs said at last after inhaling deeply, I've contacted my friends in the CIA. From what they know, McMurdoch stroke a deal with PanAfrica. No more attacks against the USA or its nationals in exchange of the dissolution of Fourth Echelon.

Sam felt like an anvil has been dropped on his head. Shock and bewilderment were clashing in his mind, but most of all an intense feeling of betrayal was rising, filling his lungs at top speed. For a whole minute he stood silent, fighting against the blinding anger that was trying to force its way out of him, then he said with a voice constricted with rage:

_ And has that fool thought that it was because we can strike them down for good that they want us finished? How can he possibly believe the word of a terrorist group? They'll never stop their attacks! It's just bullshit!

_ He knows it, Briggs said dejectedly, but he's taking advantage of the situation to make Fourth Echelon disappear. He's wanted to do it for ages, you know it, and now he's got an iron-cast excuse. He's given the task to finish the job to the Devgru.

Sam, still fighting against his fury, dimly understood Briggs' words. McMurdoch had always been distant, if not openly hostile, towards him and Fourth Echelon. He wasn't steel-nerved and determined Patricia Caldwell, and more into slithering and backstabbing strategies. All things Sam loathed. But it seemed that this time he wouldn't have the upper hand on the situation. He told Charlie:

_ Call the President.

_ Sam, Grim said tentatively, maybe...

_ No, my love.

His tone wasn't harsh, but firm. He was still Fourth Echelon's commander and had to do something. Even if the actual Fourth Echelon team would leave, it wasn't a reason to make this formidable unit disappearing like tossing junk away. Charlie obeyed at once, and soon Sam faced the screen. And after a few minutes, the personal assistant of McMurdoch appeared. The man started:

_ Mr Fisher, I'm sorry, but...

_ No such thing, Sam rumbled angrily. I need to talk to the President right now, before we take off to Africa, so please call him now.

The man swallowed hard but disappeared, and Sam waited for a few minutes, fuming inwardly but keeping his expression neutral. And finally Bart McMurdoch appeared on the screen, features tight but smiling faintly.

_ Hello, Mr Fisher. You wanted to talk to me about your mission?

_ Good afternoon, Mr President, Sam said calmly. Yes, indeed. We're going to Africa to finish the job.

_ I'm afraid you're not going anywhere, the President said firmly, still smiling. I've decided to dissolve Fourth Echelon.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N:** **Hi everyone! I've slowed down the updating of this story during the holidays, but from now on, if I don't work too much, it should be at a steadier rate, around a chapter each two days. So, about this chapter: first, it's not the end of the story! And second, THIS CHAPTER IS RATED M FOR ADULT THEME. Enjoy, and feedback is welcome!**

Chapter 21

Sam couldn't believe his ears. Fourth Echelon dissolved just like that? Without a warning? He was so stunned that at first he couldn't think of anything to say, but then he inhaled deeply and said as calmly as he could:

_ Mr President, maybe I've misunderstood your words, but are you really going to dissolve Fourth Echelon?

_ Yes, Mr Fisher, Bart McMurdoch said seriously. In fact, I've got the form just under my eyes, and I've just signed it. I was going to call you and your team, but I see they're all here around you, so that's good.

_ Mr President, Sam started to rumble, with all due respect...

_ Not a word, Mr Fisher, the President of the United States cut him with a hint of annoyance. You and your team have done a truly wonderful job during these last eight years, and I'm the first to acknowledge it. But Fourth Echelon has had its time. Your unit is very efficient but very expensive, and the country has got many more special ops' units that can take over from you, and they will. I've already ordered the Navy Seals to track down the terrorists of PanAfrica, and the NSA and CIA will arrive to the Paladin in about half an hour to collect all your data and gear.

Sam was seething with rage, but he knew that since Fourth Echelon obeyed only the President, if the latter wanted to dissolve them he could, so there was nothing to do about it. Except...

_ Very well, Mr President. But what about my team?

_ You yourself have already been offered to retire, and will receive a large pension, the President announced calmly. Mrs Grimsdottir will be offered to retire too, but if she wants to stay in activity I have a job ready for her in my staff.

_ Thank you, Mr President, Grim said calmly. I shall think about your offer.

_ Good. Mr Cole is wanted by the NSA, the CIA, the FBI, the FDA, among many other agencies. You shall soon receive a lot of offers, Mr Cole.

Charlie only nodded, looking flabbergasted and tongue-tied. The President went on:

_ As for Mr Briggs and Mr Loskov, they've done a great favor to our country by protecting it while risking their lives for so many years, so they'll be able to retire too, with large pensions. But if they still want to work in the private sector they'll have to sign a non-disclosure agreement. And the rest of your staff will be regraded in different agencies.

Sam saw Kestrel nod gravely and Briggs said a quick "Thank you", but he could see that his team wasn't thrilled about their fate. And maybe McMurdoch saw it too, because he added:

_ I know it's a little harsh to tell you about it now, after this horrible attack, and in such a way, but you left me no choice. I can't have you going to Africa, the Devgru are already there.

_ You could've let us finish our job, Mr President, Sam said calmly, surprising himself at his quite even tone. We're not satisfied about the events.

_ That I can believe, but don't forget I'm the President of the US. I have intel about you, and I know that Mr Loskov has been badly injured in the RFK stadium, and that you yourself have a bad knee, Mr Fisher. I know that you probably don't want to end on such a difficult mission, but it's better for you all. And I'd rather have you all staying alive. Believe it or not, I care very much about your team's state, Mr Fisher.

Sam locked eyes with the President and was startled to see that the man was sincerely meaning his words. He had always thought that McMurdoch had never given a damn about him and his team, always seeming annoyed when contacted by Fourth Echelon, but apparently it had been a front. So Sam capitulated, some deep part of him secretly relieved.

_ Okay, Mr President.

_ Good. Oh, a last thing. You're all expected in the White House on the 24th to receive the bunch of medals we couldn't give you until now, so don't forget. And as you've done us all countless favors, I authorize you and your team to keep whatever gear and weapons you want to keep.

_ That's most generous of you, Sam nodded, appreciating the offer as it was: a means to buy their approval but also a show of trust.

_ Thank you very much, Fourth Echelon, McMurdoch said gravely. I'll be the one who'll award you all, so see you on the 24th at 11 am.

The screen went blue, and Sam exhaled deeply, lost in his thoughts. The end was even bitterer and sadder than what he had expected, but apparently things would be good for the future of his team. And when he looked up, he took his time to catch every member's eyes. He saw sadness, nostalgia, relief, apprehension and hope on all the faces, and knew that they would probably accept the situation like him.

Finally Briggs spoke:

_ I can't tell you yet what I'm going to do from now on, I'll have to talk about it with Molly. And ending before finishing the job leaves me quite unsatisfied, but on the other hand I feel so much relieved!

He smiled faintly, and Sam felt his features relaxing a little. He turned towards Charlie, who was standing right next to Briggs, and the tech said:

_ I don't want to work in an official agency. I'll search for a well-paid and nice job in a private firm, in Washington, so I'll be with Andrea. My girlfriend, he added for Grim, Kestrel and Briggs who congratulated him, smiling.

Then Grim spoke too:

_ For my part, I won't work in McMurdoch's staff. I can't stand him. But I'll take my time to think about it. I'll see how things are when the baby is born.

Sam put his arm around her waist and kissed her, relief and joy spreading in his chest. The future without Fourth Echelon looked brighter for him, as he would be around his family, and that was a good thing. He was quite happy to retire, after all. And about the mission, as the Devgru were handling it from now on, he knew he could trust them to do the job almost as well as his team would've done.

At last he locked eyes with Kestrel, the only one that wasn't quite as happy as the others. Sam waited patiently for him to speak, but wondered if the ops would even do so. He could see Kestrel's disarray and emotion, and around him the team was shooting him anxious looks. And as Sam had thought, his ops turned round and headed towards his cabin without a word, neutral expression on. A few seconds later, the door of the cabin slammed shut, and Sam sighed. Briggs said:

_ That's going to be tough for him. Fortunately he has Elena and Aliosha now.

_ Yes, that's very fortunate, Sam approved grimly. But still...

He didn't elaborate, and Charlie exhaled. The tech said:

_ I'm happy not to go to do this mission, but being dismissed like this...

_ Yeah, Briggs admitted. That's quite harsh. And some shining medals won't make it up for it.

_ But we can leave with the feeling of the work done, Sam told them calmly. We can't oppose McMurdoch, and even if he could've warned us beforehand he gave us acceptable conditions to leave.

_ For the four of us, yes, Grim nodded sadly. But not for Kestrel. What is he going to do now?

_ Let's give him the time he needs to think about it, Sam said, forcing down his worry. But now we should...

Footsteps in the corridor silenced him, and Kestrel came in, holding his bag and Alpha's photo. He froze at the sight of them still clustered around the SMI and told them rather drily:

_ What are you waiting for? They're coming to take everything, let's move.

_ Mate, Briggs started, what...

_ Later, Kestrel cut him, scowling. Sam, what about Voron's database? And my medical file?

Sam pursed his lips, hesitating and silently cursing himself. He hadn't thought about that, and the database and the file were very sensitive. But the main problem was towards Kestrel. His ops' specifics and past were in there, along with his recent medical file. The latter was after Timochenko's experiments, and there was always a risk for the CIA to discover his ops' extraordinary abilities. And Sam didn't want Kestrel becoming a living guinea pig. So he set his mind and said:

_ You'll keep them, sonny. The CIA doesn't need them.

Kestrel nodded, looking quite relieved, and Charlie hastily transferred them into an external hard drive and gave it to the ops who thanked him. Then Kestrel went to the far wall and picked up the Presidential Medal of Freedom awarded to Alpha. He left the Saint Katherin's order and said, pointing to it:

_ I leave you that one, Sam.

The Splinter Cell, realization dawning on him with these simple gestures, broke into regretful tears. The corner was being turned indeed, and that was very hard to watch and bear. Next to him Grim took his hand and squeezed it, but he only had eyes for Kestrel who came right in front of him, eyebrows still furrowed. And the ops said harshly:

_ Snap out of it!

Startled, Sam took a deep breath and locked eyes with his ops, and saw that Kestrel was trying very hard not to snap himself. So he took a deep breath, wiped his tears away and said:

_ You're right, sonny. Do you want to take some guns?

_ Yes, Kestrel nodded. My Beretta, Alpha's Cheytac rifle, my suit and my goggles.

_ Why the suit and goggles? Briggs asked seriously.

_ Because I have that creepy feeling in my neck. Something tells me I'm going to need them someday. And because they're rightfully mine. I've earned to keep them.

Sam only nodded, and the team scattered. He went to his cabin and packed his belongings, then checked the whole plane. He took the Russian medal from the control room and went to the cargo hold lastly. There his team, packing the guns and gear, watched him taking from the racks his Five-seveN, a SC-IS rifle and his old suit and goggles. He noticed that Briggs had taken his SC-IS pistol and his HK 416 along with his suit and goggles, and even Grim had pocketed a pistol.

Then Dr Collins entered the plane, looking grim, and Sam saw that he knew about the dissolution. So Sam shook hands with him and said simply:

_ Thanks for everything, doc.

_ It's been a very great honor, Sam, the doc said with emotion. Please take care, and call me from time to time.

_ Will do, doc.

Sam watched him shaking hands with Grim, Briggs and Charlie, then warmly embracing Kestrel. The ops, deeply moved, couldn't suppress his tears this time, and he said with a voice choked with emotion:

_ You've saved me so many times, doc! Thanks a lot. Thanks to you I'm still alive and ready to start a new life with my family.

_ It's been a great honor to take care of you, agent Kestrel, Dr Collins said earnestly. Just take care of you and your leg, you've earned a happy life.

_ I will. And take care too. Where will you go now?

_ I'll return within the Air Force, but I don't know where yet.

Kestrel nodded and asked:

_ Doc? Can I ask you a last favor?

_ Of course, agent Kestrel.

_ Please erase my file.

Sam saw the doc hesitating, but he understood Kestrel's wish. One couldn't be too cautious. And finally the doc said:

_ I'll erase all files about you all.

_ Thanks, doc, Sam said in the name of his whole team. They'll arrive in a few minutes.

_ I'll speed up, then. Bye, everyone.

_ Goodbye, doc.

The doctor disappeared inside the plane, and Sam led the team outside the hangar. He shot a last look at the Paladin, at peace with himself and his career. A whole life spent protecting the USA and that ends here and now, Fisher, he thought gravely. Now you will start living your own life, and will protect only your family from now on.

They reached the small parking lot and he watched with emotion his team putting their things in the cars. He saw that Kestrel put his in Briggs' Chevrolet, and guessed that he would be driven back to Shipley Hill by his best friend. Grim helped him with his things, then the team gathered a last time. Words were meaningless, Sam thought dimly as everybody was trying to keep composure. So he said, shooting a look at Grim who nodded immediately:

_ You're all come for lunch next Sunday with your family, okay? Even you, Charlie, with Andrea.

_ Okay, Sam, the tech murmured, his voice quivering. We'll be there.

_ Okay, Sam, Briggs nodded, features tightened.

_ We'll come, Kestrel said at last, poker-faced but his eyes betraying his intense dismay.

_ Right. See you in seven days, then. We'll talk about all this again then.

_ But what if the CIA or NSA asks us about our jobs and intel? Briggs wanted to know, grimacing.

_ Tell them to address me, Sam said with a hard tone. We're not government agents anymore, so you don't have to answer them directly. And if they make difficulties, I'll take care of them. We're still a team. Fourth Echelon's team.

He stared at his team who was clearly trying not to fall apart and said, their leader until the end:

_ Now go, everyone. See you next Sunday.

He watched them climbing into their cars and leaving, and followed Grim to their own van. And there, alone with the love of his life, he opened the floodgates at last, letting the sadness and nostalgia pouring out of him in huge, aching and bitter sobs.

For half of the trip he wept, knowing that it was his way of acceptance and that he would feel far better after that, and wisely Grim left him alone, only concentrating on the driving. Then he took very deep breaths and said hoarsely:

_ It'll be hard from now on.

_ Probably, Grim said calmly, keeping her cool. But we'll come over it.

_ You seem to take it better than me, Sam noticed. Why?

_ Because I've already cried all my tears during these last days, she explained seriously. And I've had already decided to quit, so it doesn't change anything for me. But I know that for you it's not the same.

She gently took his hand and stroked it, and he told her:

_ I love you so much, Grim! Please never leave me again!

_ I won't, she said, shooting him a quick loving glance. And we'll soon be three at home, we won't be bored.

_ No indeed, he chuckled, sighing with anticipation. But before that we could have the long holidays we wanted to have since years ago.

_ The tour of Europe?

_ Yes. And the vacation in Hawai.

_ That would be fantastic! she rejoiced, warming his whole body. We'll do that, my love.

_ Do you want to organize it?

_ Yes.

_ Then book it for the Monday in two weeks.

She shot him a serious look, but he thought that it was the best timing. After this rather brutal dismissal, he needed to take his mind off Fourth Echelon and his job, and get used to being off-duty. And he knew that after forty years of action, the change would be very hard.

After a few more minutes of silence, Grim said evenly:

_ You've done well, inviting everybody next Sunday. It'll do us good knowing how they cope with the situation.

_ I'm not worried about Briggs or Charlie, he said, a little concerned. After all, they got exactly what they wanted.

_ It's Kestrel, she said, eyebrows furrowing as she took the road towards their small town. I'm quite worried about him.

_ Me too, he confessed. But I'm very glad he's with Elena and have Aliosha to take care of. It'll put him on the right tracks in no time, at least I hope so.

_ Let's cross our fingers, she exhaled.

Five minutes later she parked the van in front of their house, and Sam grabbed her arm before she could climb down. He kissed her, and she kissed him back with all her love, he could just feel it. And it aroused him so much he started to strip her, kissing and caressing her, gently kissing her skin and arousing her too. She helped him out of his clothes and put his seat back, then went over him after a little "treat" which left him panting and wanting her.

It was fortunate their house had no immediate neighbours, Sam dimly thought as Grim moved on top of him, kissing and caressing him, and making him more excited than ever. He responded passionately, enjoying the view of her breasts and noticing for the first time a little bulging in her belly. He beamed at her and said:

_ I love that swelling belly, my love. I can't wait to see our child.

She had a radiant smile and her eyes shone like sparkling diamonds as she moved harder and deeper, and he sank into bliss. He was still a little preoccupied by the team's dissolution, so he wasn't surprised not to have his orgasm as Grim had hers, but he thoroughly enjoyed her vibrating around him and moaning in pleasure. And when she finally bent over him, he took her in his arms and kissed her more fiercely than ever.

After cuddling for a few more minutes, they put their clothes back on and made their way to the house, Sam leaning heavily on his cane as his knee was painfully reminding itself at his memory. At the top of the front steps Grim stopped and admired the front door, then she turned towards him, eyes bright, and said:

_ This is the door I've always wanted! Thank you so much, honey!

He simply smiled and kissed her, and she dropped their luggage and threw herself in his arms. He hugged her tightly with his free arm, then said:

_ I'm so happy it pleases you. Welcome back, my love!

She dissolved into tears and buried herself in his shoulder, and he kissed her on her hair, stroking her back, murmuring comforting words.

At last she pulled away, still looking upset, so he ventured:

_ How about we take a shower together, then have a siesta?

_ Sounds good, Mr Fisher, she said.

_ Would you become Mrs Fisher, Grim? he asked suddenly, letting the words out at last after thinking about proposing her for two years but never daring until now.

_ Thought you'd never ask! she shouted happily, kissing and grasping him. Yes, I'll be Mrs Fisher! Yes!

He laughed, happy beyond anything he had known until then, and they entered after a last blissful kiss. Now you have work, Fisher, he thought calmly but rejoicing. The sooner you marry the woman you love the better.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Aboard Briggs' van, silence was thick and awkward. Kestrel was trying not to burst out crying or yelling, and that was especially tough. Finally he heard his best friend inhaling sharply and asking him:

_ All right, mate?

_ What do you want me to tell you, мой друг _(my friend)_? he replied as calmly as he could. If I say yes, you'll know it's a lie. And if I say no, you'll worry too much.

_ Already am, Briggs told him quietly.

_ I _will_ be all right, мой друг. But it won't be until quite some time.

_ I'm so sorry for you, Briggs confessed bitterly. And I really don't know what I can do for you.

_ No need to worry about it, I know. And there's nothing you can do, мой друг. You're driving me back to my place, that's the way I need you to help me. I'll get used to this new situation.

_ I know it'll be hard for you, Briggs said, shooting him a quick glance. Of all the team members, you were the only one who didn't want to quit. Even for Sam it's easier, he's done his job for so many years he finally looks relieved to retire. But you and I could've done so much more! For my part I've had enough just because the job kept me away too much from Molly and Rachel. But you...

_ Yes, Kestrel nodded sadly, tears running down again against his will. I've never wanted to leave Fourth Echelon, and being forced to do it like this... Being a field ops was all my life, the only thing I've been able to do and wanted to do. It saved me being an ops, Briggs. Really. First with Voron, then here.

He saw his friend shooting him a puzzled and appalled look, and at last Briggs gathered the courage to say:

_ You never told us about your youth.

_ I know, he nodded grimly, fighting back the terrible memories. I still have trouble recalling that dark period. The shadows of the past, the longest and darkest, like you said.

He took a deep breath and added:

_ I think I'll soon talk about it. It won't be pretty, мой друг, but I'll try. You see, I've asked Elena to cook me a solianka before I left. It's a thick soup, and the last time I ate one it was during the last meal with my parents in Novgorod, thirty-three years ago.

Briggs parked at the foot of his building and turned towards him, locking eyes with him. He said as Kestrel wiped his cheeks:

_ You're not alone, mate. Mishka. You're not alone.

Kestrel nodded, happy to notice that his best friend was starting to call him Mishka too. And Briggs went on:

_ I know that being with Elena will help you, but you can talk to me whenever you want. Just call me, and I'll come. We'll think about finding a job together if you want. Because I know I won't be able to stay idle at home, that would drive me crazy.

_ Same. And I'll have to find another home.

_ Why?

_ My building doesn't have any elevator, Kestrel explained with a grimace. And with my leg, it's just an ordeal to go up three floors.

_ I'll help you, mate. Would you like to buy an apartment this time?

_ A house, he said calmly. I want to buy a house for me and my family.

Briggs clapped him on the arm and said:

_ I'll call my friend Sheila, maybe she'll be able to find you something. Baltimore?

_ Yes, or around. Elena works in Johns Hopkins, and I want to stay in the vicinity.

_ Okay. Now, tricky questions: how many rooms? Garden? And how much?

_ A big kitchen, Kestrel stated calmly, rejoicing. No small space to cook. A living room, and a garden. Four bedrooms and two bathrooms, preferably on one floor, a garage. And I can go up to $ 400.000.

_ What? Briggs asked. With a loan?

_ No, cash.

_ What? But... how...?

_ Easy, мой друг, he smiled in front of Briggs' startled expression. All my savings since the beginning of my work in Fourth Echelon. I've saved quite a lot in seven years, with my salary plus the danger pays. With only me at home, a low rent for a small space and no hobbies, that explains it.

_ True, Briggs nodded. Okay, mate, I'll have Sheila on the job for you.

_ Thanks, мой друг.

They climbed down and together carried his gear and things to his apartment. It took Kestrel ten long minutes to reach the third landing, and Briggs and he saw that buying a single-floored house would be a priority indeed. And when he opened his door at last, he couldn't help a groan of pain. His leg was hurting him again, and he couldn't wait to sit down and massage it.

The two ops laid down the things in the living room, then Briggs asked:

_ Where does Elena and Aliosha live?

_ Across the landing.

_ That's convenient, Briggs smiled. I assume you'll go and see them straight away?

_ Yes, he nodded with a smile. I'll be better with them.

_ Good. See you at Sam's next Sunday, then.

_ Thanks, мой друг.

Briggs clapped him on the shoulder a last time, then left. Kestrel took the time to put his things in cupboards, wardrobe or lockers, taking care to put the weapons in a bolted locker out of Aliosha's reach, then closed his door and went to ring the doorbell of the apartment across his own.

And when the door opened on a puzzled then delighted Elena, he felt truly better for the first time in this very long day. He stepped inside as she closed the door behind him, then took her in his arms and squeezed her against his heart, kissing her with all his love. She responded passionately, kissing him back, then pulled away and asked him:

_ Are you back for good? Why aren't you away? Not that I'm complaining, of course! Is your mission cancelled?

_ Well...

He didn't have the time to continue as Aliosha came running to them, shouting happily at his sight.

_ Mishka!

_ Hi, Aliosha! he grinned, bending and picking up the small boy who hugged him. I'm back, ребёнок _(child)_. And I'll stay with Mama and you from now on.

_ Wonderful!

Elena stared at him, looking relieved and concerned at the same time, and he beckoned at her to follow him. He set down the boy who ran away happily, soon playing with his animal figurines on the carpet, and sat down on the sofa with a sigh. Elena sat next to him and he turned to face her, taking her hand. He said calmly:

_ The President has just dissolved Fourth Echelon. I'm officially retired, like all my team. So no more missions for me.

Elena pursed her lips, obviously seeing his dismay. He was trembling from head to foot, still shocked by the events and unable to keep his emotion inside. At last she said kindly:

_ I won't tell you I don't rejoice at the news, Mishka, but I can see you're upset. That job meant a lot to you, didn't it?

_ Yes, he said, hanging his head and trying to hide his tears. It was all my life, Lena! All my life! Now I have you and Aliosha, of course, but I wonder what I'm going to do from now on. And with that cursed leg, I know I won't be able to have a physical job anymore. I can barely climb up the bloody stairs of the building!

He put his face in his hands and his elbows on his knees, trying to force down his sobs of despair, but it was no good. Soon he felt Elena coming right next to him, putting her arm around him and her head on his shoulder but staying silent. He heard Aliosha asking what he was doing, but his mother told him that he needed a drawing, and he heard Aliosha leaving and going to his room. He sobbed for a few more seconds then tried to regain composure, telling himself that weeping was useless.

He straightened and wiped away his tears with an angry swipe. He couldn't let himself sink low like five years ago, no more depressed state for him. He had a family, and would soon find another job. One that would please him like being a field operative, minus the danger and the constant state of being on-duty. Yes, мой друг, he told himself firmly, you have work to do. And a house to buy.

He looked at Elena, caressing her hand, and kissed her. She asked him:

_ Better?

_ Yes, he nodded. I need time, of course, but I'll be okay.

_ Good, she said, smiling faintly. I'm here for you, my love.

_ Me too.

_ How's your leg?

_ It hurts, he admitted. And I only climbed the stairs, nothing more.

She knelt at his feet and felt his thigh, making him wince. She said:

_ I'm afraid three flights of stairs are just too much for your leg, Mishka.

_ I thought so, he said calmly, locking eyes with her. So I'm going to move. I'd like to buy a house for the three of us.

She sat back on the sofa, stunned, then asked:

_ You... You're sure? A house?

_ Yes, he smiled. I'll be happy to tend to the garden and the minor fixing. And it would be so much better for Aliosha and for us with a private garden! I like barbecue, he winked.

She laughed a little and kissed him, then said with an apologetic tone:

_ It would be wonderful, Mishka, but sadly I don't have any savings to buy a house. Moving to the States has left me without money, and...

_ I don't ask you anything, he told her gently. I have savings of my own. Don't worry.

_ Mishka, I...

_ Please, Lena, don't worry about it. It'll be my house, that's all, and I'm happy to invite you to live with me.

He kissed her softly and she kissed him back. They had started to cuddle when Aliosha ran into the room, holding a sheet of paper and giving it to Kestrel, saying loudly:

_ A drawing for you, Mishka!

_ Thank you very much, ребёнок. It's beautiful!

On the paper he saw coloured lines and circles, dots and vagueless forms, but he felt warmth spreading in his chest. He kissed the boy on the forehead who chuckled and ran away as swiftly as he came in, and Kestrel pocketed the drawing under the moved stare of Elena. Then he told her:

_ Sam and Grim have invited the whole team and their family next Sunday. We'll meet Charlie's girlfriend.

_ That's good, she grinned.

_ You'll start working tomorrow, won't you?

_ Yes, she nodded. And what about you?

_ Would it be okay if I leave for a few days?

She locked eyes with him, visibly appraising his state, then nodded grimly again.

_ I won't tell you I'm happy to be parted from you, she said calmly, but I just can see that you need some time alone. And a few days are better than a few months.

He smiled faintly and kissed her. He would go to Boise's chalet for a few days, he would ask Sam about it. He said:

_ I'll leave tomorrow, then. I have to phone Sam.

_ Where will you go?

_ In Idaho. Sam and Grim own a chalet in the national forest of Boise. A wonderful and peaceful place. I love being there, and I hope we'll go there together when you have holidays.

_ I hope so too, she beamed, looking reassured.

He kissed her again then took out his smartphone and dialed Sam's number. After a few seconds the line was picked up.

_ Fisher.

_ Sam, it's Kes... it's Mishka.

_ Good, Mishka, Sam's relieved voice softly rang. What can I do for you?

_ I'd like to go to Boise tomorrow, if I may.

_ You may, sonny. Of course you may. You still have the key?

_ Yes.

_ Then go, sonny. But don't forget lunch at our place next Sunday!

_ I won't, Kestrel promised. Thanks, Sam.

_ Have a safe stay, sonny.

He hung up, feeling a faint smile on his lips, and Elena said:

_ You already look better. That's good, and I'm really looking forward to going there with you. What's so special there?

_ The wooden chalet is nice, he explained, but there's a clearing next to it with an awesome waterfall. That place is so beautiful and peaceful it makes me appeased and calms my frayed nerves when I need it. There I found peace and hope when I thought I was too depressed to live on, and peace in my mind. There I healed from the losses and ordeals, and from the physical wounds. And I know I'll heal faster there, and accept my new fate.

She was listening intently, holding tightly his hand, and smiled when he had finished, saying kindly:

_ Then, as a doctor, I order you to spend six days there as a therapy. Book a plane for a departure first thing tomorrow, and come back on Saturday. It should be all right.

He laughed softly, rejoicing at her understanding, and kissed her again. He asked:

_ Will it be okay for you and Aliosha?

_ No problem for me, I'll just miss you. And Aliosha went two hours to the nanny's place today and it all went well, so it should be all right.

He nodded, reassured, then she asked him:

_ Would you like me to cook dinner for you?

_ How about I cook dinner? Would you like bubliki?

_ That would be great! And Aliosha loves bubliki.

_ Bubliki?

Aliosha ran into the room again, eyes shining with delight. He asked his mother:

_ Mama? You will make bubliki?

_ Not me, sweetheart, she smiled at him. Mishka will make them.

_ Brilliant! the boy jumped up and down, making Kestrel and Elena laugh. With ham? And ones with sugar too?

_ Yes, ребёнок, Kestrel said, rising to his feet, ignoring his aching thigh. Do you want to help me?

_ Yes!

So Kestrel, feeling far better to be with his new family, cooked with Aliosha and Elena, helping the boy shaping the small breads, and soon putting them in the waiting oven. Then Aliosha went to have a bath with his mother, allowing Kestrel to book his plane tickets and a taxi. And he took out his phone and called an old friend, one he hadn't seen since six months but who should have returned from his latest mission.

_ Yes?

_ Hello, Father Sasha!

_ Mikhail! Father Alexander Bokariov exclaimed in surprise in the phone. It's been too long! How are you?

_ Not at my best, he admitted. But I'll tell you all about it soon, if you want. What about you?

_ I'm just back from the other end of the world and will have three weeks of well-earned holidays, the orthodox Navy chaplain exhaled. But I'll always find time to see you, Mishka.

_ Good. How about next Saturday? You could come to my place and have dinner. And I'd introduce you my girlfriend and her son.

_ What delightful news! I would be so very happy indeed! I'll come, Mishka.

_ Revise your Russian, Sasha. Elena and Aliosha are Russian.

_ I'll be glad to speak my parents' tongue, don't worry.

_ Great. See you next Saturday, then. 7 pm?

_ It's already in my schedule. Thanks, Mishka, and have a nice evening!

_ You too, Father Sasha.

Kestrel hung up, grinning, and went to the bathroom. He told Elena, who was drenched from head to foot but laughing with a splashing Aliosha:

_ I've booked my tickets. I'll come back on Friday, and I've invited a friend on Saturday evening for dinner. Father Alexander Bokariov, an orthodox chaplain from the Navy.

_ A chaplain? she asked in surprise. You have strange friends, Mishka, but I'll be happy to meet him. Are you a believer?

_ I hadn't been for quite a long time, but I am one since a few years, yes. You?

_ I can't say I'm a churchgoer, but I'm an orthodox believer too.

He smiled and kissed her, then crouched next to the bathtub, forcing down the grunt of pain. He played with Aliosha for a few minutes then, smelling the baking bubliki, tried to rise. But his leg wasn't responding, feeling paralyzed. Sighing deeply he took Elena's outstretched hand and soon got to his feet with her help, feeling quite sullen. But he knew he would have to accept the new stiffness and restrictions of movements, there was nothing to do about his thigh.

He kissed Elena to thank her, caressing her cheek as her eyes showed her anxiety and helplessness, and told her gently:

_ I was a field operative, trained to do impossible tasks since I was eighteen. Now I'm a man with a stiff leg and a limping, happy to still be able to rise on my feet and walk. The change is very harsh and heart-breaking, my love. But I'm alive and with you and Aliosha. I'll survive, don't worry. Five days in Idaho should do the trick, trust me.

_ I really hope so, my love, she whispered, hugging him while keeping an eye on Aliosha. At which hour do you have to leave tomorrow?

_ 5 am. My plane takes off at 7.

_ Then we'll leave together, she said. I'll start at 6 am, and I'll drop Aliosha on my way. About the car...

_ Keep it, my love, he said calmly. It'll be easier for you, and you won't have to take countless buses. I've already booked a cab.

_ Thanks a lot, my love.

They kissed again then suddenly pulled away as a laughing Aliosha threw a bowl of water at them, soaking them, and they just laughed, Kestrel feeling really better being with them.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N:** **Hi! So this chapter is rated M for adult theme! Enjoy, and please review! **

Chapter 23

After dinner, which they all thoroughly enjoyed and Aliosha especially, they watched a Disney cartoon, in English for the little boy, then Aliosha went to bed. He insisted, like the day before, that Kestrel were the one accompanying him, and the ops was too happy to oblige. So he put him in his bed and kissed him goodnight after Elena did, and Aliosha asked him suddenly:

_ Mishka, where is my daddy?

Kestrel shot an uneasy glance at Elena who pursed her lips in dismay but answered calmly:

_ Your daddy isn't here, ребёнок _(child)_. And I don't think you'll see him again. He's not a good man.

_ But all my friends have a daddy! Aliosha complained sadly, on the verge of tears. I want to have a daddy too!

_ Your daddy can't be with us, sweetheart, Elena explained sadly. Mama and you were unhappy with him.

_ Then Mishka can be my daddy! the boy said hopefully, looking intently at the ops.

Kestrel fought back his emotion as Elena took his hand and squeezed it, and he bent over the small boy, kissing him on the forehead again. He said with a rather hoarse voice:

_ I'll be your daddy if you want, ребёнок _._ I'll have to leave tomorrow, but I promise I'll be back very soon, and after that we'll stay together from now on. Deal?

_ Deal, Aliosha murmured, his eyes closing in spite of himself.

_ Goodnight, ребёнок.

_ Goodnight, Daddy.

Kestrel left on tiptoe, a huge emotion swelling in his chest. He sat down on the sofa, blurred thoughts and turmoil boiling in his mind, making his head spin fast. A few seconds later Elena sat next to him, asking him in concern:

_ Mishka, are you okay?

_ Would you believe me if I told you yes?

_ No, she admitted with a faint smile.

_ Then I can tell you the truth: I really don't know.

_ Just what I thought.

_ Lena, he said, inhaling deeply. I'm so happy and moved, but what do _you_ think about it?

_ I'm just happy and delighted, she beamed at him. And I swear I didn't tell him anything. Maybe he talked about a daddy at kindergartner, and felt envy at knowing that he hadn't got one and his friends had. I don't know. But I'm so happy, my love!

_ So am I, he said earnestly. It's a huge responsibility, but I'm ready to take it, Lena.

_ That would've made most celibate guys running away in a panic, she said through joyful tears. I knew you were an exceptional man, Mishka. And I'm so happy to be with you!

They kissed passionately, and soon she led him next door and they made love. He went above her, wanting to take control and know if his leg was really going to make his life suck utterly, but luckily lovemaking wasn't a problem, so he enjoyed the blissful moment with her. As he was panting slightly, beginning to have his orgasm, she had hers but soon said in alarm:

_ My pill! I forgot to take it!

Too late, he had already given her his seed. He disentangled himself from her and she got up in haste, running to the bathroom. He followed her, limping hard, and saw her hastily washing, looking upset. He said remorsefully:

_ I'm sorry, Lena. I should've fetched my box of condoms.

_ It's okay, Mishka, she said rather calmly, slowly regaining composure. I forgot to ask you to put one on.

He went next to her and caressed her back as she dried herself, then asked her seriously:

_ What if you're pregnant nevertheless?

She locked eyes with him and said calmly:

_ I won't have an abortion. It's against my personal convictions. And I won't be annoyed at having another child. In fact, I've always wanted to have two children, I just haven't found the right guy before. But what would _you_ do, Mishka?

_ I would welcome this child, he said sincerely, surprising himself. That would be truly wonderful for me to have two children at home.

She looked at him in bewilderment, but soon grinned widely and said:

_ You truly are an exceptional man. I wish I knew you before, but right now I'm lucky we're together.

She kissed him and he kissed her back, and they went back on the bed, cuddling more than ever. He felt aroused again in spite of his tiredness and turmoil, and she felt it. She smirked at him and asked playfully:

_ Haven't you had enough, lover boy? I'm exhausted!

_ So am I, he confessed, but I can't control that part of my body.

She rose on her elbows and went over him, but before he could come in her she asked him seriously:

_ Are you absolutely sure you'll accept to have a child with me, Mishka? If we do it again and I get pregnant, there will be no coming back. Are you sure that's what you want?

He stayed silent for a few seconds, thinking hard, then said seriously:

_ I am sure, Lena. Do you believe in love at first sight?

_ Yes, she smiled faintly, as it's what happened to me the first time I saw you.

_ Same for me, he said calmly, gently grasping her hips and making her coming nearer so he could penetrate her. Like a clash of thunder upon my head. And since that moment, on the landing, I've been in love with you. I'm not afraid to be with you and Aliosha, I want to be with you. And I want to spend my life with you. Maybe it's a little cliché, and quick, after knowing each other only for a few days, but it's what I feel.

He locked eyes with her, gently caressing the fading bruise across her right cheek and eye, and she beamed at him, saying:

_ Then we'll spend our lives together, Mishka. And I won't take my pill anymore, since I'd love having a child with you.

They kissed again as she started to move on top of him, and he felt like liquid joy and happiness were filling his lungs and heart, warming his whole body and making him forget his ordeals. He thought fugitively about Alpha and rejoiced at having loved her and lived for her so that now he could know such happiness with Elena and be a daddy for Aliosha.

Elena was moving faster and harder now, looking on the verge of having her orgasm again, and he felt himself overwhelmed by a strong desire and powerful bliss, and for the second time he flowed into her. But this time, she welcomed his spurt with cries of pleasure as she tightened around him, and he saw tiny stars exploding before his eyes.

Then she kissed him and he kissed her back, both of their bodies shaking uncontrollably, and he saw tears flooding down her cheeks. He gently made her rolling at his side and hugged her tightly, murmuring:

_ Thank you, my love. I don't have the words to describe how I feel, but it's the first time I feel like that.

_ That was so good and intense! she sobbed, burying her face in his chest. Thank you so much, Mishka!

They stayed silent, only cuddling, and he pulled the blankets over them then let her settle on the crook of his shoulder. And as sleep overcame him at last, he felt like he really was lucky. A stiff leg is a joke next to such bliss, he thought dimly. You have a wonderful family, мой друг _(my friend)_ and will be a father from now on, so rejoice at being alive and able to know such joy, and push aside the job and the thigh. Everything's going to be all right. And then he fell asleep.

The alarm clock woke him up, and he groaned softly. He was feeling so good, Elena still sleeping on his shoulder, that he didn't want to move and wanted to stay like that all day long. But she was already stirring and soon asked him after stretching and turning towards him:

_ Hello, my love! Sleep well?

_ Yes, but not enough to my taste, he said, lightly kissing her lips and skin. You?

_ After the bliss yesterday evening? Slept like a baby.

He grinned and kissed her more than ever. Things were becoming dangerously hot again, and she said regretfully:

_ We should stop there, любимый _(darling)_. We don't have time, and I need to take a shower.

_ So do I, he said calmly, coming above her. But I'll be away for five very long days, so...

_ Mishka, I...

He silenced her by kissing her and soon felt her shivering in pleasure as he entered her body. He felt bliss moving deeper and deeper into her, and concentrated on rocking her world. And when she started to moan and plead with him, he let his excitement wash over him and felt a huge orgasm, making him stifle a cry. She was stifling her cries too as he flowed into her yet again, and soon they eyed each other, panting and sweating. He asked her with a grin:

_ Do you regret it?

_ God, no! she sighed, making him laugh. But now we'll be terribly late.

_ 4.30 am, he read calmly, getting up and gathering his clothes. We still have time for a shower.

_ Yes, she said, rising too, but you'll go take it next door, lover boy. I still have to wake Aliosha up.

_ Poor boy, he said sadly, kissing her and putting his clothes on. Say hello for me, will you?

_ I will, Mishka. Enjoy your stay in Idaho.

_ I know I will, he smiled faintly, but I'll miss you.

_ Me too, she admitted, but with what we did since yesterday evening I won't have too many days to recover from the efforts.

_ Same, he grinned wickedly. But when I come back...

_ We'll see, if you've been a good boy, she said playfully, taking clean clothes.

He kissed and hugged her, and she kissed him back fiercely. In spite of what she had claimed, he sensed that she would be ready to have another round. But she had work, and he had a plane to catch. So he kissed her a last time and said:

_ See you in five days, лювбимая _(my love)_. Good luck at work.

_ Thanks, my love. And you, enjoy and take care.

He nodded, kissed her swiftly again then left, going to his apartment. There he took a hasty shower then put on clean clothes, and grabbed his bag from Fourth Echelon. He knew he had everything he would need in there, including his Beretta in case of need. Then he went down the three floors, his aching thigh making him limp worse than ever, and climbed into the taxi waiting for him. In no time he was at the airport and soon boarded his plane, rejoicing at going to Boise but feeling a twinge of sadness at leaving Elena and Aliosha behind. But as soon as the plane took off, he closed his eyes and drifted into sleep.

When the plane touched down at Boise, he felt more rested but quite lonely already. And the prospect of spending five days in the chalet wasn't as much attracting as it used to be, in spite of his fierce desire to go there. But he missed his family, and that made him happy and sad at the same time.

He rented a SUV and drove to the chalet after buying some food for him, and was soon parked in front of the huge wooden house. He took the time to send a message to Elena, then climbed down and inhaled the cool and fresh air, smelling of pine trees and wild flowers, then put his things inside. He took his usual bedroom, thinking how good it would be when Elena would be there with him and Aliosha in a room nearby, then went outside to the clearing.

The silence and peace struck him hard, and he grinned broadly, taking deep breaths and feeling better already. And when he reached the waterfall, he felt so good he sat down on his usual rock, fighting his emotion, happy to be alive and well enough. Like during the evening before, his problems with his leg and his job seemed unimportant, although he knew they were, but he felt good at the moment.

He stayed a little more than two hours in the clearing, enjoying the soft sunlight through the thick branches and a gentle breeze blowing. Then he decided to run, and discover the damage that had been done to him. He set off along the dirt path, running slowly at first, then speeding up. The first three kilometers went okay, but after that his thigh began hurting him and becoming stiff, so he slowed his pace, walking and breathing deeply.

He turned round, heading back to the chalet, and appraising his restricted capacities. After another kilometer his leg felt like a wooden log and he had to stop, find a tree trunk to sit on, and massage his thigh. It took him thirty long minutes to start feeling his muscles loosen up a little and his sciatic nerve stop throbbing painfully, and he could stand up again at last. But he was limping so hard he had the feeling his right leg had to be dragged along, and he realized that his usual ten-kilometer running every morning would have to be shortened a lot.

Feeling his morale dropping a few degrees he picked up a thick wooden stick and used it as a cane, and it helped him walking back to the chalet. He dimly thought that buying a cane could be useful, and he felt relieved when he saw the chalet looming into view.

_ What a change, мой друг, he muttered unhappily. Now you can barely run three kilometers, whereas a month ago you could've run a marathon easily.

He went into the lounge, sitting heavily on his favourite armchair and breathing heavily. His thigh was very painful and he massaged it again, trying to bury his job as a field ops along with his past. He was happy to be able to run a little nevertheless, he would be able to play soccer with James and Aliosha. And that thought was the real first thing that comforted him. He told himself firmly:

_ You're alive, Mikhail, and you have an awesome girlfriend and a wonderful child who wants to be your son. You love them, and they love you. You can walk, and run a little, enough to play soccer with your son and nephew anyway. You won't be an ops anymore, but it doesn't matter since you're not in Voron anymore and Fourth Echelon has been dissolved. You'll soon turn forty, time to give your life another start.

Pain and regret came crushing his guts, but he knew they would fade eventually. So he allowed himself five minutes of emotion before shaking himself mentally and getting up. He went to the kitchen and made a borscht, then came back to the lounge while the meal cooked on a low fire. He took out his smartphone and checked the time. It was 5.40 pm in Boise, so it would be 8.40 pm in Baltimore. He could call Elena, and she soon hung up:

_ Yes?

_ It's me, лювбимая, he told her in Russian, rejoicing at hearing her voice. How are you?

_ Mishka, I'm so happy to hear you! I'm fine, and Aliosha too. The day went well.

_ Glad to hear it.

_ Thanks for your message, I took the time to read it between two patients. So, are you happy in Idaho?

_ Yes, my love.

But he knew his tone would probably betray him, and as he had thought she asked in concern:

_ What's the matter?

_ I ran this afternoon, he confessed sullenly. I ran three kilometers, then walked one before my thigh became completely stiff. And I've had difficulties walking back to the chalet after that. Now I feel better, but then it hurt me quite a lot and impaired me a whole lot.

She stayed silent for a few seconds, then suggested softly:

_ Would you try something tomorrow?

_ Yes.

_ Then run two kilometers tomorrow, and do stretching exercises straight after that. And then walk back to the chalet. If you can do that without pain in your thigh, then maybe we'll be able to make you recover a little bit more than expected.

_ I'll do that, he said gratefully. Thanks, my love.

_ Mishka? she said seriously. I want you to buy a cane, and you'll walk with it tomorrow. Take it with you while running, strap it in your back or something, just take it with you and walk back with it, okay?

_ Is it necessary? he grimaced.

_ Yes, she said with a very serious tone. If you want to recover more, you'll have to be patient and do as I tell you. Please trust me.

_ I trust you, and I love you. I'll go downtown first thing tomorrow.

_ Good. I love you too, Mishka, and I miss you.

_ I never would've believed how a few hours could seem like months, he admitted. I miss you and Aliosha so much already!

_ Four more days, Mishka, she told him soothingly, then you'll be back here with us. Okay?

_ Okay, my love, he exhaled sadly. Well, I'll let you have some rest. You sound exhausted.

_ I am, любимый, and you're responsible of three quarters of it.

_ You're exxagerating, my love, he smiled wickedly, imagining her laugh.

_ Not at all!

_ Is Aliosha asleep already?

_ Yes. He asked me where you were around a dozen times this evening, and he told me that he wants you to be his daddy for ever and ever.

_ I'm so happy, my love! he said, restraining a sob.

_ So am I, Mishka! But you sound exhausted too. Have you had dinner?

_ Not yet, my borscht is still on the fire.

_ Wish I was there with you, she sighed. Well, good night, любимый.

_ Goodnight, лювбимая.

He hung up, feeling very lonely in the big chalet, and decided to call Briggs. His teammate picked up the line almost at once:

_ Yes?

_ It's me, мой друг, he said calmly. How are you?

_ Fine, Briggs said seriously, I feel like I'm on holidays. I still have trouble realizing the situation. And Molly and Rachel are quite happy to know I'll be around all the time now. But what about you?

_ I'm in Boise, мой друг.

_ Really? You left this morning?

_ Yes.

_ And how long will you stay there?

_ Until Friday. I've invited Father Bokariov on Saturday evening.

_ That's good, mate, Briggs rejoiced. But you're all by yourself, then?

_ Yes.

Briggs stayed silent a few seconds, and Kestrel forced down his emotion again. Being happy with his family helped him a lot, that he knew, but it was still difficult to draw a line under twenty years of work as a field ops. And finally Briggs said hesitantly:

_ Do you want me to come?

_ No, мой друг. Thanks a lot, but I prefer being alone for the moment.

_ You sure?

_ Yes.

_ What about your leg, then?

_ I can't run more than three kilometers anymore, мой друг, Kestrel admitted bitterly. And even that is too much.

Silence was thick again, but this time Briggs seemed at a loss for words, or maybe too upset to talk. So Kestrel said:

_ But don't worry, I'll accept it in the end. I have no choice.

_ Kestrel, I...

_ It's Mishka, мой друг, he corrected his worried friend softly. And I have to leave, I have something cooking. Bye, Briggs. See you on Sunday.

_ Bye, Mishka, his teammate said at last quite sullenly.

Kestrel hung up, inhaling deeply and gathering all his courage, then went to the kitchen. Eating his borscht comforted him a little, but when he went to bed, climbing painfully up the two floors, he sighed unhappily and wished he could speed up the time and his healing.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N:** **This chapter is rated M just to be safe for a mention of abuse. Enjoy reading!**

Chapter 24

When Briggs phoned him, Sam was having a late dinner with Grim at a cozy restaurant, but he picked up the call nevertheless. He knew that his ops must have something important to tell him after seeing each other only the day before.

_ Hi, Briggs!

_ Hi, Sam! Sorry to disturb you.

_ It's okay, sonny. We're out, but we're almost done. So what's up?

_ You sound like a youngster, Briggs said with an amused tone, but Sam just could tell that something was bothering his ops.

_ I try to prep myself to be a father again, he explained, shooting a loving glance at Grim who smiled over her glass of soda.

_ Good program.

Sam waited for a few seconds, but it seemed that Briggs was more embarrassed than he would've thought, so he said at last:

_ You had something to tell me, sonny?

_ Yes, the ops said, sounding concerned. Yes, of course. Sam, Kestrel just phoned me.

_ He's already in Boise, I suppose?

_ Yes, he is. He told me he ran three kilometers but couldn't do more, and he was sounding really depressed, Sam. I'm worried about him.

_ What do you have in mind? Sam asked him, knowing that Briggs' tone meant business.

_ I asked him if he wanted me to come, and he told me he'd rather stay alone for now. But it was just bullshit, Sam. I know he needs some company, and Elena has started working today.

_ So you want to take the first plane to Boise.

It wasn't a question, and Sam wondered if he should go too. Maybe Kestrel would be angry at being disturbed, but more probably he would be grateful. Sam knew his two ops almost by heart now, and if Briggs had gone to the trouble of calling him, it was for a very good reason. He shot a questioning glance at Grim who said immediately:

_ Go, Sam! Maybe it's better that way. They both need you.

He nodded as Briggs said:

_ Yes. And...

_ I'll come with you. Book me a ticket, please, I'll give you the money tomorrow.

_ Thanks a lot, Sam, the ops said, clearly relieved. I'll send you the details ASAP.

_ Okay. See you tomorrow at the airport, then.

He hung up and looked at Grim. She had a concerned expression on, and asked:

_ Kestrel?

_ Yes, he nodded in dismay. He called Briggs and told him he couldn't run more than three kilometers, and Briggs told me he sounded depressed.

_ Then you must go, she acknowledged at once.

_ Will you be all right?

_ Sam, she sighed, smirking a little. I'm pregnant, not fatally ill. And I'm okay, I don't even have nausea anymore. I'll be able to survive for a few days without you.

_ Forgive me, my love, he shook his head dejectedly. I'm too worried, I know, it's just... I can't help it, I'm sorry.

_ Let go of the stress, she advised him gently, because this is only the beginning.

_ I know, he muttered sullenly, seeing a smile on her face.

They held hands for a few more seconds, then he asked for the tab. As he paid, his smartphone emitted a small beep, and he opened the message. He read it aloud as they exited the restaurant, he still leaning on his cane:

_ Plane takes off at 6.12 am. Stop-over at Denver. Arrival in Boise at 12.08 am local time. Thanks again. Briggs.

_ I'll drive you, she offered as she climbed behind the wheel.

_ My love...

_ Don't you dare refuse it, Fisher! she told him quite fiercely.

So he kept his mouth shut and rejoiced inwardly at having her accompanying him to his plane. Soon they were back to their house, and she told him she was exhausted. And he could see the bags under her eyes, the baby was obviously sucking all her energy. So he escorted her to bed and helped her out of her clothes. He would've gone further but she shook her head, smiling apologetically, and said:

_ Not tonight, Sam. I don't have any strength left. I'll try and sleep more while you're away, so when you come back...

_ Okay, he said, hiding his disappointment and helping her under the blankets.

Ten seconds after her head touched the pillow she was asleep, and he watched her for a few minutes, holding her hand. He was so much in love with her that it hurt to leave her, even for a few days, but he also knew that she would be all right and mad at him if he didn't go to Boise. He prepared his bag with a few clothes, then set the alarm clock and finally lay down too.

His knee was hurting him a little, but he knew the pain would fade soon. Unlike Kestrel, he thought sullenly. His ops would suffer for the rest of his life, all because he had wanted to please James with a soccer match and saved him from a mad bomber. This is so unfair! he thought angrily. But he would go and see him, and do all he could to help him. And on that thought he fell asleep.

When he woke up, he was feeling unrested, but soon switched off the alarm and got up as Grim was slowly waking. He didn't talk before he had a cup of strong coffee, then said as they were ready to leave:

_ You'll take care, my love, won't you?

_ Yes, Sam, she sighed, looking far better herself but still sleepy. Don't worry, as soon as I come back after dropping you, I'll go straight to bed again.

_ Good program, my love.

He kissed her then they climbed into the van, and in no time they arrived at the airport. Sam insisted she stayed in the car and left at once, and Grim didn't protest too much, quite a giveaway for him that she was still utterly exhausted. Then he made his way to the terminal, bag in hand and leaning on his cane, feeling older than he had ever felt.

Soon he met Briggs, waiting for him, and they shook hands grimly. They had their bags taken away, then waited for the boarding. Sam asked him:

_ Aren't Molly and Rachel too disappointed?

_ Rachel a little, Briggs said calmly. But Molly almost shooed me away this morning, worried as she is about Kestrel.

_ Mishka, Briggs, Sam corrected him. We'll have to break this habit.

_ You're right, the ops sighed.

_ Have you told him we were coming?

_ No. If I had, he would've yelled at me. Better go there without him knowing, he'll accept it better.

_ I hope so, Sam winced as they were called to the boarding gate.

He followed Briggs to the plane, fighting with the staff to prove that his cane wasn't a weapon and that he really needed it to walk, then at last they took their seats. Before take-off he asked his ops:

_ I owe you how much?

_ Nothing, Sam, Briggs told him adamantly. Molly told me she would wring your neck, and mine, if I accepted anything from you. So just forget it.

_ No way, Sam shook his head firmly. The tickets cost several hundred dollars, you need the money for your family.

_ Please, Sam, don't start.

_ I'll find a way to repay you back, he said seriously. Don't worry, you'll have your money back sooner or later, one way or another.

Briggs only shrugged, then let out a grudging smile. Sam laughed a little, then the two of them settled as best they could, and soon Sam drifted into an uneasy sleep.

The flight passed in a blur, and they enjoyed the stop-over to stretch their legs and have a coffee. By the time their second plane landed in Boise, Sam was feeling better but quite hungry, and he hoped Kestrel had made huge quantities of whatever he had cooked for lunch. Briggs had rented a pickup in advance, so they only fetched it and soon were aboard, on the chalet's road.

Half an hour later, Briggs parked just next to Kestrel's rented SUV, and as he climbed down Sam saw his other ops exiting the chalet, leaning on a cane too and looking grim and not at all surprised. He waited for them on the porch, and when Sam and Briggs came within three meters he simply asked:

_ Had lunch?

_ No, Briggs answered awkwardly before the scowling face of his best friend.

Kestrel, without saying hello or commenting, turned round and entered the chalet. Sam exchanged a meaningful look with Briggs, then entered the house. They dropped their bags at the foot of the stairs and went into the kitchen. Kestrel, his back on them, was obviously preparing extra food for them, and soon Sam smelled grilled meat and buttered potatoes.

He sat at the table as Briggs went to fetch cutlery, glasses and plates for the three of them. Then they waited patiently for Kestrel to face them, and at long last the ops brought the dishes on the table. Sam noticed that his limping had become worse, and finally gathered his courage. He said calmly:

_ Hello, sonny. What a warm welcome!

_ What are you doing here? Kestrel asked drily.

_ We came to support you, Sam said softly. But apparently we're disturbing you.

Kestrel hung his head, sitting heavily on his chair, then exhaled deeply.

_ You're not. I'm sorry. In truth, I'm very happy you've come, both of you. Hello, by the way.

_ Hi, mate, Briggs said, looking worried. How are you?

_ Aside from the bloody leg? Fine, мой друг _(my friend)_ , thanks.

Kestrel had such a depressed expression on his face that Sam sat forward, putting a hand on his ops' arm, and told him:

_ Tell us, sonny. Get it off your chest, go on.

_ You don't understand, Sam, he said, shaking his head dejectedly. The problem's not speaking about it. It's accepting it, and for now I just can't, no matter what I tell myself.

_ Tell us anyway.

Kestrel shot him a lost look, then exchanged a glance with Briggs, and finally said:

_ I told Briggs that yesterday I only ran three kilometers before I had to walk, then stop. And climbing two flights of stairs to go to bed is bloody painful! But I talked with Elena, and she told me to run only two kilometers today, then walk with a cane.

He paused, taking a deep breath, then went on:

_ I went to Boise this morning and bought the cane. Then I ran. Barely ran one before collapsing.

Sam, appalled, watched him rubbing his face, maybe wanting to wake up from the nightmare. He shot a worried look at Briggs who looked as devastated as he himself felt, then Kestrel spoke again.

_ Fortunately Elena had ordered me to go running with my cane. Thanks to it I've been able to come back here, but now I know I'll never recover. And my limping is becoming worse, so I fear to wake up one day and be paralyzed. I can't crouch anymore, and climbing stairs is a calvary.

He looked up, eyes dangerously bright, and told Sam:

_ I've already told Briggs I want to buy a one-floored house for me, Elena and Aliosha. And I'm truly happy to have them. Without them...

Kestrel didn't elaborate, but his expression was clear, and Sam could imagine the end of his sentence well enough: "Without them I don't know what would become of me." He cleared his throat and said gently:

_ I'm afraid we won't be able to help you with it, sonny. You'll have to find the strength deep down in yourself. But what I can assure you is that you do have the strength. You're one of the bravest men I've ever known, and you've survived tough situations. You'll just move on, sonny.

_ How can you even say this? Kestrel asked gloomily, still not looking at him. Being a field operative...

Suddenly he looked up and said vehemently:

_ Being a field operative was my salvation! All my life! And what did I get? First I had to watch my friends from the Army being tortured to death and being tortured myself. Then Voron betrayed me, torturing me again and allowing Timochenko to experiment on me. And after that I lost Alpha, and nearly died from the loneliness and pain. And now the final blow: Fourth Echelon dissolved because we're too expensive to keep, and me officially retired! And if I hadn't been I would've been declared incapacitated because a terrorist I faced in Angola had decided to blow up the stadium where I was with James and my leg has been crushed! Tell me, Sam: where do I find the strength, after that? Tell me!

Sam, Kestrel's words still ringing in his ears, locked eyes with his desperate ops, and gave himself five seconds to regain composure. Then he said calmly:

_ I'll tell you, Mishka. You'll find the strength in your heart. Your family and the love you feel towards them will give you all the strength you need, and even more. Having a stiff leg or limping doesn't matter to the ones that are close to you and know you. Elena hasn't run away when you came back from the stadium, and if you want to buy a house for you, her and her son, then it means that she wants to be with you, no matter how your leg becomes.

He paused and noticed that Kestrel, although having buried his face in his hands, was listening intently, and he went on after shooting a quick glance at Briggs who looked relieved:

_ And we are here, sonny. If Briggs and I took the risk to anger you by coming here in Boise to see you and support you, it's because we're worried about you. And we're worried because we care for you. And for my part, I really don't care if you can't run ten kilometers anymore. I myself can't run anymore either, I have osteoarthritis everywhere. But what I know is this: I'm a father and grandfather, and I'll soon have another child with Grim. I'm truly blessed. In a forty years' career, I could've been killed a hundred times, wounded or incapacitated irreversibly, and it often came close. But I'm still there, on my feet. I have a wonderful family around me, and Briggs and you are part of it, you know it. So what do I care if I can't run anymore? There are much more important things. And it's just the same for you, sonny.

Sam stopped and helped himself to a glass of water, then Kestrel, letting down his hands, handed Briggs and him the dishes. They ate the meal in silence, and Sam wondered if Kestrel had understood what he had tried to explain him. The ops, although having helped himself a second time, wasn't eating as much as he was used to, and Sam waited for him to speak. Finally, after some grapefruits, the ops said:

_ I know that, Sam. And believe me, if I didn't tell myself a hundred times a day that I have a loving family around me and waiting for me in Baltimore, maybe I would've sunken low indeed. But you have to understand something. I assume you've been free to choose to be a field ops, like you, Briggs?

Sam nodded, and next to him Briggs did too, startled like him, and wondering what Kestrel meant. But the ops went on:

_ Things were a little different for me. You know I lost my parents when I was six, and I had been sent to a foster home in Ukraine. In Vilcha, as you probably remember well enough.

Sam nodded again, remembering the encounter with a pang of regret. Before Kestrel had joined Fourth Echelon, they had tracked him down to use him and his info, and ended killing his prey, a Voron guy who had tortured him in Koltsovo, leaving Kestrel alone and furious at them. Sam often wished he hadn't taken these decisions, but the past was the past. He had apologized years later, and Kestrel had wiped his slate clean. But the memory was still taunting him from time to time.

_ Do you know what happened to me there? During eight long years, until I ran away at fourteen?

Sam exchanged a worried look with Briggs, looking thunderstruck like him. This was the time they had been waiting for and dreading at the same time: Kestrel telling them about his youth at last. And now it seemed the padlock had blown, letting the truth out at last. He stared at his trembling ops who was crying openly, shaking under the weight of the memories, and Kestrel stammered between sobs restrained and hidden since much too long a time:

_ My foster father, this bastard, was a butcher, literally and figuratively. Not only did he force me to work with him, not caring about me collapsing under pork carcasses too heavy for me to lift or vomiting because of the blood and smell, but he also...

Kestrel abruptly got up and went to the nearest set of cupboards, balled his fists and smashed the doors. They quickly fell, unhinged and broken, and Sam suddenly wished he weren't there, but it was too late. And finally Kestrel confessed, letting out the truth with a cry of agony:

_ He also beat me up when he was drunk, then after that he would come into my room and... and rape me.

Sam, horror-struck, watched Kestrel destroying another set of cupboard doors before saying through painful tears:

_ He was a respectable man from the outside, and his wife was beaten up like me when she tried to take my defence. Nobody would've believed me. So when I turned fourteen, I ran away. I ended up in Saint Petersburg, and I survived as best I could, like a lot of abandoned teenagers, doing bad things but surviving nevertheless.

Sam, deeply shaken, was rooted to his chair, unable to move. But Briggs got up and went next to his best friend, and gently embraced him. And Kestrel literally collapsed in his arms, overwhelmed by the bad memories and the pain. Sam got up at last and helped Briggs bringing Kestrel to the lounge, where they all sat down, and he watched with emotion his tough ops cracking under the twenty-year-old pressure and secrets.

It took Kestrel ten long minutes to start taking deeper breaths and calming his heart-breaking sobs, then he told them the end of the very sad story:

_ You probably know what happened after that, it's in my file. But you don't have the specifics, like I do.

He wiped his cheeks and said more firmly:

_ I got caught by the police after some friends and I stole bubliki from a bakery, starving as we were, and after a night in jail they discovered my identity and shipped me to the nearest conscription center, as I was eighteen and had to serve for my country.

He snorted in disgust but went on:

_ Ironically, I survived better in the Army than most of my comrades. The harsh training and bullying didn't affect me as much as the others, maybe because I've had experienced them since a long time before. And it gave me a reason to live at last. I was a soldier, defending his country.

He locked eyes with Sam and Briggs and stated calmly:

_ This was my reason to live. All my life. I had found a purpose at last, and I clang to it at all costs. In the Russian Army I learned to love my country, and God knows I've defended it, during and after my conscription period. After the attack that killed my counterinsurgency unit you know Voron recruited me, and until the joint operation with Archer I served Russia faithfully. Being betrayed by Voron was like having them crushing my heart, and they came really close to doing it literally.

Sam felt nausea rising in his chest, and next to him Briggs was very pale and clammy. The story was very difficult to bear, so knowing that his ops had _lived_ through it... But Kestrel wasn't done yet.

_ I found another reason to live with Alpha. She was all I had left, and losing her...

The ops paused, swallowing hard, but went on:

_ You know it, you were there and helped me. Being with you all, and being a Fourth Echelon ops, saved me yet again. But now, what was me since all these years have been crushed along with my leg in this fucking stadium. So now I hope you understand why I just can't tell myself I'm lucky. Of course I am, but at what price?


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Kestrel looked intently at Sam and Briggs, anguish in his heart and turmoil in his mind, making his head spin. He asked them again:

_ Do you still think I'm lucky? That I can tell myself that I've done my job and have to move on? And just tell myself that a useless leg is a small thing to cope with?

On the sofa opposite him Sam looked stunned and devastated, and next to him Briggs was sobbing in his hands, visibly terribly sorry for him. But Kestrel needed something else than pity from them. Since they had bothered to cross the country to come and see him, they had to do more than listening. So he waited for them to digest the story, reclining back on his armchair and some deep part of him, one he was ashamed of, wishing he hadn't stopped drinking five years ago.

At long last Briggs regained composure and said:

_ What can I say after that, mate? One thing is clear for me, though. Sam is right, you have a truly formidable strength. You've lived through so much that you must have steel cables instead of nerves. And I'm absolutely sure you'll find the strength.

Kestrel simply shook his head, just weary and feeling dizzy after his outburst. His thigh was aching, but it was nothing compared to the pain of his memories. Telling his close friends about it had been very difficult, and now his mind was flooded with gruesome images from the butcher shop and aching memories. His vision blurred, and he dimly wondered if his mind wasn't simply overheating and wanting to be turned off. But when he started to feel nauseous and the world spinning a little too much for his comfort, he called out, weaker than he would've wanted:

_ Briggs! Sam! I... don't feel well...

He felt himself falling sideways and blacked out as his head collided with the low table, feeling more miserable than ever and part of him wanting to cut the losses right now. But as his vision went black Elena's image surged in his mind, and he felt comforted. He would fight, and be with her again.

When he came round, he was lying on some soft surface, and he dimly heard voices around him. He focused on the sounds and soon recognized Sam and Briggs, obviously talking to somebody on the phone. As the voice resonated through the loudspeaker he thought that he knew the voice, but it took him ten more seconds to identify it. It was Dr Collins, and he was saying:

_ … and keep his legs up. He must've had a vasovagal episode. Nothing worrisome, but tell him to stay still for the rest of the day.

_ Okay, doc, Sam's voice said as he felt his legs being lifted then carefully laid on some cushions. But why has he had a vasovagal episode in the first place?

_ Has he made huge efforts since this morning? Has he eaten enough?

_ Yes, and no. He ran and collapsed, and when we had lunch he ate about half of what he usually eats.

_ Well, there you are. Don't worry, he'll be all right. But tell him to have a nap and stay on the sofa till this evening. I know he won't like it, but it's better for him.

_ Thanks a lot, doc. So, have you had your new appointment?

_ Not yet. I'm on holidays until the end of the month. I've accumulated so much leave that I must take them before going to my new post.

_ Okay. Well, thanks again, doc, and enjoy!

_ I will, Sam. And you, take care, and please tell agent Kestrel to be careful.

_ Will do, doc. Bye.

_ Goodbye, Sam.

Kestrel opened his eyes slowly, trying to focus on the wooden beams above his head, but his vision was still fuzzy. However he heard Briggs exclaiming:

_ Mate! You're awake? How are you feeling?

He saw his best friend's blurred face appear in his peripheral vision, and answered calmly:

_ I don't really know, мой друг _(my friend)_. I can't see you very well yet.

Sam's face went right above him, and the Splinter Cell asked him grimly:

_ Mishka, is your head spinning?

_ Not anymore, he said truthfully. But my eyesight is still fuzzy.

_ Dr Collins told us that it could occur, Briggs explained seriously. It will be clear again in about half an hour, mate.

_ Good. What happened to me? I heard something like... vasovagal episode?

_ Yes, Sam confirmed. Don't worry, it's quite a minor thing. Happens to anybody.

_ I had one during college, Briggs recalled darkly. The staff thought I was arresting, they made useless CPR and broke two of my ribs.

_ Lucky you, Kestrel smiled faintly.

_ Do you feel better, sonny?

_ Yes, Sam, thanks. I feel better lying down.

He vaguely saw the two men sitting down next to him, and silence fell. He knew they were probably still thinking about what he had told them and just waited. He couldn't tell them more, it was just too painful. Finally Sam said quite sullenly:

_ I wish we could help you more, sonny. But what can we do?

_ You're here, he answered as calmly as he could. You couldn't have done better to help me. And Briggs offered me to find a job together. That would help me a lot.

_ Do you have any idea about that? Briggs asked him carefully.

_ Not yet. The thing is, I have two major problems. First, my leg, which will prevent me from having a physical job. And second, I'm quite allergic to working indoor. I just can't picture myself sitting at a desk or working with a computer. All in all, a tough mission it'll be for me indeed.

_ But what would you want to do?

_ If I could, he said after a few seconds of thinking, I'd like to stay in my area of expertise. A job with guns or combat fighting. That's what I really like.

On his left Briggs nodded thoughtfully, visibly thinking about it, and on his right Sam kept silent. He couldn't see his face clearly, but the Splinter Cell looked like he was having an idea. And he suddenly asked:

_ And you, Briggs? What would you want to do?

_ Same thing as Mishka, the ops answered calmly. If I could find a job like in Fourth Echelon, but without the missions, it would be perfect. But I'd like to add an analyst job to all that. Maybe some private security firm would hire us.

_ Maybe, Sam said with a strange voice.

He got up and left, smartphone in hand. Puzzled, Kestrel asked his best friend:

_ Where is he going?

_ Outside, Briggs answered seriously. I don't know why, though.

Kestrel shrugged and closed his eyes. He was feeling a little better, but the memories were still at the back of his mind, taunting him. Part of him wished he hadn't opened his own Pandora's box, but it was too late. And he knew that talking about it was the right thing to do, even if it was terribly painful at first. But the pain and shame would fade, and maybe disappear for good someday, who knew?

Silence fell for a few minutes, then next to him Briggs took a deep breath, and he braced himself, recognizing the sound of a coming question that would probably hurt him. And as planned, Briggs asked hesitantly:

_ Mate, what happened to your foster parents? Are they still alive?

_ For my foster mother I don't know, he said as Sam came back and sat down again. She and her husband finally divorced after I ran away. But my foster father died of lung cancer nineteen years ago. I was told he died suffering horribly. There's some justice in this world, after all.

He smiled faintly, thinking that his executioner had got what he deserved, and Briggs didn't comment. Finally, Sam said calmly:

_ I've got a job for you two, if you're interested.

_ What? Briggs exclaimed in surprise. How...? What job?

Kestrel felt better and curious, so he sat up on his sofa, oblivious to his friends' protests, and simply asked a frowning Sam:

_ What job?

_ Two quite different jobs, but in the same firm, Sam explained calmly. Vic's firm.

_ Sam..., Briggs started, visibly embarrassed.

_ Wait, sonny, Sam smiled. You'd regret not listening to me.

_ Go on, Sam, Kestrel said, trusting his old boss.

_ Vic calls on a private firm to train his men, and it costs him a fortune. So when I told him about you two, he almost wept in relief. So here is what he offers: for you, Briggs, a teaching post for data analysis, physical fitness and the use of technological stuff.

Sam paused, grinning at Briggs' startled but delighted expression, and went on, locking eyes with his other ops:

_ And for you, Mishka, a post of weapons and close combat instructor. Vic told me that you wouldn't need to use your leg too much, as it would be only improving his agents' techniques. But they do need training with weapons, apparently, and you've always been the best.

He fell silent, and Kestrel thought about the offer. It was tempting, for sure, he thought dimly, and it would fulfill all his wishes. And Victor Coste's firm, Paladin Nine Security, was now based in Baltimore, so it would be perfect.

He shot a still blurred but grateful look at Sam who grinned wider, and told him:

_ I'll think about it, and talk with Elena. But this offer is very tempting.

_ I knew it, Sam rejoiced, sounding relieved. What about you, Briggs?

_ I'm positively thrilled, Sam! That would be perfect for me. But will we be able to work for him without any problems from our old status of government agents?

_ No problem at all, Sam stated calmly.

_ And what about the salary?

_ Vic offers you and Mishka 50.000 dollars a year.

_ And we'll have our pension in addition, Briggs said, sounding impressed. That's quite generous of him!

_ If you're truly interested, Vic told me he wanted to discuss the offers with you as soon as possible. But he knows that you need holidays, so it can wait until next week.

_ Good, Briggs nodded. We'll think about it in the meantime.

_ When do you go back to Baltimore? Kestrel asked, his vision slowly blurring even more.

_ On Friday, his best friend answered him. Like you, isn't it? We take off at 10.52 am.

_ Like me, indeed, he sighed, lying back on the sofa again. That's good, we'll travel together.

_ Are you okay, sonny? Sam asked in concern.

_ Yes, I think so. Don't worry, Sam. It's just that my eyesight is getting worse, and I feel quite tired.

_ Then have a nap, mate, Briggs said.

_ I'm sorry.

_ Don't be, sonny, Sam told him kindly as he and Briggs rose. You need rest, mentally and physically. So sleep.

_ What are you going to do?

_ We'll settle down, the Splinter Cell told him, and I think I'll have a nap too before cooking dinner.

_ Good idea, Briggs yawned loudly. See you later, mate.

Kestrel, feeling himself sinking deeper into the sofa's cushions, didn't have time to answer before falling asleep.

He dreamed he was in his apartment in Baltimore, sitting on the sofa, and the doorbell rang. He went to open and was blown to see Alpha on the threshold, wearing her old fatigues and looking good. She beamed at him and said joyfully:

_ Hello, Misha! Can I come in?

Bewildered, dumbstruck and a little embarrassed, he nodded and let her pass. She sat on the sofa, beckoning at him to sit next to her, and when he had done she said calmly, still smiling:

_ I wanted to congratulate you, Misha. You've found a wonderful family. Do you have a photo to show me?

Still in utter disarray he took out his smartphone and searched for a photo of Elena and Aliosha he had taken a few days before, then showed it to her. She looked intently at it, grinning widely, then said as she handed him back his phone:

_ Elena is really beautiful and looks kind and happy. And Aliosha is so cute! I'm so happy for you, Misha!

_ Alpha, he said at last, I... I'm sorry...

_ About what? You living again at last? You finally being happy and fulfilling your dreams of a wife and children? Don't be sorry, Misha. It was high time you started to live fully at last. And if you think you betray me, then know that you're completely wrong. I know you still love me, deep in your heart, but it seems like you've finally understood – took you long enough, by the way – that having a family with a dead person wasn't possible. So stop beating yourself up about being happy, please.

_ Alpha, he murmured, his voice choked with emotion, it's true I'm really and deeply happy with them. I love them so much! But it's hard for me not thinking that I'm betraying your memory.

She took his hand and said seriously, locking eyes with him:

_ If I remember correctly, I myself gave you my blessing five years ago. So please stop being stupid! How could you be happy if you stay lonely for all your life? Having close friends is good but not enough, you know it. But I know that you're not at ease with your conscience. That's why I've decided to come and see you.

She paused, carefully looking at him, then went on:

_ Misha, you're going to make peace with yourself right away and accept to let me go.

_ What? he asked in alarm. But... how...?

_ Easy, she explained calmly. You will decide right now that you'll live your life with Elena and Aliosha, and let me go where I belong: in your memories.

_ Alpha, I... I can't do that! he protested weakly. I still love you!

_ You love a memory, she told him with a small smile. One that cannot make you happy or enlighten your life like a real family can do. So I want you to tell me farewell, Misha. You still can go and visit my grave from time to time if you want, but you'll start living fully from now on. Okay?

_ I...

_ Misha, she sighed, don't let the memories consume your will for life and your strength, like I know they do right now. What you've lived through is truly horrible, but one good thing about the shadows of the past, like Briggs said, is that they're just that: shadows. And we mustn't mistake them for the lights. If you look at the shining sun, the shadows disappear. They're behind, and it's true they'll never leave you, as they're part of your being. But you can choose to focus on the light, and let them in the background. Do you understand?

_ Yes, he admitted. I understand, Alpha.

_ Good, she beamed. We'll soon see. I'm still very real in your mind, like right now in your dream, but if you let me go I'll leave your dream and fade in your memory, where I belong. So, Misha, are you ready?

_ I really don't know, he said, turmoil swirling in his mind. I'm so much confused! The memories of my childhood and youth are so painful, everything's so heart-wrenching and confusing!

_ But you're there, she said calmly, her hand still holding his. Your mind is firmly anchored there, in Baltimore, because that's where you want to be. So chase the bad memories away, come on!

_ How?

_ Look, she pointed at the locker in the corner.

He stared at the locker and saw shapeless dark things lurking and swirling in it, things that made him anguished. He asked:

_ Are these...?

_ Yes, she confirmed. These are your worst memories. They'll always be in some part of your mind, of course, but you can choose to store them well away from you and what matters for you. And you can do it in this dream, by ordering them out of your place.

He concentrated hard, then ordered firmly:

_ Out!

And amazingly, the things obeyed! They hurriedly floated towards the door which opened by itself and exited, and the door slammed shut on them. He felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest, allowing him to breathe deeper. And next to him, Alpha said:

_ Very good. Now you'll be able to do the same with your problems: your leg and your forced retirement. But I know you're not quite ready for that. Don't take too much time, though. You'll soon need all your ressources for a much more important matter.

_ What do you mean? he asked in dread.

_ Not to worry, she beamed at him. But if I were you, I'd phone Elena. She didn't dare tell you about her yesterday since you felt so depressed, but the poor girl doesn't feel well.

_ And why are you rejoicing? It's...

_ Misha, she shook her head in exasperation. What would make me rejoice at her not feeling well? Think about it!

He thought about it, and a sudden possibility hit him hard. He asked, not wanting to believe it:

_ She isn't... pregnant, is she?

_ Very good, Daddy!

Completely stunned, he simply looked at her delighted expression, and soon grinned widely. A father! He would be a real father! He asked her:

_ Is it for real? We're in a dream, after all.

_ True, she nodded, but this is real, Misha. And now, I have to leave. Or rather, you have to make me leave. You don't need me anymore, and I know you'll be happy from now on.

He looked at her a long time, seeing her serious and loving expression, and inhaled deeply, gathering his courage, before saying, crying a little:

_ Alpha, thank you for everything. I'll always love you, deep in my heart, but now I have a family that I love deeply and who loves me. I'll be a caring boyfriend and father, and one day I'll ask Elena to marry me. So it's farewell, you can leave me. I'll be okay.

She beamed at him a last time, kissed him on the cheek and hugged him, then went to the front door and left, saying simply:

_ Farewell, Misha.

And he woke up, tears streaming down his cheeks but feeling that he had done a huge step towards his peace of mind, and just wanting to be with his family again.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

After checking the time (it was 4.17 pm, he had slept more than two hours), Kestrel sat up, regained composure, took out his smartphone and called Elena right away. She picked up the call after four ringings:

_ Mishka?

_ Yes, my love, he said tenderly. Hello! How are you?

_ It's me who should ask you this, любимый _(darling)_. How was your running?

_ Not good, Lena, he confessed, deciding to talk about him first then concentrate on her afterwards. I ran almost one kilometer then I fell, my leg was like hard wood. I walked back to the chalet thanks to the cane I bought this morning.

_ I see, she said with a worried voice. Then I'll have to examine you closely, Mishka.

_ Just my leg or my whole body? he said quite lightly, wanting to reassure her.

It did the trick: she laughed softly, warming his heart. She answered playfully:

_ Both, lover boy. I miss you.

_ So do I. But we'll see about my leg when I come back. What about you, лювбимая _(my love)_? Are you okay?

_ Why are you asking me this, Mishka?

_ Let's just say that I've had a strange dream, he said carefully.

She stayed silent for a few seconds then admitted:

_ I don't feel very well, my love. I threw up this morning, and yesterday too.

_ Are you ill?

_ No. Aside from that I'm all right.

_ So what's happening to you, then?

_ Well..., she hesitated. I don't want to alarm you or create false hope, but the last time something like that happened to me was when I got pregnant of Aliosha.

_ That would be wonderful, my love! he rejoiced, thinking that Alpha had been right, even in a dream. But when will you know for sure?

_ I'll have to wait a little. But in a few days I'll have some blood taken for an analysis, then we'll know if I'm really pregnant.

_ Okay, I'll cross my fingers, then.

_ Mishka? she asked with a worried voice. You won't let me down, will you? You're certain you want to stay with me and have a baby?

_ I'm certain, лювбимая, he assured her calmly. And I'll be the most delighted boyfriend and father on Earth. I won't let you down.

_ I miss you so much! she exhaled at last, sounding like she was crying. I'm sorry, my love, I don't want to worry you. But I... I really need you.

_ Lena, he said, his guts twisting in anguish. Do you want me to come back? Take your time to answer me. Don't tell me no if you mean yes. I can come back if you want, I miss you terribly too. And I will certainly be better with Aliosha and you. So?

_ Yes, she murmured after a few seconds. I want you to come back, Mishka.

_ Then I'll do that, my love, he told her seriously. Sam and Briggs have arrived earlier today, and we were supposed to go back to Baltimore on Friday, but I'll ask them if we can go back tomorrow morning instead. Okay, my love?

_ Okay, Mishka. Thank you.

Suddenly Kestrel heard Aliosha in the phone, asking about him, and Elena said with a calmer voice:

_ Yes, it's Mishka, sweetheart. Do you want to talk to him?

_ Yes!

He heard shuffling, clearly she had switched on the loudspeaker, and he said:

_ Hello, Aliosha! How are you, ребёнок _(child)_?

_ Fine, the little boy answered. When will you come back?

_ Soon, ребёнок. Would you like to see me soon?

_ Yes! I miss you, Daddy!

Kestrel's heart squeezed in emotion, and he took a deep breath before replying:

_ I miss you too, ребёнок. I'll be with you very soon, okay?

_ Okay.

Sam and Briggs entered the room at that moment, and he smiled at them while saying:

_ I have to go. See you very soon, my loved ones.

_ Bye, Mishka, Elena said. Keep me posted, will you?

_ I will.

_ Bye, Daddy!

_ Bye, ребёнок.

He hung up, forcing down his emotion, but it was too late. Sam asked him in concern as the two men sat around him:

_ What's the matter, sonny? Are you all right?

_ Yes, Sam, he nodded, inhaling deeply. It's just... Aliosha asked me before I left if I could be his daddy, and I accepted. And now, when he speaks with me, he calls me Daddy. And I... I'm not used to it yet.

Sam and Briggs grinned widely, and he chuckled in emotion. He asked them as he wiped his eyes:

_ Elena asked me to come back as soon as possible. Would it be okay if we leave tomorrow morning?

Sam exchanged a surprised look with Briggs, then said:

_ It would be okay for me. In fact, I'd be happy to be with Grim again, she was really exhausted when I left, and I'm a little worried about her.

_ And Molly needs me, Briggs added calmly. She still eats a lot of peanut butter, and I have to go buy some every day.

_ Can you change your tickets?

_ Yes, Briggs nodded. Let's see.

He took out his smartphone and checked the flights, and soon exclaimed:

_ There's a last flight in an hour in Boise!

_ Then let's take it, Sam said calmly, getting up with his cane. Okay for you, Mishka?

_ Okay for me, he nodded.

The three of them gathered their things in haste and soon went in the cars. Kestrel adamantly refused that Sam drove his car and followed Briggs and him to the airport, where they were just in time to change their tickets and board the plane. They stayed mostly silent during the two flights and slept a lot, then they landed at Baltimore airport at last.

It was nearly 5.30 in the morning, and Kestrel wanted to see Elena before her work at six. So he politely declined Briggs' offer to drive him back and thanked his two friends again before hailing a taxi which sped away to Johns Hopkins thanks to a very generous tip. He arrived at 5.50 and checked the parking lot. His car wasn't there yet. So he leaned on a wall and his cane, bag at his feet, and waited patiently.

Two minutes later his blue pickup appeared in the parking lot, and he waited where he was. Elena got down, looking pale indeed, and as she arrived within ten meters he called her out softly:

_ Lena!

Startled, she looked in his direction and spotted him. Bewilderment and joy reached her face and she ran to him. He took her in his outstretched arms and they kissed passionately, hugging each other tightly. She pulled away and asked him:

_ When have you arrived? What a surprise!

_ We've landed thirty minutes ago, he explained calmly, accompanying her towards the hospital. And I wanted to see you before you start working today. How are you, лювбимая?

_ Still nauseous, my love, she winced as they stopped in front of the sliding doors. But it'll pass in an hour or two, don't worry. I'm so happy you're there!

_ So am I, лювбимая, he told her tenderly. I can't wait to see you tonight.

_ Me too, she smiled apologetically, but now I have to go.

_ Take care, my love.

_ You too, Mishka. I'll see your leg tonight.

He nodded and kissed her a last time, then she ran inside, leaving him alone for a few hours. So he hailed another cab and went home. He cursed his aching leg for the millionth time as he laboriously climbed the three flights of stairs, then collapsed on his sofa. Without having planned it he fell asleep, and when he woke up it was 2 pm.

Quite disoriented, he had a shower then went to the kitchen, where he set to work while eating a little. He prepared a borscht, knowing that Elena had wanted one when he had called her, then phoned Briggs.

_ Hi, mate! Safely gone home?

_ Yes, thanks, мой друг _(my friend)_. Slept a lot. You?

_ Same. Molly woke me up an hour ago to have lunch.

_ Please say hello for me.

_ Will do, mate. Are you okay?

_ Yes. I was wondering if you had news from your real estate agent friend? Sheila, is it?

_ Sheila, yes. She left me a message, but I haven't listened to it yet. I'll call you back in a few seconds, okay?

_ Okay, мой друг.

Briggs hung up, and he waited patiently, hoping that the news would be good. Finally Briggs called him back and he asked:

_ So?

_ She's already found a few houses that could please you, his best friend told him calmly. She suggests you meet her tomorrow.

_ That would be good indeed.

_ I'll send you her number.

_ Thanks, мой друг.

_ Well, I'm off. I have to go and buy... guess what? Peanut butter!

_ Lucky you, Kestrel sniggered.

_ You just wait, Mishka! One day maybe it'll be your turn, then you'll understand that pregnancy is a serious thing, and that a pregnant woman is like a time bomb.

_ We'll see, мой друг.

_ See you soon, mate.

_ Bye, Briggs.

He hung up, smirking, then phoned Sheila as soon as his best friend sent him her number. They arranged a meeting for the following day at 10 am in Shipley Hill, and she would drive him to see the four houses she had found so far. Feeling satisfied he dozed off on his sofa again, lazily watching some soccer match replay, until he shook himself at 6.30 pm.

He got up and carefully set the table, and soon the doorbell rang. He went to open and Aliosha threw himself in his arms, shouting delightedly:

_ Daddy!

_ Hello, ребёнок! How are you?

_ Fine! I missed you, Daddy!

He hugged him tightly, kissing his forehead and said:

_ I missed you too, Aliosha.

Then he let the boy down who ran inside and went to play with some animal figurines he had left behind him, and Kestrel hugged Elena at last, kissing her with all his love. She was clearly very happy and relieved to be with him again, and so was he. He led her inside and they sat on the sofa, watching Aliosha making his horse and sheep race on the low table, just holding hands but feeling great.

At last he asked her:

_ Are you okay, лювбимая? How was work?

_ I'm all right, she answered calmly after kissing him again. The nausea is just in the morning, thank heavens! And I like my work very much. I learn to speak English fast.

_ That's good, he smiled, caressing her thigh.

_ What about your leg?

_ Let's talk about it after dinner.

_ Okay, she simply nodded.

_ I have good news, he announced with a wider grin. I'll go and visit four houses tomorrow with Sheila, a friend of Briggs who's a real estate agent. I'd like to make a first selection, then I hope you'll agree to visit houses with me to tell me about your likings.

_ It would be wonderful! she rejoiced, kissing him again as a cow went flying past them, followed by a giggling Aliosha. We'll do it on Saturday, then.

_ Yes.

They kissed and hugged, and he felt far better than he had ever been. Yes, he told himself firmly, this is where you want to be, мой друг. With your family. There you'll heal, physically and mentally.

They had a quiet dinner, and Elena and Aliosha ate a lot of borscht, obviously enjoying it thoroughly. He himself ate his usual four plates, emptying the dish and happy to see that his appetite had come back. Then after dessert they went to Elena's apartment so Aliosha would sleep in his bed, and they kissed the exhausted boy goodnight.

She led him to the bedroom and said seriously:

_ And now, show me your leg.

Obediently he took off his clothes and lay on her bed, and she sat next to him, bending over his thigh. She gently felt and manipulated it, and he was relieved to feel only a dull pain. After a few minutes she straightened and told him, looking far relieved herself:

_ Your thigh is better, Mishka. When you told me you fell, I was quite scared, but it'll be okay. Walking with a cane helps a lot. So you'll keep it from now on, and thanks to it you'll soon be able to run a little. And I'll take care of you, so maybe you'll be able to crouch again.

He had told her his problem, and now he felt reassured and far better than before. So he gently took her in his arms and caressed her, and she responded quite fiercely. Before he knew it she was naked and on top of him, and they made love, feeling like he was reaching the sky.

When the alarm clock woke him up at 5 am, he groaned softly, exhausted as he was from the flights, the jetlag and the wild exercises he had made with her. But she quickly switched the thing off and murmured, kissing him softly:

_ Rest, любимый. You're on holidays, enjoy.

_ Lena, I want to be with you..., he started, yawning widely.

But she silenced him by kissing him again then said imperiously:

_ Mishka, you stay in this bed and sleep, doctor's orders. I'll leave you the key. I'll set the alarm at 9 for your appointment, but in the meantime you'll sleep.

_ On your orders, doc, he mumbled vaguely, closing his eyes.

And he drifted into sleep again. As planned, the alarm clock woke him up at 9, and he got up feeling more rested and alert, grateful to have been able to sleep more.

At 10 he met Sheila at the foot of his building, and she pointed out kindly after greeting him, noticing his cane:

_ Now I understand why you want a one-floored house, Mr Loskov. Don't worry, there are enough of them for you to find one that'll satisfy you.

_ I certainly hope so, he said calmly, climbing into her van.

He visited the four houses, not really thrilled, but she told him she had a last one that had come on the market only the day before, and drove him to Northern Baltimore. They arrived in Murray Hill, a neighborhood not far from Briggs' one in Towson, and she stopped at the end of a small road, where a big white one-floored house, surrounded by trees, was standing.

Kestrel, already fallen under the spell, listened to Sheila explaining calmly:

_ This 180 meter-square house is ten years old and has a 1.000 meter-square garden, surrounded by stone walls. It counts five bedrooms, three bathrooms, a 85 meter-square living room and a big kitchen. And a big garage for two large cars. Shall we go in?

He nodded and followed her into the garden, looking carefully around him. The lawn and flowers were well-kept, and he liked very much the cobblestone alleys to the garage and front door. Then she opened the wooden door, and as he stepped inside he told himself that that was it. His home.

He looked carefully at each room, admiring the polished hardwood floor, the large spaces and the big windows, and felt himself already at home. The five bedrooms were very large, and two had en suite bathroom, and the garage was like he wanted. But what made him deciding to buy it was the kitchen. Brightly lit and fully equipped with large work spaces, it was so well-thought and arranged that he easily envisioned himself cooking there.

He turned towards Sheila and asked:

_ How much?

He hadn't asked before for any of the first houses, so she said with a smile:

_ 423.000 dollars, Mr Loskov.

_ Can I visit again on Saturday with my wife?

_ There's another couple already interested, you see, she said with an embarrassed expression. They'll visit tomorrow afternoon.

_ I see. Tonight, then? 6.30?

_ Okay, Mr Loskov, she agreed. Do you like it, then?

_ I love it, he said simply.

She grinned, and they left. As she dropped him at the foot of his building again, telling him she would be at the house at 6.30 pm, he nodded then climbed his stairs, wishing it was one of the last times. And when he arrived in his apartment he phoned Elena, organizing with her. He would fetch Aliosha then meet her at Johns Hopkins, so they would visit together the awesome house.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Elena fell under the spell of the house as soon as she laid eyes on it. So Kestrel, feeling elated, followed Sheila and her into the large rooms, holding Aliosha's hand. The poor boy was very tired from his long day so he ended up picking him up and holding him with his left arm while leaning on his cane with his right one.

As Aliosha fell asleep on his shoulder he listened to Elena exclaiming softly:

_ This house is wonderful!

_ Do you want to make an offer? Sheila asked, a little hopefully.

Kestrel stared at Elena who nodded happily, then said calmly:

_ Yes. Are the owners ready to negociate a little?

_ Yes, if your bank gives them some guarantee.

_ My bank? he asked, puzzled.

_ For the loan, she explained patiently. They want to be sure you're solvent and they'll get the money.

_ Oh. Then tell them they can rest easy. I already have the money, I won't need a loan.

_ I see, she said, looking impressed. Well, in this case things would be easier indeed. So, what offer do you want to make?

_ 390.000 dollars, he said calmly, shooting an amused glance at Elena's astonished expression. And I'm in a hurry to buy.

_ I'll phone them right away.

She took out her phone and exited the house, leaving Kestrel with Elena. She went in front of him and asked him, eyebrows furrowed:

_ Are you sure this is okay for you, Mishka? It's quite a sum of money.

_ I'm sure, my love. I love the house too. I already feel at home.

_ Me too, she said, shooting an admiring glance around her. Maybe we'll put your sofa there, and my set of cupboards next to the chimney, and...

She stopped, blushing, and he laughed softly, succeeding in kissing her without waking Aliosha up. He said happily:

_ You'll take care of the room fitting, лювбимая _(my love)_. I'll leave that to you.

She beamed at him, looking good and beautiful, and his heart leapt in his chest. Soon Sheila came back, phone in hand, and told them:

_ The owners agree to lower the price at 415.000 dollars.

_ Then please tell them that I offer 405.000 dollars, but not one more. They can have the money the very day we sign the deal.

She left again, talking to her phone, and he waited with Elena, mentally crossing his fingers. And five minutes later, the real estate agen came back, grinning widely.

_ They agree for 405.000 dollars. And we can meet next week to sign the closing.

_ Good, he rejoiced, kissing Elena who was grinning widely too. I'll have a certified check from my bank ready by then, I already phoned them. Only the specific sum was missing, I'll tell them straight away.

_ And I'll have the papers ready, Sheila assured. 2 pm on Monday in my office?

_ Okay for me.

_ I need a check of 40.500 dollars for the escrow account, and you need to sign this.

He simply took out his checkbook and filled one, handing it to her, then signed the form she had filled. She smiled, nodding and pocketing them, and they left. He carefully put Aliosha in his car seat, not making him stir, and soon Elena drove them back to Shipley Hill. She held hands with him and asked:

_ We'll soon move into your new house, then?

_ How about we move in five days? he asked calmly.

_ But... I work next week! How will you do?

_ I won't lift heavy things, he explained calmly, forcing down a twinge of sadness. I'll call some movers, they'll do the job. Some of them can even put all your things in boxes, so you have nothing to do. And we'll do just that, if you agree. I can't go up and down the stairs to do it myself.

_ I agree, my love, she acknowledged. And I'm quite fed up with moving myself.

_ Good. I'll phone my bank.

_ Mishka? I want to tell you something.

He shot her a puzzled look but she explained seriously:

_ If Aliosha and I are coming to live with you, I'll give you the equivalent of a rent for us. No! she stopped him as he was about to protest. It's perfectly normal. And thus, one day I'll reach half of the 405.000 dollars, so the house will be half-mine. Okay?

_ Okay, he relented after a few seconds. So I'll be your bank. And the house will be yours too straight away.

She nodded, smiling, and he beamed at her after a quick kiss. Then he phoned his bank advisor, leaving a message and asking for the check for the following Monday, then concentrated on all the things he would have to do. But Elena shook him out of his thoughts when she parked in Shipley Hill, he hadn't seen the time pass by. She took Aliosha in her arms and they slowly climbed the stairs, panting slightly.

_ One of the last times, лювбимая, Kestrel sighed, leaning heavily on his cane and the ramp.

_ Yes, my love, she nodded happily. We'll be so much better. And without close neighbors.

_ Yes. That alone will be a bliss.

Aliosha woke up briefly and had a hot chocolate and a cereal bowl before going to bed. Kestrel ordered some pizzas to be delivered, and soon he ate his three pizzas while Elena, in front of him, ate hers as if she hadn't eaten in a week. She even dug into his last one, bringing a smile on his lips. He told her with a smile:

_ I've never seen you eat so much, my love. Soon you'll eat as much as me at this rate. Do you have a little something pumping all your food and energy within you?

_ I can't tell you yes or no, Mishka, she said, devouring his pizza and still looking famished. We'll have to wait a little more to be sure.

_ How much time?

_ I'll go and have some blood taken tomorrow. I'll ask one of my colleagues to analyze it.

_ Okay, he nodded, eating the last bit of his pizza and eager to know.

Then he told her about Sam's offer for a job, and she looked delighted. He said thoughtfully:

_ If we move in next week, then we could invite all our friends next Sunday for lunch, what do you think?

_ That's an excellent idea, my love, she smiled. By then, I really hope I'll have good news to tell you.

_ I hope so too, he said, gently taking her hand and squeezing it.

She leaned towards him and they kissed, and he felt wonderfully good. But one thing was jostling in his head. About Aliosha.

As they made love, he put the thought in the back of his head, enjoying the moment with her. But when she fell asleep on his shoulder, a faint smile on her lips, he concentrated again on his idea. The boy legally had no father, his parent never acknowledged him. And even if Elena had given him his father's name, she had done all she could to avoid the man and protect her son from him and his bad influence.

Aliosha had asked him to be his daddy. And for Kestrel, it meant a lot more than simply being called Daddy. He loved Elena deeply and truly, and wanted to spend all his remaining life with her. And he wanted Aliosha to become his son. Officially. So he resolved of two very important things for him: proposing Elena, and making all necessary papers for Aliosha to become his son. Smiling to himself, he finally fell asleep.

Light and hurried footsteps in the corridor woke him up, and soon Aliosha bounded in the room. But this time, he knew something wasn't right. He shot a glance at the alarm clock and read 3.36 am. Too early to wake up. He sat up as the small boy climbed on the bed, sobbing and stammering:

_ Mama! Daddy! There is a monster in my room!

Kestrel picked up the quivering child and hugged him tightly as Elena slowly stirred next to him. He told the boy soothingly:

_ You've had a nightmare, ребёнок _(child)_. Don't worry, there is no monster. Mama and I protect you, no monster can enter the apartment.

_ You're sure, Daddy? the trembling child asked him, his voice muffled as his face was buried in his shoulder.

_ Yes, ребёнок, he assured him calmly. Don't worry.

Elena sat up, looking exhausted, and caressed her son's hair tenderly. Aliosha, looking a little appeased, asked her:

_ Can I stay with you, Mama?

_ Yes, sweetheart, she nodded dimly. But only this time, okay?

_ Yes, Mama.

So Kestrel settled him between Elena and him, and in no time the boy was asleep. Elena quickly fell asleep again, but it was harder for him. His mind was swirling with thoughts, but something was bothering him. His sixth sense, warning him of a danger looming nearer. But he shoved aside the sensation. Nothing would happen, he told himself firmly. He would stay on alert, but he was no longer a field ops. Nothing would happen to him or his family now, he would make sure of it. And then sleep found him again.

The day passed in a blur for him. In the morning he called four mover companies, asking for their services and their cost, and finally chose one, going at their premises to sign the contract. Then he ate lunch at a fast-food, startling the other clients with his ten sandwich boxes and five boxes of fries. And after that he went to the real estate agent's premises, preparing the last details of the closing.

When he came back to his apartment he sat on his sofa with a groan, his thigh throbbing painfully, but took his phone to call his friends. He first called Briggs, who sounded delighted for him to have found a suitable house, and only at a mere five-minute-drive from his own place.

Then he phoned Sam, and his old boss answered him at the last ringing.

_ Fisher.

_ Hi, Sam! It's Mishka.

_ Hello, sonny! So, what news?

_ I've found a house, Sam. In Murray Hill. I'll sign the closing on Monday, and Grim and you will come for lunch next Sunday with everybody to celebrate.

_ That's great news, sonny! Sam rejoiced in the phone. So, do you want help moving?

_ No thanks. I've called a mover company.

_ Okay, sonny. I won't complain, I hate moving furniture.

_ And you need to take care of your body, Sam, Kestrel said with an amused tone. By the way, Elena is wondering why you haven't called her yet for your knee. She's going to give you a dressing-down you'll remember for a long time.

_ Dammit, I forgot! But my knee is far better, sonny.

_ Not an excuse. She wants you at her place tomorrow at 11 am, Sam. And you'll stay for lunch with Grim, of course.

_ Okay, sonny, Sam exhaled, making him smirk.

_ Say hello to Grim for me, will you?

_ Will do, sonny. Have a nice evening.

_ You too.

He hung up, still smirking, then called Charlie. The tech, sounding far better than the last time he had seen him, rejoiced too and promised to come for the house-warming party.

Then he went to his bedroom and started to pack his clothes, keeping a few spare ones for the days before moving on Tuesday. And after that he cooked dinner for his family, so by the time Elena rang the doorbell, it was ready.

As they sat around the table, eating his beef Stroganov with apparent pleasure, he asked his girlfriend, who looked paler and ill:

_ My love, are you okay?

_ In fact, she confessed, pushing aside her half-eaten plate, I don't feel quite well, Mishka. All I would like to do is lying under my quilt and sleep.

_ Then go, he told her kindly, caressing her hand. I'll take care of Aliosha, don't worry. We'll join you in a few minutes.

She didn't wait to be told twice, nodded and kissed him, then hugged her son before exiting his apartment. Aliosha asked Kestrel, puzzled:

_ Mama is going to bed?

_ Yes, ребёнок. Mama is very tired.

_ I'm tired too, the small boy said with a yawn. Can I go to bed too, Daddy?

_ Can you finish your plate first?

_ Yes.

So Kestrel helped him finishing his last potatoes, then gave him a yoghurt, ad finally the meal was over. Aliosha held out his arms and Kestrel picked him up, hugging him. He grabbed his cane and limped to Elena's apartment, and five minutes later the boy was asleep in his single bed.

Kestrel went back to his place to clear the table and do the quick washing-up, then joined Elena in her room. She was fast asleep, and he found her more beautiful than ever. He lay down at her side, massaging his thigh, then soon fell asleep too.

When he woke up at 8.30 am, Elena was already stirring. But she hastily got up and ran to the toilets, from where he soon heard retching noises. He got up in haste too and joined her in the bathroom, quite worried. She was wiping her mouth and splashing water on her face, and gave him a weak smile in the mirror.

_ Hello, my love! Sorry for that.

_ Don't be, лювбимая. It's me who should be sorry. If you truly are pregnant and retch every morning because of it, then it's technically my fault.

_ True, she smiled a little wider, straightening up.

_ Have you had your blood analyzed?

_ My colleague took a sample yesterday evening, she explained while going back to bed. She was going to do it this morning and phone me as soon as she was done.

_ Good, he told her as he lay down next to her again.

She settled on his chest, kissing him lightly, then fell asleep within ten seconds. Startled but softened, he watched her sleeping for a few minutes, then heard faint sounds coming from Aliosha's bedroom. So he gently disentangled himself from her and got up, putting on his clothes, and she didn't stir.

He exited the room just as Aliosha was emerging from his and soon whispered to him:

_ Hello, ребёнок. Mama is still tired, so we'll let her sleep. Okay?

_ Okay, Daddy, Aliosha nodded seriously.

So Kestrel, still moved at being called Daddy, took his small hand and steered him towards the kitchen. He prepared a good breakfast, cooking some vareneki, and Aliosha ate a lot of them, enjoying them with a large smile. And soon Elena emerged in the kitchen, disheveled and still looking tired, asking:

_ Is it the aroma of vareneki that I smell?

_ Yes, лювбимая, Kestrel chuckled as she hastily sat at the table, offering her the dish. Help yourself!

She grabbed one and ate it really fast, then another, and another one, in less than a minute. Quite impressed, Kestrel watched her with growing amusement while Aliosha was staring at his mother with bulging eyes. She emptied the dish and finally asked timidly:

_ Have you had your share?

He burst out laughing under her shameful expression as Aliosha said:

_ The vareneki were good, Mama! Daddy made them!

_ Yes, sweetheart, she smiled apologetically, accepting the cup of coffee Kestrel offered her. Mishka, you had some?

_ Yes, my love, he told her soothingly. Don't worry, I've had a lot of them with Aliosha. But you were really starving, weren't you?

_ Yes, she nodded thoughtfully. What will I cook for lunch? Do you want a solianka again?

_ That would be great, лювбимая, he beamed. With fish?

_ Yes. Will Sam and Anna like it?

_ I think so. They're used to eat Russian meals. During missions we took turns cooking, and I always liked cooking things from my former country.

He felt a twinge of sadness and regret in his heart, but kept the emotion within control. He would heal soon, he told himself firmly. Like Sam had told him, there were much more important things. And one couldn't wait. As he set his mind, he asked her:

_ Do you mind if I leave you for half an hour? I have something to buy that just can't wait.

_ Not at all, she answered calmly, looking a little puzzled.

_ I'll have a shower next door first, but I'll be quick, he promised, kissing her and Aliosha.

_ Okay.

He hastily hobbled to his apartment and had the said shower, and took care to dress with his best clothes. Then he went to the jewelry store next to the bakery, and soon spotted the ring he wanted. Fortunately he had taken care to take the measurements of one of Elena's rings he had seen on her ring finger, so he asked for the right size.

Twenty minutes later he was on the threshold of her apartment, took the time to catch his breath and letting the pain in his leg decrease, then entered with a deep breath, bracing himself. Aliosha ran towards him and hugged him, but soon ran away in his room to play. He walked to Elena's bedroom, cane still at his side, and froze in the doorframe.

She was putting on the black dress he had liked so much during their first dinner, and the view took his breath away. She saw him staring at her in the mirror of the wardrobe and asked him, eyes twinkling:

_ How am I?

_ Gorgeous, he said in a whisper.

She beamed at him and took a step towards him, but stopped abruptly when he dropped his cane and knelt with difficulty next to the bed. She asked in alarm:

_ Mishka, what are you doing?

_ I have something to ask you, he said calmly enough but his heart hammering in his chest. Come closer, please.

She obliged, walking right in front of him and looking worried, and he took out the small box. As he opened it he saw her expression changing from worry to shock then delight as he asked her very formally:

_ Elena Vassilievna Rykova, will you marry me?

She dissolved into tears as he put the silver ring with a beautiful sapphire on top on her ring finger, and stammered:

_ Yes, Mikhail Andreyevich Loskov! I will marry you!

He slowly got up, leaning on his cane and the edge of the bed, and kissed her tenderly, then said:

_ You've just made me the happiest man on Earth, my love. But I have another question.

She waited, wiping her tears away and looking expectantly at him, and he asked:

_ Can Aliosha officially become my son?


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Elena looked completely blown, but Kestrel waited patiently. He knew the news were probably a little too much to take in in such a few minutes, but he needed to know. And he really wanted Aliosha to become his son. Finally Elena said, joyful sobs choking her voice:

_ Yes, Mishka. There's nothing to prove that he's Piotr's son. So if you want to adopt him, you'll be able to.

Then she dissolved into tears again and hugged him tightly, obviously very happy. He hugged her tightly too, kissing and caressing her, happiness blossoming even more in his heart, making his whole body tingling with warmth and anticipation.

Then Aliosha ran into the room, saying happily:

_ Mama! I've made a drawing for you!

_ That's so nice of you, sweetheart, she told him, wiping her cheeks again but beaming at him.

_ Why are you crying, Mama?

She took her puzzled son in her arms and explained calmly:

_ Mama is very, very happy, sweetheart.

_ Why?

_ Because Mama and Daddy will get married. And Daddy will be your father for ever. That's great, isn't it?

The boy smiled a little, clearly he couldn't understand what that meant for him, but kissed his mother and asked:

_ Will we eat the solianka soon, Mama?

_ Not yet, sweetheart, she said, putting him down. But soon, yes, when our guests arrive.

The little boy looked satisfied and ran away again under the softened stare of Kestrel, and the ops said:

_ He's so cute. I'll be so proud and happy to become his father.

_ You already are, my love, she murmured in his ear, hugging him again.

They cuddled for a few minutes, then she pulled away regretfully, saying:

_ I have to shoot a look at the solianka.

_ I'm right behind you, my love.

He followed her to the kitchen, ignoring his aching thigh, and sat on a chair as she stirred her meal, tasting it and seeming satisfied. Then she went back to the bathroom to repare the damage that her tears had done to her makeup, and he set the table. When she came back, he was back on his chair, inwardly cursing his aching thigh, but admiring her beautiful body and face. And her eyes are just the most awesome shining diamonds in the world, he thought happily.

She walked in front of him and leaned over him, murmuring:

_ I'll be so delighted to become Elena Vassilievna Loskova!

_ Will you take my name, then? he asked with a large grin, warmth erupting in his chest.

_ Yes, she said, kissing and caressing him. It'll be such an honor for me, my love!

_ Why?

_ Because I'll be the wife of an exceptional man, she explained simply, eyes twinkling. A man I love with all my heart.

He rose and hugged her, happy and proud beyond everything he had ever known. But much too soon the doorbell rang, and she pulled away from him with a regretful smile and went to open. He followed her more slowly to the living room and greeted Sam and Grim. He noticed immediately that the two of them looked far better and had obviously smoothed things out between them, making him rejoice.

As the four of them sat on the sofa and armchairs, Aliosha came running into the room but went behind his mother's legs almost immediately. Kestrel sat forward and explained calmly to him:

_ Aliosha, this is Grandpa Sam and Grandma Anna. Say hello, ребёнок _(child)_.

_ Hello! the boy said timidly, still hiding behind Elena.

_ Hello, Aliosha! Sam said kindly in English. How are you?

_ Fine, the small boy murmured before running into Kestrel's legs.

Softened, the ops picked him up and hugged him as Aliosha buried himself in his shoulder under the moved stare of Sam and Grim. The Splinter Cell noticed:

_ He really likes you, sonny. I'm so happy for you!

Kestrel shot a glance at Elena who nodded with a smile, and he said calmly but happily:

_ And I love him too, Sam. That's why he'll soon become my son officially.

Startled, Sam didn't react at first, but next to him Grim shot him a moved glance and said, beaming:

_ That's wonderful news, Mishka!

_ Indeed, Sam added, having finally regained composure and grinning broadly too. So I assume you'll soon get married, Elena and you?

_ Yes, Elena acknowledged shyly, showing them her brand-new ring. Mishka asked me this morning.

Grim rose and took her in her arms, warmly congratulating her. As they embraced, Elena had tears in her eyes, and so had Grim. As Aliosha ran away again Sam and Kestrel both leaned on their canes to get to their feet then embraced each other too, and the Splinter Cell whispered in his ops' ear:

_ Congratulations, sonny! I'm so very happy for you! You deserve this new happiness since too long a time, but now I hope it'll stay with you forever from now on.

_ Thanks, Daddy, Kestrel whispered back, the only words his constricted throat allowed him to pronounce.

Sam hugged him tighter, and the two men embraced for a few more seconds before pulling away and discreetly wiping their eyes. Then Grim went in front of him and hugged him too, and she said, shooting a glance at Sam who nodded too in front of Elena:

_ Actually, we'll have a lot of things to celebrate soon. Sam proposed me too at last, and I said yes.

_ That's wonderful! Kestrel rejoiced, thinking that his boss had indeed taken his time, as he knew Grim had been dying waiting for him. When will you have your wedding, then?

_ In three months, Grim said, eyes sparkling.

She and Elena embraced again, and Kestrel shook his boss' hand with a broad smile, saying:

_ I'm so happy for you too, Sam!

_ I like these good news, his boss nodded. It's so much better than what we have known since these last months!

Kestrel simply nodded, not wanting to spoil the good moment with bad memories. And Sam visibly saw he should've kept his mouth shut, because he quickly added:

_ So that's gonna be a wonderful party next Sunday at your new place, then!

_ Yes, Kestrel grinned, warmth still filling his chest. I can't wait to be there, the house is great!

Elena led them to the table and soon brought the appetizers, and Grim asked the couple:

_ When will _you_ get married, then?

_ That we still don't know, he answered with a smile, taking Elena's hand and caressing it. It's very recent, after all, and...

The ringing of Elena's phone cut him, and he watched her picking up the call and going to the kitchen with crossed fingers.

_ Yes?... Hello, Lucy!... So?

He got up and was about to excuse himself when he heard a delighted shout from the kitchen. Grinning widely, he didn't have time to take one step before Elena ran back into the living room, eyes bright and beaming at him, and about to say something when she remembered Sam and Grim's presence. She blushed, a little embarrassed, but Grim asked her gently, having already guessed what it was all about:

_ You have good news, Elena?

_ Yes, she answered, her cheeks very red.

She walked to her fiancé and took a deep breath, locking eyes with him, then said:

_ My love, I'm pregnant.

Kestrel, emotion and love cascading into his brains and whole body, took her in his arms, lifted her and kissed her, making her turn on the spot with him. He was so happy! It was the best day of his life! First Elena had told him yes, then she had agreed to let him become Aliosha's father, and now they were going to have a baby together!

He put her down and buried his face in her shoulder, joyful sobs escaping his chest, and she hugged him tightly against her, her warm body telling him yet again what a lucky man he had become with her in his life. He slowly regained composure when Aliosha ran to them and asked, puzzled:

_ Mama? Daddy? What's happening?

Kestrel wiped his eyes then bent over the child, picking him up, and told him while shooting a grin at his delighted boss and control director, looking deeply moved:

_ Aliosha, we've just learned a wonderful thing.

_ What?

_ Mama is having a baby, Elena explained softly to him, kissing him. You'll soon have a little brother or sister.

_ Cool! the boy shouted in delight, making everybody laughing and rejoicing. When, Mama?

_ In a long time, sweetheart. But the baby is there, in Mama's belly. It'll grow here, and one day you'll see him or her.

Aliosha lightly touched Elena's belly, a puzzled and curious expression on his face, and asked:

_ Can we eat, Mama?

The adults laughed even more, moved, and Kestrel put him on his chair as Elena gave him some blini. Then the couple sat down again, kissing some more, and Kestrel said, beaming:

_ These are truly heart-warming and wonderful news! Let's toast them!

He raised his soda as around him everybody did the same, and said with a voice choking with emotion:

_ To the baby! No, the babies, as you're pregnant too, Grim!

_ To the babies!

He sipped his cola, feeling good and overjoyed. Opposite him Sam, eyes very bright, gave him a warm smile, and Grim and Elena started talking about their pregnancy. Yes, мой друг _(my friend)_ , he told himself with an inward grin, fate is smiling at you at last, so enjoy!

The fish solianka was delicious, and Elena had made churchkhelas for dessert, a specialty from around Krasnodar, and Kestrel ate the delicacies with great pleasure. Then they all went back to the sofa and armchairs for a good coffee he made, and listened to Elena lecturing Sam about his knee.

_ I told you you take care, Sam! she was saying, eyebrows furrowed and scowling at the shameful and contrite Splinter Cell. And you promised to see me! After coffee, you show me your knee!

_ I'm sorry, Elena, he admitted with a grudging smile. I've had so much on my mind!

_ Not an excuse, she said more calmly, making Kestrel smirk. I will see it today, and tomorrow, and two days after that. You will come to Johns Hopkins at 5.45 pm for that, okay?

_ Okay, he agreed immediately as Kestrel and Grim exchanged a highly amused smirk. Never cross a pregnant woman, I know.

_ Indeed, Sam, Grim nodded with a grin.

_ And your English is improving fast, Sam added, making Elena blush again and softening her. That's good!

Aliosha, having retreated in his bedroom straight after lunch, came in front of Kestrel again and asked him:

_ Daddy? Can I sleep?

_ Of course, ребёнок. Do you want me to go with you?

_ Yes!

So Kestrel, feeling pride and joy in his chest, leaned on his cane and armchair to rise. But halfway to a standing position his right leg gave way beneath him, making him collapse on the low table and breaking the cups and coffee pot underneath him. Swearing loudly he rolled onto the floor as the hot coffee burned his torso and hastily removed his shirt.

Elena was the first on her feet and knelt next to him, asking with a panicky voice:

_ Mishka! Are you okay?

_ Yes, my love, he grimaced, thowing away his soaked shirt as he felt his chest burning. I'm afraid I've broken your china. I'm sorry.

_ Hush! she said fiercely, examining his burns and his leg as Sam and Grim pushed the low table away to make space.

Aliosha, rooted to the spot and looking in shock, stammered with a trembling voice:

_ Daddy! Daddy, you're... you're hurt!

_ It's okay, ребёнок, he said, rising eyes to look at the shaking boy and smiling at him. Daddy's leg is a little fragile, but it's okay, ребёнок. Don't worry. Can Daddy have a hug?

He held out his arms and Aliosha ran into them, sobbing. Kestrel, oblivious to his burning skin and his aching thigh, hugged him tightly and murmured comforting words to him. And soon Aliosha fell asleep on his shoulder, even if they were still on the floor. As Elena was still feeling his thigh, Sam bent over him and asked him softly:

_ All right, sonny?

_ Yes, Sam, he said calmly. I'll be all right.

_ But not yet, Sam guessed with a concerned expression. Are you burned?

_ Yes, Kestrel admitted, looking at Grim picking up the pieces of broken china. Lena, do you have a cream for that?

_ No, любимый _(darling)_ , she answered with a grimace. I wanted to buy some, but I forgot.

_ I have some in the locker in my living room, Sam, he told his boss. Could you...?

_ Give me your keys, sonny.

He fished out his keys without waking Aliosha up and handed them to Sam who left straight away. Grim went to fetch the trashcan and a sponge, and cleaned the mess on the low table. Finally Elena looked up and said, her voice trembling:

_ My love, your thigh...

_ Later, лювбимая _(my love)_ , he cut her gently. First, Aliosha needs a nap.

So she picked up her son and carried him to his bedroom as Sam came into the room. He handed Kestrel the tube, and the ops put some cream on his chest, lightly covering his large burn. As he finished, Elena came back next to him and eyed him with worry. He asked her:

_ Can I sit on the sofa, my love?

_ Yes, любимый, she told him weakly, eyes bright. But don't use your leg.

Sam extended his hand and he grabbed it, using the Splinter Cell's strength and the armchair to sit up then get up on his good foot, and sat down. He gratefully took the polo shirt his boss had thought to grab in his bedroom and put it on, feeling that his burn wasn't hurting him so much anymore. As Elena sat on the sofa next to him he felt his thigh and wasn't surprised to feel like it had become a wooden log. He said quite lightly:

_ I have the feeling to become Pinocchio, minus the lies. One day this leg will become a real log.

_ Mishka, Elena started, tears in her eyes. You... you won't be able to run anymore. But if you take care, you'll still... be able to walk. With your cane.

He leaned forward and kissed her, taking her hand. As he pulled away, he locked eyes with her and asked her seriously, ignoring Sam and Grim's embarrassed faces:

_ My love, I have only one question for you.

_ Ask me, she told him with a quivering voice.

_ Do you still agree to be with me? In spite of this damned leg?

She simply rose and kissed him fully, hugging him tightly, and he kissed her back tenderly, relief spreading in his chest. His aching leg was bothersome, but it wasn't important anymore. He had a family, he would soon get married and have two children. Much more important matters, like Sam had told him in Boise.

When she pulled away and sat back on the sofa next to Grim, he caught Sam's preoccupied stare and smiled faintly. He would heal, and he had taken a good start with his family. And the Splinter Cell, looking relieved, smiled back. He said calmly:

_ Lucky us to be moving into a one-floored house on Tuesday, then. I can't wait!

_ That's very fortunate, indeed, sonny, Sam nodded seriously. Elena? Can you have a look at my knee, then, please?

_ Yes, of course.

Grim got up from the sofa and went to sit on the armchair next Kestrel as Sam lay down on the sofa, pulling up his cargo pants to reveal his knee. Elena went to wash her hands then bent over it, carefully examining it and making the leg moving. Sam didn't wince once, which Kestrel thought was a good thing.

Finally Elena said after letting Sam's leg onto the sofa:

_ Your knee is mending good. Tomorrow I will tell you exercises, okay?

_ Okay, Sam nodded, sitting up and putting his cargo pants back in place. But now, we'll leave you. I promised Mary and James we'd go and see them today.

_ Okay, then, Kestrel said, wanting to get up but falling back immediately as a sharp pain rushed from his thigh through his whole leg and back. Ouch!

_ Don't move, sonny, Sam told him, eyebrows furrowing in worry. Your leg needs rest.

_ Yes, it seems so, Kestrel said, shaking his head dejectedly. Sam, Grim, thanks for coming. It's been great!

_ Take care, Mishka, Grim said, hugging him lightly.

_ I will, Grim. And you, mind your steps, and look after Sam.

_ Will do, she smirked.

Then she kissed Elena goodbye, and Sam went in front of his ops, shaking hands.

_ Take care, sonny.

_ You too, Daddy. See you tomorrow, then.

Sam, still looking moved at being called Daddy by his ops, clearly fought back his emotion and took a deep breath, then said:

_ Bye, sonny. See you tomorrow.

He and Grim left, escorted to the door by Elena, and Kestrel let out a huge sigh of pain. His thigh's muscles were so clenched they were like knots, and he almost couldn't feel his foot and ankle anymore. He lay back on the sofa and soon saw Elena running towards him and sitting next to him.

She helped him out of his jeans and started to massage his thigh. It was so painful he clenched his fists and gritted his teeth, but after five minutes the muscles started to loosen and he felt his foot again. He let out another sigh, of relief this time, and told Elena:

_ Thanks, любимая. The pain is fading fast.

_ That's good, my love, she smiled faintly but still looking worried.

He gently took her arms and pulled her above him. Soon she was lying on top of him and he kissed her with all his love. She kissed him back passionately, and he told her:

_ I love you, Lena. If you can stay with an impaired guy like me, then it's good for me. I'll accept the stiff leg. All I care about is you and our family. Our two children.

She gently caressed his beard and face and said after a deep kiss:

_ Your leg isn't important to me, my love. Only you and your well-being are. And if you can accept to have Aliosha, the baby and me, then it's all I care about. I'll ease your pain and look after you and our family. We'll get married soon and have two wonderful children.

He chuckled, forcing down his emotion, and they kissed and cuddled, enjoying the moment. And there, in her small living room, he promised himself he would listen to her and take care of his leg, and be a loving and caring father and husband. That would be his only reason to live from now on.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

When Briggs woke up on Sunday morning, he wasn't surprised to see that Molly had already left the room. And when he went down to the kitchen after a good shower, he found her seated at the table as planned, voraciously digging into a jar of peanut butter and looking in heaven. Sighing lightly he came next to her, kissed her then caressed her swollen womb which looked more and more like a football.

_ Hello, honey! he told her, kissing her again. You're hungry, then?

_ Hello, darling! Yes, I'm starving! And it's my last jar!

_ No, honey. I've bought a lot of them yesterday, I'll bring you two jars.

_ Really? she rejoiced, making him smile in spite of his jaded feeling. Brilliant!

He rose and went to the basement, where he had stored ten jars the day before, and took two as promised. She greeted his return with a huge sigh of relief and hastily took a jar, opening it in a swift movement and enthusiastically digging her spoon into the thick paste.

He was still amazed by her enormous appetite, even if he had already seen her like that while waiting for Rachel, and couldn't keep a straight face in front of her delighted expression. So he soon laughed while preparing a coffee, and she smiled apologetically at him. But she started a little and said hurriedly:

_ Isaac! The baby is kicking! Come!

He ran to her and let her grab his hand, putting it at the top of her womb. And soon he felt the little foot of his baby, kicking through the thick layers of Molly's organs and skin, and happiness and love filled him. He chuckled and kissed Molly as he felt another strong kick, and she said:

_ Maybe baby will be a soccer player, kicking like that.

_ Please no! he said, straightening and sitting next to her. I've had enough of soccer!

_ Maybe Kestrel will play soccer with the kids at Sam's today.

_ It's Mishka, Molly dear, he corrected her softly. And I hope he'll be able to play.

She didn't respond but shot him a concerned look, sharing his disarray. He knew his best friend wasn't in great shape and would need time, but finding a house for him and his family seemed to have put him on the right tracks.

Soon Rachel climbed down the stairs and happily kissed her parents, and Briggs' heart leapt with joy at the sight of his family around him. He was very relieved and happy not to work for Fourth Echelon anymore, even if the end had been bitter and harsh, and difficult to accept. And speaking of the end...

_ Molly dear, he said, getting up and kissing her and Rachel, I'll be in my office. I have to phone John.

_ Your CIA friend?

_ Yes.

_ Isaac, she shook her head while giving Rachel her buttered toast. You're not working anymore. Can't you drop it?

_ No, honey. I have to know how all this is going to end. And I just can't forget what these... these despicable people have done to us. To Mishka.

She pursed her lips, unable to say anything to this, so he went to his small room, where Rachel was strictly forbidden to go as it was where he kept his guns in a bolted locker. Once seated in front of his desk he took out his smartphone and called his old colleague from the CIA.

_ Sanchez.

_ Hi, John! It's Briggs.

_ Hiya, ol' fellow! So, your kid born or what?

_ Not yet. In December, if all goes as planned.

_ Never goes as planned, the gruff agent said dejectedly. Wasn't supposed to have more than two kids myself, ended up with five!

Briggs sniggered, having heard that story often enough, and his friend grudgingly laughed. He asked more seriously:

_ Do you have news?

_ Yes, John answered, sobered up at once. The usual, Briggs. You and I don't know anything about it.

_ Of course, John. Tell me.

_ The work is done. The Devgru killed all remaining men, including their silent partners. And quite a job it has been to find them. And you won't like it. Some men following Jacques Coudray's orders.

_ Meggido again, he sighed unhappily. What about Coudray?

_ The NSA has had formal evidence that he has ordered the attack on the RFK stadium. He won't escape his fate, this time. And the Congress will oppose the district locals on the death penalty matter. They consider it a federal crime, so Coudray will be sued again, and very probably sent to Terre Haute in Indiana, where he'll receive a lethal injection in about fifteen years.

_ That's good news. One less criminal to take care of.

_ Indeed.

_ Thanks a lot, John. So it's okay for me and my team, then?

_ It's okay, yes. You and your team should be safe.

_ Thanks again, my friend.

_ Wait, Briggs! You know Andriy Kobin, don't you?

_ Yeah. Wish I could tell you no, but...

_ Understandable enough. Can't stand this sort of scum, but unfortunately we often need that sort of scum in our job.

_ True. So what about Kobin?

_ He's back in the US.

_ What?

Briggs was bewildered. Fourth Echelon's agreement with Kobin seven years ago had been very clear: he could go back to his arms dealing business, on the condition that he never set foot in the USA again. Apparently the asshole had thought he could do whatever he wanted after a few years. He sighed in anger and asked:

_ And what is he doing in the US?

_ He's in Philadelphia and is helping some Russian Mafiya criminal finding someone.

_ Do you have specifics?

_ Why? You're interested?

_ No. I just know the guy, he wouldn't do something like that without a good reason, and I don't like it at all.

_ Hmph! Yeah, I see what you mean. According to one of my contacts who's more or less keeping an eye on him, he's after a woman called Rykova.

_ I see, Briggs only said, dread filling his guts. Well, keep me posted, John, will you?

_ Sure.

_ Do you know the name of the Mafiya guy?

_ No, but I can ask my contact.

_ Thanks a lot. That would be great if you could phone me as soon as you know, John.

_ Uh oh. I know that tone, Briggs. Do you know what this is about?

_ Maybe, but I'm not sure. I'll make inquiries of my own.

_ Okay, we'll talk about it later. I'll phone you ASAP.

_ Thanks again.

Briggs hung up, rage filling his chest. He remembered well enough his first encounter with Elena in the lobby of Johns Hopkins and that she was called Rykova. It was too big a coincidence. But when Kestrel would learn about it...

Shaking himself he went back to the kitchen and put his worry in the back of his mind, storing it for later investigation. Molly and Rachel were finishing eating, and soon left to wash. He cleaned the table and set his mind: he would tell his team. They had to know, and Kestrel especially.

An hour later he climbed behind the wheel of his Chevrolet and drove his family to Sam's place, hiding his worry as best he could. But visibly some of it surfaced on his face because Molly asked him:

_ What's wrong, Isaac? You look troubled.

_ Indeed, I am, he admitted calmly. But it's not about us, my love, don't worry.

_ I'm quite worried, darling, she countered him softly as Rachel had fallen asleep in her car seat. If it's not about us, then it's about the team. I thought Fourth Echelon had been dissolved! And that I wouldn't have to worry about you all anymore!

_ You don't have to, honey, he told her very calmly. Maybe it's nothing, we'll just talk about something. Nothing bothersome.

_ Don't you dare think I can't see you're lying, Isaac Briggs! she said a little more heatedly. You've been doing a very dangerous job for years and years, and it's not because you've suddenly stopped that your old enemies will leave you alone!

_ Please, Molly, he said with a soothing voice, taking her hand. Let me handle this. I have to talk to my team, and we'll see what we can do about all this. Trust me, please.

She sighed heavily, visibly very worried, but at long last she exhaled:

_ Okay, Isaac. Just promise me you won't do anything rash and will watch over yourself.

_ I promise, honey.

He brought her hand to his lips and gently kissed it, telling himself firmly that Kobin and his schemes wouldn't spoil his and his team's happiness. And as he parked in front of Sam's house, behind Kestrel's pickup, he hugged Molly tightly, kissing her with all his love. Then he took Rachel in his arms and gently woke her up, and soon she was running fast towards the front door.

As Sam opened the front door and greeted them, he tried to mask his uneasiness. But as soon as the Splinter Cell laid eyes on him, he frowned slightly. Cursing himself inwardly, he dimly thought that he should ask Kestrel to teach him how to have a poker face. They shook hands, then followed Sam to the huge table in the dining room.

Rachel spotted Aliosha and ran away with him, soon giggling loudly with him, and he said hello to Grim who smiled at him and Elena who rose to greet Molly and him. But he saw with concern that Kestrel stayed seated on his chair, poker face on but eyes betraying his pain, and went to shake hands with him. He asked him:

_ How are you, mate?

_ That's the million dollar question, мой друг _(my friend)_. Can I answer you in a week?

He locked eyes with his best friend, reading the answer in his eyes. Kestrel looked mentally okay and better, but his leg was very clearly hurting him. However his face was glowing with an unusual heat, a happiness so powerful he seemed to have accepted his physical state. Wondering what was happening, Briggs forced down his turmoil, not wanting to show his worry to his best friend. But like Sam, Kestrel shot him a puzzled look, and asked:

_ What's the matter, мой друг?

_ Later, mate, he simply said as Sam was leading Charlie and his timid-looking girlfriend Andrea into the room.

His heart squeezing in dismay he firmly put the bad news in the back of his mind as he shook hands with Charlie and welcomed the blond scientist. And soon they settled around the table. Sam had cooked the meal, and it was great. And Briggs learned with delight from Kestrel's mouth that he and Elena would get married, have a baby together and that Aliosha would become Kestrel's son. He broke into applause like everyone else around the table, and cheered when Sam said that he and Grim would also get married soon.

The news were so good and heart-warming that he hated to have to dampen their spirit, but he knew he couldn't keep his mouth shut. The situation was too serious. And sure enough, after the coffee was served Sam asked him with a light frown:

_ You look preoccupied, sonny. What's happening?

Briggs shot an uneasy glance around him, and Molly unexpectedly backed him up. She rose and said:

_ Fourth Echelon needs an urgent meeting. Anna, can we use your kitchen?

_ Of course, Molly, Grim said, rising to her feet.

Elena and Andrea followed them with the kids, and soon Grim came back, looking concerned. When she was seated next to Sam again, Charlie asked:

_ So, Briggs? What do you have to tell us?

_ I'm sorry, but I have good and bad news.

_ What bad news? Kestrel asked, eyebrows furrowed. PanAfrica?

_ No, he shook his head, taking a deep breath. These are the good news. The Devgru have finished the job, they've neutralized every threat. And guess who's got caught red-handed for having ordered the attack on the stadium?

_ Kill the suspense, sonny, Sam rumbled.

_ Jacques Coudray. He'll be sued for federal crimes and probably sent to Terre Haute to wait for his execution.

_ I hope it'll be the real end of the Meggido threat, Grim stated calmly.

_ Let's hope so, Sam nodded. But what about the bad news?

Briggs shot a worried look towards Kestrel who seemed to understand at once. His best friend's face set into an expressionless mask, but he saw a ruthless fire appearing in his irises. And he said hesitantly:

_ Kobin is in Philadelphia.

_ What? Sam roared. Why? What is he doing here? How dare he set foot in our country? I'll gut him for real, this time!

_ Elena, Kestrel said tonelessly, locking eyes with Briggs who nodded reluctantly.

_ I fear so. He's helping some Russian Mafiya guy finding a woman called Rykova.

Every pair of eyes set on Kestrel who looked ready to explode, hands shaking badly, obviously trying to force down his fury. But this time, his best friend didn't succeed in mastering his nerves. He stood up abruptly, the pain in his leg visibly vanishing, maybe under the rush of adrenalin, and ran into the garden.

Briggs hastily followed him and watched his teammate, shaking with uncontrolled anger, violently destroying the garden furniture. He knew Sam wouldn't mind about it, and Kestrel would only give a check to his boss to make it up for the carnage. But he also knew Kestrel needed to smash things to let the steam off.

As Sam, Grim and Charlie caught up with him, they watched the ops, utterly mad, smashing the wooden table to teeny-tiny bits, howling in fury. Then it was the chairs' turn, and they soon transformed into a pile of splintered sticks. At last Kestrel seemed to calm down a little, but he swayed on his feet. Briggs ran back into the living room and grabbed his cane, then ran out again.

He handed the cane to his teammate who took his time to take it, obviously restraining himself from hitting his best friend or breaking his cane. Finally he took a deep breath and acepted the cane, and leaned heavily on it. He shot a look at his wreckage and told Sam and Grim:

_ I apologize. I'll have a check ready for you.

_ Don't worry, sonny, Sam said at last. We were thinking about buying another garden furniture set, so it's for the best.

_ I'll pay nevertheless, Kestrel said with a tone that made it clear he wouldn't take no for an answer.

_ As you wish, Mishka, Grim said simply. But we should sit back in the living room. I'm exhausted, personally.

Briggs wasn't fooled, he knew she had said this for Sam and most of all for Kestrel, and like him the team wasn't fooled either. But they all followed her to the table, and he saw that his best friend collapsed on his chair, clearly in pain. But he had such a ferocious stare that nobody asked him anything about his leg.

Finally Sam cleared his throat and asked softly:

_ Tell us, sonny. Why would a Mafiya guy be after Elena?

_ Piotr Kovalevskiy.

Kestrel let out the name with hatred etched on his face, and Briggs shuddered. He had rarely seen that expression on his best friend's face, but each time it had been very bad and serious. Kestrel rubbed his face, his sign that he was trying to calm down enough to talk, then spoke with a voice still constricted with fury:

_ The Mafiya guy must be Piotr Kovalevskiy. Aliosha's father.

He raised his head and caught Briggs' stare, and went on:

_ Elena told me she hadn't been long with him, having discovered he was a bad guy, but enough to get pregnant. When he learned about her pregnancy, he ran away, letting her down.

Briggs was appalled, and around him he could see revolted faces. What an ordeal it must've been for her and the boy, he thought sadly.

_ So she had Aliosha and raised him on her own in Krasnodar. But three months ago, Kovalevskiy went to see her and the boy, and told her he wanted to take Aliosha with him and raise him within the Mafiya. He left her no choice. So before he could come back, she fled Russia and came to the USA. And that's when we've met.

He shot an imperious look around him and said, very calmly but fierceness resonating in every syllabe:

_ Elena will soon be my wife, and Aliosha my son. It's absolutely out of the question that I'm letting her down and leaving a field day for Kovalevskiy to find her and Aliosha. And Kobin will be very sorry indeed to have crossed me again.

Briggs nodded grimly, and Sam said in the name of the whole team:

_ Then it seems that Fourth Echelon has a last mission to do. We'll track down Kobin and Kovalevskiy, and kick them out of the States. And if they die, I couldn't care less.

_ Okay, Sam, Briggs said immediately.

_ I'm in, Charlie nodded seriously.

_ And me, Grim said darkly.

_ Thank you, Kestrel said at last. Sadly I won't be able to go far with my leg, but I still have Alpha's sniper rifle.

He looked carefully at his team and vowed very seriously:

_ If Kobin or Kovalevskiy or both come within sight of my binocular, I won't aim for their arm, you know it. And they won't harm my family in any way.

Sam nodded, then turned towards Briggs:

_ I assume the CIA gave you this intel.

_ One of my friends, yes, Briggs confirmed.

_ Can you ask for a little help? Can he obtain us Kovalevskiy's file?

_ I think so. I'll call him.

_ Good. Charlie? Can you find Kobin?

_ I have his number, the tech nodded. And my laptop's in the trunk of my car. I'll find him, Sam.

_ Grim?

_ I'll call the FBI. As soon as we have their location, I'll set an operation with them, and above all tell them to let us do our thing. And I'll face the President if needed, but we shall deal personally with them.

_ Good, Sam said. We'll find Kobin as soon as possible, and in the meantime we'll organize to watch over Elena and Aliosha.

Briggs nodded at Sam, then stared at Kestrel again. The ops, clearly torn between anger, worry and relief nodded and said simply:

_ Thank you all. Now, shall we get started?


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Kestrel, torn between an intense pain in his thigh and a tremendous fury, knew he had to focus to handle the situation in the appropriate way. But what worried him was that he would have to warn Elena about her ex-boyfriend, and that she wouldn't take it well at all. So he concentrated on his chair, doing sophrology, as his teammates got up and went to do their things. As Briggs and Grim exited the room to phone the people they had to contact, Charlie left to fetch his laptop. But Sam went to sit right next to him and told him, locking eyes with him:

_ Sonny, I need you to promise me two things.

_ Which things, Sam?

_ First, you'll let us help you.

_ Of course, Sam, he said, a little surprised.

But Sam slowly shook his head, his intense green eyes still fixed into his, and said very seriously:

_ I want you to understand what that means exactly, sonny. It means that we'll do like within Fourth Echelon, you on the field with Briggs, and Grim and I controlling the situation. It means that if she or I order you to back away from Elena or Aliosha, or Kobin or Kovalevskiy, because we think it's best and see things from a more objective point of view, you'll do as we tell you. Understood?

Kestrel, knowing that something like that would happen sooner or later, took his time to answer. Even if he had a complete trust in his team, the last mission in Africa had shaken it pretty hard. But he also knew that his team had his best interests at heart, and that maybe his fury would blind him and make him take some wrong decisions. So he finally nodded grimly and said solemnly:

_ I promise you I'll do as you and the team tell me. And I trust you to help me keeping Elena and Aliosha away from Kovalevskiy.

_ You can trust us, sonny, Sam nodded. Good. And the second thing...

The Splinter Cell put a hand on his tattooed arm, and said gently:

_ You're physically unfit, sonny. You being in the fray would only jeopardize the mission and maybe get you and Briggs, and even Elena and Aliosha, killed, and I can't accept that. But you have another ace up your sleeve.

_ My sniper rifle, Kestrel acknowledged, trying not to fall apart and concentrating on what he could do.

_ Yes, Sam confirmed with a small smile. You're an outstanding rifleman, sonny, and no one would be better than you to help us with this matter.

_ I'll do my best.

_ Good, Sam said again as Charlie set his laptop on the table. Now we'll go and tell Elena what is happening. Maybe it would be better if she and Aliosha stayed here in the meantime.

_ Elena has just started working, Sam, Kestrel shook his head in dismay. I'm positive she'll refuse to stay here. She'll want to lead a normal life, of that I'm sure. It'll be up to us to find and neutralize Kovalevskiy before he finds her.

_ We'll try and make it quick. Charlie? Call us as soon as you have Kobin's location, please.

_ On it, Sam, the young man nodded darkly.

_ I'll go and fetch her, Sam said, rising and leaning on his cane.

So Kestrel waited patiently, watching Charlie concentrating in front of his screen, and soon Sam came back, Elena, Molly and Andrea behind him. They all sat around the table, Elena right next to him, and she asked him:

_ Sam told you have bad news, любимый _(darling)_. What is happening?

_ Lena, he told her in Russian while taking her hand, take a deep breath.

She shot him a worried look but did like he told her, and while she was exhaling he said seriously:

_ We've learned that Piotr is here, in the USA. He's looking for you and Aliosha.

She froze in shock, looking utterly frightened, and dissolved into tears. He quickly took her in his arms and hugged her tightly, saying fiercely:

_ Don't worry, my love. Me and my team will protect you. Piotr won't approach you, we'll track him down. You and Aliosha will be safe, I promise.

He heard Sam explaining calmly the situation to Molly and Andrea, and the two women looked shocked and angered too. Grim came back into the room and sat down next to Sam, announcing:

_ The FBI is on it with us. They're sending four agents to protect you and Aliosha, Elena. And they'll let us do what we have to do.

She shot a meaningful look at Kestrel who understood at once. They would be free to kill the threats, and that was good. And even if some part of him would be a little reluctant to kill Aliosha's parent, a greater part would be relieved as not to let a bad man around his family, threatening her. But we're not there yet, мой друг _(my friend)_ , he told himself inwardly. First things first.

On his shoulder Elena started to take deeper breaths, visibly she was calming down. He kissed her hair and neck some more, whispering comforting words to her, and soon she raised her head, looking at him. He locked eyes with her and said:

_ I won't let him do you any harm, my love. He won't approach you if I can help it. Me and my team will protect Aliosha and you.

She simply nodded, wiping her tears away, and kissed him. He kissed her back tenderly, and she murmured to him:

_ I know you'll protect us, Mishka. But Piotr... he's very powerful, and has a lot of men under his command.

_ What do you mean?

She pulled away and told him in English:

_ Piotr is a chief in Mafiya. He has much men around, always. And he is bad. Very bad.

_ We'll neutralize him, Elena, Sam said calmly to her. Don't worry, we've faced worse. Charlie?

_ Almost there, Sam. Give me three more minutes.

_ Sam? Briggs asked, coming to the table. Do you have a computer somewhere?

_ Here, Briggs, Grim said, pointing to their laptop in a corner of the room.

_ Good. My friend sent me the file on my email address.

_ Print it, sonny, Sam said as his ops sat in front of the laptop.

Two minutes later Kestrel bent over Sam's shoulder to read the file, Briggs and Grim standing behind him. He quickly saw that Elena had been right: the guy had a small army at his service. And according to Briggs' CIA friend, he had brought ten bodyguards with him. But no matter how many men would be around him, he would have his skin.

_ Gotcha! Charlie exclaimed in ruthless joy. Kobin's still in Philadelphia, near the Delaware river.

_ Then let's go, Sam said. Briggs and Mishka, we'll go fetch your equipment home, then we'll go straight to Philadelphia and pay a little visit to our favorite bastard.

Kestrel rose, leaning heavily on his cane, and Elena rose next to him, worry in her eyes. He told her kindly, taking her in his arms again:

_ The FBI agents will soon be there. Don't worry, my love, they'll protect you till I come back. It won't be long.

_ I'll wait for you home, then, she said, obviously trying hard not to dissolve into tears again. I'll have some boxes ready for the moving.

_ My love, he said calmly, maybe it would be better if you stayed here. You...

_ No, Mishka, she shook her head. If four agents are coming to protect me, then I don't have anything to worry about. Here I would just go crazy worrying and waiting for you and your team. I'll have some things ready at home, it'll distract me a little.

He grimaced, not happy about it, but he knew he couldn't oppose her. So he simply kissed her, hugging her tightly against his heart, and murmured in her ear:

_ I love you, Lena. I'll be back home soon, and we'll be safe.

_ Take care, my love, she said. I love you so much!

They kissed again, then he regretfully pulled away and followed his team to Sam's big van. They piled up in it, Briggs climbing behind the wheel, and noticing that Sam had taken his guns, suit and goggles, and two small boxes.

_ Just in case, the Splinter Cell told him grimly, having caught his stare.

They soon left, Briggs flooring the accelerator, and headed towards Towson, nearer than Shipley Hill. Briggs screeched to a halt in front of his house and ran inside, coming back two minutes later with his guns, ammo, suit and goggles. Then he sped away to Kestrel's apartment. He said calmly:

_ I'll go fetch your things, mate. Where are they?

_ In the bolted locker in the right corner of my living room, Kestrel answered calmly, inwardly cursing his aching thigh once again. Here's the key, and the front door's one. Bring me the sniper rifle and some ammo, the Beretta, the Ka-Bar and my suit and goggles, please.

He handed his best friend the two keys, so when Briggs parked at the foot of his building, it took him only three minutes to come back with all his gear. Then they did the hour and a half drive to Philadelphia, Charlie still monitoring Kobin's smartphone and Grim coordinating with the FBI.

_ No movement, the tech said, frowning slightly at the laptop on his knees. That's strange. The neighborhood he's in counts more warehouses than living places.

_ I don't like this, Briggs said.

_ I'd bet on a trap, Sam acknowledged darkly. Kobin knows we're in the vicinity.

_ But why Philadelphia? Kestrel wondered. What lead do they think they'll find there?

An uneasy silence answered him, and he felt the creepy sensation he knew so well sending shivers up and down his spine. What had Kobin and Kovalevskiy found in Philadelphia that could lead them to Elena and Aliosha?

Soon Briggs parked five hundred meters away from Kobin's place, following Charlie's orders, and the team climbed down. Sam took one of his boxes and opened it, and Kestrel saw inside old-fashioned but effective earpieces, and he gratefully accepted the one handed to him. The team tested the comms, all was in working order.

Then Sam, Briggs and Kestrel put on their suit, and Kestrel had a tough time with it. But finally he was in, and felt a twinge of nostalgia but most of all an intense rage. He would make Kobin and Kovalevskiy bitterly regret having decided to come to the States and messing with him and his family.

The FBI team, with six highly-trained men, soon caught up with them, and they stood at Sam's orders. So the Splinter Cell said:

_ One or more of our targets are in this big warehouse near the river. Charlie is trying to give us a satellite view. But in the meantime, we'll circle the building and report what we see. Grim, you'll coordinate us all. Charlie, you'll guide us. And Kestrel will cover us from the roof of this building.

Kestrel looked the spot Sam was indicating him and nodded. He would have a clear vision, the building across the street where he would have to go was the tallest in a kilometer-radius. He set off at once, leaving his cane behind but his pistol and knife strapped around his waist with ammo, and holding the sniper rifle case.

The building had some apartments in it, so he went into the elevator and soon reached the last floor. Then he found the trapdoor leading to the roof and used his arms to hoist himself up, and soon reached his destination. He carefully limped to the eastern corner, from where he had an unobstructed view on the warehouse. He settled down, hastily assembling the 1,4-meter-long Cheytac rifle and loading it, and started to scan his surroundings.

From where he was he could see Sam and Briggs, easily recognizable with their grey suit, and the FBI team carefully approaching the warehouse, and looked around it for threats. But no one was around. Frowning, he reported:

_ Kestrel in position, all clear. No sign of anyone near the warehouse.

_ I have the satellite view, Charlie said. Nobody around the building. The signal shows only one body heat signature inside, on the top floor.

_ Roger that, Sam said, reaching the doors. Any sign of explosives or security systems?

_ None.

_ Kestrel?

The ops focused on the windows of the top floor through his binocular, trying to see through it, but nothing showed. He switched on the infrared vision, and this time he saw something. A body was against a wall, looking suspended, and another form was on the floor next to it. He said calmly:

_ Somebody's up there, looks like they're chained against a wall or something like that. No movement. Something's on the floor, maybe a corpse.

_ Copy. Let's move!

He surveyed Sam and Briggs, leading the FBI team, entering the building, and focused back on the top floor. And soon he heard Briggs swearing:

_ Holy shit!

_ Sam? Grim's voice resonated in his ear.

_ We've found Kobin, Sam answered grimly. He was the one chained to the wall. Briggs?

_ He's still alive, the ops said. But barely. He's clearly been tortured.

_ An ambulance is coming, some FBI guy chimed in.

_ And there's a dead man here too, Sam announced. Some burly guy with thinning brown hair and a quite brutal face. He's been tortured too, probably to death.

_ Send me a photo, Kestrel ordered, dread filling his guts.

Seconds later, his smartphone beeped and he opened the photo. And as he feared, he recognized Pavel's brutal face, Elena's brother-in-law.

_ Чёрт! _(shit!)_ he yelled, hastily getting up and heading to the ground as fast as he could. It's Pavel! It's Pavel! He knows! We must go back!

_ Whoa! Sam said. Calm down, sonny! What's happening? Who's this Pavel?

_ Elena's brother-in-law! he yelled in the elevator. He found her the apartment across my own! If he's been tortured and killed, then it means Kovalevskiy knows where to find Elena and Aliosha! Contact the FBI agents protecting her, Sam!

_ Oh my God! he heard Charlie exhaling.

As he stepped out of the elevator, he heard the FBI agent saying:

_ They don't answer!

_ We'll go to Baltimore straight away, Sam ordered furiously. Elena and Aliosha are in grave danger.

Kestrel limped to the van, hastily disassembling his rifle, and met Grim's worried stare. But he couldn't worry now. He had a family to protect. So he sat in the car as Sam and Briggs arrived, and soon they sped away, back to Baltimore, heading towards Shipley Hill, followed by the FBI team.

During the trip Kestrel didn't unclench his teeth, focusing on arriving in time to save the ones he loved so much. Next to him Grim asked:

_ What happened to Kobin?

_ He's been tortured, honey, Sam said darkly. Had cigarette burns and cuts all over his torso and... below. I think he's been used. If he doesn't die, he'll certainly regret having helped this Kovalevskiy.

_ Serves him right, Briggs said harshly. But I hope he won't die and that'll be a lesson for him.

_ Charlie? Kestrel said at last. Can you track down Elena's phone?

_ Sure, the tech nodded immediately. Give me her number.

Kestrel told him, and Charlie launched the search. And two minutes later...

_ She's in Shipley Hill. Your address.

_ How much time, Briggs?

_ Twenty minutes, mate.

_ Charlie, find us the best way to go up the three floors, and a safe spot for Kestrel, Sam rumbled.

_ Roger, Sam.

_ If we came in time to save Kobin but are too late for Elena and Aliosha...

_ No, Kestrel, Sam cut him sharply. We'll be there to save them, don't worry. Almost there, sonny. We'll save them on time.

Kestrel stayed silent, his hands gripping tightly his cane. He would never forgive himself if he were too late. And he wouldn't be able to live through the pain and guilt.

_ There, Charlie said, showing him and Grim the screen. You know this building?

_ Yes, he nodded, happy to focus on his mission. A tall offices' building a block away from my place.

_ There you'll have a clear view, and you'll see through Elena's apartment's windows.

_ Thanks, Charlie.

_ We'll stop there, and go on foot for the rest, Sam said. Grim?

_ The FBI is putting a security perimeter in place, she said, phone in hand.

_ Good, Sam nodded. Briggs, Kestrel, remember: do whatever you have to do, Elena and Aliosha must be safe, that's all that matters.

_ Roger that, Sam, Briggs said grimly, parking at the foot of the tall building.

_ Copy, Kestrel said, hastily climbing down.

This time, he took his cane, as his thigh was like a wooden log again, and he set off, grabbing his rifle case. He soon reached the elevator and the two FBI agents ushering the few people outside let him pass after asking a quick question through their earpiece. So he went to the roof and settled in the south corner. He assembled his rifle again in a few seconds and peered through his binocular.

This time, he saw a lot of hostile activity around his building, and reported:

_ Kestrel in position, all clear. Five hostiles in front of the building, and three that I can see in the apartment. No sign of the target or...

His throat squeezed in emotion, but he slapped himself virtually. He knew that maybe Elena and Aliosha's life would depend on his sniper talents, so he had to focus and be ready. Sam's voice rose in his ear:

_ Concentrate, sonny. We'll save them.

_ Copy.

_ Charlie?

_ I have a satellite signal. Seven body heat signatures in the apartment. Four in the living room, and three in a small bedroom.

Kestrel peered hard at the windows, and he soon spotted two thugs in Aliosha's bedroom, clearly restraining the small boy. He shot a look at what he could see of the living room and saw with dread three people, one of them looking a lot like the photo in Kovalevskiy's file, making wide movements with their hands and arms, obviously slapping someone. Elena, he thought with dread.

_ Aliosha is in the bedroom, and the bastards are hitting Elena, he said, his voice constricted with fury. How much time?

_ Almost there, Kestrel, Briggs said, sounding winded. The FBI will take care of the five on the ground.

_ Wait for our signal, Kestrel, Sam ordered. And put on your infrared vision.

_ Smoke grenade?

_ Yeah.

_ Copy, Sam.

_ Engaging now, the FBI agent said. Go!

Kestrel vaguely saw the FBI team starting to shoot the hostiles down at the foot of the building, and waited for Sam's signal, focusing on the men in Elena's apartment. You five won't leave alive, he thought ruthlessly, his finger on the trigger, waiting.


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N:** **Hi! Sorry to be so late for this chapter, some personal problems couldn't wait. But please enjoy this new chapter, and I'm already working on the one who'll follow!**

Chapter 31

As he ran towards the lobby of Kestrel's building, Briggs covering the fire escape ladder, Sam cursed his sixty-four years. His knee was rebelling against the hard movements, and the rest of his body was like hardened chewing-gum. But he ignored his body signals and ran up the stairs, knowing that he and Briggs had only seconds to take advantage of the surprise. As he reached the front door, he murmured in his earmouth:

_ In position. Briggs?

_ Waiting for you, Sam.

_ That's a go! Briggs, grenade! Kestrel, go!

A millisecond later he heard the smoke grenade tossed through a window and hastily opened the front door, crouching low and infrared vision on his goggles switched on. He saw Briggs' blurred form running to the bedroom and focused on the three people in front of him, as one of the men was already down, shot by Kestrel. He shot the first guy, who was holding a pistol and looking disoriented, and saw with rage that the second one had grabbed Elena and was using her as a shield, pointing a gun against her head.

As the smoke started to clear he heard in his earpiece Briggs say:

_ Aliosha's safe. He's with me. Got one man, Kestrel got the other.

_ Problem here, he murmured. Hostage.

_ No clear shot, Kestrel said in rage. Make them move to your right, Sam!

He faced Kovalevskiy and Elena, his Five-seveN in hand aiming at them, as the FBI team went inside behind him and circled them. Kovalevskiy, very wisely, had retreated in the corner of the room and was pointing a Makarov pistol at Elena's temple. The woman looked terrified but Sam saw that she was trying to keep her cool, not resisting. However he did notice that she had indeed been beaten up, but he stayed calm, for her sake.

A few tense seconds passed, then Kovalevskiy said arrogantly:

_ Back away, or she dies!

_ If she dies, Piotr, Sam said calmly, then you die too. Surrender, and you'll live with no harm done.

_ This is a private matter! She abducted my son!

_ I don't think so, Sam shook his head. You have no rights over Alexei. You never acknowledged him, and you left Elena when she told you she was pregnant. You're no father.

_ Shut up! Kovalevskiy roared. I made a mistake, abandoning her and the boy, but now he'll come with me in Russia! Stand back and lower your weapons!

_ You're in no position to negociate, Sam told him very calmly.

He noticed that the guy was bouncing a little on his feet, heading towards Sam's right. And Kestrel said with a cold, controlled voice:

_ Good. Make him talk some more, need two inches more.

_ You're not wondering how we know all this? Sam asked the Russian thug. This isn't in your file.

_ I suppose she talked to you, Kovalevskiy spat violently. Always weeping and moaning, she is.

_ You're wrong, Sam shook his head. She's a kind and wonderful person, but it's a fact that she deserves a lot better than you.

In Kovalevskiy's grip Elena looked on the verge of tears, obviously moved by Sam's words and probably thinking about Kestrel. Kovalevskiy bounced some more and spat:

_ Why are you telling me this? Is she your lover?

_ No, Sam said with an amused smile, startling the thug who looked utterly destabilized. She's my son's fiancée. And he's the one who'll take care of you. You should've surrendered, Piotr. Now it's too late.

Kovalevskiy bounced once more, opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out of his lips as behind him the window shattered. A fraction of a second later he collapsed head-first onto the floor, letting go of Elena, a huge and bloody hole at the back of his neck, where Kestrel had cut his spine, preventing him from pulling the trigger.

Elena stumbled a little but Sam ran to her, quickly catching her and steering her away from the body, telling her soothingly:

_ It's over, Elena! It's over. He's dead. Mishka's coming.

_ Mishka! she called out weakly, in delayed shock. Mishka!

_ He's coming, Elena, Sam said, leading her outside. Briggs?

_ Coming, Sam. The boy's okay, but he's in shock.

_ Take him outside.

Sam led Elena down the stairs, the FBI team escorting them, studying closely her face and body. Only her face seemed hurt, but she had large bruises and cuts. As they exited the building, some paramedics ran to them and wanted to take care of her, but she clang to Sam and asked, clearly lost:

_ Where is Mishka?

_ He's coming, Sam said calmly, gesturing at the medical staff to wait. Kestrel?

_ Coming, Sam, he heard his ops' panting voice in his ear. Almost to your position. Damn leg!

_ He's coming, Elena, he told the trembling woman. You'll see him in a few seconds.

_ Mishka!

She sobbed and disentangled herself from him, and ran to Kestrel who quickly gave his rifle to Grim as she was running with Charlie towards them too, then took his girlfriend in his arms. Sam slowly approached them, moved by his crying ops hugging fiercely the woman he loved, and heard him saying in Russian, his voice choked with sobs:

_ It's over, my love! I love you so much! I was so scared! Are you okay?

_ I'm okay, Mishka, she said, weeping heavily. He hit me so hard! But I'm okay. You killed him?

_ Yes. I couldn't let him harm you, my love.

_ Thank you, Mishka! You saved me!

_ With my team, Kestrel said, wiping his tears away and shooting a grateful look around him. Where is Aliosha?

_ With Briggs, Sam said, patting him on the back.

_ Right there, Briggs' voice rose behind him.

_ Mama! Daddy!

_ Aliosha!

Sam, turning round, saw Briggs putting down the little boy who ran to his parents, crying and shouting, and Kestrel picked him up. Then the family cuddled and kissed for a few minutes, Elena and Kestrel hugging Aliosha and each other, and Sam was trying hard to force down his own emotion. As Grim reached him and hugged him, he felt relief flooding his chest, washing away his tiredness and the pain in his knee. She kissed him passionately and he responded urgently, telling her without words how much he loved her and was happy to be alive to enjoy her presence.

Then Briggs and Charlie went next to them, and they congratulated themselves, grinning widely. Nothing more needed to be said. And Kestrel, Aliosha asleep in his arms, and Elena joined them, and the team embraced once more. Finally Grim steered Elena to the waiting ambulance, Briggs gently took Aliosha from Kestrel's arms and followed them, and Sam faced Kestrel at last.

The ops, deeply moved, said simply:

_ Thanks for everything, Daddy.

_ My pleasure, sonny, Sam said, forcing down the sob building in his chest. I couldn't let them die.

_ Your knee?

_ I've decided to ignore it a little longer. What about your leg?

_ Same.

Sam shook his head as Kestrel's gaze moved onto his family, who was closely examined by some doctors in the ambulance. Aliosha was screaming, but he could see it was out of shock rather than hurt. And soon a nice doctor blew into a latex glove, making him a weird head with a permanent marker, and the small boy soon laughed.

Elena's face was being nursed, but one of the paramedics went to see them and told them:

_ Ms Rykova seems okay, but we'll drive her to hospital. She needs a CT scan of her skull.

_ I'll go with her, Kestrel said immediately, eyebrows furrowing in worry.

_ Then we'll wait for the debrief, sonny, Sam said seriously. Grim, can you tell the FBI?

_ On it, Sam, she said, smartphone already in hand.

_ Charlie?

_ The identification, he nodded. Got it.

_ Briggs?

_ Helping Charlie, and on the diplomatic incident.

_ Thank you, boys. And I'll...

_ You won't do anything, Sam, Grim cut him, smartphone against her ear but scowling at him. You and Kestrel go straight to hospital too, and both of you will have a checkup.

_ But...

_ Now, Sam!

_ Don't argue with a pregnant woman, Sam, Kestrel sighed before he could protest further. Come on, Daddy.

Restraining a huge sigh himself and ignoring Briggs and Charlie's smirks he followed his ops into the other waiting ambulance, both leaning heavily on their canes, and some helpful personnel hoisted them up. Sam, imitated by Kestrel, gave his weapons to Briggs who winked at them, and soon they departed.

Sam, sitting next to his ops, was feeling overwhelmed with emotions and blurred thoughts, and he dozed off on his seat. And when the doctor shook his shoulder, he recognized Johns Hopkins' huge building. He carefully climbed down the ambulance first, but behind him Kestrel collapsed right onto the ground, and this time Sam saw his leg was hurting him to breaking point. And before anyone could react around him the ops' features contracted under the effects of a clearly visible and intense pain, and he lost consciousness.

_ Mishka! Sam called him out as he walked back to his ops, anguish filling his lungs and guts. Mishka, open your eyes!

The doctor hastily bent over him and examined him, and said:

_ Don't worry, Mr Fisher. He's pushed himself too far, I'd say. Beyond his limits, but that's not bothersome. His leg is a problem, but I assume the adrenalin kept him going until now. Reality came rushing back, that's all.

_ Will he be okay? Sam asked in dismay as the paramedics lifted Kestrel onto a stretcher.

_ I daresay yes, the doctor said, frowning a little, but I'll check him thoroughly, and especially his right leg.

_ Okay.

They set off, Sam hobbling behind his ops' stretcher, wishing that the man he regarded as a son would be safe. After all he'd been through, he deserved some quiet and a happy life with the ones he loved.

They got separated through different doors, and Sam ended up in an exam room where he was asked to sit on the narrow bed and remove his suit. He obliged, and soon a young doctor came to see him. She carefully examined his knee, making him wince as she felt it, then told him:

_ Mr Fisher, the pain in your knee has been caused by too much efforts. You'll have to walk with crutches for three days and not use your right leg, and it should be all right. Okay?

_ Okay, he sighed, feeling exhausted as his own adrenalin receded.

_ You can lie back for a moment, the kind doctor smiled. I'll call your wife.

He wanted to nod, but exhaustion engulfed him, and he soon drifted into a dreamless sleep.

A soft hand caressing his cheek woke him up, and he soon heard Grim's kind voice:

_ Sam! Wake up, honey! Sam!

His eyes fluttered open and focused on her. She was sitting next to him, looking good but tired, and he asked with a still sleepy voice:

_ Where are we?

_ Still at Johns Hopkins, she answered softly. You've been put in a bedroom to rest, the staff hasn't been able to wake you up.

_ Oh! And what time is it?

_ 7.31 am, she said, checking her watch.

_ What? I've slept more than twelve hours?

_ Fourteen and some bits, she said with a smirk. You can have a quite heavy sleep when you're really tired.

_ I needed it, he admitted. But how's Mishka? And Elena and Aliosha?

_ Aliosha is perfectly safe and sound. Elena is okay, aside from her bruises and cuts. They're at Sarah's. Mishka...

Her voice trailed off, and lead filled his guts. He asked in dread:

_ What? How's he, Grim? Tell me!

_ I'm fine, Sam, a calm voice resonated behind him. You worry too much.

He hastily turned on his bed and saw Kestrel, up and looking good, surveying him from the doorframe, a faint smile on his lips. Sam noticed that his ops' right leg was in a splint, but he walked with only his cane and not crutches. And the ops hobbled into the bedroom, closely followed by Briggs and Charlie.

_ Hi, Sam!

_ Hello!

_ Hello, boys! Sam said, grinning and rejoicing at seeing them all well and around him. So, what's up?

_ We were waiting for you, Sam, Charlie told him with a large smile. Come on! Get up!

_ You were waiting for me? What for?

_ We're on a tight schedule, Sam, Kestrel explained, poker face on. We must debrief at ten with the FBI, and I'll sign the closing for my house at 2 pm. So it leaves us little time to wring Kobin's neck properly.

Sam, quite destabilized, shot a quizzical look around him, but only Grim's mouth was twitching. She clearly didn't give much credit to the ops' threat, but Sam knew better, and visibly Charlie and Briggs too. So he kept his mouth shut and got up, putting on the clothes Grim handed him and daydreaming about a good shower.

Soon the five of them, Briggs in the lead, made their way into a nearby bedroom, and when Sam entered on his crutches he saw Kobin, bandaged from head to toe, lying on his bed and sleeping soundly. Btu when Briggs and Kestrel came on either side of his bed he started and stammered in panic:

_ What...? Who...? Who are you?

_ Pity, Kestrel spat with his cold voice, poker face still on and hardened features. You don't even recognize your old friends, Andriy. The ones who saved your sorry skin countless times, and yet again from a certain death in this cold Philadelphia warehouse.

_ Kes... Kestrel... Wait! _You_ saved me?

_ I? No. If I had my word, you'd still be hanging from that wall, Andriy. No, Sam and Briggs saved you.

_ But...

Kobin, clearly confused and tired, looked around him and realization dawned on him. He cowered a little underneath his blankets, but his movements were quite restricted, and he winced in pain. He shot a look at Sam, who had come right next to Briggs, and asked with an astonished voice:

_ Is it true? You saved me, Fisher?

_ Yeah, Sam rumbled, annoyance rising in his chest at lightspeed. A soft spot, obviously, although you didn't deserve such a kindness.

_ Why? Kobin asked, trying one of his charming smiles. You don't...

Kestrel's hand around his throat cut him abruptly, and he choked as Kestrel said calmly, too calmly to Sam's taste:

_ What do you think you've done, Andriy?

_ No idea..., the arms dealer choked, trying to raise his arms but obviously too weak to defend himself. Been betrayed...

_ No kidding, Briggs smirked ruthlessly. That's not because you're a slimy piece of shit, of course.

_ Briggs...

_ Shut the fuck up, Andriy! Kestrel said, a harsh gleam in his eyes that told Sam straight away that his ops wouldn't be reasoned to sense if he decided to really wring Kobin's neck. Shut up and listen, for once. I made a deal with you five years ago, do you remember? I swore on Alpha's grave that I would never kill you, remember that?

_ Yeah, Kobin choked, his face slowly turning purple.

_ Well, this deal is over, Kestrel told him coldly. You see, Andriy, I would've hold to my word and never harm you, but you've had the brilliant idea of helping your friend Kovalevskiy finding his ex-girlfriend and her son. Terrible mistake, Andriy. Elena Rykova is _my_ girlfriend, soon she'll be my wife. And her son will soon be mine. You should've stayed in Valetta, Andriy. And Sam also made a deal with you, do you remember?

_ You weren't supposed to come back to the States, Kobin, Sam said darkly, wondering what would happen to the scoundrel but playing the game nevertheless. Such was our deal: you in Malta, and us here.

_ Wait! Piotr... forced me... tortured me...

_ Poor thing, Kestrel shook his head in false sympathy. My heart's breaking, Andriy.

_ Kestrel... Grim said tentatively.

_ Stay out of it, Grim, the ops said calmly but his voice like ice, sending shivers down Sam's spine. I need to make things clear with Andriy here.

He grabbed Kobin a little tighter, really strangling him this time, and carefully articulated as the arms dealer's eyes bulged in his sockets, trying desperately to inhale a sharp breathing that wasn't coming:

_ You listen to me, Andriy. Let that be a lesson for you. As soon as you can get up on your feet, you clear away to Valetta. If I learn that you're still in the vicinity in four days, and believe me we'll monitor your movements, then I'll finish the job properly. And it won't be as clean and soft a death as being strangled, do you understand?

Kobin dimly nodded, and Kestrel opened his hand at last. The arms dealer, inhaling jerky breaths, choking and retching, shot him a terrorized look, then turned towards Sam. But the Splinter Cell backed his ops, keeping his expression neutral, and soon followed Kestrel and Briggs out of the room.

He still followed them towards the exit, and they climbed into his van, Briggs behind the wheel. For a few minutes nothing was said, but next to him Grim looked uneasy. Finally she asked hesitantly:

_ Would've you killed him, Mishka?

_ No, Grim, Kestrel shook his head calmly, a faint smile back on his lips. I only wanted to scare him, that's all. I have only one word. I vowed never to kill him, I'll hold to my word. But I prefer keeping him on tenterhooks, he doesn't need to know that. And maybe this time his fear of Sam and me will dissuade him of ever coming back here.

Grim nodded, looking very relieved, and Sam gently took her hand. He asked Briggs:

_ Where are we going, sonny? To the debrief already?

_ No, Sam, Briggs answered seriously. First of all, we need breakfast.

_ True, he admitted, his stomach rumbling loudly, making him and his team laugh.

Soon the five of them were sitting around a large table in an open restaurant, laughing a little and eating a lot, and Sam dug into his huge plate of bacon and eggs, helping himself with buttered muffins and feeling really good for the first time since the day before.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

After eating a huge breakfast, Kestrel followed his team into the van again for the mission debrief with the FBI. He ached to go and see Elena and Aliosha, but knew they needed rest after the ordeal of the day before. And he would go and see them after the debrief at Sarah's, the nice woman had offered to cook lunch for the team.

So he sat back on the back seat, next to Charlie who looked very happy and joyful. The ops was glad that the tech had finally found a girlfriend and was thinking about living with her, he also deserved happiness in his life. Sam, in the passenger seat, asked Grim next to Charlie:

_ So, where are we going for the debrief?

_ The FBI office here, in Baltimore, she answered calmly. It shouldn't take long.

_ I hope so, Sam grumbled. I hate long debriefs.

_ That we know, honey, she smirked. During eight long years you've voiced your feelings about those loud enough.

_ Really?

Kestrel couldn't see his boss' expression, being seated right behind him, but his voice betrayed his slight shame and confusion. He grinned, but at that instant his smartphone beeped. He took it out in haste, expecting a call from Elena, but soon frowned seeing the ID of the caller:

_ It's Igor.

_ Kossiak? Briggs asked from behind the wheel, shooting him a concerned look in the rearview mirror.

_ Yes.

_ You can tell him about Fourth Echelon, sonny, Sam said seriously. He probably knows about it already.

_ Okay.

He picked up the call.

_ Yes?

_ If you look for perfection, you'll never be content, the Voron's commander's voice rose through the loudspeaker in Russian.

_ Tolstoi, my favourite author, Kestrel replied calmly. I have a book written by him in my bookcase, you're lucky.

_ Hi, Mishka! How are you?

_ Is it a general or specific question, Igor? Hello, by the way.

_ A specific one, I'm afraid, Igor's concerned voice said. I heard about you in the attack in Washington, and that you've been badly injured.

_ True, Kestrel admitted quite serenely. I have a bad leg, now.

_ What about Fourth Echelon, then? Is it true your president dissolved it?

_ News spread like wildfire. Yes, Igor, that's also true. Me and my team are officially retired.

_ I see. I'm really sorry for you, Mishka. Are you all right?

_ Physically I've been better, he confessed, a pang of sadness and regret in his heart. But I still can walk, and that's just great. For the rest, I'll soon be okay.

_ You know I can't say I don't rejoice at the news about your team, Mishka, Igor admitted with a gloomy voice. You've always been a powerful adversary for Voron, and now we'll breathe easier without you around. But I know it must be very hard for you. I'm sorry.

_ Thanks, Igor. I understand. But don't worry about me. I'm okay.

_ I have something else to ask you.

Kestrel only waited, expecting some questions about the dozen Russian Mafiya guys killed in Baltimore the day before. And as planned:

_ Was it your doing? Kovalevskiy?

_ What makes you think it was my doing, Igor? I'm retired and I walk with a cane.

_ Because I've had intel on this matter. I know he and two of his men have been shot by a sniper, and the bullets used amazingly match the ones you used in Saint Petersburg five years ago. Some ammo for a Cheytac rifle, just like yours. And of course, I know you live around Baltimore, as it was Fourth Echelon's base.

Kestrel smiled faintly. His old Russian friend had always been smart. So he said:

_ You're well informed, Igor. Yes, it was me.

_ Then maybe Valentina Ivanovna will send you a thank-you card soon. Kovalevskiy was tracked down by the SVR for multiple traffickings, human among other things, and she wanted his head.

_ I killed two birds with one stone, then, Kestrel said matter-of-factly, imagining his former supervisory agent's smile in her SVR office. Nice.

_ Why did _you_ kill him?

_ Kovalevskiy was after my girlfriend and her son, Igor. I simply protected them.

_ Then you have a girlfriend? That's wonderful, Mishka! I'm very happy for you!

_ Thanks, old friend, he said with a grin. And what about Ivan and Boris?

_ They grow up much too fast, Kossiak said with a huge sigh. And in a few months they'll be joined by a little Olga.

_ Congratulations, Igor! Three children, that's great!

_ Yes. But I think Ania and I will stop there or we'll have to find a palace to have enough room.

Kestrel chuckled, then asked more seriously:

_ And what about Voron, then? Are you still in command?

_ Yes, but not for much longer. I've been offered Valentina's post at the head of the SVR. She'll retire in a few months.

_ That's good. And who will take your place?

_ I suppose you'll soon learn about it anyway, Kossiak sighed. Even if you're retired.

_ Indeed. We're in the intel gathering, after all.

_ True. Jdan will take my place.

_ Really?

Kestrel was pleasantly surprised by the news. Georguiy Jdan was an old friend of his, and a man of integrity. Voron wouldn't go haywire again for a long time, he hoped.

_ Well, that's great, he said at last. And I wish you success at the head of the SVR, Igor.

_ Thanks, Mishka. But what are _you_ going to do now?

_ Take care of me and my family, he said spontaneously.

_ That's nice, Igor said with a smile in his voice. Well, I wish you well, Mishka, and happiness. You greatly deserve it.

_ Thanks, old friend, Kestrel said as Briggs parked in front of the FBI premises. I have to go, but it's been nice speaking to you.

_ Yes. Bye, Mishka.

_ Bye, Igor.

He hung up and extracted himself from the van with difficulty, his thigh still throbbing painfully even in the splint. But he took a deep breath and followed Sam, not looking better on his crutches, Grim, Briggs and Charlie into the lobby.

A doubtful secretary made them waiting, clearly not believing Sam's identity, but when the director and his staff almost ran in front of the desk to greet them, the poor man, very pale, looked on the verge of fainting. Sam, fair play, shook his hand with a kind smile, then led the way to a nearby conference room, following the FBI agents in charge. Soon a helpful agent offered Kestrel a comfortable chair, and he sat down quite heavily on it, exhaling a small sigh.

As the FBI agents ran around, preparing their files and computers, Kestrel's thoughts drifted onto the examination of his leg that a specialized doctor had made in the early morning, just before he went to see Sam with Briggs and Charlie. The nice young man had checked his thigh thoroughly, having it scanned, then had told him calmly what would await him.

So Kestrel had learned that Elena had been right. Never again would he be able to run, except for a little soccer playing with children from time to time. And if he wanted to still be able to walk without problems, then he would have to keep his cane at all times. The doctor had explained that after the crushing, his leg had been barely usable, and only "an astonishing healing ability" had allowed him to keep it and be able to rise on both his feet again. But Kestrel wasn't mad anymore. Only a lingering bitterness still gripped his guts from time to time, but he would overcome that too. He had a family, and they were safe. The only things that would truly matter from now on.

He came back to the present time as the director sat on a chair opposite Sam around the large table, and said:

_ Welcome, Fourth Echelon! Even if your unit has been dissolved, you're still an awesome team. But the very first thing I want to know, if I may, is this: how the fuck did you do what you did? Mr Fisher, you walk on crutches, and Mr Loskov has a leg in a splint and a cane!

_ Easy, Sam said lightly. My team is the best, director. In case of need, we know how to overcome our little problems.

_ That I can see, the man said, deeply impressed. And we want to thank you warmly for your great professionnalism and your efficiency. The job has been done without casualties.

Sam simply nodded, and Kestrel turned towards the leader of the FBI team who clearly was about to speak. The young man said calmly, pointing to the large screen where some profiles appeared:

_ Your action allowed the neutralization of seven highly dangerous criminal men. Your team killed five men, Mr Fisher, and we killed two. The rest has been arrested and is safely in custody. These are the men who've been killed.

Kestrel looked intently at the screen, recognizing Kovalevskiy and the two men he had shot. A ruthless smile stretched his lips, and the FBI team shot him a grateful look. But his thoughts soon wandered, and he couldn't wait to be with Elena and Aliosha again. He dimly heard Sam and Grim talking with the FBI agents and director, but he wasn't focused on the conversation. He was feeling tired and weary, and missed his family.

Next to him, Briggs gently nudged him, and he started a little when realizing he had almost fallen asleep on his chair. But Briggs had a smile on, he visibly could see his exhaustion. And Sam, who had always had a sharp sight, noticed it too, saying after a last exchange of courtesies:

_ That's good. But now we must leave, we have some appointments that cannot wait.

The entire FBI staff swiftly rose and shook hands with the Fourth Echelon team, thanking them yet again, and Kestrel felt like he had been congratulated a thousand times for a rather minor thing. But soon he followed Sam and Grim back to the van, in where he sat with a small groan. And as soon as Briggs drove out of the parking lot, his eyes closed and he dozed off.

He awoke when feeling a light shaking of his shoulder, and Charlie's voice right next to him:

_ Mishka! We've arrived!

He yawned and shot a look around him. The team was climbing down the car, parked in Sarah and Ben's alley, waiting for him. So he climbed down too, trying to mask the pain in his thigh, and followed them to the front door which opened at once. Sarah welcomed them with a large smile, and Kestrel saw Sam warmly embracing her, softening him. He wondered why the children hadn't arrived yet, then remembered they were at school, as it was Monday.

Sarah kissed him on both cheeks then led him to the lounge, and there he saw Elena at last. She was sitting on the sofa, chatting calmly with Molly around a cup of tea, her face heavily bruised. But when she saw him, she bounded on her feet and ran to him.

His heart beating loudly and painfully, he took three steps forward and caught her in his arms as the team spread around them, and they kissed. He wanted to stop the time, stay still in the blissful moment for eternity, holding her right against his chest and in his arms. But soon they pulled away a little, needing some air, and he gently caressed her face, murmuring in Russian:

_ Hello, my love! How are you?

_ I'm okay, Mishka, she said calmly, kissing him a little more and caressing his hair and neck, eyes very bright. Now you're here, I'm okay.

_ I'll never leave you again, he said, locking eyes with her. And nobody will hurt you anymore.

Her lips trembled, but she gritted her teeth and nodded. So he embraced her tightly again, and she buried her face in his polo shirt, crying a little. He stroked her hair and back, and murmured:

_ I love you, Lena. I love you so much! It's over, the nightmare's over. We're together, my love.

She soon took deeper breaths, calming herself, and pulled away from him again with a small smile on her lips. He gently wiped her cheeks, kissing her with all his love, and she smiled wider. But the pain in his thigh was becoming dangerously high again, so he picked up his cane he had dropped against a nearby armchair and leaned heavily on it. She pursed her lips in anxiety and asked:

_ Does it hurt?

_ A lot, he admitted calmly. I need to sit down.

_ Come, then.

She led him to the dining table, around which the team was already seated, and helped him on a chair next to Sam. The Splinter Cell watched him with a deep frown, and Kestrel asked quite lightly, speaking back in English:

_ So the lame ducks are sitting side by side?

_ Speak for yourself, sonny! Sam said, pretending to be offended but a large grin on his face. This is only temporary for me, at least I hope so!

_ Lucky you, Daddy! Kestrel winked. But at least I have only a cane and not crutches, unlike you!

_ Hey! Grim intervened as Sam was about to protest. Enough, you two! You're both lame ducks, that's true, but now we must eat soon! Kestrel, you have an appointment, have you not?

_ Yes, Grim, he said, grinning widely and taking Elena's hand.

_ Then tuck in while you still can, Molly said rather severely as she handed him a large dish, making him snorting in laughter.

Sarah brought in two more dishes of meat and vegetables with potatoes, and Kestrel, who was really starving, ate five huge plates under the stunned look of Elena. He wolfed down the trifle that followed, then asked his fiancée:

_ Lena, do you want to come with me?

_ No, любимый _(darling)_ , she calmly shook her head. I don't want show with my face hurt like that, and I need nap.

_ So do I, he sighed heavily, making everybody laugh around the table.

_ I'll drive you, mate, Briggs offered with a wink. You won't drive with your bum leg in a splint.

_ That's nice, мой друг _(my friend)_ , he nodded gratefully. Thanks.

_ In this case, gulp down your coffee quickly, we must leave in two minutes.

Kestrel obeyed, savouring the mug Sarah had poured him as Elena told him:

_ I will wait for you here, любимый. And Aliosha will stay at nanny's home tonight. We will have him tomorrow.

_ Okay, my love, he nodded with a large smile. I can't wait to see him again.

She beamed at him, and around him his team and the women had large grins on their faces too. He kissed Elena again then slowly got up, leaning heavily on his cane and the table, and followed his best friend to his car. Briggs helped him on the passenger seat then sped on the road. Kestrel told him:

_ I must fetch the check at my bank first, it's in Shipley Hill.

_ Yes, I thought so, Briggs nodded seriously. That's why we've left now.

_ Thanks, мой друг.

_ That's the least I can do for you, mate. You've saved my life so many times during these last seven years, endangering yours so much, that I can drive you to your appointments at the very least. And it's a very small way of repaying you back.

_ No, мой друг, Kestrel shook his head, his heart warming. That's the best way of repaying me back, as you say, even if I don't need any repayment.

_ I'm so sorry I can't do more, Briggs said bitterly. I wish I could nurse your leg back to its original state, and have you running and fit again, like before!

_ That's impossible, мой друг, Kestrel told him gently, more appeased than what he would've thought. Elena and other doctors told me so: I'm very lucky to still have my leg attached to my body and be able to walk with it. And for that I'm grateful. Don't worry, мой друг. I'm okay. And I'll soon be married, have a son and a baby, a house and a nice job, so everything's okay. A limping and a stiff leg is a small price to pay for such wonderful things, don't you think?

Briggs shot him a serious glance, then said:

_ You really mean it, I just can tell. I'm so relieved, mate! I was very worried about you.

_ That I know. I'm okay, I really am. I made peace with myself again.

_ Even after remembering the horrible things you told Sam and me?

_ Even after that, he confessed sincerely. I have a huge collection of bad and even worse than bad memories, I admit. But all these are behind me, and I chose to push them far away from me, in the very back of my mind, where I hope they won't bother me anymore. I won't let them spoil my life like they did all too much since now.

Briggs nodded, shooting him an encouraging glance, then followed his instructions to the bank. Kestrel soon obtained his check, and Briggs drove him to Sheila's office in Northern Baltimore. There his teammate stayed in the car, waiting for him, so he made his way to the office, fortunately on the first floor of the elevator-free building. When he entered, the clock chimed 2 pm, so he was perfectly on time.

A small assistant led him to the office, where Sheila and a couple she introduced as the owners of the house were waiting for him. He accepted the coffee he was offered, and soon was signing a huge quantity of papers. Two hours later, the owners left with a large smile and his check in hand, and he grabbed the set of keys Sheila handed him with a grin, and a large amount of papers.

He limped back to Briggs' van, and his teammate put his papers on the backseat. Then he asked him as he sat with a half-stifled sigh:

_ So, mate? Everything all right?

_ Yes, мой друг. Do you want to see my house? It's very near.

_ Yes, that would be great!

_ I'll guide you, then.

So Briggs, following Kestrel's orders, soon parked in front of the large house, and Kestrel happily showed him around. Briggs marveled at the space in the kitchen, as his own was rather small, and congratulated his best friend for such a good choice. Kestrel, already feeling at home, couldn't wait to see Elena's and his things and furniture in there, and rejoiced at the moving for the following day.

When they climbed back into the van, Briggs told him:

_ This is a brilliant house, very nice for you and your family, mate. I'm so happy for you!

_ Thanks, мой друг.

_ Now this is settled, I wanted to ask you something.

_ Sure, Kestrel nodded, shooting his teammate a sideways glance. Go on.

_ When do you want to meet Victor Coste for our jobs?

_ Whenever you want. Not tomorrow, it's the moving.

_ On Wednesday?

_ That would be great. Do you want to phone him?

_ I don't have his number yet. I'll ask Sam.

_ Okay, мой друг. I'll be relieved to go back to work, even if I'd like to be on holidays a little longer.

_ Yeah, me too. I think we'll be able to negociate another week. We need our full resources for these new jobs, after all.

_ True. And after the last three months...

Briggs nodded gravely, and he felt astonished himself. So many things had happened during these last weeks, after their last mission, that it was simply unbelievable. But such was life, he thought with a faint smile rising on his lips. And for once, it was for the best.


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N:** **Well, this is the last chapter of this story! I've hesitated for a few days, but I think it best to stop here. Please enjoy!**

Chapter 33

The moving passed in a blur for Kestrel. He had slept at Sarah's with Elena and Aliosha, as his fiancée was still too shocked to go back to Shipley Hill. But in the morning, she had driven Aliosha to his kindergarten then agreed to accompany him to their apartments to supervise the moving. Her living room had been thoroughly cleaned, courtesy of the FBI, and even her shattered windows had been replaced. Nothing remained of the attack, so she was able to enter her apartment, tightly gripping Kestrel's hand, and they watched the movers putting their things in large cardboard boxes and bringing the furniture down the building into the large truck.

Soon they left, going for a walk in the nearest park, then had lunch in a Mexican restaurant, where she surprised Kestrel by adding large amounts of jalapeño sauce into her food. But he surprised her - and the staff of the restaurant - by wolfing down fifteen enchiladas. The chef, deeply impressed, offered them dessert, so they had large cups of ice cream and a strong coffee, smiling at each other.

After that they went to their new house and directed the movers into putting their furniture in the right place. Or rather, he thought amusedly, he let Elena directing them, and she visibly enjoyed the room fitting. Three hours later, as the time to fetch Aliosha at his nanny's was approaching, the movers left, and soon he went next to Elena and took her in his arms. She simply hugged him, looking tired but appeased, and beamed at him. They kissed, then left. Nothing needed to be said, he thought dimly while carefully climbing in the passenger seat of his pickup.

Aliosha happily ran into his arms as soon as he spotted them in the nanny's living room, and he tightly hugged him, as the small boy was shouting delightedly:

_ Daddy is back! Daddy is back!

_ Yes, ребёнок _(child)_ , he told him kindly, fighting his emotion as Elena and the nanny surveyed them with large smiles and twinkling eyes. Daddy's back, and I'll stay with you all the time from now on.

Aliosha then squirmed to be put on the floor, hugged his mother, and he showed his daddy the drawings he had made while Elena was talking with the young woman, called Maria. And Kestrel learned that Maria would soon move to their neighborhood in Murray Hill, so she would be able to still look after Aliosha, to everybody's satisfaction. Then they left, Aliosha kissing warmly his няня _(nanny)_.

And when Elena parked the pickup in their alley, in front of the large garage, Kestrel felt a powerful emotion rising in his chest, threatening to force its way out. He was so proud, happy, appeased and relieved at the same time to have his own house with the woman and the son he deeply loved! Elena picked up Aliosha then came right next to him, holding his and her son's hands, and they stayed together for a few seconds, watching their new home, until the little boy asked hesitantly:

_ Mama? Can I have a snack?

Kestrel chuckled, soon imitated by Elena, and they entered the house, slowly getting settled.

The following morning, Kestrel awoke in Elena's arms, feeling good and rested. The doctor had had a leave of a week after the hospital learned about her being attacked by her ex-boyfriend, so he would be able to enjoy her presence at his side for the rest of the week, which was fine by him. And he had two appointments this week: one with Briggs to see Victor Coste this very day at 10 am - Briggs had phoned him the evening before - and one on Saturday 24th as it was the day Fourth Echelon had to receive some medals at the White House.

Sighing slightly he kissed Elena then sat up, rubbing his face. He would be the one preparing Aliosha and driving him to kindergarten, he had insisted, as Elena was exhausted and still very nauseous in mornings. So she would be able to sleep a little bit more and rest, he hoped. He got up and silently went to have a shower then put his clothes on, and his fiancée didn't stir. Then he went to his new kitchen, very happy and proud, and made breakfast, cooking some oladi for his family.

Aliosha woke up soon after that, having smelled breakfast, and Kestrel helped him getting dressed and washed up, then the two of them ate breakfast, chatting calmly. Fortunately the kitchen was well away from Elena and Kestrel's bedroom, at the back of the house, so the woman he loved wouldn't be awoken by them.

And soon the two boys left, Kestrel feeling immensely joyful and proud at being the one driving "his son" to his kindergarten. And when he arrived, Aliosha's teacher welcomed him with words that moved him deeply:

_ Good morning, Mr Loskov! Alexei told me he had a daddy now, he's very proud of it. I'm very happy to see he's been telling the truth, he's so happy about it!

_ Thank you, Kestrel only managed. He'll soon become my son officially, his name will change a little bit.

_ How will he be called?

_ Alexei Mikhailovich Loskov, he answered with pride and emotion.

_ I understand for the surname, but why Mikhailovich? His second name is Petrovich, if I'm not mistaken?

_ No, you're not. But in Russia, his country and my former one, children have the first name of their father as a second name with "ovich" for boys or "ovna" for girls at the end. It means "son of" or "daughter of". And in this case, he'll be Alexei son of Mikhail.

_ I see, she said with a smile. We'll get used to it. When will it happen?

_ In a few months, I hope.

_ Good. Well, have a nice day, Mr Loskov!

_ You too. Aliosha? See you tonight, ребёнок. Be nice!

_ Yes, Daddy!

Aliosha hugged him a last time then ran away to join his comrades, and Kestrel left, grinning. He was still smiling when he parked in front of Paladin Nine Security half an hour later, and saw he was the first. So he waited for Briggs who arrived five minutes later, and they shook hands.

_ Hi, mate! How's the leg?

_ Hello, мой друг _(my friend)_. My leg's not a wooden log today, I cross my fingers to keep it that way.

_ Will you always have the cane?

_ Yes, мой друг.

Briggs shot him a compassionate look, but he only shrugged and smiled a little. That couldn't be helped, and the cane eased his walking, so he'd rather have it than suffer.

The two of them made their way to the lobby, where a smiling woman greeted them and soon led them to a nearby office. She knocked once then entered, announcing:

_ Mr Briggs and Mr Loskov.

_ Thanks, Tania, Victor Coste said, rising from behind his desk.

He hastily went to shake hands with the two men, and Kestrel was pleasantly surprised, like each time he had seen Sam's best friend, by the frankness and the calm of the man. He invited them to sit down, so the three of them took seats and waited for a few seconds. Then Coste said:

_ I'm quite relieved you've accepted to come. When Sam phoned me and told me about you two, I thought he was an angel from heaven. I've tried four companies so far, and no one was serious enough to give my men an appropriate training, in spite of the fortune it cost me. And I don't doubt your professionnalism and abilities. Under Sam's command, you can be nothing else than the best ops in the country, and of course Fourth Echelon was the elite of the elite.

Kestrel simply nodded, blushing a little, and Briggs said:

_ Thank you.

_ Now, to business, Coste sat forward. Would you be interested by what I told Sam? Mr Briggs in data analysis and gathering, diplomatic things and physical fitness? And Mr Loskov in close combat training and most of all weapons handling?

_ Yes, Briggs said as Kestrel nodded again. But what about the use of technological stuff Sam told me about?

_ I've offered that post to Charlie Cole, Coste said with a smile. I hope you won't be angry.

_ Not at all, Briggs grinned. So Charlie will work with us? That's brilliant!

_ Yes, and I still hope to be able to convince Grim of joining us after the baby's born. She's an outstanding organizer, I would need her at my side.

_ That would be fantastic! Briggs rejoiced, voicing what Kestrel felt. Pity Sam is retiring, then.

_ Hold your fire, Coste said grimly. I've known him for more than forty years, and I don't think he'll stand staying home, even with a baby. It won't be long until he comes here and begs me for a small job, I can tell you.

_ But his physical condition...

_ Briggs, Coste said, locking eyes with him. Do you really know Sam? Do you honestly think he'll stop everything and stay put like a good boy on his sofa?

_ No, Briggs admitted with an embarrassed smile. That's not the Sam I know.

_ No, indeed. You just wait. I give him a month, not a day more.

_ I disagree, Kestrel chimed in calmly.

Coste and Briggs turned towards him in surprise, but he added with a smile:

_ You're far too optimistic, Mr Coste. Sam will be here in two weeks maximum, not a day later. And all the more when he learns that the nearly entire Fourth Echelon team is working here.

_ Maybe you're right, Coste said thoughtfully. You know what? Let's make a bet. A bottle of whisky?

_ No alcohol for me, Kestrel slowly shook his head. A restaurant would be better.

_ You don't know what you're talking about, Loskov, Coste said with a grin. I eat more than the average man. But okay for a restaurant.

Kestrel smirked, and Coste shot him a vaguely worried look as Briggs sniggered. Then the director of the security firm asked them:

_ What about the salary, then? 50.000 dollars a year each, does that suit you?

_ Yes, they said in unison.

_ What about the hours? Briggs wanted to know.

_ 8.30 am to 12 am, then 1 pm to 5.30 pm. Is it okay?

_ It is, the ops said.

_ And four weeks of leave a year, Coste added with a grin.

_ Great, Briggs nodded again. When do we start?

_ When can you start? Sam told me you've had a busy weekend.

_ True, Briggs acknowledged while exchanging a meaningful look with Kestrel who nodded. We both need to have this week of leave, but we could start on Monday.

_ Deal, Coste said, grinning broadly. I'll gather all my men, so you'll meet them then. I have sixty-four agents, so you'll be quite busy with them. They'll train with you within teams of two for weekly periods, I can't spare more than four men each day.

_ That's perfect, Briggs said seriously. Two men during a week, that's a good thing.

_ I thought so, Coste said. I spoke about it with Sam, he advised me on this matter.

_ Sam is the best teacher, Kestrel said calmly.

_ That's too true, Loskov.

_ Please call me Mishka, Mr Coste.

_ Okay, Mishka, only if you call me Victor or Vic.

_ Okay, Kestrel smiled.

_ And you will still be Briggs, I assume? Doesn't matter. Same for you anyway, call me Vic.

_ Okay, Briggs nodded.

Victor Coste rose and shook hands with them, saying:

_ Thank you very much. You really save my life. See you on Monday, then.

Kestrel and Briggs nodded, then left. They walked back to their cars in silence, deep in their own thoughts, then Briggs said as he reached his van:

_ I'm very happy, mate. This job seems to be good. And knowing that maybe the whole team will work here...

_ That's great, Kestrel confirmed, grinning and leaning on his cane. And I can't wait to see when Sam will come here.

_ He asked me yesterday to phone him when we are done with Vic, Briggs smirked. Maybe he won't even last two weeks.

_ Maybe. Poor Vic! If he loses the bet...

_ He'll soon learn that it's best never to bet against you, mate, Briggs sniggered again. Well, I'm off. Molly wants some things.

_ Peanut butter?

_ Yes, but also avocado and cheese to make sandwiches. I'm fed up eating those!

Kestrel burst out laughing before his best friend's disgruntled expression, and Briggs left him with a last grudging smile. He drove back to Murray Hill, feeling like liquid happiness was flowing into his heart and lungs as he parked in front of his house, knowing that Elena was there. He stepped out of the pickup, delighted to see that he was able to drive a little without aching too much, and went inside.

Silence greeted him, but he quietly hobbled to their bedroom, certain that Elena was still sleeping. And when he opened the door, there she was, spread-eagled under the sheets, sleeping soundly. A large smile on his lips he watched her sleeping for a few minutes, love in his heart, then closed the door and went to the kitchen.

There he poured himself a coffee then set to work. He wanted to inaugurate his brand-new cooking space by making something good, so he made pelmeniy, small spiced meatballs with a thin dough around, and soon the delicious aroma wafted into the air, making him hungry.

Suddenly he heard from the back of the house some movement, and smiled as seconds later Elena emerged in the kitchen, still in her nightshirt and looking sleepy but starving. She asked hurriedly:

_ Are you cooking pelmeniy?

_ Yes, любимая _(my love)_ , he kindly told her, her sparkling eyes softening him at top speed. Are you hungry?

_ I could eat the bear you used to fill them, if they're stuffed with bear meat.

_ No, my love, he shook his head calmly. I used beef and lamb meat. And you know, we're not in Siberia. I doubt that here in the US eating bear meat is tolerated, or even possible.

_ All the better, she said while sitting at the table. I don't like bear meat. Tasted it once, and it was much too strong for me. What's for dessert?

He chuckled at her starving expression and said:

_ I made oladi for breakfast, and we saved you some.

_ Brilliant! she rejoiced, making him laugh.

She rose and kissed him, then picked up a pelmen and hastily gulped it down, under his highly amused stare. She closed her eyes, obviously savouring it, and said:

_ This is the best pelmen I've ever eaten, Mishka.

_ Lucky you, he smirked, there are a hundred or so more for you.

He washed his hands, having finished, and they ate the pelmeniy. Kestrel was hungry but Elena ate almost as much as him, which was quite a challenge. Then she dug into the oladi as if she hadn't eaten the meatballs before, and soon the dish was empty. He watched her as she reclined back on her chair, sighing in satisfaction, and beamed at her. She said:

_ I'm so lucky, darling! You're the most wonderful and kindest boyfriend I could ever find. And I'm so happy we'll soon get married! And on top of everything, you're a splendid chef!

_ Thanks, любимая. And I'm also very lucky to have you and Aliosha, and soon another child with you. I'm so happy and proud, my love!

He took her hand and kissed it, and she beamed at him, eyes bright. But he had something to tell her. Three things, in fact, but one was far more painful than the others. He braced himself, took a deep breath, her hand still in his, and said:

_ Lena, please brace yourself, I have something to tell you.

Her smile vanished and she looked apprehensively at him, asking with a trembling voice:

_ What's the matter? Is there a problem? About us?

_ No, my love, he said gently, stroking her hand and taking the other one. No problem about us. But Pavel is dead.

_ What? she said after a few seconds of astonishment and disbelief. How...? When...?

_ Lena, he said calmly, locking eyes with her. Kovalevskiy or his men tortured him. That's how they found your apartment. He was already dead when we found him in Philadelphia. I'm sorry.

She cried a little but soon regained composure, saying after a few seconds and deep breaths:

_ I can't say it hurts me too much, but even if he could be evil sometimes he helped Aliosha and me. I won't miss him but he didn't deserve such a fate.

_ No indeed, Kestrel said sadly. But I had to tell you, my love.

_ And you did well, Mishka, she said earnestly, leaning forward to kiss him.

_ Are you okay?

_ Yes, любимый _(darling)_. I'm okay, don't worry.

She had a brave smile but her lips were trembling a little, so he said more lightly:

_ And I have something to ask you.

She shot him a puzzled look, and he asked with a small smile:

_ Would you like to accompany me to the White House on Saturday?

_ The... the White House? she stammered. Where the President is?

_ Yes, he acknowledged calmly. Me and my team must go there, we'll be awarded some medals.

_ I... I would gladly accompany you, любимый! she rejoiced, smiling widely. I'll be so proud! And can Aliosha come too?

_ I suppose so, Kestrel nodded. But even if he can't, he'll come nevertheless, I won't have it otherwise. You and he are my family, I need you around me.

She kissed him again and he kissed her back, feeling better than he had ever been in his whole life. The painful memories were far away, buried deep again in his mind, allowing him to live fully and happily for the first time in thirty years. After some nice moments kissing and caressing each other, he pulled away and told her kindly:

_ And I have a last thing to tell you, любимая.

_ Can't you save some for tomorrow, Mishka? she asked playfully. My head is going to explode!

_ Don't worry, my love. These are good news, I promise.

_ Okay, fire away, then.

_ I'll start my new job on Monday, he said with a large grin. I'll work with Briggs and Charlie for Sam's best friend, Victor Coste. He runs a private security firm here, in Baltimore. I'll teach his men how to handle weapons and fight.

Elena, stunned at first, soon beamed and threw herself in his arms, eyes twinkling with pride and happiness. She hugged him very tightly, kissing him fully, then pulled away and said delightedly:

_ That's wonderful, Mishka! I'm so, so very happy for you! You seem so delighted to have this job!

_ I feel elated, he confessed with a grin even wider, deeply moved by her enthusiasm. I'll stay in my area of expertise, which is just what I wanted, and I'll work with dear friends. I couldn't have had better elsewhere, любимая.

_ That I can see, she grinned, caressing his cheeks and beard and kissing his forehead. That's so good, любимый!

She caressed him even more, arousing him so much that he got up and led her back to their bedroom where they had a wonderful moment. And when they finally stopped making love, Elena telling him that they needed to hurry to shower to be on time at the nanny's place to fetch Aliosha, he sighed deeply in bliss. For the first time in all his life, all he could see in his future was just a cloudless and bright blue sky, with love and hope filling him, and that was just perfect.

* * *

 **Hope you liked this story! In truth, it wasn't meant to stop here, I have much more things to write. But I'd rather stop there, and maybe I'll write a sequel very soon and you'll soon understand why. However I'm asking you readers a tiny request: since February I'm writing Splinter Cell stories, and only two people have written me a small review (and I thank them again!). I know a lot of people read my stories, and that's just great, but I wish I had more feedback on all this work! So please take the time to write a tiny something! I have ideas for another story but what will be missing is some encouragement, because I don't know if it's worth it. Anyway, thanks for reading and please write a review!**


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